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  • GAY man likes my boyfriend!

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    Old 02-27-2005, 03:29 PM   #1
    Dreamer555
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    Angry GAY man likes my boyfriend!

    Hello, I have been with the sweetest guy for 5 months now. I absolutley adore him and so does a gay man! We all work together as well which makes it tough. This gay man is in a relationship but is constantly hitting on my boyfriend. My boyfriend is a very sweet guy and is not mean to anyone. Everytime I see the gay guy around him it makes me so angry. It shouldn't affect mine and my bf's relationship but personally my enraged feelings get the best of me (however I have never expressed anger towards the gay man to keep things professional). What should I do?

    Last edited by Dreamer555; 02-27-2005 at 03:30 PM.

     
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    Old 02-27-2005, 03:34 PM   #2
    realguy
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    Re: GAY man likes my boyfriend!

    Look at it this way. If your boyfriend was bothered by the extra attention ( whether it"s a man or women), he would say something to end it.

     
    Old 02-27-2005, 03:39 PM   #3
    vick03
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    Re: GAY man likes my boyfriend!

    The guy is GAY!!!! Obviously your boyfriend isn't.......no need to worry if you ask me.

     
    Old 02-27-2005, 04:16 PM   #4
    lisa24
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    Re: GAY man likes my boyfriend!

    I agree with Vick.

    I think your only option to dealing with this is to let your feelings be known.
    The only reason it's probably bothering you is becuase you are keeping it to yourself. Not a good idea.

     
    Old 02-27-2005, 04:28 PM   #5
    Dreamer555
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    Re: GAY man likes my boyfriend!

    Thanks for the replies. I know but it's does bother me. You think I should let the gay guy know??

     
    Old 02-27-2005, 04:37 PM   #6
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    Re: GAY man likes my boyfriend!

    Yes. I would tell him to get lost.

     
    Old 02-27-2005, 05:29 PM   #7
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    Re: GAY man likes my boyfriend!

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Dreamer555
    Thanks for the replies. I know but it's does bother me. You think I should let the gay guy know??
    If you can muster the courage, I think you might want to tell this guy, in a nice but firm way, "you know *your boyfriend's name here* and I are seeing each other, right? We have a really good thing going, and it hurts to see you hitting on him when you know I'm with him. I feel very disrespected by you, and I'd sure appreciate it if you would respect our relationship." If he says "oh, gosh, I was just being friendly, I wasn't hitting on him. Had no intention of dissing you or your relationship" then all's hunky dorey. If he says "look honey, if there's no ring on his finger, he's up for grabs. Don't blame me if you can't hang on to your man" or something like that, then the ball's in your BF's court (no pun intended! ). I do agree to an extent with realguy, if he didn't like the attention, he'd say something to put a stop to it. You don't have to be mean to tell someone "hey I'm happy with someone else, I'm not available, your advances are not welcome and will not be reciprocated. Thanks anyway." But it doesn't really matter if this is a guy or a woman hitting on your man or if your boyfriend is gay or not. Someone is trying to trespass on your relationship, and neither you NOR YOUR BOYFRIEND should stand for it if you both value your relationship.

     
    Old 02-27-2005, 05:35 PM   #8
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    Re: GAY man likes my boyfriend!

    I agree with Vick too. The guy is gay and your boyfriend, hopefully, isn't, so you can feel safe. The gay guy is probably just a huge flirt, unless he is making some really inappropriate remarks, gestures, etc. Then it's your boyfriend's place to tell him his advances are not welcome. I think the situation would be a lot more annoying if it were a woman hitting on your boyfriend.

     
    Old 02-27-2005, 09:55 PM   #9
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    Re: GAY man likes my boyfriend!

    To kind of go along with what the others have said, Im completely straight and one of my closest friends is gay. Hes always making jokes and flirting with me. He knows Im straight and nothing will ever happen, but he just kids around with it. Ive known several other gay men and they all kind of flirt like that with me. From what Ive seen, gay men are just kind of flirty like that. I wouldnt make much of it. If he knows your bf is straight, hes not going to be seriously interested or try to steal him away. Hes just messing around.

    Id leave it up to your boyfriend to say something if he wants to. Making an issue out of it might turn it into something it doesnt need to be.

    Last edited by Muscn; 02-27-2005 at 09:56 PM.

     
    Old 02-28-2005, 02:37 AM   #10
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    Re: GAY man likes my boyfriend!

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Muscn
    Making an issue out of it might turn it into something it doesnt need to be.
    Definitely. Although, I also agree with Nini when she said to suggest that it is a little disrespectful to you, if you really must say something. Don't let it come across as jealousy, it will only make you look petty.

    If you trust him, then why are you worried? Do you have a reason to question his sexuality, or to doubt your own relationship? Why not join in and flirt with the gay friend... it could be a big laugh and that way you get to join in on the fun too!!!
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    Old 02-28-2005, 04:28 AM   #11
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    Re: GAY man likes my boyfriend!

    Most of the men I know are not "gay friendly" and would deck the guy!

     
    Old 02-28-2005, 05:01 AM   #12
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    Re: GAY man likes my boyfriend!

    In my experience of gay men ( my brother is gay ) they do not hit on someone straight ! Does this gay guy actually think that your bf is gay or bi ? Yeah they may joke around, but you make it sound like this guy is full on putting it on him , he wouldnt do this unless he thought that he had a chance right ? Either way whether he is gay or straight, he is still being disrespectful to you !!!! He obviously knows you two are a couple, so he is being outright rude ! If it was me, whether it was a male or female hitting on my other half I would say something ! GOOD LUCK !
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    Old 02-28-2005, 12:33 PM   #13
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    Re: GAY man likes my boyfriend!

    I'll have to disagree with a couple things here:

    Saying most men are not "gay friendly" and would consequently "deck" the guy is simply not true. But since this has little to do with the topic, we'll leave it be except to say that blanket statements regarding moral issues are never a good idea.

    I'll have to also disagree that gay men don't hit on straight men: they most certainly DO. In fact, there are LOTS of gay men who ONLY are interested in straight men. Now, do understand that this is not indicative of the entire gay community, nor do gay men who are into straight men ever try to "pressure" a straight dude into sex or "convince" him to try it. The gay dudes who are into "straight" dudes are usually meeting the "straight" men who are truly closeted homosexuals themselves and who SEEK OUT gay sex behind the backs of their wives or girlfriends. There is no "gay recruitment" agenda: that is a myth. But sex between gay men and "straight" or confused men DOES happen.

    I don't think the gal in this situation should get herself involved, at least not at first.

    Since it is her boyfriend who is being hit upon, it should be up to HIM to ask the gay guy to stop it.

    The best way to do this, in my opinion, is to temper any possible hurt feelings by discussing it as a matter of professional courtesy. The boyfriend should consider saying:

    "I'm flattered but of course you know I'm straight and I'm dating Miss X. She and I keep our personal lives OUT of our work. We don't believe sexual issues and flirting are appropriate at the workplace. I would feel more comfortable if you and I could just be friends and work associates and leave it at that."

    If the gay guy doesn't get the hint, THEN I would say that maybe the gal should speak up and simply REPEAT what her boyfriend already said.

    And if THAT doesn't work -- it's time to get really serious about it. This guy is essentially sexually harassing a work associate. I would go to management about it and let THEM handle it.

    This would mean the end of the friendship, of course -- but a friend who cannot respect your wishes to be left alone and not sexually harassed certainly was never a friend to begin with.

     
    Old 02-28-2005, 12:41 PM   #14
    genster
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    Re: GAY man likes my boyfriend!

    Well said, Scrffyguy, on all points. Kudos to you for a well thought out response.

     
    Old 02-28-2005, 01:44 PM   #15
    Hangin in There
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    Re: GAY man likes my boyfriend!

    Well, if I was a straight guy, I wouldn't tell the gay guy I was "flattered" by his attention. What's flattering about that?

    I wasn't making a blanket statement about everybody. I specifically said "the guys I know", meaning men at work, male relatives, etc. They don't approve of the gay lifestyle and think it's disgusting. They would tell a gay guy in no uncertain terms to knock it off "or else".

     
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