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    Old 02-18-2005, 09:57 AM   #16
    lisa24
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    Re: I can't do this. I don't have the strength.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by ~Tyger~
    You are all such wonderful people. If I possessed half the qualities that some of you do, I'd be in a much better place. Perhaps I wouldn't be in this position at all.
    Oh, Tyger, from what I've read in your posts, you already DO possess the wonderful qualities of so many others here.

    I think the only way you wouldn't be in this predicament is if you were cold and heartless, like all of our ex's are. But is that really any way to live? Not knowing what real happiness is?
    I think you're going to be more than OK. Just take your time.

     
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    Old 02-18-2005, 10:48 AM   #17
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    Re: I can't do this. I don't have the strength.

    I'm coming into this thread a little late. You have already received great advice and wonderful support from the many people here...God bless them.

    I wanted to say that your post described me perfectly. My ex left me almost 4 months ago. You have true talent the way you described the way you've been feeling in your thread. I felt like I was reading a novel and could picture you sitting in that cab...

    I relate SO well. The past 4 months have been a blur. I find myself constantly calling friends or going out. I've met new people and have even found other guys attractive and tried to fill that void. It seems like no matter what I do, where I go, or who I'm with....I have this ache, this emptiness and nothing makes it go away. I miss my ex too. I've hated him. Been angry, done all the "getting over him" stuff...

    I just want you to know, out of all my rambling that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. And this "fake" thing...you know how many people are hurting? Have lost a spouse, a family member, a child...yet we have to go through life seeming "okay". Don't let people fool you. When you're at the bar...there are others there feeling just like you. In fact, I bet I'd see you at the bar... and think "wow, I wish I could be as happy as her, yet I'm empty inside since my ex left"..

    It isn't about being "fake". It is about getting up and functioning. Keep going to work and keep staying social. You're aren't fooling yourself, your merely learning to live again without him in your life. Life isn't easy and it definately isn't fair. You may meet someone you love like him again...but then again, you may not. I think you will, but plan your life as if you don't. Do what makes you happy...or things that you semi-enjoy right now.

    Thats what I'm doing. I'm not counting on the fact that I'll get married or that I'll fall in love again. I would love too...but who knows what the future holds for us. So I'm trying to live my live and enjoy my life the way that it is right now. It is hard....I do have moments JUST LIKE YOURS. I can be around millions of people...I can sleep in bed with a guy...and STILL feel lonely and miss my ex. It sucks, I know. It hurts, I know. But in time I think it will decrease more and more. And even if it doesn't...eventually we'll learn to adapt to this "new life" of ours. Hang in there...you have no idea just how much I relate to you. Last night...ugh...missed my ex...and really missed feeling loved. Its hard, but we just go to sleep, dream of them, wake up and face another day. Afterall, what other choice do we have?

    Last edited by elatedgiraffe; 02-18-2005 at 10:50 AM.

     
    Old 02-19-2005, 09:33 PM   #18
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    Re: I can't do this. I don't have the strength.

    Hi Tyger,

    I'm sorry to hear that you are going through a rough time. That's okay, you're allowed to. No one said you had to be over him in such a short time. I remember the feeling of "pretending" because you are positive that all of your closest friends are soooo over hearing about it. That's why I have always come here. No one here ever gets sick of hearing it. We are here for you 24/7 and really want to help you.

    You are wrong about your own strength though. You are alot stronger than what you give yourself credit for, it's just that you can't see it yet. We do though. You complimented many people in your last post, but it's because most of us have been there. Sometimes once, sometimes many times. And we made it through, as will you. There have been times when I never thought I'd get through, when I thought no one would ever love me again, or worse, that I'd never find someone who I will love as much. There have been times when I have felt every single thing you mentioned, and had all the same doubts. Believe me, I know exactly how you feel right now. I remember the day that I made a conscience decision to let it go and stop blaming myself. It still hurt, but I felt some peace within, and a relief of some sort. I am sure you will get to this point too. And you will make it through, whether you believe that or not.

    There is no quick fix answer. It will take time. And you have to be patient, especially with yourself. If you don't want to be with another guy yet, then don't - and let your friends know that at the moment you are not interested (for those well meaning ones that want to "fix you up" with someone. If you want to cry, then cry, really hard for a little while... then pick yourself up and do something to keep your mind off it. Don't push yourself, just give yourself the right to grieve and heal your broken heart.

    I noticed in this thread that you are self-blaming. It's okay to realise mistakes that you made, but remember that it is very rarely ever one persons fault. It's natural to blame yourself, and to tell you the truth, all the emotions you are feeling right now are part of the natural healing process. If you read someone like Elated's previous posts, or even my own, they are so identical that it's scary. Stop blaming yourself. It is one of those things in life where it really was probably no one's fault. Accept that this has happened and that torturing yourself will not change the outcome. Acknowledge that you are a wonderful person with so many great qualities, so how can it be all your fault? Sometimes in life there just are no logical explanations, but remember that everything happens for a reason. I know you don't want to hear it, but it's true.

    Tyger, my heart really hurts for you. I wish I could take away your pain, but I can't. Just remember that no matter what, you will make it through... and be a much better, stronger and wiser person on the other side. It doesn't seem fair that good people should have to suffer, but sometimes it happens for the best and one day hopefully you will look back and know why this happened. Let yourself heal, and don't rush yourself. You will have many bad days before this is over, but the good days will start to become more and more often. Cherish them and start to look forwards, not backwards. Make plans for yourself and your own happiness.

    And we will be here for you. Always. Whenever you need us. And we will help to see you through, no matter how long it takes.

    Sending you lots of hugz!!!
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    Old 02-21-2005, 08:55 PM   #19
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    Re: I can't do this. I don't have the strength.

    Tyger when i read your post, inside of me something told me that finally im not alone in this, and i thank you for sharing that with us from the bottom of my broken heart.

    I was with a guy for 4 yrs before he decided to end it.
    I recently decided to end the friendship with him cause it was killing me from the inside.
    I cannot begin to tell you about the hullow voyed thats inside me right now.
    It seems as though sadness and emptiness are the only real things i own as a result of this. The only things i can call my own.
    Flashes of memories come into my head so suddenly sometimes and i end up having to go home from wherever i am, or excuse myself for a quick sob somewhere alone.
    Its been a yr since he left me and although we stayed in contact, my heart couldnt take it anymore and just last week i sent him a letter telling him goodbye and i disappeared.

    tyger my heart goes out to, and the only thing i can comfort you with is the fact that we are not alone.
    My courage right now has literally fallen to my feet, and my strength is absolutly on zero.
    Please keep me updated on your well being.
    I trully and honestly undersatnd you.

    Ellekay

     
    Old 02-21-2005, 11:44 PM   #20
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    Re: I can't do this. I don't have the strength.

    Hi ElleKay,
    Your story sounds like mine, but mine's not a year old (just a couple of months.) I am so so sorry you are still dealing with this pain a year later. I would not wish this pain on anyone. I almost drove myself to my doctor's office the other day, I am so depressed and sad (and angry and...) I know in my heart I can't stay friends with my boyfriend, either, because I can't cope with how he treated me and I can't cope with meeting his new girlfriend. You're not alone. I hope we will both find true love, someday. We deserve it so much. Tyger, too. (Hugs to all of you who are hurting.)

     
    Old 02-22-2005, 12:37 AM   #21
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    Re: I can't do this. I don't have the strength.

    Tyger... how you doing girl?
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    Old 02-22-2005, 03:19 AM   #22
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    Re: I can't do this. I don't have the strength.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by ~Tyger~
    If I face my sorrow, I wallow in it forever. If I run from it, I lead this impossibly fake life. So what can I do?
    Hi Tiger...I am jumping in on this a bit late. I went through a breakup in my twenties that made me feel EXACTLY the way you are describing. I never believed that I would love again at that level. I didn't.....I found someone that I love so much more!!!!!! And if I had never gone through that heartbreak...then I would have never "gotten to know" those facets of myself that came out in dealing with it. They made me a more well-rounded person, someone capable of attracting a man that makes the other look like a bumbling idiot. I am so thankful for that heartbreak!

    One more thing......there was an underlying tone in your post that I want to point out...look at your sentence I quoted above. You know that you are at the this fork in the road. To FACE it or RUN from it. Could it be that when you got in that cab and went home that you chose to RUN that night? Maybe somewhere down deep you realized that you WERE FACING IT and freaked because you subconsciously sensed your strength? Maybe on some level that scared you because part of you does not want to move on from this chapter yet? (I've been there.) You spoke so much of lacking strength......maybe you are trying to talk yourself out of the strength you do have. I mean, you are picking yourself up and going out with friends, staying busy, etc........THAT IS STRENGTH!!!!!! It is okay if you are not ready to move on quickly, but do not go another day without giving yourself kudos for all you have accomplished! You sound like a very intelligent young woman with so much to offer.....don't ever settle for less than you deserve!

     
    Old 02-22-2005, 05:57 AM   #23
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    Re: I can't do this. I don't have the strength.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by GirlHarley
    Hey, that is a good point LISA -
    Because I was so distracted by my own grief I didn't know my own strength of pulling me out of my misery or Love Coma as I now call it....

    Love coma is the perfect term for it!! It sure can take awhile for that to go away.

    how are you doing, Tyger?

     
    Old 02-22-2005, 10:53 AM   #24
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    Re: I can't do this. I don't have the strength.

    Yes, Tyger, hope you check back in with us soon!
    It DOES get better, I promise. (I just got that myself, so I thought I'd let ya know)

     
    Old 02-23-2005, 07:08 PM   #25
    ~Tyger~
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    Re: I can't do this. I don't have the strength.

    Hi everyone...

    Sorry i haven't posted lately, our connection has been down. It was such a relief to finally log on and read your posts...I draw such comfort from them and it sobers me - brings me back to reality - reminds me that I'm being too self-indulgant with my pain and that others are in the same awful position...sometimes worse.

    This concept of strength is an interesting one...usually I can keep abreast of a situation and at least look to the positive - this is one of the only circumstances EVER that has seemingly conquered me. Truly broken my spirit.

    Others have always told me that I'm especially strong. Maybe thats just as an aftermath of my childhood - when I was 7 I was in a horrific car accident with my family, that killed my mother and older brother. I have significant memory loss from the incident itself...i've been told that its probably trauma? Yet i very, very quickly overcame the tragedy...i think it was almost a survival instinct - my dad dealt with it really badly and was deeply depressed. Maybe this made me more resiliant to things.

    Thats why this breakup is such a shocker. Its the hardest thing i've ever had to deal with, and I feel like its destroyed me. Strange. I feel like any inner strength I pretended to have has just wittled away to nothing amongst all the hurt. It so, so hard. I miss him so much it physically hurts sometimes, and i'm filled with hatred and anger towards his new woman, I hate feeling spiteful and negative like this. But worrying about it just stresses me out more. Its a cruel cycle.

    Ellekay..I'm sorry to hear of your breakup. I truly mean that. Its easy to say the words, and many probably have, but not a lot of them truly understand, do they? Your friends saying 'you'll get over it' and 'you'll find someone new' at the moment seems like ignorant lies, and is so completely unhelpful. The worst part for me is the empty bed at night and waking up alone. I hate nighttime. Time seems to crawl, suddenly there's too much of it and not enough things to fill it up with. That feeling of utter onliness, on top of the bitterness and pain, its terrible. I can sit in a room full of people, and feel completely alone.

    These days, I don't cry. But something else has happened to me. I've lost that spark of life, the vigour I used to have. I'm almost a zombie going about my day, my emotions are a rollarcoaster. i get tired very easily and feel almost fatigued, probably from my crazy emotions. I'm considering seeing a psychiatrist, just to get some of my feelings out. I'm a big thinker and talker (as you've all probably noticed) and this has helped so much that perhaps a person in the flesh will help further. I'm not sure though. What do you think?

    Its funny how when we're going through these things, we think we're the 'special' ones. That our situation is completely unique, and noone can quite understand. Talking to all of you has made me see how we AREN'T alone. Yet still, i find myself thinking 'these women have so much to offer. All of them, even those that don't think they will (thats you Lisa!) will find a new, intense love. But me? There was noone out there for me but him'. Its so much easier to have faith in other people than myself right now. I still feel like I'm the exception to the rule...that perhaps i really am fighting a losing battle, and in the end, this was the love that was meant to be - and i failed. And my chance is gone.

    Let me know how you're all doing..thankyou all so much for the support. God knows I need it.

    Tyger

     
    Old 02-23-2005, 07:31 PM   #26
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    Re: I can't do this. I don't have the strength.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by ~Tyger~
    Its so much easier to have faith in other people than myself right now. I still feel like I'm the exception to the rule...that perhaps i really am fighting a losing battle, and in the end, this was the love that was meant to be - and i failed. And my chance is gone.
    Tyger...there's alot of this feeling going on now and although I do not feel the way you are feeling right at this moment of my life, I would like to offer you some hope in knowing that I as well as others here, have felt the way you so openly describe. And yet we are okay and have found the love you seem to think you never will. And so...I just wanted to pop in to tell you that although you feel this way now.....there will come a day that things will turn around and you will know that you did have the strength to fight this battle and find the love that you thought you had failed to find ....Goody

     
    Old 02-23-2005, 07:33 PM   #27
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    Re: I can't do this. I don't have the strength.

    hey tiger,
    how are you, i'm not great i'm feeling very depressed. I just wanna say that all the stuff u said about ur feelings and about that spark going lol basically everything u said its just everything that i'm feeling in my head.
    I agree night time is just terrible. i've haven'tslept right in about a month. i cry myself to sleep then have a dream with me and my bf in it,wake up then thats it i'm awake.
    My friends also say you'll move on and all that but the way i feel is no i will NEVER move on. I have vowed nver to fall in love again, whats the point if it ends up hurting like this.

    anyway tats all i wanna say
    emma

     
    Old 02-23-2005, 07:35 PM   #28
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    Re: I can't do this. I don't have the strength.

    goody2shuz does it really get better.i know the eventual end for me and i'm bracing myself for it but right now like tiger i feel that i will never move on

     
    Old 02-23-2005, 07:38 PM   #29
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    Re: I can't do this. I don't have the strength.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by ~Tyger~
    Its funny how when we're going through these things, we think we're the 'special' ones. That our situation is completely unique, and noone can quite understand. Talking to all of you has made me see how we AREN'T alone. Yet still, i find myself thinking 'these women have so much to offer. All of them, even those that don't think they will (thats you Lisa!) will find a new, intense love. But me? There was noone out there for me but him'. Its so much easier to have faith in other people than myself right now. I still feel like I'm the exception to the rule...that perhaps i really am fighting a losing battle, and in the end, this was the love that was meant to be - and i failed. And my chance is gone.


    Tyger
    Tyger - I'm glad you at least can feel that you're not alone. I know what you're going through. I wish I had a crystal ball and could tell you exactly when and where you will find your new love that will wash away all memories of the one you now pine for. I wish life offered some sort of guarantee. But sometimes, the only guarantee it offers is that we have ourself to rely on and lean on. You have you. I know how insignificant that can feel when someone has just annihilated you and stomped on your heart till it hardly works anymore. But my wish for you is to have as much faith in you as you would have in lisa, or elle, or me. I know you deserve at least that much. I'm trying to do the same, and I know it's hard. But I'm pulling for you. keep your head up, and believe that no matter what tomorrow brings, you'll be ok. I hope you feel better soon. I wish i could be of more help. But I hope it helps to know you're not alone at all.

     
    Old 02-23-2005, 07:44 PM   #30
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    Re: I can't do this. I don't have the strength.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by emma_j_21
    goody2shuz does it really get better.i know the eventual end for me and i'm bracing myself for it but right now like tiger i feel that i will never move on
    Yes..girls, it will get better There are alot of us here that are not in your shoes right this moment but had been.....without even realizing it. Read my post on the first page.....I was hurting and going through the same thing and I didn't even remember it as being so bad...my friend and my mom told me what it was like.....but I guess when I finally found my happiness like childbirth you almost forget about the pain because something wonderful comes from it

    So....let this be your hope, knowing that others have experienced the pain and yet have found love & happiness...Goody

     
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