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M1K3L 02-16-2005 11:21 PM

Stuck between two girls...
I'm stuck between two girls.

Most of you know about the girl I'm sorta seeing right now... We both get along great, but we do have some differences, and I don't find her attractive. She's a nice girl, but I've been unsure about going into a relationship with her. There's a lot of differences between us and the attraction is a issue too.

Now, Me and my step brothers girlfriend have been friends for a while now. We don't hang out with each other, we've just talked a few times on the phone and online. My step brother has been talking about breaking up with her, and she is talkig about breaking up with him. They have had a very rocky relationship.

Well, She used to talk to me every now and then about their problems. Well, the other night we talked for like 20 mins. Tonight I got a call from her and we talked for... over an hour and half!

We both agree'd that we both like each other... and she even said to me "your a perfect match, we have so much in common!" and she kinda dropped hints about us going out.. She then started asking what I do in my free time and stuff and what music I like...

A while back, before any of this started happening.. I was over my grandparents house.. and my grandma said to me "yeah your mom is hoping you'll hookup with alan's girlfriend.. she said she is a very nice girl" I was like "HUH?!?!!?!?!"

But yeah.. This girl and I are like a perfect match... We have so much in common, we both are seeking long term relationships... She is attractive to me. I don't know...

I'm stuck between two girls right now. I do see this causing problems with family in some ways, but I don't think my family will have a HUGE deal about it.. It's just going to feel odd. She is a very sweet girl though. Plus I'm plaining on moving out sometime soon... so who knows.

I just dunno.. I really like her a lot, and we both have the same goals in life.

hearttoheart 02-17-2005 12:12 AM

Re: Stuck between two girls...
This doesn't seem like the best situasion to be in...It's great that your family accept the way you feel about Alan's girl...but what does Alan think about this? Have you asked him? If he isn't okay with this, you should leave her alone. Alan is your family, and you should respect his feelings about this matter.

Even though he doesn't have feelings for her it's wrong if he doesn't approve...Even though he approves, it will still be weird. Like...a buddy of my bf just became very close to my bf ex...and now they are together and sleeps with eachother. This means that every event ALL of my bf friends will do together, she will be there as well. This is freaking me out. Not that I feel threatened of her or anything...I know that my bf has no feelings for her...but still...

I have always had this golden *silent* rule(and so have all of those I can think about) DON'T DATE A FRIEND OR A FAMILYMEMBERS EX....How would you feel if one of you best buddy's came to your house with one of your ex'es? How would you curent gf react on this...etc.etc.

About this other girl...If you don't have the rigth feelings for her, why do you bother thinking about taking what you have to the next level?
Just be clear to her that you don't have romantic feelings for her, and that you just want to be friends with her...

M1K3L 02-17-2005 12:20 AM

Re: Stuck between two girls...
Me and the other girl get along great... She might not be attractive, but we enjoy being around each other...

It's better than being alone...

My step brothers GF.. She's a very sweet girl, and attractive to me at least. We both have simular goals in life, which is a major plus.

Both of them are really great girls, but I can honestly see myself being with my step bothers GF long term, vs the other girl.

I really don't know.. I haven't had much sleep latly I guess.

hearttoheart 02-17-2005 12:36 AM

Re: Stuck between two girls...
But does your step brother know? About your feelings I mean...and for the alone thing...It's not better to be with someone that you are NOT attracive too, than being alone. This will after some while break somebodys heart, and and someone will get hurt. should just move on...and find a SINGLE girl that is not an ex to anyone you know...a girl that you find attractive and doesn't have a past with a familymember....


goody2shuz 02-17-2005 05:01 AM

Re: Stuck between two girls...
[QUOTE=hearttoheart] should just move on...and find a SINGLE girl that is not an ex to anyone you know...a girl that you find attractive and doesn't have a past with a familymember....


Mike...I think this is wonderful advice and I also agree that being with someone just for the sake of not being alone is for all the wrong reasons. You're setttling and also most likely going to cause hurt feelings in either of these situations......Goody :angel:

Ninispjc 02-17-2005 12:56 PM

Re: Stuck between two girls...
[QUOTE=M1K3L]Me and the other girl get along great... She might not be attractive, but we enjoy being around each other...

It's better than being alone...


If she falls in love with you and expects a commitment, at some point you are going to have to tell her you're just not that into her. And I seriously doubt "well, I sort of liked you. It was better than being alone" will be of much comfort to her. All I can say is, you'd better not be sleeping with her. If you know you don't love her, are not attracted to her, and know that you'd be with this other girl in a second if all obstacles were suddenly gone, then you're using this girl, plain and simply, and you don't have the right to do that. You're not doing her any favors by giving her the honor and privilege of your company when you don't really care that much about her, don't find her attractive, and know that you don't really want her for a girlfriend. Tell her NOW that you just want to be friends, and have the guts to let the chips fall where they may. If she's ok with just being friends, then great. If she tells you to f*** off, then that's her right.

As for your step brother's girl, keep your distance until and unless they break up. Then, when and if they break up, wait about a month, then ask him if he's ok with you asking her out. If he says yes, and she's still free, then go for it. If he says no, let it go and find a nice, single girl that you're attracted to and that you can see as a long term girlfriend. Family is that important.

And just for the record, I fell head over heels in love with a guy who I later discovered didn't really care for me at all and was just killing time with me because "it was better than being alone." That was seven years ago. It nearly killed me and I haven't been the same since. It scarred me permanently. Please think about that before you decide to play with another person's heart because "it's better than being alone."

genster 02-17-2005 01:05 PM

Re: Stuck between two girls...
How can you be stuck when you put yourself in the position? I msut agree with Nini, if you want convenince, go to the 7-11. IF this girl feels strongly about you, you could do her a lot of damage by not laying it on the line from the outset. Start as you mean to finish. It will only get harder and make you look like either a jerk of a moron if you don't teel her how you feel. And no, perhaps you shouldn't tell her that it was better than being alone... would you want to hear that form someone you were attracted to and had feelings for? Sorry if I sound harsh, but I have been there on the convenient girlfriend rack, and it sucks. Good thing for my ex that my car is little and he is big - or that I couldn't afford the body work if the car did survive running him over ! lol ;)

GypsyArcher 02-17-2005 01:39 PM

Re: Stuck between two girls...
Enjoying spending time with somebody and not being attracted to them is what a friend is, not a girlfriend. It isn't fair to the poor girl - let her go ASAP and let her find a man who appreciates her.

As for your stepbrother's girlfriend...she is not even broken up with him yet, and is already trying to get with a family member of his? That is so messy, and a bit skeevy. She isn't taking your step-brother's feelings into consideration at all, which isn't right.

M1K3L 02-17-2005 10:40 PM

Re: Stuck between two girls...
Me and Donna (step brother's girlfriend) have been friends for months...

The girl that I'm not really attracted to.. I'm going to break things off with her. She's a good friend, but I just don't think I want to be involved in anything with her... She also has a guy name greg hitting on her, and they talk everyday as much as me and her do... so I don't know, I just don't want to get involved in that. I don't want to settle for soemthing I really don't want ya know? It's just hard breaking things off... but I'd be so much happier if I did.

Me and Donna talked a lot tonight.. Here's a clip from our chat.

HER (11:49:06 PM): yea i wanna date you too. i do love alan but im not sure what kinda love it is. ya know? its really hard to explain

HER (11:50:19 PM): but i lyke you alot. you have everything i lyke in a guy.

HER (11:57:13 PM): im sry but we can work through this thing together and help each other out and you never know maybe in the long run something unimaginable we'll solve both of our probs :)

HER (12:03:48 AM): yea i wanna be with you too. i just have to take things slowly i guess

HER (12:03:54 AM): i relaly do though

HER (12:05:02 AM): i mean god you are perfect. and sweet and cute and just a great person and i woiuld love to go out with you sometime.

ME (12:05:20 AM): Your the girl of my dreams.. by far.
HER (12:06:29 AM): yea so are you. well lol you know. guy lol. and we have so much in common. im just afraid of hurting someone

HER (12:20:58 AM): well hey im lyke really tired. ill talk to ya tomrrow . call me tomorrow if youd lyke

I also talked with my step brother tonight about the situation.. It's a little questionable... He said he might be okay with me dating her. He told me he knows I really like her.

He also told me that he is thinking about breaking things off with her anyway..

Donna wants to break things off with him, but she's scared to.

They are both wanting to break things off with each other, but they both don't know how to approch each other about it.

littletiger 02-18-2005 03:37 AM

Re: Stuck between two girls...
I think you are doing the right thing to let your girl "friend" go. It is better to be honest rather than hurt someone who is innocent. Perhaps taking some time for yourself might be in order?

redsoxgirl2418 02-18-2005 09:56 AM

Re: Stuck between two girls...
i'm talked to your step brother and said what? I want to date your girlfriend that wants to break up with you but hasn't yet?

Don't take this the wrong way, because I'm not trying to insult you here. But is it possible that you are lonely and sick of being single, so every time a woman shows a little bit of interest or friendship, you kind of blow it out of proportion and think you're soul mates? Because you jumped pretty hot and heavy into the online girl, saying you wanted to be with her, were attracted to her, but afraid to make a move, but suddenly you are ready to just drop her in a snap?

My second point is with your stepbrother's gf...she's actually in a relationship with a member of your family, and before she even has broken up with him, she's talking about dating you. This doesn't sound like anyone's "dream girl" to me. If she can say to you that she doesn't think she wants to be with your brother, then she should be able to say it to him and spare his feelings. I'd be appalled, no matter how good or bad our relationship was, to find out that my s.o. was telling someone in my family that he wanted to date them while he was still with me. People who treat one person with that lack of respect tend to be repeat offenders. So I would be careful.

Being single sucks. I was single for 23 years, and finally now being in a wonderful relationship with a man I love has made me realize how glad I am that I didn't settle for something just as a "filler." Yes, I was lonely and spent a lot of time wishing I had someone to be with. But it's worth it to wait for the right one. You don't hurt other people that way, and it's better for your own feelings in the long run.

susieq0726 02-18-2005 10:10 AM

Re: Stuck between two girls...
I am confused too. Haven't you either dated or been interested in a number of girls over the past few weeks? And now this one is the "girl of your dreams"? I am sorry - I guess I don't understand. :confused:

M1K3L 02-18-2005 01:25 PM

Re: Stuck between two girls...
[QUOTE=susieq0726]I am confused too. Haven't you either dated or been interested in a number of girls over the past few weeks? And now this one is the "girl of your dreams"? I am sorry - I guess I don't understand. :confused:[/QUOTE]

It's a learning experence for me.

Okay, Here's all the girls I dated.

I asked a neighbor of my aunt out.. cause she was a really sweet girl. I got turned down.

I went out with a girl from work.. She seemed like a nice girl, but later found out all she was doing was playing/flirting.

I went out with my best friends sister.. Went on one date, but she started seeing a guy a few days before and they ended up being together... She didn't want to cancel the date with me because she already had tickets to the movie.

I meet a girl online, She seemed like a great person on the phone, but the more I got to know her.. She's a very moody person. She isn't physically attractive to me, and she never was. She's fun to be around, but more of a friend than anything.

That's pretty much it.

I talked with donna today, They are breaking up. She said she had enough of his games. So who knows.

We both agree'd we are going to wait a few weeks before we start dating to let things cool off. Her parents don't have a problem with us dating. My mom doesn't have a problem with us dating.

I don't think my step brother is going to have a huge deal with it. We talked about it last night.. and basicly he said if I approch him about it in the right way, he won't have a problem with it. The only person I'm not sure about is my step dad, but I really don't think he will have a huge problem with it either.

I've known this girl since around November... We've talked a lot since then. So i've been friends with her for a while..

All the girls I dated in the past, I wasn't friends with before hand, We just jumped right into a relationship.

I don't want you guys to get the wrong impression with me. At first I liked all the girls I dated, but when I got to know them, It just didn't work out. I jump to conclusions a lot.. and yes, I'll admit.. I hate being alone and sometimes I'm a bit desprite.

My step brother is a pretty heavy drinker, He likes to party, He doesn't want to settle down anytime soon, and he treats her like dirt.

She's a lot like me.. A none drinker, Doesn't like to party, Ready to settle down.. and she treats him like gold. She was wanting them to get married and get their own place, but my step brother didn't want to.. They dated like 8 Months, broke up 7 Times in that time, and they both agree'd this will be the last time.

Plus my step brother has no job, no car, and right now is a high school dropout.. She doesn't drive.. So they never see each other cause they live 20 Miles away from each other.

We'll see what happens, but we both agree'd we are going to wait a little while before we start dating, but we are going to keep in contact until then. She asked me to call her tonight... and last night, and we talked the night before as well.. so ya know...

I'm not going to rush things... and I'm planning everything very carefully. I'm going to respect my step brother. If he gets rreally upset, I'm going to give him his space and keep my distance.

M1K3L 02-19-2005 09:59 AM

Re: Stuck between two girls...
Looks like everything is sorted out.

She broke up with him yesterday... and my step brother pretty much figured out me and her want each other.. and he told her that we can have each other.

She was pretty upset last night, but, today she said she feels a lot better and they came to a agreement that they will just be friends becuase it was just too much to handle.

She asked me to call her sometime today, so i think she might still be interested.

We are just taking things really slow, and I'm letting her make the decisions. If she wants to get into a relationship, great, if not, I respect her decision.

My step brother isn't acting any different to me right now.. He's acting like nothing has even happened.

Me and her haven't really talked about dating since they broke up... and I'm not going to bring it up anytime soon, but she did say "call me sometime today" so I don't know... hopefully everything will fall into place. We're just going to wait a week or two before we go out.

I'm still having a hard time getting used to this idea though... I feel a little bad about the whole situation, but everything is working out without any major problems right now.

StormGirl 02-19-2005 08:52 PM

Re: Stuck between two girls...
Hi Mike! Boy, I am off the boards for a couple of days and your life has changed dramatically!!! It's so hard to keep up with you!!! ;) :D

Okay, this sounds to me like the calm before the storm... so beware. It just doesn't ring true to me that your brother would be so cool with all this. And I agree with others, that a girl who can be talking about dating others when she's still in a relationship can do the same thing to you. Okay, he may not have treated her well, but just because his life expectations did not meet hers, is not his fault. For her to be even hinting that she would like to date someone else when she's in a relationship (especially when it's her partners family), is a little distasteful to me.

And you are so naughty... I don't ever want to hear you saying that you are with someone just because it's better than being alone. No one deserves that, and you don't either. You are too good a person to do that to someone else, so don't drag yourself down there. Pride yourself on being the good guy that you are, having high morals, and you will attract someone similar...

Good luck with this situation, you're probably gonna need it!!! Just take things veeeery sloooooowly as there are too many emotions involved here and someone (possible more) could get very hurt.

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