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    Old 02-23-2005, 01:25 PM   #76
    goody2shuz
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    Re: What's a Friend to Do?

    Hey, friend Are you as worn out as I am??? Was I ever that bad???? We made headway, my friend and it reminds me of when you and Jeff were exhausted and on the sidelines said something like..."Yeah....I really wanna help those kids "

    I'm worried about you my friend..gee if you could do what you just did in the real world you would be a milionaire You are sooooo talented and I really see you with people...you really are a people advocate and geeez I know, Heartland, that you are going to be great, but i worry that what you love doing here will hold you back. Like you said...the pay is lousy in terms of money but it is rewarding in a people helping sense. And we both know how we feel about that. I just shared it all with Tom about how you are so good here and going out into the real world again...he agrees with me and says that you would make a wonderful mediator....relationship mediator. Can you do something like that incorporating your skills????

    Goody got herself an optical corded mouse and it seems to be working well. So far so good.

    So....what are your thoughts my friend....I had fun today and you are BRILLIANT Let's pray that Nini and Genster find their way ....Goody

    Last edited by goody2shuz; 02-23-2005 at 01:28 PM.

     
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    Old 02-23-2005, 02:18 PM   #77
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    Re: What's a Friend to Do?

    That's great that you got that new optical mouse.

     
    Old 02-23-2005, 03:05 PM   #78
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    Re: What's a Friend to Do?

    Oh metaphysical one… worn out? No!!! I feel energized. Goody, you were a dream to work with. You seemed to accept everything I told you. What got to me was that you two charged off into a 3-day weekend without notice. That weekend without any feedback and the "pressure cooker" half-week afterward were tough on me. Waiting tortures me.

    Quote:
    I'm worried about you my friend. . . . . .I worry that what you love doing here will hold you back.
    Is that really you, Goody… or my wife?!? Now you know how she’s felt for several months. However, I am concerned, too. The main reason I tend to be late to appointments is that I hate to leave unfinished business behind. I told you earlier today I needed to post to a few others first… to finish up business. I left Stacy an adequate post. But Nini is Nini… she is so stuck and I do want to keep my promise to leave her in a good place. I thought about the circus overnight and hoped she’d easily buy in because I thought it sounds like fun while describing her situation well. If she does, then Genster and the rest of you can carry on from there in a positive environment with weekend visits from me. (That’s why I asked for bit parts. ) If Nini doesn’t buy in; well, I gave it my best shot… But you, my friend, and Tom’s advice (very cool, thank you!) are important for my success. I hope you see that I am trying to wean myself from general posting here until my transition is complete. If you see me backsliding (I’m a man, what did you expect? ), I’m probably having a problem – just ask me what’s wrong… just like you did. Thanks for noticing and speaking up; if a friend won’t do that, who will?

    Quote:
    I just shared it all with Tom about how you are so good here and going out into the real world again...he agrees with me and says that you would make a wonderful mediator....relationship mediator. Can you do something like that incorporating your skills????
    Thanks for the ideas. Those are the types of thoughts I need. I’ve been compiling a list of professions requiring perfectionism, passion and possibly idealism. (Most don’t apply to me but I’m proving to myself that a long list does exist.) I’ve got public speaking, NASCAR driver, CEO, performer (13 y.o. singer in NYC... keeping notes? ). I’ll add mediator near the top of the list. You also said relationship mediator. Please provide a bit more detail. If it’s like what we did on your thread, I’m not sure I could handle it on a face-to-face basis. My vivid imagination pictures some creepy situations that I want to avoid.

    Quote:
    Goody got herself an optical corded mouse and it seems to be working well. So far so good.
    No triple clicks! Good luck with your mouse.

    Quote:
    I had fun today and you are BRILLIANT
    A dumb friend would bore you.

    Quote:
    Let's pray that Nini and Genster find their way ....Goody
    Amen


    Hey, littletiger! Welcome to this thread! As always, we appreciate everyone’s input.

    Last edited by heartlandguy; 02-23-2005 at 03:16 PM.

     
    Old 02-23-2005, 03:46 PM   #79
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    Re: What's a Friend to Do?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by heartlandguy
    Is that really you, Goody… or my wife?!? Now you know how she’s felt for several months. However, I am concerned, too. The main reason I tend to be late to appointments is that I hate to leave unfinished business behind. I told you earlier today I needed to post to a few others first… to finish up business. I left Stacy an adequate post. But Nini is Nini… she is so stuck and I do want to keep my promise to leave her in a good place.
    I knew you would mistaken my identity...I certainly don't want to be a "nagging wife" in your eyes...Tom at times sees me that way but Itry not to be. I sincerely was speaking as your friend....friends sometimes say things to put us back on track And yes, Nini is Nini and I know you're a man who keeps his promises. Truthfully, Heartland, if I weren't your friend I wouldn't give a hoot about your success, but your friend I am proud to be.


    Quote:
    Originally Posted by heartland
    I thought about the circus overnight and hoped she’d easily buy in because I thought it sounds like fun while describing her situation well. If she does, then Genster and the rest of you can carry on from there in a positive environment with weekend visits from me. (That’s why I asked for bit parts. ) If Nini doesn’t buy in; well, I gave it my best shot… But you, my friend, and Tom’s advice (very cool, thank you!) are important for my success. I hope you see that I am trying to wean myself from general posting here until my transition is complete. If you see me backsliding (I’m a man, what did you expect? ), I’m probably having a problem – just ask me what’s wrong… just like you did. Thanks for noticing and speaking up; if a friend won’t do that, who will?
    You can always count on me to do just that And the circus will always fly with me



    Quote:
    Originally Posted by heartland
    Thanks for the ideas. Those are the types of thoughts I need. I’ve been compiling a list of professions requiring perfectionism, passion and possibly idealism. (Most don’t apply to me but I’m proving to myself that a long list does exist.) I’ve got public speaking, NASCAR driver, CEO, performer (13 y.o. singer in NYC... keeping notes? ). I’ll add mediator near the top of the list. You also said relationship mediator. Please provide a bit more detail. If it’s like what we did on your thread, I’m not sure I could handle it on a face-to-face basis. My vivid imagination pictures some creepy situations that I want to avoid.
    Oh, Heartland.....I'm at a total loss I invision almost a pre-cana role....but the pay is lousy there too. Running retreats and Mrs. Heart could be involved as well. There's also marriage encouters but there is one geared towards couples contemplating divorce ~ a weekend that allows couples to make a decision as to whether their marriage is worth saving or if divorce is the way to go. You need to tell me more about your background I know it involves science and technical databases......can you possibly supply some type of data base for counselling services/therapists???? I feel like I am failing you but I just can't figure the income producing idea you need that is people oriented and spirit filling as well.


    I will think on it & post when my mind is clearer.....until then may flying trapezes and clowns and lion tamers fill your mind with hope....Goody

    Last edited by goody2shuz; 02-23-2005 at 03:49 PM.

     
    Old 02-23-2005, 07:39 PM   #80
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    Re: What's a Friend to Do?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by goody2shuz
    Truthfully, Heartland, if I weren't your friend I wouldn't give a hoot about your success, but your friend I am proud to be.
    I get a bad feeling about my choice of the word "success". To some, success is equated to wealth and impressing other people with it. To me, success means being happy with what I do while earning a salary similar to most of my college classmates.


    Goody, you are trying too hard to help me. I feel you are trying to solve all my problems when it is your opinions that I want most. Please relax, r-e-l-a-x ! ! !

    Public speaking is my only target for the moment. I’m trained to also develop contingence plans so that is why I’m collecting extra information along the way.

    As I mentioned earlier, I have contacted one professional speaker for advice and was happy with the results. My research methods tell me to keep searching until the results seem repetitious. Then I summarize my findings into common findings and “clever tips”. I’m also asking my sources for trusted websites for public speakers.

    I don’t want you doing my work for me; you’re so nice you would probably do that if I didn’t stop you!!! Okay, there is one thing you can do… Get a good night’s sleep!

    Later, my friend.

     
    Old 02-24-2005, 01:51 PM   #81
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    Re: What's a Friend to Do?

    Goody, you are an inspiration. You said recently that you have grown since your marriage thread. That understated the truth. You began growing in your marriage thread. When you decided to hold your tongue when you were disappointed with Tom, you experienced growth. You were willing to grow because the status quo was harmfully to your marriage. You were wise enough to see that growth was less painful that losing something precious to you. I never suggested any of that to you; it all came from within you. You did all the work; I was just a catalyst.

    Now I see the roles as reversed, assuming you want to remain friends with someone so moody. Sorry about last night. It wasn’t as bad as my post about Mr. Vader but I’m sure you perceive a pattern, hence I’m guessing you’re waiting for me to come out of my funk. Friends do that.

    I was quite proud of my circus metaphor from the very beginning; I felt it was something special. It is typical of my life – one of extremes. Without puffing anything, special thoughts sometimes flow from me and I feel invincible. The next moment, I feel weak and powerless like a victim of kryptonite. I think He gives all of us a pretty level playing field to play on during our lifetimes. If we get a gift here, we lose something there. Many public icons are a perfect example of that. Some exude talent and seem to have it all but few find marital bliss. Sometimes I think luck itself is such a gift and I got precious little except where it is most important to me, in love. Hence, gambling isn’t fun for me because I see it as structured losing. I guess this is turning into a philosophical rant so I’ll stop. Please realize that when I mention that I have lots of thoughts running through my head, I don’t mean lots of happy thoughts - just my fair share.

    I didn’t answer your last post properly last night so I will here. First of all, whenever you speak to me, kidding or not, I know you speak as my friend. I say that with complete trust. Moody me might respond unexpectedly thus confusing you but I hope that isn’t true. Like I frequently say, my wife is a saint. I really don’t know how she does it.

    Concerning promises, I addressed one in a post to Nini today. I also posted to Stacy because I felt I had an important but unique perspective that she needed to consider. I am trying to save the “me too” posts, if any, for the weekend. I am working to get a better handle on my weakness for “non-essential” postings.

    As my last post said, I am still planning to pursue public speaking because many other aspects of my life complement it. Let me clarify my professional background just a bit, it involves one of the physical sciences and a wide variety of computer experience. I better not get more specific here in the public domain. I think I have a pretty good handle on how they relate to idealism, perfectionism and passion. You have been very helpful pointing out possibilities outside of my formal training. At this point, I think I will probably choose something close to my professional background because it represents a lifetime of knowledge while public speaking lets me express their current and future value to humanity.

    I am quite confident that I will overcome my fears of growth because of my Tuesday sign. I pray a rosary when I exercise (killing two birds…) but rarely think about the words I mumble. As I mumble, I process my thoughts of the day and sometimes receive inspiration in return. Tuesday I realized how all Relationship Board threads involve the originator and an obstacle to someone’s happiness; hence, much of the advice applies to any relationship post. I feel this means that I must live up to all of the relationship advice I have previously posted when considering my career change, else I am a hypocrite. Wow, think of how much we say here: Age __ isn’t too old…, don’t settle…, you need self-love before…, take baby steps…, you’ll know it’s “the one” when…, you deserve happiness…, you must be open before…, yadda, yadda, yadda.

    Wow! That’s a lot to live up to but at least I know what others would tell me if I ask about any of those topics. So I feel if I let myself down, I let everyone down. No pressure now. Self-love is probably most surprising to me. Self-love for love doesn’t seem to automatically translate into self-love for career. Maybe it’s the confidence factor. It’s probably hard to remember not having applicable self-love after you got what you want but if you lose what you wanted and got, then that confidence must fade with it. Goody, did you ever question your self-love when you were at your darkest hour?

    I’ve got lots to clean up here. Yesterday’s notes are just one pile away from being lost. I need to set up some new files, file, slash, burn, etc. Better get started.

    Thanks for listening, my friend.

    PS: Judy Collins must really like circuses and clowns.

    Last edited by heartlandguy; 02-24-2005 at 03:10 PM.

     
    Old 02-24-2005, 02:55 PM   #82
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    Re: What's a Friend to Do?

    WOW.....is all that I can say (well you know Goody....if it were just that we'd both be a little disappointed)

    Heartland....let me just say if there were such a thing as our first "cyberfight" yesterday would have been the day You see....I read your post just before going to bed and really didn't know how to take it. I was at a loss because I thought I knew you well enough and took it as if you were mad at me but my ability to know you well said no that I must be misinterpreting and my first instinct was to respond because I have this thing about going to sleep without settling differences with my family or friends but you said I needed to get some sleep and so I thank goodness went with that (Otherwise I have a feeling it would have only made things worse)

    Anyway....I woke up this morning after a very restless night because if there's one thing Goody can't stand is thinking that I have done something to upset somebody and that was the feeling I was going with.....don't know why but i went back to your last post and mine before that and wondered how things went so wrong. I struggled trying to think of what I should or could do. I decided to take a break from the virtual world.....a personal day from my part time job here and did some laundry, food shopping to prepare for the snow etc. However, just before going I checked my horoscope (which by the way I NEVER do) and it said "This day may not start out the way you thought it might, but by sundown, you'll have an entirely different attitude. In the meantime, no matter what kind of startling announcements or revelations come along, stay calm. " Well guess what happened just as my sun was setting......I open this thread and read your post And the tears were flowing down my face as I did and all of a sudden it all made sense. I have to bring my daughter somewhere and will continue my post when I return...but for now Heartland....I think you already know, that metaphysical thing .....I shall return...Goody

     
    Old 02-24-2005, 03:44 PM   #83
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    Re: What's a Friend to Do?

    Sorry, Goody… Last night, my post seemed okay but your silence spoke volumes. (BTW, my wife wants me to spend the evenings mostly with her, not the computer. She wasn’t too keen on me searching public speaking websites last night either. Please expect evening and weekend postings to be “different” because often I’m rushed.)

    Today, my metaphysical/supernatural thing said I must have sounded unappreciative of your efforts. Not at all, but rushing, the circus debacle, etc. lead me to push out a “disturbing” post for your bedtime reading. (I’m the opposite of you here; I go to bed mad and expect to wake up okay…)

    Like I said, I feel lots of pressure. I must grow personally like you did. Just because I’m full of fertilizer doesn’t make growing easy for me. So please bear with me.

    If I say something that upsets you, please assume you misunderstood me… then have sweet dreams that night. A cyberfight, huh? I guess I owe you one now.

    Rumbling, bumbling, stumbling down the same road… -Heartland

    If you don’t understand “rumbling, bumbling, stumbling”, ask Tom. It’s an ESPN thing.

    Last edited by heartlandguy; 02-24-2005 at 06:23 PM.

     
    Old 02-24-2005, 04:33 PM   #84
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    Re: What's a Friend to Do?

    Heartland....I am going to prepare a postworthy response and just wanted you to know in the meantime that when I made mention of a cyberfight I didn't exactly see it that way...perhaps cybermood would be more appropriate. But nevertheless, my friend, our responses and our readings of each other are amazingly on target. I sensed you needed your space...your shields were up and our friendship is something that I am certain will weather any storm Yesterday was a melancholy day for us both...when you care you care and sometimes with caring we sometimes hurt inside when things don't exactly turn out the way we had hoped (I'm referring to Nini) her ears are burning but today she came out and took a risk letting her shield down a little more and that IS progress.

    I will post more later or first thing in the morning.....meanwhile know that there's a friend who cares for you moody and all.....Goody

     
    Old 02-25-2005, 07:30 AM   #85
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    Re: What's a Friend to Do?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by heartlandguy
    Goody, you are an inspiration. You said recently that you have grown since your marriage thread. That understated the truth. You began growing in your marriage thread. When you decided to hold your tongue when you were disappointed with Tom, you experienced growth. You were willing to grow because the status quo was harmfully to your marriage. You were wise enough to see that growth was less painful that losing something precious to you. I never suggested any of that to you; it all came from within you. You did all the work; I was just a catalyst.
    It's amazing how you can see some of thethings that I can't even see myself. Yes...I guess you are right about my growth and if I could just learn how to hold my tongue around here a little more.....



    Now I see the roles as reversed, assuming you want to remain friends with someone so moody. Sorry about last night. It wasn’t as bad as my post about Mr. Vader but I’m sure you perceive a pattern, hence I’m guessing you’re waiting for me to come out of my funk. Friends do that. Thanks for the apology, Heartland. As Hitch suggested...we are at a severe disadvantage here with only words when 90% of what counts is nonverbal....however, I think for the most part we do well in conveying what we mean but I guess there's always room for misinterpretations....that's what I admire most about our friendship....is that we are able to talk things out (or give each other the space we need at any given time)



    Quote:
    Originally Posted by heartland
    I was quite proud of my circus metaphor from the very beginning; I felt it was something special. It is typical of my life – one of extremes. Without puffing anything, special thoughts sometimes flow from me and I feel invincible. The next moment, I feel weak and powerless like a victim of kryptonite. I think He gives all of us a pretty level playing field to play on during our lifetimes. If we get a gift here, we lose something there. Many public icons are a perfect example of that. Some exude talent and seem to have it all but few find marital bliss. Sometimes I think luck itself is such a gift and I got precious little except where it is most important to me, in love. Hence, gambling isn’t fun for me because I see it as structured losing. I guess this is turning into a philosophical rant so I’ll stop. Please realize that when I mention that I have lots of thoughts running through my head, I don’t mean lots of happy thoughts - just my fair share.
    When you talked about how you measure success I would say that with the circus idea you were quite successful whether Nini took it or not. And, my friend, I measure my success in the same way. That is why when things go crazy with my girls this mom takes it personally as a measurement of my success. What I wanted to share with you in regard to your brilliant circus idea and anything you do here is that whenever you do something that involves helping/healing others you can't help but feel a responsibility to their happiness and success. However, what may work for one may not necessarily work for another. The metaphoric storyline did it for me but may not for Nini. Just like when I was a nurse, a particular med or treatment worked for some but not for another. But in the end all has been implemented with great love and care and sometimes it will take just a little bit more time to show it's overall effect on the one we are trying to help.


    I didn’t answer your last post properly last night so I will here. First of all, whenever you speak to me, kidding or not, I know you speak as my friend. I say that with complete trust. Moody me might respond unexpectedly thus confusing you but I hope that isn’t true. Like I frequently say, my wife is a saint. I really don’t know how she does it. I trust you, Heartland, and with that I accept that you are imperfect as I am. I will always speak as your friend and accept you moody and all I need to post this so far and continue on since it seems so long.....

     
    Old 02-25-2005, 07:31 AM   #86
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    Re: What's a Friend to Do?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by heartland
    As my last post said, I am still planning to pursue public speaking because many other aspects of my life complement it. Let me clarify my professional background just a bit, it involves one of the physical sciences and a wide variety of computer experience. I better not get more specific here in the public domain. I think I have a pretty good handle on how they relate to idealism, perfectionism and passion. You have been very helpful pointing out possibilities outside of my formal training. At this point, I think I will probably choose something close to my professional background because it represents a lifetime of knowledge while public speaking lets me express their current and future value to humanity.
    You are progressing well, my friend. in such a little time I think it would be fair to say that you have accomplished more in this past week in regard to Job One than you have in months passed. Am I right???? That in itself is a great evaluation gauge for the week.



    I am quite confident that I will overcome my fears of growth because of my Tuesday sign. I pray a rosary when I exercise (killing two birds…) but rarely think about the words I mumble. As I mumble, I process my thoughts of the day and sometimes receive inspiration in return. Tuesday I realized how all Relationship Board threads involve the originator and an obstacle to someone’s happiness; hence, much of the advice applies to any relationship post. I feel this means that I must live up to all of the relationship advice I have previously posted when considering my career change, else I am a hypocrite. Wow, think of how much we say here: Age __ isn’t too old…, don’t settle…, you need self-love before…, take baby steps…, you’ll know it’s “the one” when…, you deserve happiness…, you must be open before…, yadda, yadda, yadda. You are forgetting the most beautiful thing about this board....nobody is here to place judgement and you can be yourself and still know that there are people who will lovingly give you a kick in the butt if you so need So R-E-L-A-X my friend (see how quickly our roles reversed ) and take the pressure off of having to follow your own advice. As they say....it is far easier to give advice than to take it.


    Quote:
    Originally Posted by heartland
    Wow! That’s a lot to live up to but at least I know what others would tell me if I ask about any of those topics. So I feel if I let myself down, I let everyone down. No pressure now. Self-love is probably most surprising to me. Self-love for love doesn’t seem to automatically translate into self-love for career. Maybe it’s the confidence factor. It’s probably hard to remember not having applicable self-love after you got what you want but if you lose what you wanted and got, then that confidence must fade with it. Goody, did you ever question your self-love when you were at your darkest hour?
    Funny you should ask my friend I think when I was in my darkest hour my self love was at a low point as well. You see...I learned since, that like my marriage, love of self is something that needs to be cared for and tended to like my garden. As my self love increased so did my overall confidence and thus my ability to stand strong and make the necessary repairs within my marriage. Alot of my changes came from within....ever since I was a little girl when anyone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up I immediately said "a mommy". As high school approached and career choices needed to be made I fell back on the nurturing and helping people role growing deep within me thus choosing my career. And when health problems set in they affected my career choice but did allow me the opportunity to do what was my very first career choice, to be a mother. But a part of me always felt guilty.....I was lucky to have a husband who could provide for us adequately and our income has been supplemented with compensation from my back, however, part of my growth came from filling that void in my life that I missed and as I did so I was able to slowly rebuild my self love, confidence and make the changes necessary within myself in order to improve my marriage and overall relationship with Tom.

    And so it may be your turn to do so in a reversed fashion. And I know that, like me, you will be able to do so because you hold the same tools with in yourself in order to succeed. Just needs a little fertilizing and tending to is all. It's amazing how things turn around and come full circle in our lives. And amazing how we can run into people who make it easier to do so. Which brings me to something I promised not so long ago to address at a later point.

    You asked me...."Goody, I am fascinated with intense friendships. I’ve experienced four including yours but only yours involves someone I’ve never met and has a strong supernatural aspect to it. Please tell me what you can about the similarities and differences in the friendships you share with your best friend and me."

    When my best friend moved I really thought our friendship would weaken as others had in my past. However, we shared a faith that has overcome the boundaries of physical distance between us. Over the years, we have spoken by phone on a fairly regular basis but not on any given schedule. Sometimes it would be months that we'd speak and yet we seemed to be able to just pick up where things left off. As you already know our marriages seemed to counterbalance each other....she has the romance I had the security. And so when we encountered problems we were able to be there and talk about them without feeling the other would judge. And of course there were many times that were much more than coincidences where we were prompted to call one another at the exact moment we needed the support of the other.

    One particular time was a few years back when I developed a cough that just wouldn't go away. I got it in November and by Christmas after going to many doctors nothing identified the problem. Twice I was taken by ambulance to the ER feeling as if I couldn't breathe. My doctors were ignoring me and making me feel as if I was having panic attacks and I knew they were wrong. This went on for what seemed like forever....and when I was at my all time lowest of low and very worried my friend called at that precise moment saying that something told her to call in the middle of her work schedule to see what was the matter. Her first words to me were "please tell me what's going on." I burst into tears and told her. She calmed me down and told me that she would talk to one of the pulmonologists she worked with. Minutes later she called and told me to go back to my doctor and insist on a test for whooping cough. I did, and sure enough it came back positive. I ended up sick until April having gotten Mono as well for my second time in my life....but I was okay because I knew what I was up against. Anyway.....that is the metaphyscial thing that I share with my friend and it is the same here with you when you pop up with suggestions and advice before I even request it....and like with her I have found that I can trust you and pick up where we last left off.....difficult to explain but something you just know.

    Well.....I kept my promise and hope this post irons out all the questions and encourages you to do what you feel inside of yourself needs to be done.

    Today is the day I will check in with my friend. We got lots of snow here about 7-8 inches. Tom groomed a pathway for an evening ride on the snowmobile. He promises to take it easy and we are fortunate enough to have a nature trail right across the street from us that is beautiful to ride through especially on a moonlit, starry, clear winter's night. A little wine and light cheese and crackers beforehand with hot chocolate after whould set the stage for a nice evening. And you'll be off on one of your roadtrips singing away with your friends. I'd say that were each in for a great weekend and deserve to chill out.

    Forever on the same stumbling, bumbling, rumbling road......Goody

    Last edited by goody2shuz; 02-25-2005 at 08:23 AM.

     
    Old 02-25-2005, 12:20 PM   #87
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    heartlandguy HB User
    Re: What's a Friend to Do?

    Thanks, Goody, for the post. It was worth waiting for. Now I gotta peaceful easy feeling. I thought it might contain an update on your best friend’s situation, too. I look forward to hearing about the progress in her husband’s career.

    I think it would be fair to say that you have accomplished more in this past week in regard to Job One than you have in months passed. Am I right????
    Yes, this has been a great week for me. While the things I’ve done have been significant, I think the perspective I’ve gained will prove to be even more important. I would overall characterize my last few years as backsliding. Last August, I began posting here and I now see that I’ve gained more than just good feelings from it. I’ve also grown by extending myself as I rationalized advice for relationship problems, something I could never imagine myself doing just a year ago. That growth and this thread combined to snap me out of my funk; I now have the will (and plenty of encouragement ) to move forward. While my career change is very important, this week my eyes were opened to the disorganization surrounding me. During my backsliding, I’ve let partially completed tasks accumulate. Many are stacks of paper that serve as monuments of failure. Before going full speed ahead with the career change process, I must finish the backlog of tasks thus eradicating my feelings of failure. With that behind me, I’ll be able to nurture the positive attitude needed for my career change, especially if it is public speaking focused mostly on technology. Like my postings here, my speeches will include a mix of personal experiences, positive thinking and humor. Positive thinking will be key to the entire growth process so my primary focus is on removing the existing obstacles.

    Just writing this down crystallizes my thinking. I rarely write things down just for me; my instincts wrongly tell me that it is a waste of time. This board and especially this thread have lead me to journalize my growth process. While everyone feels bad about ranting here, clearly sharing information forces us to think clearly first. No wonder these boards are so popular.

    Thanks for sharing about self-love. You confirm what I thought and what EG has been telling us. Apparently, self-love is naturally bountiful when we don’t need it and vice versa. Whether self-love is needed for finding love or a new career, friends appear to play an important role in building self-love.

    I found your story about your best friend very interesting and well worth the wait. You might be interested in what I described as my four “intense” friendships. Intense was probably a poor choice of words. What the four pairs share in common is each in the pair is extremely tolerate of the other’s bad moods, each in the pair can frequently predict what the other is about to say, each in the pair seems to be fascinated with the other’s life and interests, each in the pair completely trusts the other and all seem to be a life-long bonds. The four are a fraternity buddy, a male coworker, my wife and you. The men are laid back and shields down with me; their friendships build a comfortable confidence in me. My wife and you are more energized than me (because, as adults, you two seem to be classic Leos) and bring out the best in me by motivating me without pressuring me.

    I think I finally have a handle on my “me too” postings. I avoided Nini’s thread after my final weekday post to her and I fought a strong temptation to respond to EG. It looks like Saturday will be my weekend check-in/posting day and I’ll probably post to each.

    Goody, I wanted to say more in that post to Nini yesterday but I thought I was more than bold in my analysis of her real world life. Since she basically agreed with it, I want to say more but I think it is best to begin here with you because of your medical training. My analysis was based mostly on two things… First, repeated instances where a positive post of hers turning negative and, second, she seems almost immune to gathering real comfort from anyone’s words or logic. As a complete amateur, medically speaking, I see her as chronically sad and wonder if her sadness has a medical basis. Nini has said that she’s visited a “shrink” who, I assume, evaluated that possibility, but... Could this be like your whooping cough case where for the longest time no one could diagnose the real problem? I really don’t feel she is happy enough now to get a positive experience from Toastmasters and the last thing she needed was me pushing her into another situation that could produce a negative outcome. Does any of this make sense to you, Goody?

    Snowmobiling sounds like fun! Tom sure knows how to treat his lady right and she sounds appreciative. I think that’s wonderful. I’m amused that while you two are out in the snow, I’ll be wearing shorts, tropical shirt, scandals (sp?) and the like. The roadtrip will be to a dance featuring a Jimmy Buffett tribute band. Parrotheads can get pretty crazy; I’m counting on it. Most importantly, we have a designated driver. Wonder if they’ll take requests for Puff the Magic Dragon?

    …head out on the highway, lookin’ for adventure and whatever comes our way

     
    Old 02-25-2005, 12:56 PM   #88
    goody2shuz
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    Re: What's a Friend to Do?

    Just time for a quick response and promise a more worthy response over the weekend particularly in regard to friendships. I sense that Sunday will allow you more time to reflect on my postings since you are working overtime this week as it is

    Sound as if you're recuping from the backsliding at a steady pace. And the self love you have within will guide you through. In regard to an update with my best friend, she once again was out but I had another opportunity to talk with her husband. He's got a few jobs lined up but the money will take some time to come in. I am confident from what he shared with me that as soon as the first few jobs come through he will have a steady income so long as he lines up other jjobs behind them. As I spoke to him I couldn't help feel as if I were in a sense speaking with you......he's a very smart guy who is always working on his confidence and looking for what God wants him to do in life. He is so easy to like and I feel as if talking to you has opened up a communication with him that wasn't there before. In the past when I would call he would say my friend wasn't there, now he initiates conversation and is open to whatever I may say. I almost feel as if there's almost a tie between everything in order for it all to work out in the end.

    Tom is home.....we will be going out tonite as planned...yes he does take good care of me in terms of entertainment. The snowmobile is a winter version of the jetski but a little easier on the back. Our family& friends have a private joke in regard to Tom being the winner of the "boy who dies with the most toys wins" contest He has as much adventure in him that I lack....my parents almost died when we were dating seeing all the things he got me to do He even owns a two seater aerochute....sort of a flying chitty chitty bang bang thing but with my fear of heights he never got me up in the thing So life is a great big adventure around here....I am lucky, and have done so many things and taken so many risks that I normally wouldn't have taken in life if it weren't for him

    Sounds like the roadtrip is gonna be lots of fun.....and it is funny to think that we're in two different parts of the country...a little bit country and a little bit rock-n-roll Will update again with you on Sunday......Goody

    Last edited by goody2shuz; 02-25-2005 at 01:05 PM.

     
    Old 02-26-2005, 02:41 AM   #89
    Snails
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    Re: What's a Friend to Do?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by heartlandguy
    Concerning promises, I addressed one in a post to Nini today. I also posted to Stacy because I felt I had an important but unique perspective that she needed to consider. I am trying to save the “me too” posts, if any, for the weekend. I am working to get a better handle on my weakness for “non-essential” postings.
    Nini is very lucky to have your continued attention and advice, and I feel extremely fortunate as well. Heartland, if you get a chance, I am not 100% clear on what your perspective on my situation is, but I sense that it is very important and valid, so I would really like your input if you are able to help (before Sat. night in particular). Patrick is coming over to make dinner and talk, but he did say that he still needed to spend more time on his own. I understand that, I think it's good for us to have some space, I want to be patient and not rush him, but it is very difficult for me not knowing what is going to happen in the end. If only I had something specific I could do to make him feel better, or a specific date when he would come home, I could be doing just fine. But as it is, I'm somewhere between numb, disbelieving, sad, and scared. He has been there for me no matter what for some of the toughest years of my life, and not having him by my side makes me feel empty and heartbroken. Please help, Heartland--I took your advice, and wrote him a heartfelt email promising to meet him halfway. I also have a bag full of things I want him to have if we have to be apart...but I don't know how to handle things tomorrow night. Whenever I think about him leaving, I cry (and I am very unemotional and insensitive as women go), and I know he has been crying nearly nonstop as well. I just want to comfort him like always and have him crawl back into our bed and fall asleep in my arms just like always...but i'm so scared I'm somehow going to screw it up and never get a chance to show him I can be better when it comes to his family. The more I think about it, including the fact that he's never been really frustrated or upset with me before, the more I realize that I made things way too difficult for him, and I just want a chance to do better. How can I get him to understand this and understand that I can and will find a solution to this and get things back on track? Sorry to steal this thread-maybe I should post somewhere else, but I just felt so touched and grateful for your post, Heartland, that I wanted to write back right away. Good luck with all your endeavors--you are very intuitive and intelligent, and I am sure you will achieve all your goals in whatever you decide to do next.

    Best wishes,
    Stacy

     
    Old 02-26-2005, 07:31 AM   #90
    goody2shuz
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    Re: What's a Friend to Do?

    "Hang on help is on its way".......hope you had a good night off, my friend There's another damsel in distress and I have the utmost confidence that you will save the day I'll be on the sidelines helping you out too as any friend would do

    On the same road always.....Goody

     
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