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    Old 02-26-2005, 02:02 PM   #91
    goody2shuz
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    Re: What's a Friend to Do?

    Hey, Friend I just wanted to check in and see how that road trip was???? The snowmobiling was great.....the stars were out and there was what Tom referred to as a Hunger Moon and Goody even let loose in the open field we came to, speeding away over fresh fallen snow. It reminded me of how wonderful life is even in the dead of winter. A week ago there were birds singing and now we're hearing still more snow. I know you have lots to do but just wanted to send a positive thought as you go into further growth. Baby steps always lead to bigger ones.....Goody

     
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    Old 02-26-2005, 02:12 PM   #92
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    Re: What's a Friend to Do?

    Hey, Goody, I hope the snowmobiling and the culinary accoutrements provided all you expected. That sounded like so much fun. Sure wish I had the chance to met Tom and see his toys. I think he’d be a great friend, too.

    The dance exceeded all my expectations. I’ve always been a very animated freestyle dancer and a bit self-conscious of it but no one seems to smirk at my antics. When things finally got rolling, I was in rare form, on a mission to destroy all traces of cabin fever. A friend grabbed and pushed me to start a conga line and, wow, the view was great from the front (Honestly, I don’t enjoy conga lines but last night was a different night.) Even the collage-aged couples seemed to enjoy dancing alongside me so I must have done ok. This is my first serious dance since enhancing my exercise program and it’s paid off big time. I should be hurting so bad today but, really, I feel good. Life is good. Must be a sign in that somewhere.

    I almost wrote you earlier that I have a selfish motive in rooting for your best friend’s husband. I also feel the commonality between him and me. (BTW, you forgot to mention that he’s handsome, kind to animals, leaps tall buildings in a single bound… and humble to a fault. I am soooo bad…)

    Sorry to put you in that bad position on this thread with Nini but I wanted to give you a heads up. Fortunately, Nini’s a gracious person and overall I think her thread is addressing several important issues head on now.

    Probably won’t post, except for Stacy, for the rest of the weekend. Next week, my friend.

    Forever on the same cabin fever bustin’ road… -Heartland


    PS: Just saw you last post. OMG, we even cut loose at the same time… Amazzzzing! (Snowless here - was a great night for shorts. )

     
    Old 02-26-2005, 02:37 PM   #93
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    Re: What's a Friend to Do?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by heartlandguy
    A friend grabbed and pushed me to start a conga line and, wow, the view was great from the front (Honestly, I don’t enjoy conga lines but last night was a different night.) Even the collage-aged couples seemed to enjoy dancing alongside me so I must have done ok. This is my first serious dance since enhancing my exercise program and it’s paid off big time. I should be hurting so bad today but, really, I feel good. Life is good. Must be a sign in that somewhere.
    You can be soo tunnelvisioned at times when it comes to seeing things in yourself, my friend. But since I have an objective almost ESP view I would say that it's the leader in you that has recently emerged. Seeing things from the front although a little bit scary can allow us to set the stage for better things in life.


    Quote:
    Originally Posted by heartland
    I almost wrote you earlier that I have a selfish motive in rooting for your best friend’s husband. I also feel the commonality between him and me. (BTW, you forgot to mention that he’s handsome, kind to animals, leaps tall buildings in a single bound… and humble to a fault. I am soooo bad…)
    He's all those things and is a man that will never give up until he has done his job in this world...spoke to him today and he said...."I may be doing this job but it is in helping other people that I see God calling me and I know that it won't pay well but my family will be taken care of because that is what He promises" Sound familiar???

    Sorry to put you in that bad position on this thread with Nini but I wanted to give you a heads up. Fortunately, Nini’s a gracious person and overall I think her thread is addressing several important issues head on now. It all worked out in theend....I recall when I went away how people talked about the situation as if I weren't there and I believe that is when Stacy stepped in....just can be counterproductive and the higher ups may frown upon it as well. Staying on topic is important here. I am protective of my friendships here and prefer to stick around.


    Quote:
    Originally Posted by heartland
    PS: Just saw you last post. OMG, we even cut loose at the same time… Amazzzzing! (Snowless here - was a great night for shorts. )
    It's scary and yet sooo metaphysical, intuitive, divinelike...need I say more

    Snow, sun, rain or shine always on the same wonderful road of life ~ Goody

     
    Old 02-28-2005, 07:40 AM   #94
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    Re: What's a Friend to Do?

    Good Morning, Heartland Thought I'd leave you this for next time you check in....I promised you I'd share a little bit more on friendships and thought this would be a good time.

    You said that you have 4 close friendships and described them as follows;

    I found your story about your best friend very interesting and well worth the wait. You might be interested in what I described as my four “intense” friendships. Intense was probably a poor choice of words. What the four pairs share in common is each in the pair is extremely tolerate of the other’s bad moods, each in the pair can frequently predict what the other is about to say, each in the pair seems to be fascinated with the other’s life and interests, each in the pair completely trusts the other and all seem to be a life-long bonds. The four are a fraternity buddy, a male coworker, my wife and you. The men are laid back and shields down with me; their friendships build a comfortable confidence in me. My wife and you are more energized than me (because, as adults, you two seem to be classic Leos) and bring out the best in me by motivating me without pressuring me


    First...I am honored to be counted amongst the four particularly when it comes to trust and building of confidence in you. That's the type of friend I like to be. As I already shared with you....you and my best friend are my most special friends....because of the spiritual connection I feel. I have other friends that I have been blessed with that share a very special bond with Tom & I. We have known each other for over 11 years now....I was the class mother for K's kindergarten class and we met then. It started out as alternating game nights at each other's homes and has grown to vacationing together each year as families...our children are best friends and I know that they will be lifetime friends as we will.....we see each other most weekends. The men go on an annual fishing trip and the women take some trips together as well. The women in the group are very specail to me and I have grown to love them like my sisters but yet they are not the ones who I feel that metaphysical connection to. There are times that we have had our falling outs and we know each other sooo well that we can see each other's weaknesses and know each other almost too well. We hold a strong history of knowing each other for so long....sharing the bond of parenting and meeting at a common time in our lives. We started out as the five fab...there was one other family but they moved to a higher socioeconomic neighborhood and sort of moved on in terms of making new friends too....and so we are the fab four and our kids thrive on being best friends vowing to buy houses in the same neighborhoods when they grow up. Last time we were with the other couples we were actually talking about moving into the same retirement community when the time comes knowing that our kids would always be able to continue their friendships through us. It is something very special and Tom & I have been fortunate in meeting them. It's almost scary how we have come to know each other so well....faults and all there is nothing we don't know about each other.(Even if we try to hide something eventually it's in the loop )

    So....I thought I would share the history of the fab four with you...and combined with you and my best frend I truly consider myself blessed

    We are expecting another foot of snow today.....as much as I'm looking forward to the Spring another snow gives us more opportunity to use those snowmobiles. It was great to share that with Tom over the weekend....I loaded myself up with advil and my back & pain was low compared to usual. I've recently realized how much I had been missing doing the things that we use to do together because of my back...but the snowmobiling doesn't bounce as much as the jetskis and so I really enjoyed sharing the experience & fun. A few weeks back he took me for a ride with the friends and I saw how I was able to tolerate it and so I took the snowmobile myself this weekend & did well. So...being that the pathes he groomed are in need of snow I am actually looking forward to the snow that is coming.

    Hope is all going well with Job One......realize I am here if you should need any support or encouragement.

    Forever on the same road of friendship ~ Goody

     
    Old 02-28-2005, 09:56 AM   #95
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    Re: What's a Friend to Do?

    Goody, thanks for sharing about your fab four… I can relate to this “super cluster” bonding of couples very well. My wife and I belong to a very strong fab three that is evolving into a fab four because the fourth couple developed bonds with the others. {Just took a call now from one of those friends asking how I survived the dance. } If we indeed see the same things here, the super clusters provide the bulk of our socializing (almost replacing the “classic date” for my wife and me.) Of course, our super cluster made Friday’s roadtrip together. Maybe I should call them “Siamese Friends” because we feel joined at the hip. As I think about it, the super cluster is all about incorporating activities into our lives and the special friends are all about communicating at a very personal level.

    When you mention a spiritual connection with your special friends, do you mean in the religious sense? When I think about my friendship with you, I feel like we are walking the same road toward eternity and that is a special blessing. On a personal level (away from church) I have shared more spiritual thinking with you than anyone else. Apparently you share that with your best friend, too. With my other three friends, I feel we are walking the same road of life.

    You seem to experience many things the same way I do. You may be interested to know that the super cluster has a bit of competition now. All of our children are in relationships and should be married soon. As adults, our children have become surprisingly close “friends” with us and we do more together than I ever imagined when they were teenagers. I think others in our super cluster are starting to experience that, too. Super clusters can be too big to work well but lately our adult children has gotten involved in some super cluster activities and everyone seems to have a great time with it. Just something for you to think about... BTW, I am growing less concerned that my kids will be supergluing my diapers on me when I finally reach the old folks home.

    It sounds like you are becoming expert in pain management. I’m very glad to see that you can tolerate enough pain so you can enjoy these outdoor activities together. You said you were very active when you dated Tom so this must be a wonderful bonding experience for you two. Have fun!

    Job One seems to be multilayered like an onion and I found another layer. As I start to reverse my several years of backsliding, my wife has opened up more to me. We can now discuss some issues now that previously would have most likely started arguments. Things feel even warmer between us now. As I say that, I imagine Tom and you discovered that, too, after resolving your marriage thread issues. I imagine we still have a lot to learn from each other.

    Forever on the same road toward serenity… -Heartland

     
    Old 02-28-2005, 10:40 AM   #96
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    Re: What's a Friend to Do?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by heartlandguy
    If we indeed see the same things here, the super clusters provide the bulk of our socializing (almost replacing the “classic date” for my wife and me As I think about it, the super cluster is all about incorporating activities into our lives and the special friends are all about communicating at a very personal level.
    Exactly, Heartland...I think my best friend use to feel a little jealous of my "fab four" friends and yet they never really could measure up to what she and I share. Yes...I see them more often but yet when it comes to sharing the deepest parts of myself, I never could get there with the "fab four". Whereas with you and my best friend I am able to do so. Like you said....we seem to see things the same way. And how true it is....when we get together with our fab four friends it is usually an extension of Tom and I going out on a date. How interesting how you see things the same way.


    Quote:
    Originally Posted by heartland
    You mention a spiritual connection with your special friends, do you mean in the religious sense? When I think about my friendship with you, I feel like we are walking the same road toward eternity and that is a special blessing. On a personal level (away from church) I have shared more spiritual thinking with you than anyone else. Apparently you share that with your best friend, too. With my other three friends, I feel we are walking the same road of life.
    I see my friendship with you and my best friend along the lines of God specifically placing you in my life as His reminder that He is with me every single day of my life. It's like that "Footprints" story of when we come to the point of asking God where He was in our time of need and pointing out a single pair of footprints in the sand during the most difficult times of life and God telling us that it appears that way because during those difficult times He was carrying us. You and my best friend seem to be the ones He has placed in my life to carry me And it is not just in a religious sense but in a real sense of knowing that this type of freindship is forever, permanent and something that I will never question. That's how I see it but I do not see this with my fab four friends......anything in life may change those friendships.....we hope to maintain them but I am uncertain of their future...but with you & my best friend I have no doubt that it is forever.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by heartland
    You seem to experience many things the same way I do. You may be interested to know that the super cluster has a bit of competition now. All of our children are in relationships and should be married soon. As adults, our children have become surprisingly close “friends” with us and we do more together than I ever imagined when they were teenagers. I think others in our super cluster are starting to experience that, too. Super clusters can be too big to work well
    Funny you should see it this way...when I was posting about the fab four I couldn't quite put my finger on it but you describe it so perfectly. YES....as the years go by I see the competition and I don't like that part of it at all. I guess that's where the lack of trust comes in....that's why when Tom & I were having trouble I didn't feel as if I could go to any of my fab friends. As our kids are growing up the competition gets awful. Parenting styles are different and I would like to have more support but some of my friends are wacky on the way they see things.....and probably see me that way too.


    Quote:
    Originally Posted by heartland
    It sounds like you are becoming expert in pain management. I’m very glad to see that you can tolerate enough pain so you can enjoy these outdoor activities together. You said you were very active when you dated Tom so this must be a wonderful bonding experience for you two. Have fun!
    This was part of what you allowed me to see in my thread. Alot of my sadness stemmed from my feeling sorry for myself and missing out on the fun....there were times I have held myself back in fear that I would further injure myself but now I am better able to manage the times I can do things and times I cannot.


    Quote:
    Originally Posted by heartland
    Job One seems to be multilayered like an onion and I found another layer. As I start to reverse my several years of backsliding, my wife has opened up more to me. We can now discuss some issues now that previously would have most likely started arguments. Things feel even warmer between us now. As I say that, I imagine Tom and you discovered that, too, after resolving your marriage thread issues. I imagine we still have a lot to learn from each other.
    That's great Heartland. Just goes to show that the more you look within the more happiness you find in relation to others. It's so hard to explain to others but that is exactly how things repaired between Tom & I. I'm happy that you are being rewarded in these efforts as well.

    I really look forward to our talks....each time we do I am able to see more within myself and grow. And that is a gift that I will forever be thankful for.

    Yes.....Forever on the same road toward serenity and happiness ~ Goody

    Last edited by goody2shuz; 02-28-2005 at 10:44 AM.

     
    Old 03-01-2005, 06:02 PM   #97
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    Re: What's a Friend to Do?

    Hi...friend Boy, you've been busy today as I have I have an article I read that is perfect for you that I would like to share...will work on it now and post it later.

    I feel so HIGH right now....life is good and I haven't even been smoking anything...never have and never would. Just the natural high you get when life is good. And it is because you once took my hand and showed me the way. And for that I am forever grateful I only wish that others here could find their way to the same path ~ the one that leads them from the windy storm to the sun filled light. With time I know they will.

    Tom & I just got back from another snowmobile venture....the 8 inches of snow we just got helped out only tonite I was going at Granny speed rather than the warp speed of the past few times. The paths were slippery and i was fishtailing and didn't want to crash into a tree But it was just great getting out there with hubby and taking it all in.....and so far the pain is okay....my left knee hurts a little more than usual so it was probably good that I took it S-L-O-W

    So how's my travelling partner doing today....if you think you'll be here for a while let me know & I will work on my post for you......otherwise I may just wait until tomorrow...Goody

    Last edited by goody2shuz; 03-01-2005 at 06:04 PM.

     
    Old 03-01-2005, 07:12 PM   #98
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    Re: What's a Friend to Do?

    Hey.....Heartland I came across an article that immediately had me thinking of YOU. It's title is "Live a Passion-Driven Life" It goes on to describe how passion allows us to achieve our innermost goals whether they be in the form of career, scientific cures, or even breaking Olympic records.

    What I found most interesting about the article is how it related to where you seem to be at this particular time in your life.....of how this particular thread may have been the catalyst in awakening the passion in your life. Perhaps I am wrong, but I am confident that you will correct me if I am

    Something the article stated that I feel that we both can relate to is "Why do so many of us lack passion....it's because you don't know your purpose, or emotional heartbeat, and the longer you go through life without clarifying what is God's purpose for your life, the less passion you'll have." The two are connected...an unclear purpose kills passion.

    How do you like it so far??? Another sign...the article just about popped out at me screaming...."Heartland needs to hear this right about now"

    Anyway...the article goes on to describe how God has given each of us certain gifts, talents, and abilities for a reason. When stuck in a job that minimizes the use of these things we often lose our passsion for life. There is no job that will allow us to use 100% of our talents...but if you find that it is draining your passion for life it may be time to go for your dreams transforming them into a paycheck.

    This won't happen overnight...and will involve a plan and big changes and will have you saying, "Right now this job is putting food on the table, but a year down the road I'm going to be......" What's important is your realization that if you don't use your gifts that your passion for life will continue to be depleted and thus you will lose your zest for life.

    Now here's the part I enjoyed most and saw as being helpful to you. "For some of us, the problem is not in finding the right job or the best outlet for our gifts....but dealing with the passion killers. These are the things that we are struggling with. One is an unbalanced schedule. Some people are always giving ~ they're ready to tend, serve or share at a moments notice. But they never take a moment to recharge."

    I went on to read and thought the following pertained to me as well. It goes on to say how sometimes we are too overwhelmed with negative emotions to sustain passion. Often we may start out the day with the thought that it's going to be a great day. And then we have a fight with our spouse and the zip is taken out of your day. Unresolved conflicts often drain our passion. The article defines 3 passion killing emotions: 1) resentment, 2) jealousy, and 3) prolonged anger. By learning to let go of them we can hold on to our passion.

    It concludes with..."What will sustain you is your spirituality. At it's root passion is a spiritual issue, not a matter of financial greed or romantic pleasure. Remember that there are no unspiritual abilities...just misused ones. I challenge you to start using yours for God's pleasure and enjoy the passion you'll find along the way!!!!"

    It's amazing how if I could have written something that would help you along the way...it would have been just that

    If you don't mind me asking....how long has it been since you've held a job?? And I always wonder why you consider your wife a saint.....why is that??? Just a friend asking hehehehehehe .....Goody

    Last edited by goody2shuz; 03-01-2005 at 07:16 PM.

     
    Old 03-01-2005, 07:12 PM   #99
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    Re: What's a Friend to Do?

    Hi Goody Thought I better reply lest you think I’m being moody again. Just had to spill my guts to Nini this morning. I loved her explanation of “TT elephant” to Genster; you could sense joy in her explanation. Thanks for being you on the boards, too. You always say the things I want to say but in a very loveable style. People think so highly of you; I frequently catch myself typing your name as goddy, too.

    I had to look up the meaning of acrophobia… It’s the fear of staining your outfit when climbing tall circus towers. You must be pretty brave to offer to climb with the Great Nino.

    When you describe snowmobiling, you sound like a 19-year-old girl. Your words reveal a giggle that shows how full of life you are. I can imagine the smile on Tom’s face too; he’s got his old girlfriend back so he must feel younger, too. Have all the fun you can before it melts. (I keep my motorcycle for the same reason; it’s not transportation… it’s a time machine to my past.)

    Give your left knee a rest and finish your post tomorrow, oh Nordic princess.

     
    Old 03-01-2005, 07:19 PM   #100
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    Re: What's a Friend to Do?

    To late...got it done tonite just for you Hope it helps set the mood right for tomorrow ....Goody

    Hint: Look at the post just before yours

    Last edited by goody2shuz; 03-01-2005 at 07:20 PM.

     
    Old 03-02-2005, 07:05 AM   #101
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    Re: What's a Friend to Do?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by goody2shuz
    If you don't mind me asking....how long has it been since you've held a job?? And I always wonder why you consider your wife a saint.....why is that??? Just a friend asking hehehehehehe .....Goody
    Goody, I saw your post last night. The article brushed on some of my bigger issues. I quoted your closing; you hit a nerve – big time! No one else has ever said anything to trigger such a strong reaction in me as that quote. I shut off my computer after reading it.

    I sense you realize that I have some fears that are holding me back. You seem to know me so well that you bypassed all the yadda, yadda, yadda aspects of a career and went straight to the heart of my problems. I am self-employed so I’ve read books and articles about growing a business but none address my real problems. Today I believe you were meant to help me face my fears head on.

    I’m posting this now so you know that your post was well received and you don’t worry. Your post also answered some questions I’ve had for a while. I want to address those in my next post because they define the core of our friendship and clear the path we travel.

    Stunned but taking baby steps… -Heartland

     
    Old 03-02-2005, 08:45 AM   #102
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    Re: What's a Friend to Do?

    Hey, Heartland Glad you posted and I look forward to your response. So.....I hit a nerve BIG time I'm sorry...but if it helps our nerves are there to trigger the fight or flight responses before the adrenalin actually kicks in...sort of in a protective way so I trust I didn't do too much damage.

    I'm sorry my questions caused such a response. I thought we were at a level of trust that I could freely ask them and I am certain that we are by your reponse.

    Thank you for knowing me well enough to generate the reply as to ease my mind. I know & trust that you know that I am here only to help you and that I only followed my heart in asking you those questions. I only hope that you do not fear that I will see you in any less of a light if you were to answer them. I will await your next post and have faith that it is the next path on our journey together. So much for baby steps.....giant steps are about to happen ....Goody

     
    Old 03-02-2005, 11:59 AM   #103
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    Re: What's a Friend to Do?

    I'm sorry my questions caused such a response. I thought we were at a level of trust that I could freely ask them and I am certain that we are by your reponse. . . . . . I know & trust that you know that I am here only to help you and that I only followed my heart in asking you those questions.
    Yes, Goody, I have high expectations for your posts and you never disappoint. Your questions were so to the point that I now understand our friendship better. I finally understand what you must have known about me for a long time. My next post will show how I’m beginning to understand something you’ve known for many years.

    I only hope that you do not fear that I will see you in any less of a light if you were to answer them.
    I don’t fear that at all. I just see Nurse Goody healing another patient.

    I will await your next post and have faith that it is the next path on our journey together. So much for baby steps.....giant steps are about to happen
    Yes, my friend, I’ve already thought the same thing. We take baby steps; He takes giant steps.

     
    Old 03-02-2005, 03:23 PM   #104
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    Re: What's a Friend to Do?

    Goody, to paraphrase something you’ve said several times, sometimes God puts someone in our lives, even a stranger, to show that He is always here for us. I don’t know where you got that verse from but I’ve come to realize that you sincerely believe that. However, until your last post, I couldn’t relate to it like you do.

    I’m guessing that Your Best Friend (YBF) served as His proxy as you struggled to break your emotional bonds with your abusive fiancé. YBF must have said things to you that ordinary friends would never think of and you realized she was a most special friend. As such, I’m sure you owe her a huge emotional debt although she thinks nothing of it.

    Moving forward roughly twenty years, your marriage experienced its darkest hour. Somehow you must have seen me as your second proxy of Him (déjà vu) because you replied to Stacy, “he's definitely one in a million and someone I shall be eternally grateful for no matter how things turn out for Tom & I. He's Dorothy's tinman…”. I was very confused by that comment until now because I never heard of such proxies in ordinary people’s lives until you mentioned it.

    Last night, your post hit a nerve with laser-guided precision and revealed His hand. Overnight I saw that you must be His proxy for me. Before that, I assumed that your role was to simply kick-start me into action regarding a career. While I’ve gotten farther than before, I’ve hit a few snags, like before, that I’ll explain later. At the moment, the pieces aren’t falling together so fear and confusion are back. Only He knows what I must do and I’m sure I’ll discover His plan through you.

    If I am right about all of this, there will be a beauty of symmetry involved here. When you explained your most special friendships with YBF and me recently, I wondered why you were given 2 proxies. It seemed logical that YBF could have helped you again but it didn’t happen that way. Finally, it soaked in through my thick head that you were meant to be a proxy for me. Last night was a sign of how incredibly well you can focus on my real problems with a little guidance from me. Remember on the thread about K where I wrote, “The biggest problem with doing anything personally important is that emotion gets in the way of clear thinking”? I think you arrived here for me at the right time and will provide me with the clear thinking I so desperately need. If all goes as I think, our emotional debts to each other should be squared-away. But what about your emotional debt to YBF? I suspect your thoughts leading up to your questions last night are linked to YBF’s Husband (YBFH). Before this is all over, I suspect that you will learn complementary details about YBFH and me that, with your added insight, will be instrumental in helping both him and me. If you are instrumental in helping him, you will certainly be square with YBF. All debts paid in full… What better sign could He leave for us? I hope all this makes sense to you, too.

    Concerning your questions from last night, I don’t mind discussing anything that I don’t think would identify me in the real world. This post is getting long so I will post my answers tomorrow as best I can. I also plan to correlate YBFH’s views of how God will provide with mine.

    Finally, this experience has changed my vision of our journey on the same road. Before I thought of us as walking alongside as Dorothy and her friends did. Now I see me walking ahead of you a bit, pointing out to you the chuckholes of life that I’ve passed. As you follow a bit behind, you call out things to my left and right that I am missing. While I don’t like the way my new vision feels less personal, it more accurately portrays the ways we help each other and also shows that distance doesn’t prevent people from being friends. Such is life... and forever friendships

    Last edited by heartlandguy; 03-02-2005 at 04:34 PM.

     
    Old 03-02-2005, 04:36 PM   #105
    goody2shuz
    Inactive
    (female)
     
    Join Date: May 2004
    Location: New York
    Posts: 5,805
    goody2shuz HB Usergoody2shuz HB User
    Re: What's a Friend to Do?

    Hey, Heartland.....Are you going to be around for a while??? I must say that there is quite a bit to digest in your post but there are some things I would like to discuss when you have a block of time available. Could I make an appointment ????...Goody

     
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