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Something I've been hiding...

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Old 02-20-2005, 10:41 PM   #1
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Pensacola, FL, USA
Posts: 247
M1K3L HB User
Something I've been hiding...

Most everyone on here knows I haven't been in a serious relationship with anyone in my life... and that I've been dating a lot of girls recently without much luck. A lot of the girls aren't interested, or I just can't find the attraction to them... I see them more as a friend, I just don't have feelings for them.

Well, There is a little something I left out.

Just to clear things up.. I'm a guy.

Back in Late 2002, Eairly 2003.. I was in a relationship with a guy from costa rica. I live in florida. We meet on a online game.. I wasn't looking for anything at the time. We just started talking and after a month of talking, we found out we both really had feelings for each other. We never meet in person, but mailed each other, talked on the phone, talked online all the time... The love was there.. Plans were in place to meet. There were sooo many feelings I cannot explain in that relationship... It was truly amazing and I do miss him a lot to this day.

I'm not totally a virgin.. I have done stuff with a guy. I won't go into details, but there was no intercourse.. just other stuff.

See, thing is.. I don't want to live a gay lifestyle.. I'm sexually attracted to females.

But.. The feelings I had for my ex was... incredable... I cannot express how much he mean't in my life. That is what I want again... I miss him so much in my life right now, and it was so long ago. When I think about being with him, I get chills down my back... something I have never experenced with a female. I was also much happier when I was with him.

i hate the dating game with females. I haven't been able to find the same feelings again... I find females attractive.. very attractive, but I cannot find the feelings I had once before.

I've been question myself a lot latly.. Maybe that's why I haven't been able to find the right girl.

I really miss what I had... when i think about what i had... I feel sick and hopeless, and sad.

I WANT To be with a girl.. I want to live a normal life, but finding the feelings I had once before is proveing to be more and more diffucilt everyday. Girls aren't attracted to me.. and the very few that are.. I just cannot find them attractive.

*sigh* I'm so confused at this point in my life...

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Old 02-20-2005, 11:34 PM   #2
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Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Australia!!
Posts: 880
StormGirl HB User
Re: Something I've been hiding...

Hi Mike!

You know, never a day goes past that you don't throw some surprise at me!!! Is there anything else we should know???

Seriously, it's no big deal. You are young and just trying to sort yourself out in life, and that's okay. I understand that you had strong feelings for someone else (whether that be male or female), and miss that sensation. Almost everyone on here has felt the same way. To have loved and lost. It doesn't mean that you will never love again, as most of us go on to love more than one person, and most of the time it is much better and stronger. It's all part of the learning experience. Ya, it's painful, but life's lessons usually are, and each time we take away a little bit of knowledge and apply it the next time until we learn to get it right. THAT's when you usually find the one you are supposed to be with. When you've got all your ***** together, as does your partner. Some people are lucky and find that person straight away and grow with them, but most are not.

I'm concerned that you are a little too hard on yourself, and your self esteem seems a little low. You need to do something about that. Look, I don't even know you, and I have always told you that I think you are adorable, so it's not impossible. There could be various reasons that you haven't found the right one yet. Many people experience the same feelings, so don't think it's just you, and don't take it personally. If you don't mind, I will give you some suggestions that may be hindering you in your pursuit. I may be wrong on some or all of them, but at least it will give you something to think about and you can apply whatever you like and see that it's not because you are unattractive, or because you aren't a great person... because you are.

Firstly, your confusion over your feelings (whether female or male) may be coming across to potential prospects. Whether this is true or not, only you can answer. You say you find girls attractive, but do you really... or are you just trying to convince yourself because you want to live what is considered a "normal" relationship with a girl? I think it is something that you will need to think about, as your confusion (or whatever) may be getting transmitted to a potential partner and misread etc.

Secondly, I know that you are lonely and crave the feeling of warmth and security that comes with a relationship. Heck, don't we all? I also know that you say that you try to take it slow, but in reality, you probably aren't. You have mentioned in one of your posts that sometimes you may come across as desperate, and while I think that is a little too harsh, that also may be coming across to a potential partner and may confuse them as to your motives. It can be confusing because there aren't many guys that willingly want to settle down in a long term relationship, so I suppose girls are a little taken back when someone wants to get so serious. Also, because of your age, many people still have alot of growing, changing and maturing to do. As will you.

Mike, you are our little gem. You are a wonderful and kind person. I think you need to do a little soul searching and discover what it is that will really make YOU happy. Not anyone else... just you, and learn not to compromise what will make you happy or to just settle - it is only a waste of your time. Sort your life out and decide what path you want to go down in life, and be confident in your decision. Go and hang out with friends and meet as many people as you can. Enjoy your young life, and stop putting too many expectations on yourself and other people. Have fun, and know that it will happen for you. You just have to be patient. Have dates and enjoy them, without getting too serious about it. Start really experiencing life and enjoy your adventures, because God knows, it will all pass very quickly and you'll wish you had it back again. The pain and emptiness you feel will pass one day. You've just got to let it happen naturally, be patient and your time will come. Stop focussing too hard on obtaining the relationship that you crave... it will only drive you insane and will probably drive you into making mistakes unnecessarily. Trust in yourself that when the right girl for you comes along, that you will know... you won't have to dig and try to find something for her, you just will. Maybe she won't feel the same way for you, maybe she will. We've all been knocked back a few times in life. It is part of the whole vicious cycle. Learn to accept when you do get knocked back and don't take it personally, it's not because of you, it's just because it's not right at the time and can have many, many variable influences.

Lastly, Mike, you really need to learn to love yourself before you can allow someone else in. I feel that you don't. Think of all your great qualities, and be proud of the decent, kind, caring and generous person you are. And don't ever change or compromise that for anyone. Don't try to be someone you are not, because you are who you are and that special someone should love you for exactly how you are, warts and all.

Learn to relax and enjoy the ride Mike, because eventually you will get to the destination you are supposed to... and trying to rush it along is probably only hindering things.

Hugs to you sweetie!!!
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Old 02-21-2005, 07:45 AM   #3
Join Date: May 2004
Location: New York
Posts: 5,807
goody2shuz HB Usergoody2shuz HB User
Re: Something I've been hiding...

Stormgirl....You have said things so perfectly, how can anyone top that

Mike, Stromgirl is right....and Goody can see that by other posts you actually physically get sick before your dates and you are pushing yourself oh so hard before you really even are ready. No wonder!!!! You are soul searching....and there is nothing wrong with that....look deep inside yourself and discover waht it is that makes you happy. Learn to love the person that you are in order to know what it is to love and then follow whatever it is that brings out the best in you...where there is no inhibitions in loving and then you will know who you are able to love whether they be male or female. You may perhaps need to seek the help of a therapist in order to do this and it may be the best step you take in your life. To live a life of uncertainty is not being true to yourself. When I first read your post I thought you were going to say you are what my daughters say a "Heshe" never know what wil come up on these boards

Anyway...Stormgirl offers you such great advice and like she said you ARE adorable...just your openness on this's precious. So.....take a step back and get to know Mike a little more and if you need our help know we are here.....Goody

Last edited by goody2shuz; 02-21-2005 at 07:47 AM.

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