It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board

  • What's a Friend to Do?

  • Post New Thread   Closed Thread
    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Old 03-07-2005, 11:28 AM   #166
    reddoorblack
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    reddoorblack's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Sep 2004
    Location: USA
    Posts: 957
    reddoorblack HB User
    Re: What's a Friend to Do?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by goody2shuz
    Reddoor...the quote you quoted is actually Heartland's and we don't wanna go misquoting with his anal-retentiveness I was completely agreeing with him and as a matter of fact I DO THE SAME AS YOU SAYING I AM A CATHOLIC CATECHIST AND THEY ACTUALLY RUN AWAY
    OOps. Sorry Heartland!

    Last edited by reddoorblack; 03-07-2005 at 11:28 AM.

     
    Sponsors Lightbulb
       
    Old 03-07-2005, 11:28 AM   #167
    goody2shuz
    Inactive
    (female)
     
    Join Date: May 2004
    Location: New York
    Posts: 5,805
    goody2shuz HB Usergoody2shuz HB User
    Re: What's a Friend to Do?

    Heartland ~ I was holding onto this until I saw the right moment....and GF and I agree that that moment is NOW (Please keep in mind I wrote it yesterday)

    I must share with you how the occurrences that transpired over the weekend convinced me that whatever challenges are ahead….God will see us through. The signs that I saw convinced me that there is no doubt in my heart that you and MBF are going to see the true purpose of this thread. I do not know the day or the time but I am certain that we will all “see” with new eyes the way in which we have been spiritually connected.

    Shortly after my post and GF’s post on Saturday, my daughter, K. came in from taking a practice college exam which has an essay portion. She got a perfect score of 6/6. I read it and was amazed at it’s relevance here. I thought I would share with you her conclusion. It says….”Many people today are afraid to speak their mind because they fear disapproval by their family, peers, or community. Sometimes acting courageously requires someone to speak out at the risk of such rejection. It is people who do so that are considered true heroes in our world.” This came at a perfect time when I was having a difficult time “speaking my mind” here. And it was a sign to me that in order to be your hero, I may just have to continue doing so.

    Heartland…I have to say I was quite disappointed that you didn’t “see” the word of God providing any clearer a message than He offered you today. Even before Sunday He was preparing the way. Look at some of the posts you and I posted even before hearing the Gospel….“God has given us an incredible mind, eyes to see, ears to hear and legs to walk. I do not believe it is His will that we sit and expect Him to bring a job to us.” posted by GF, and, “I believe in miracles as you well know and I see God's miracles in action right here....perhaps you will see things better by Monday as well.”

    What better Gospel could we have been given for our journey together than when Jesus heals the blind man???? Up to this time in your life you haven’t been able to “see” God’s plan for you in terms of your employment. So in a sense you have been blind in making career choices or decisions despite your thinking that you have been following God’s plan for you. I see this as also pertaining to MBFH. The two of you believe that you can “see” God’s will and yet you are looking through blind man’s eyes rather than seeking the miracle of sight that He offers you. This morning God clearly shows us that sometimes the way in which we live our lives is much like living life through the eyes of a blind man. And today God offers us the gift of “new” sight. But in order to “see” we must admit that all along we’ve been looking through human eyes often leaving us blind and we must now seek God’s gift of sight. (This means that you must be convicted to giving up the ways that have held you back from gainful employment and accept that the way that you have been doing things is not through the eyes of God but rather the eyes of a blind man)
    We need to pray that you have the courage to see the decisions ahead through God’s eyes not human blindness. We must realize also that what we may have thought was God’s will for us may just have been our human blindness sensing it as so. (Living in darkness and confusion) So, if there was anything you and MBFH needed to hear more from God…it would be what today’s Gospel had to say. The second reading also had a quote that I think said lots…..”Arise from the dead and God will give you light!!!” You and MBFH have been in darkness of death in regard to career choices…it’s time to find the career with the faith that God has given you. What you’ve done in the past is not working…your employment status is dead but if you give up the thought processes that you’ve been working with whether it be in terms of fear, waiting for the ideal situation, lack of confidence, or perhaps even convincing yourself that it‘s just God‘s will…it’s time to get up and do something different until you are in the light or more directly, gainfully employed. What clearer message can we get??

    My friend, it is quite evident that you continue to allow your human blindness to lead your way, just by looking at the words of your posts since Sunday’s gospel. You listened to the word but did it open your blind eyes to see??? Listen to your very own words after going to mass….”Meanwhile I hope that GF, you and whoever can help “see” what I’m unable to see about myself. I’ve thought about the Dakota story and realized that our most complex sensory organs, the eyes, only see outwards. This means I can never see myself in the same way as I see everyone else. However, anyone else can compare me to others and give me something I can’t give myself. This is why, for the moment, I will concentrate on others. I am counting on others to do the same for me.” So in a sense you are choosing to remain blind and not accept God’s gift of “new” sight. I need to help you discover why and a way to get you to accept this wonderful gift so that you can finally see that your life does not have to remain this way. Your trying to assist Nini is like the blind leading the blind. You need to learn to look inward and by gathering the strength to do so will help Nini and others as well. This will most likely take the courage and speaking out that K.’s insightful essay speaks about, on my part.

    I’m hoping in the next few postings that you will disclose what you can in terms of identifying the contributing factors to you blindness. I have a feeling that it is due to a combination of a lack of faith and confidence in yourself as well as an overall fear. And ironically, I cannot believe that you possess these things from the way that you have helped me and others here. But then often comedians or “clowns” are hidden behind masks thus hiding their innermost emotions and blinding them to the happiness of they need to seek within their own lives.

    Our journey has begun, so be brave my lion and take Dorothy's hand with all the courage I know you have.....Dorothy

    Last edited by goody2shuz; 03-07-2005 at 12:36 PM.

     
    Old 03-07-2005, 12:15 PM   #168
    heartlandguy
    Senior Veteran
    (male)
     
    Join Date: Aug 2004
    Location: Nebraska
    Posts: 1,311
    heartlandguy HB User
    Re: What's a Friend to Do?

    Goody’s Friend, first let me say that I am very impressed and thankful for your post. After seeing this post, I realized that I left lots of voids in my background post and you made many great assumptions to produce this post. I concur with most of what you wrote and it requires no further comment by me. I hope this reply fills the voids.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Goody’s Friend
    we need to do our part by aggressively seeking employment and if we are praying for Him to open up the right doors and close those that are not the right ones - He will do exactly that!

    Several years later, the same job at my place of employment became available and once again, I applied. I got the job and looking back I can see why at that particular time, it would not have been in my best interests for me to get the job then.
    I have experienced these things, too. I know exactly what you mean and believe them to be true.

    Quote:
    I also believe there are different seasons in our life. When you initially resigned from your previous stable job to stay home and become self employed, it sounds like it may have been the right decision at the time. However, that season may have passed. The Lord I believe, may have been shouting to you His plan, when over the years, your business was not falling into place. He may have been telling you "this is no longer where you should be or I would have had the pieces come together."
    {{Background clarification… my “previous stable job” became suddenly altered and unstable. My wife and I agree to this day that we could not tolerate the pending changes of the job and we don’t regret my leaving it one bit.}}

    I think this paragraph hits the nail on the head. This thread finally made me realize this possibility and you just put it in perspective. Until a couple of years ago, even though I wasn’t financially successful, my wife and I thought things were moving in the right direction because I was growing a lot while working on improving my business situation. While writing this, I just realized a single event occurred that signaled the end of that season. Until now, I never saw that as a sign from God to look for something different but I may have just been blind to the fact. (I hope to explore this aspect more on this thread.) Since that event, I have grown in different ways that I didn’t realize until after this thread started. I am still open to the possibility that God’s will could be that Goody, you and I were meant to meet here and help each other before we all move on to new seasons. I just don’t know yet.

    If I come to discover that my season actually ended several years ago with that event, then I imagine that your husband and I may have done the same thing… Followed God’s will up to a point but were too obsessed with the status quo to realize God had new plans for us. Are we both in denial and blind to His word? How do we know when we need mud put on our eyes so that we may see (as per yesterday’s gospel)? What signs did we miss?

    Quote:
    I am not telling you to give up on your dreams.
    My dreams are tied to following His will. Finding my wife-to-be and better jobs never resulted directly from my plans. It seemed more like He would pull a rabbit out of a hat for us. I’m just lost for the moment and need to learn how to not lose track of His will for me.

    Quote:
    I too, would love to be working less or be home.
    We are empty nesters. My wife loves her job and working situation. She does as she wishes after work.

    Quote:
    I would really like to know if your wife still feels ok you not bringing home a steady paycheck. To be honest, I cannot imagine she is OK with that. She may have become quiet over the years due to the emotional pain of lack of financial security. After a while, I often felt my complaints were falling on deaf ears. If she is internalizing alot of her feelings like I have often done, there is alot of healing that needs to be done.
    Saturday morning proved you are 100% correct here. We discussed my recent lack of direction and I heard way more than I wanted to hear. However, I know I deserved to hear it and thankfully her caldera didn’t erupt for long. Yes, that is why she is a saint.

    Quote:
    As for your comment about living frugally, I feel I must address this as well. If that includes not being able to go out at times, to dinner, a movie etc., because there is no money for the extra things, that gets very draining after a while. When there is not enough money to date and have fun, outside the home, it begins to drain the passion and fun out of life. If this is so in your home, I can relate to how your wife must feel. Please forgive me if this is not so. Your comments lead me to believe this may be the case.
    I must have mislead you, my friend, sorry! We are not strapped for cash and fortunately we can do most of the important things that our friends, family and we want to do. By frugal I mean the following… We are very selective of how we spend our money; we learnt that during our early marriage and never lost it. We have been good stewards of our savings; being empty nesters makes this much easier for us. Even without this thread, my “biological career clock” said I needed a steady income by this summer else we will lose our dwindling but adequate reserve. We have cut back primarily by deferring purchases when a repair will get us by. I’m extremely good at repairing a wide range of things as well as or better than before. Unfortunately, that means much of our property is becoming embarrassingly old. Everything around me says I must be a provider by this summer.

    Quote:
    I will be praying for you Heartland and for your wife. May the Lord guide you and bless you as you decide on what you must do. Remember, He expects us to do our part. Tell your wife I have a soft spot in my heart for her, as I also have been referred to as a saint.
    Thank you, GF! I must have lost the ability to listen for changes in His will. I must learn to hear it again. I think Goody and you can help us greatly. I look forward to hearing from you again, my friend. -Heartland

     
    Old 03-07-2005, 12:38 PM   #169
    heartlandguy
    Senior Veteran
    (male)
     
    Join Date: Aug 2004
    Location: Nebraska
    Posts: 1,311
    heartlandguy HB User
    Re: What's a Friend to Do?

    Goody, our ESP must be fading in and out!!! My wife and I listened carefully to the readings and homily and they were very positive. I didn't comment on them yesterday due to a lack of time. (BTW, who's the idiot that started assigning each other homework? Me? I sure regret it now; this seems like college - goof off just a bit and I can't ever catch up )

    D-O-R-O-T-H-Y, during mass your anal-retentive friend wrote down the three reading from yesterday in Husker shorthand for later review. (Years ago, I bought a CD with two Catholic bibles on it so I can find the context for unreferenced verses. NOW AIN'T THAT CATHOLIC?!? It's melting since I'm using it so much in the last 24 hours. )

    1 Samuel 16:1-13
    Ephesians 5:8-14
    John 9:1-41

    See... I didn't blow off yesterday; I just had unfinished business! Their season will come quite soon I'm sure.

    I'm not as pathetic as you think! Sure, I'm pathetic... just not that pathetic!!!


    PS: Check out my preceding post to GF... It said I might need a little mud in my eyes to improve my vision.

    Last edited by heartlandguy; 03-07-2005 at 12:43 PM. Reason: Add PS to end

     
    Old 03-07-2005, 12:49 PM   #170
    goody2shuz
    Inactive
    (female)
     
    Join Date: May 2004
    Location: New York
    Posts: 5,805
    goody2shuz HB Usergoody2shuz HB User
    Re: What's a Friend to Do?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by heartlandguy
    Goody, our ESP must be fading in and out!!! My wife and I listened carefully to the readings and homily and they were very positive. I didn't comment on them yesterday due to a lack of time. (BTW, who's the idiot that started assigning each other homework? Me? I sure regret it now; this seems like college - goof off just a bit and I can't ever catch up )
    Oops......gotcha Hey....homework is homework....if you don't find it inspirational or helpful there's no twisting the arm And I sense a little moodiness coming my way....is that ESP enough

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by heartland
    D-O-R-O-T-H-Y, during mass your anal-retentive friend wrote down the three reading from yesterday in Husker shorthand for later review. (Years ago, I bought a CD with two Catholic bibles on it so I can find the context for unreferenced verses. NOW AIN'T THAT CATHOLIC?!? It's melting since I'm using it so much in the last 24 hours.

    1 Samuel 16:1-13
    Ephesians 5:8-14
    John 9:1-41

    See... I didn't blow off yesterday; I just had unfinished business! Their season will come quite soon I'm sure.

    I'm not as pathetic as you think! Sure, I'm pathetic... just not that pathetic!!!
    WOW....I am quite impressed.....but did you bring your rosary?????? Heartland.....I'm sorry, I was waiting for the right moment and my friend and I still think it was perfectly timed Just goes to show you that Goody did her homework too Okay....the two of us are exhausted....are we gonna have our first real cyberfight

    BTW...GF's post should be forthcoming....how's that for homework?????

    Last edited by goody2shuz; 03-07-2005 at 12:50 PM.

     
    Old 03-07-2005, 01:10 PM   #171
    goody2shuz
    Inactive
    (female)
     
    Join Date: May 2004
    Location: New York
    Posts: 5,805
    goody2shuz HB Usergoody2shuz HB User
    Re: What's a Friend to Do?

    HI HEARTLAND THIS IS GOODY’S BEST FRIEND ,



    I am at work and need to make this shorter than I would have otherwise done. I hope it does not sound abrupt. I do not mean it too. I just do not have the time to reflect on what I am saying before I post.



    I appreciate the time you took trying to come up with a plan to help my husband. However my purpose for even becoming involved, was to hopefully help you and your wife. I have spent the last almost 19 years trying to change my husband with various problems we have had due to the dysfunctional family he grew up in and the fact that he has ADHD. Frankly, I’m emotionally exhausted and have finally come to accept that you can not change someone. They can only change IF THEY WANT TO!!

    I’m sure you have heard the famous serenity prayer:



    “God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

    the Courage to change the things I can,

    and the wisdom to know the difference.”



    We have had some new developments come up with his career:

    1) He has started a new business in the last 5 weeks and is working on 5 separate jobs already. We are just waiting for the jobs to be completed and the checks to come in.

    2) He has been told that position he has waited for is his, and they anticipate the funds should become available

    to pay his salary in about 2 weeks. Because it is a non profit religious type of organization, the president is contacting businesses to pay his salary. They already have a sponsor to provide office space.

    3) He was just told the other day that he has received a FULL SCHOLARSHIP to attend a bible college to get a degree

    Leadership and Ministry. (He presently has 2 Associate Degrees and is very excited about going to school in the evening to pursue this degree.)



    I just hope he is not taking on too much. Unfortunately, he has always had trouble with proper balance. All of the above will require a lot of work and I am concerned it is too much at the same time. I pray that the non – profit job does have the money within the next few weeks to pay him a decent salary. I also know without a doubt that he would be wonderful at that job. It is everything he is looking for and fits his talents beautifully.



    Unfortunately, even if all of the above works out, it does not erase the fact that he was not willing to do anything, even if it meant working at Wallmart’s while he was our of work to bring some money in and alleviate the unnecessary stress and burden it placed on me. I therefore feel as though I will never love him in the same way again. He believes with all his heart he was waiting for God’s timing and that God told him to wait. (If this had not happened so many times before – I would have had a different perspective and attitude about it.) Unfortunately, the fact that he has significant ADHD has perpetuated the problem. I don’t know if you know anything about ADHD, but I have done a lot of reading on the subject, and unfortunately work problems are often a by- product of this diagnosis.



    He has done a tremendous amount of volunteer work in the community and had a previous paid position that required him to be on TV, radio and written up in the newspaper. Because of this, he is well known in parts of the community. Therefore, I feel it was a pride issue on his part because he does not want anyone to see him working at a minimum wage job. (Personally, I think it is also a lack of self confidence issue. Even though I have a professional position, if I lost my job and could not find another one for a while, I (although would not be thrilled), would be able to take a minimum sales type position and know that it is just temporary. When my pastor spoke to him last year, he walked out of the office when my pastor suggested delivering pizza until something came along. My pastor told me he felt that it was a lack of confidence issue and was sure that the thought that he might see someone he knew , threw him over the edge. He would be mortified to have someone seeing him working at a minimum/hr type of job.



    I have seen a lot of positive changes in other areas over the years, but it does not erase the fact that I feel I was abandoned in a sense by my husband. I have felt like a single mother in the financial sense, only worse financially because I was also supporting him (food, car ins, gas, health and dental ins etc.) He was not fulfilling his financial responsibilities “while he was waiting for the right job” and I felt all alone to deal with the bills. He thought because he began doing most of the house work and laundry for the last 4 months he was doing his share. Every time I tried to explain my point of view, it just lead to an argument and him telling me to talk to God. (He grew up poor, lived in an apt and because we live in a house in a nice neighborhood, honestly just does not “get it.” ) I think the only thing that would make him scared is if they came to forclose on our house. He is used to his mother always complaining about money growing up and he just does not see things the way the middle class population does.



    When I really began to think about a separation, he told me he would never leave. (The only way I would be able to separate if it ever comes to that, is to sell my home and leave and move to another state.) I feel I must first put my son first, and not uproot him since he will be graduating from high school in another year and not put undue stress on him which could also affect his grades. He is in the most important year of school right now. I can tell you though, if this situation does not resolve, I will be selling my house next year and moving somewhere else. I am not going to live the rest of my life like this.



    I pray of course, that the 3 new developments I spoke about above, will mean the end of our financial struggles. It does not however, erase the pain, disappointment and loss of respect that I now have for him.





    I pray that you will learn from my situation and make the changes that you need to make to ensure a happy marriage and a secure financial situation. My husband as I mentioned thinks he is 100% right and nothing anyone can say will convince his otherwise. He is 100% convinced that he has been obeying God. So as a result, please don’t even waste your time giving advice on what might help him – he will not listen.



    I feel you are open to learn from my hardships. Please do not be afraid to step out. GOD WILL BLESS YOU EFFORTS.



    Bye for now,

    Goody’s Best Friend

    Aka – GBF



    PS. Goody called me while I was writing this to tell me you posted again. I have not read your most recent post as yet.

    Last edited by goody2shuz; 03-07-2005 at 01:21 PM.

     
    Old 03-07-2005, 02:10 PM   #172
    heartlandguy
    Senior Veteran
    (male)
     
    Join Date: Aug 2004
    Location: Nebraska
    Posts: 1,311
    heartlandguy HB User
    Re: What's a Friend to Do?

    GBF, thanks for your thoughtful post. I'm sorry to hear about your situation. It is especially difficult to think that you see no way for every feeling the same way about your husband again. I hear that warning loud and clear.

    I will keep your family in my prayers. -Heartland

     
    Old 03-07-2005, 02:33 PM   #173
    heartlandguy
    Senior Veteran
    (male)
     
    Join Date: Aug 2004
    Location: Nebraska
    Posts: 1,311
    heartlandguy HB User
    Re: What's a Friend to Do?

    Goody, I hadn’t replied to your posts # 117 & #118 on this thread formally. Actually, I have responded to most of it in subsequent posts so this isn’t too long.

    With you....I can pinpoint exactly when it happened in my marriage thread
    Okay, you could tell I was a channel in your marriage thread… Were you trying to tease my curiosity by emphasizing “exactly”? Exactly when could you tell and what made it clear to you? Maybe most of us have as many channels as you but fail to realize it?!? What do you think?

    Emotional debt
    I “coined” the term emotional debt to aid in showing how He could have each of the three of us help the other two, thus creating balance, which I always see as one of his signs. (My science background and being a Libra make me really appreciate balance as a thing of beauty.)

    I feel like you that Good Samaritan debts aren’t owed in the classic sense. Rather I think of them like random acts of kindness. If someone needs a jump start, etc. and wants to pay me after i help them, I tell them “No, thanks! Just help the next person you come across that needs it.” Would that be a chain debt?

    Joan of Arcadia
    Goody, I pieced together some info about the show; I recommend that you see it at least once. We DVR (like Tivo) the Friday night show; it’s quite eerie how it reminds me of our friendship and Him…

    Joan of Arcadia is about a family who has a teenage daughter that has conversations with God. Joan encounters various strangers who she recognizes as God after they greet her by name. God then gives her specific directions to do things, such as get a job, join the debate team or volunteer with children. God appears each time as someone else. For example it could be a boy her age, the lunch lady or a little girl. Unsure of what God wants, Joan reluctantly follows God's cryptic directives while trying to be a normal teenager.

     
    Old 03-07-2005, 03:46 PM   #174
    goody2shuz
    Inactive
    (female)
     
    Join Date: May 2004
    Location: New York
    Posts: 5,805
    goody2shuz HB Usergoody2shuz HB User
    Re: What's a Friend to Do?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by heartlandguy
    With you....I can pinpoint exactly when it happened in my marriage thread
    Okay, you could tell I was a channel in your marriage thread… Were you trying to tease my curiosity by emphasizing “exactly”? Exactly when could you tell and what made it clear to you? Maybe most of us have as many channels as you but fail to realize it?!? What do you think?
    Somehow when I went back to edit I almost thought you may misinterpret this but knew you would inquire further if you wanted it clarified. I meant that I knew you were my channel in my marriage thread.....a timeframe that I could exactly identify ~ whereas with MBF it was a phenomenon that took place when we moved away from each other. We were dormmates, rented our first apartment in NYC and then once she maried and moved away I was aware of the spiritual connection. I guess with you it was easier to identify because I had already experienced it with MBF. Hope that clarifies things a little.


    I feel like you that Good Samaritan debts aren’t owed in the classic sense. Rather I think of them like random acts of kindness. If someone needs a jump start, etc. and wants to pay me after i help them, I tell them “No, thanks! Just help the next person you come across that needs it.” Would that be a chain debt? I think we both see things this way It's a spiritual thing (look at your homework )

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by heartland
    Joan of Arcadia is about a family who has a teenage daughter that has conversations with God. Joan encounters various strangers who she recognizes as God after they greet her by name. God then gives her specific directions to do things, such as get a job, join the debate team or volunteer with children. God appears each time as someone else. For example it could be a boy her age, the lunch lady or a little girl. Unsure of what God wants, Joan reluctantly follows God's cryptic directives while trying to be a normal teenager.
    Will add that show to my season pass....gotta go dinner is on table will post more later.....Goody

    Last edited by goody2shuz; 03-07-2005 at 05:09 PM.

     
    Old 03-07-2005, 05:37 PM   #175
    heartlandguy
    Senior Veteran
    (male)
     
    Join Date: Aug 2004
    Location: Nebraska
    Posts: 1,311
    heartlandguy HB User
    Re: What's a Friend to Do?

    Goody, you posted K’s words in Post #168, “Many people today are afraid to speak their mind because they fear disapproval by their family, peers, or community. Sometimes acting courageously requires someone to speak out at the risk of such rejection. It is people who do so that are considered true heroes in our world.” I take that as a sign that I must speak up now because I can see light at the end of the tunnel.

    In post #169, I responded to GBF’s original post to my wife and me. I think I’ve identified most of my problems in that post thanks to GBF’s insights. I’m asking us to concentrate on that post to answer the questions posed there.

    If you have more to post for me, that is great. I always benefit from whatever you have to say. However, I’m deferring any homework that doesn’t correlate directly to post #169. If I miss a correlation (or nine ) in this process, don’t hesitate to tell me.

    BTW, Mrs. H’s caldera is still active. She’s putting on her hard-tipped, pointy-toed shoes so I think she means business. She says this thread is giving me paralysis by analysis. She is more right than wrong. Her directive and K’s words bring new urgency for this thread to produce results.

    Starting to jog down the road... -Heartland

     
    Old 03-07-2005, 06:18 PM   #176
    goody2shuz
    Inactive
    (female)
     
    Join Date: May 2004
    Location: New York
    Posts: 5,805
    goody2shuz HB Usergoody2shuz HB User
    Re: What's a Friend to Do?

    Heartland.....I have read and re-read your last post, I am lost and feel that perhaps it is just due to the emotions that are affecting the clarity of what I personally need to see.

    Perhaps you will understand the pain and sadness I felt when MBF's first post came in. When I read it I felt as if I were her twin....wretching in her pain, I cried for over an hour sobbing at the frustration that her post could help you but knowing that there would be no help for her situation. I felt like the mother of two children, having to watch one die while the other goes on to live. I called her sobbing telling her how much I loved her for what she was doing and even asked her if she was sure that she wanted me to put it through. Her words were, "If I could help just one person with sharing what I am going through it would have been all worth it. So I want you to post it."

    I just read her second post and it pains me to see that her life is the way that it is and that there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. And so I am back to the mother looking at her two precious children..one who is dying and the other that has the chance to live. I guess I need to just spend a day mourning the one who's dying and then will be able to focus on the one who will continue to live.

    So perhaps a little later or tommorrow I can make more sense of your post...if you can help me out by simplifying it it would help Goody out. Please don't feel abandoned by me.....I just need a little time to accept that things just may not work out the way I had planned...but then again it wasn't my plan anyway. Now who's the blind one????........Goody (an abundance of smilies to tell you I don't quite know how I feel)

    Last edited by goody2shuz; 03-07-2005 at 06:21 PM.

     
    Old 03-07-2005, 07:18 PM   #177
    heartlandguy
    Senior Veteran
    (male)
     
    Join Date: Aug 2004
    Location: Nebraska
    Posts: 1,311
    heartlandguy HB User
    Re: What's a Friend to Do?

    Goody, GBF’s first post didn’t tell me enough to realize her pain. GBF’s post today left no doubt about her pain. I was stunned for 5-10 minutes afterward and still feel low because I know her situation appears to have no happy outcome.

    When I think about you, Goody, I can’t imagine the pain. I know you are very emotional because of your big heart. You’ve heard her laugh; you’ve seen her smile and the twinkle in her eyes. Most importantly, you know her heart. I barely know her but still feel like I’ve lost a friend today. You seem to know her as well as you know yourself; you must feel every pain that she does. She must know how you feel so I imagine she has called you by now. My friend, please take care of yourself and your family tonight and count your blessings, as I will.

    Tomorrow, we’ll post about me. Just know that I feel focused and that is a good thing.

    Trying to hold you up as we struggle down the road… -Heartland

     
    Old 03-07-2005, 07:39 PM   #178
    goody2shuz
    Inactive
    (female)
     
    Join Date: May 2004
    Location: New York
    Posts: 5,805
    goody2shuz HB Usergoody2shuz HB User
    Re: What's a Friend to Do?

    Thanks, Heartland.....I feel little better and appreciate your words of comfort. A good night's sleep will make a world of difference. Will see you tommorrow.....stay clear of any hard-tipped, pointy-toed shoes until then

    Wandered off the road a little and camping out in the forest ~ Goody

     
    Old 03-08-2005, 06:02 AM   #179
    heartlandguy
    Senior Veteran
    (male)
     
    Join Date: Aug 2004
    Location: Nebraska
    Posts: 1,311
    heartlandguy HB User
    Re: What's a Friend to Do?

    Goody, please don't post on this thread until after my next post.

    After we finished here last night, I printed out your post #168 so I could read it carefully several times. I tried to apply it to my situation and couldn't. For the moment, I don't think it applies to me. Overnight, I have come to see a sign of hope. I will share that hope in my next post.

    Please be patient, my friend

    Last edited by heartlandguy; 03-08-2005 at 07:28 AM. Reason: clarify

     
    Old 03-08-2005, 08:37 AM   #180
    heartlandguy
    Senior Veteran
    (male)
     
    Join Date: Aug 2004
    Location: Nebraska
    Posts: 1,311
    heartlandguy HB User
    Re: What's a Friend to Do?

    Goody, we have trying to apply blindness to GBF’s husband’s and my situations. I now think all of us are blind in different ways. You post #168 is wonderful and I think it is very much in tune with what I have written since Sunday. What troubled me yesterday was that I couldn’t apply blindness to the timing of when I discovered that He wanted me to change careers. Yesterday I wrote to GBF that I could now identify an event that signaled the end of my original self-employed career (OSEC). What I am still missing (maybe I’m still blind to this ) is how I could have recognized that back then. Late last night, I realized two things… First, this thread provided me an extremely strong signal or sign that I must act now; hence I'm not truly blind. Second, while I can see the past event as a sign in hindsight, I can’t see any way I could have recognized it at that time. The event I mention is notable because it was the end of the last significant period of growth in my OSEC. At the time, it seemed oh so likely that the “next period of growth” would be an extension of the last period of growth.

    Taken together, these two thoughts said to me that I wasn’t blind to His signs to look for a change in His will. At this point, I think I have been receptive to virtually all of his signs and now I must be receptive to discovering how His will is requiring changes in me. If so, He has been preparing me all along for this moment and His signs about blindness aren’t intended for me at this moment. They must be for someone else…

    Goody, I read all three readings from Sunday again yesterday on my computer. This morning I remember something odd that I noticed while reading Ephesians 5 only because the chapter is small and filled only half of my screen. Remember how I mentioned to GBF that context was very important when reading scripture? Please read Ephesians 5, verse 14 and, for context, verses 22-33. Can you “see” the hope I “see”? If you understand what I’m seeing, look at part of Sunday’s first reading, 1 Samuel 16:7. If we are open to His word, Sunday’s message is extremely clear, powerful and full of hope for someone very special to us.


    PS: Please don’t think that I don’t realize that I am still blind about many things yet. Just realize that as we look at each other we can see each other’s blind spots better than we can see our own. I still need lots of your help and “in-sights”, my friend, because my eyes can’t see in that direction.

    Last edited by heartlandguy; 03-08-2005 at 09:18 AM. Reason: additions & changes

     
    Closed Thread

    Related Topics
    Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
    Boyfriends Messages... What do they really mean? d3sire86 Relationship Health 12 12-04-2008 05:38 PM
    What Should I Do??? goody2shuz Bipolar Disorder 137 08-01-2007 09:38 AM
    I don't even know what to title this... Graciella Relationship Health 43 07-08-2006 06:37 PM
    That perfect girl... what am i supposed to do now?! crazy situation... dstalker3 Relationship Health 3 07-04-2005 12:13 PM
    What actually is Anorexia? troubled_teen12 Eating Disorder Recovery 36 06-24-2005 03:21 AM




    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Search this Thread:

    Advanced Search

    Posting Rules
    You may not post new threads
    You may not post replies
    You may not post attachments
    You may not edit your posts

    BB code is On
    Smilies are On
    [IMG] code is Off
    HTML code is Off
    Trackbacks are Off
    Pingbacks are Off
    Refbacks are Off




    Sign Up Today!

    Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

    I want my free account

    All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:11 PM.





    © 2022 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
    Do not copy or redistribute in any form!