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  • Does love have a shelf life?

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    Old 01-20-2005, 09:56 PM   #1
    Tenna B.
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    Does love have a shelf life?

    Today's divorce rate is higher than ever before and it's not just young people. It seems that I hear more and more about couples that have been together for 20,30, even 40 years getting divorced. My grandparents got divorced in their 50's after 30+ years of marriage. My wifes grandparents did after 35+ years of marriage.

    People cheat on each other. People get married, divorced, married, divorced, and on and on.

    Do you think love has a shelf life, and that that shelf life is different for everyone? The only question is WHEN not IF it will expire?

    Thoughts?

     
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    Old 01-20-2005, 10:02 PM   #2
    lisa24
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    Re: Does love have a shelf life?

    Absolutely not. Real, true love never dies.

    These people who marry, divorce, marry again, and so on just never knew what love was in the first place. I don't think the question here is does love expire, it's was it ever really love in the first place.

     
    Old 01-20-2005, 10:07 PM   #3
    Soulcatcher
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    Re: Does love have a shelf life?

    I think times have just changed. Things happen in this world that make people stand back and take notice of things going on around them....World Trade Center...Tsunami...Hurricanes..It kinda gives a reality check. It is easy now to get a divorce and it seems to be the answer to alot of people. It is sad. That's life.

     
    Old 01-20-2005, 10:12 PM   #4
    Tenna B.
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    Re: Does love have a shelf life?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by lisa24
    Absolutely not. Real, true love never dies.

    These people who marry, divorce, marry again, and so on just never knew what love was in the first place. I don't think the question here is does love expire, it's was it ever really love in the first place.
    I consider myself an optimist, so I would agree that it doesn't. But it does make for some good conversation. I just find it odd that people can be together for such a long time and then decide they are not it love. The arguement to that is that they might not have been in love for a long time, but never let anyone know.

    I think love is also about selflessness, and many people don't get that. Love isn't something that is flowers and sunshine 24-7. It's work, and it's hard, but nothing worth having is ever easy.

     
    Old 01-20-2005, 10:15 PM   #5
    lisa24
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    Re: Does love have a shelf life?

    Yes, times have changed, and the world is a rushed place now. Everyone is in such a hurry these days. Seems too many are also in a hurry to get married, rather than think about what they really want. So they just jump in without looking. And like you said, if it doesn't work, hey they can just get a divorce just like that. It is sad.
    That's why I don't understand why so many on here lately are insisting people should be married within so many years. What's wrong with just doing things within your own timeframe, even if it takes a long time to get there.

     
    Old 01-20-2005, 10:25 PM   #6
    lisa24
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    Re: Does love have a shelf life?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Tenna B.
    I just find it odd that people can be together for such a long time and then decide they are not it love. The arguement to that is that they might not have been in love for a long time, but never let anyone know.
    Yes, and that includes not letting their ownselves know, too. I think for many people it's just easier to continue doing what they always been doing (like stay with who they are already with) because it's just easier that way.
    So rather than face what they know inside of themselves, they just stuff it away, or deny what's really inside of themselves.

     
    Old 01-20-2005, 11:04 PM   #7
    Dream0n83
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    Re: Does love have a shelf life?

    I too dont think there is a shelf life on love. I have family members that have been married and divorced several times and keep having a gourmet wedding when its there 3rd, 4th, and 5th time!

    I think it has to do with one of the people in the relationship, my aunt has been married 4 times now and she deals with "depression" we call it "poor me syndrome" in her case because she only cares about herself, and we think if she'd care about somebody else for a change she wouldnt have this problem of "depression" she doesnt even talk to my mom (her own sister) she didnt come to my graduation party 3years ago, she recognized me at a funeral! And acted like she had no clue it was me....

    Sorry for getting off the topic! Anyway I just think it has to do with one of the people inthe relationship, they can go into it having their doubts or having personal issues they are telling you about...

     
    Old 01-21-2005, 06:14 AM   #8
    pcantona
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    Re: Does love have a shelf life?

    Yes true love never dies, this is 100% correct and it does not have a shelf life. No I think society and alot of people have the wrong view of things, when they look at divorces. We are caught up too much in statistics and we often make the wrong conclusions from it.

    Divorce rates are greater than before, because it is more acceptable to split up if you are unhappy than before. This does not mean that people were happier or found love easier before. OR that the times has changed us humans. That is incorrect! Couples were just as unhappy before, it just wasn't socially acceptable to get a divorce in the old days. So people stayed married even though they were unhappy together and sweeped it under the carpet. Usually this was more harmful than good. Today we are just seeing the TRUE numbers of unhappinesses in peoples relationships.

     
    Old 01-21-2005, 06:26 AM   #9
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    Re: Does love have a shelf life?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by pcantona
    Divorce rates are greater than before, because it is more acceptable to split up if you are unhappy than before. This does not mean that people were happier or found love easier before. OR that the times has changed us humans. That is incorrect! Couples were just as unhappy before, it just wasn't socially acceptable to get a divorce in the old days. .
    There are some exceptions to what you are saying. The data shows clearly that, for example, the prevalence of infidelity is significantly greater today than in previous generations. This is not to say that infidelity did not occur. It definitely did, but is considerably smaller numbers, especially for women, but for men as well.

    So, while people may not have been any "happier" in days gone by, events such as infidelity, which are often deal breakers in a marriage, have caused divorce rates to rise to some degree. It is one thing to be less than happy in a marriage, it is another thing to be less than happy and also face the sins of betrayal and deceipt.

    Times have most certainly changed the behaviors of people to some degree. There was likley never a time when infidelity was not a temptation, however time has made it more prevalent, and thus sparked higher divorce rates to some degree.

     
    Old 01-21-2005, 06:34 AM   #10
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    Re: Does love have a shelf life?

    I think evidence shows that "true love" can die, or at least become secondary to some other need, like self preservation. If I fall in love, and it is "true", whatever that may mean, and my spouse decides to betray my trust or abuse me in some serious way, this is easily a cause for killing what was once a "true" love. Perhaps my spouse never "truly" loved me, but I may have truly loved them. However, their bad behaviors over time can drench the fire of that love if the behaviors are egregious enough.

    What some come to realize after many years of marriage is that you really cannot control or significantly influence what your spouse chooses to do or how they decide to think. Some people can become selfish and indifferent which can set into motion a downward spiral, ultimately killing what was once a true love by one or both parties.

     
    Old 01-21-2005, 07:05 AM   #11
    lisa24
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    Re: Does love have a shelf life?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Music4All
    If I fall in love, and it is "true", whatever that may mean, and my spouse decides to betray my trust or abuse me in some serious way, this is easily a cause for killing what was once a "true" love. Perhaps my spouse never "truly" loved me, but I may have truly loved them.
    Yes, but do you think this would really kill your love for this person? I think if you truely loved him in the firstplace, you would still love him no matter what. Doesn't mean you would continue on in the relationshsip, but you'd still have that love in you.

    Last edited by lisa24; 01-21-2005 at 08:17 AM.

     
    Old 01-21-2005, 08:22 AM   #12
    pcantona
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    Re: Does love have a shelf life?

    Music4All.
    You are touching a very important question. You are saying that true love is what you percieve to be true love accordingly to your own feelings. I firmly believe that you can love in different degree's. And I also think that you can be in-love with someone that returns "some of that love" and you could be in a happy marriage for years, thinking it is your true love.

    I firmly believe that, you can not find "true love" unless that person truely loves you back just as much. And the people that "think" they found true love will notice it sooner or later. It is easy to fool yourself, specially when it feels good and you do not want it to stop.

    I do not think it is fair or smart to blame society or times for your own short comings. People do mistakes every day and they made exactly the same mistakes 50 years ago. They just dealt with it differently. It is not until the 70s and forward that we got obsessed with statistics about these things anyways and now days they are just out in the spotlight for every one to see. It is funny when people think that everything was so much better in the good ole days.

    My grandfather slept with tons of women while married to my grandmother. She told me that she had hated him most of her life. They stayed married "happily" since they were teenagers. From the outside it looked like they had 50 years of happy marriage. She said that she forgave him every time he slept with another woman, because that is what women of her generation should do and that was how she was raised by her mother in turn.
    He beat my mother and her brother every day, because he was unhappy and couldn't(or society/religion) let him get a divorce. What would you pick, divorces OR abusive relationships? People that stay married for the "sake of marriage" slowly torture and destroy themselves and everyone in their surrounding.

     
    Old 01-21-2005, 08:30 AM   #13
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    Re: Does love have a shelf life?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by lisa24
    Yes, but do you think this would really kill your love for this person? I think if you truely loved him in the firstplace, you would still love him no matter what. Doesn't mean you would continue on in the relationshsip, but you'd still have that love in you.
    There are people that post here on almost a daily basis that describe being crushed by losing their "true" love, that they had some period of time in which they were completely out of sorts and thought they would never recover emotionaly....but now report to be in very happy and loving relationships with no real thought of their used to be "true" love.

    The contributors to this board convince me that it happens all the time. Who am I to say, then you must not have "truly" loved that person. They say they did and were crushed over the loss....then find another and move on.

     
    Old 01-21-2005, 09:14 AM   #14
    lisa24
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    Re: Does love have a shelf life?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Music4All
    There are people that post here on almost a daily basis that describe being crushed by losing their "true" love, that they had some period of time in which they were completely out of sorts and thought they would never recover emotionaly....but now report to be in very happy and loving relationships with no real thought of their used to be "true" love.

    The contributors to this board convince me that it happens all the time. Who am I to say, then you must not have "truly" loved that person. They say they did and were crushed over the loss....then find another and move on.
    Yeah, but I've seen it a few times here, at least for sure with one person who still loves her 'true love'. Even though she has moved in life and recovered the heartbreak, she still loves that man.

    To me, that is what true love is. It doesn't die.

     
    Old 01-21-2005, 11:54 AM   #15
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    Re: Does love have a shelf life?

    at the risk of sounding sort of clinical about this, i think that love has a shelf life in the sense that we are biologically driven to behave in certain ways. in the past (i'm talking beginning of humankind, here), people didn't live nearly as long, and then 'love' existed only in the form of a pheremonal attraction and a push to reproduce. there was no such thing as a 30-year romance, or even a ten-year romance. shorter life spans along with the man's biological urge to spread his seed among many women did not make for long-term monogamous relationships. love as we know it now is a relatively recent concept. therefore, i can't say i'm shocked that people don't stay together. i'm not entirely sure we're meant to. i believe a book called 'the monogamy myth' explores this further, if anyone's interested.

     
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