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    Old 05-11-2005, 04:12 PM   #151
    lovingyou
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    Re: PLEASE HELP! Is it over or is there a hope?

    You are so kind Nini to care about me like this! I am not sure how I feel.. I guess I am still not able to let go.. but I have not initiated any contact! He has been on *** but I blocked him again! He has not contacted me again? I guess I am really sad and disappointed because he said before he wanted us to build a strong friendship and now he does not even talk to me! I have been worrying if he has met anyone else?

    Also the problem is that sometimes I am wondering if the things go wrong becasue I am a Czech girl living in the UK and he is a French guy.. I don't know if French people have a different idea of things like that? It's hard to tell really what he expets? The thing is I have a cousine from the USA and she keeps telling me that I have to act independant and keep no contact with him but now I am wondering if the French way is different?

    I don't know if I sometimes understand well what he wants and expects? We speak English together but you know maybe the French relationship culture is different?

     
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    Old 05-11-2005, 05:25 PM   #152
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    Re: PLEASE HELP! Is it over or is there a hope?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by lovingyou
    You are so kind Nini to care about me like this! I am not sure how I feel.. I guess I am still not able to let go.. but I have not initiated any contact! He has been on *** but I blocked him again! He has not contacted me again? I guess I am really sad and disappointed because he said before he wanted us to build a strong friendship and now he does not even talk to me! I have been worrying if he has met anyone else?

    Also the problem is that sometimes I am wondering if the things go wrong becasue I am a Czech girl living in the UK and he is a French guy.. I don't know if French people have a different idea of things like that? It's hard to tell really what he expets? The thing is I have a cousine from the USA and she keeps telling me that I have to act independant and keep no contact with him but now I am wondering if the French way is different?

    I don't know if I sometimes understand well what he wants and expects? We speak English together but you know maybe the French relationship culture is different?
    Well, I'm not French, I'm American, and I don't really know any French people, but we Americans have our opinions about the French. But I don't even want to talk about that. That's not the point. We need to get your mind off what he expects. that's no longer the issue. maybe you can give me some advice. What can we do to get you moving forward? What can we do to get you to the point where you are no longer thinking about what he wants, what he expects, how you could have played it better, what can you do to get him back, etc etc? How can we get you to the point where you can accept that the relationship is over and that you feel good moving beyond it? I just don't want you doing anything rash for the sake of this jerk who didn't deserve your time to start with. What will it take for you to stop planning how to win him back?

     
    Old 05-13-2005, 03:33 PM   #153
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    Re: PLEASE HELP! Is it over or is there a hope?

    Thank you so much for all your replies!! I really appreciate it! I want to say that of course I am reading all your replies really carefully and sometimes even twice to try to get it into my head but the hurt has been so so deep.. you can't even imagine how much your replies mean to me and I do value it very much!!! I am trying really hard believe me!!

    It's been extremely hard actually... I feel so strange and sad because he stopped talking to me! Why was he telling me that he would like us to focus on me as a person, that I am a girl with good qualities and that I am so much worth it and that he would like to take things slowly and spend more time to get to know each other because we made that mistake when we started seeing each other... he said that if he wanted to be with me again that he needed to do that and we both agreed that a good relationship needs a good foundation and good freindship! I do understand that I spoilt it last time because I started to cry and I had all these questions about "us" and that pushed him away because he said he needed to work on what he wants and to be sure... he wanted us to be good friends at first and take things slowly so we can grow together (so he said) and now he does not even talk to me anymore. he does not communicate with me.

    A friend of mine told me that he is probably feeling uncomfortable not knowing how to communicate with me because he thinks that I get upset and cry easily and he wants to avoid that... she said that he does not want to hurt me... so he stopped talking to me! and that's why I feel like it was my fault last time because I didn't give us a chance as two friends who can grow together! but the problem is that I love him and I have feelings for him and I spent 1 year and 3 months with him in a relationship so I find it quite hard to switch to be his friend and not to ask him anything about us.. I guess that's the hardest thing for me! I don't think he will talk to me again!! because he is worried! I guess my love for him was true and deep! He told me last time that we can't talk to each other if we are not on the same level.. I am trying hard to be on the same level but I am finding it still hard! I was still crying this morning missing him even though I haven't spoken to him for 2 weeks!

    You all are telling me to move on and not to contact him! I think it's the best for me but I still don't understand why is my friend telling me who also knows him very well that I could send him an email that maybe he is waiting for that?? I get so confused sometimes! You know I am having such a hard time with this because I truly loved this guy with all my heart! I gave this relationship everything!! the maximum! but i also know that he couldn't handle the distance very well.. half of the relationship we were apart but trying to visit each other... it was hard for him mainly! i read a letter yesterday that I found by chance from him he sent me for our one year anniversary and it was so wonderful.. I had tears in my eyes! He said he loves me a lot and so on... I still cannot believe that we are now not even talking to each other

     
    Old 05-14-2005, 06:10 AM   #154
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    Talking Re: PLEASE HELP! Is it over or is there a hope?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by lovingyou
    I feel so strange and sad because he stopped talking to me! Why was he telling me that he would like us to focus on me as a person, that I am a girl with good qualities and that I am so much worth it and that he would like to take things slowly and spend more time to get to know each other because we made that mistake when we started seeing each other... he said that if he wanted to be with me again that he needed to do that and we both agreed that a good relationship needs a good foundation and good freindship! he does not communicate with me.


    LovingYou I know you are still struggling with this and I'm very sorry. I posted part of your last post up above, because I wanted to comment on that part. The reason I believe he was doing this to you is to string you along and let you down easy. Remember, actions speak louder then words, and his actions are saying right now that he doesn't want to do what he said above to you earlier in his game. This is all just a game for him. He is immature and doesn't know how to let you go the right way. So he is stringing you on. NOT BECAUSE HE LOVES YOU OR STILL WANTS TO BE WITH YOU, it is because he doesn't know how to be a MAN and just end things. This is his way of doing it. Hang in there, life will get better and you will move on and find true love.

     
    Old 05-14-2005, 11:53 AM   #155
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    Re: PLEASE HELP! Is it over or is there a hope?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by lovingyou
    Why was he telling me that he would like us to focus on me as a person, that I am a girl with good qualities and that I am so much worth it and that he would like to take things slowly and spend more time to get to know each other because we made that mistake when we started seeing each other... he said that if he wanted to be with me again that he needed to do that and we both agreed that a good relationship needs a good foundation and good freindship! I do understand that I spoilt it last time because I started to cry and I had all these questions about "us" and that pushed him away because he said he needed to work on what he wants and to be sure... he wanted us to be good friends at first and take things slowly so we can grow together (so he said) and now he does not even talk to me anymore. he does not communicate with me.
    I think he was telling you these sweet things because he wanted the relationship to continue on the way it was on Easter weekend. No strings, no responsibilities, he liked the idea of being able to come in for a weekend, have sex with you, kiss you goodbye and then go back to his life. He wanted it to stay that way. Please quite beating yourself up. You did NOT push him away. All you did was make it clear to him that you love him and you want more than to be his part-time weekend piece of a$$. You have every right to want more for yourself, to want more out of the relationship. The problem is, he doesn't want to give you anymore than that. THAT'S where his discomfot comes from. He knows you want more from him than he is willing to give. He does not love you, but he knows you love him, and that's why he's uncomfortable. All this growing together and being friends crap is just his way of saying "I don't think I love you, but I like having you around to have sex with when I'm bored or lonely or horny, so can't we just keep it casual so I can have you to sleep with when I feel like it?" Ummm.. NOT!


    Quote:
    Originally Posted by lovingyou
    He told me last time that we can't talk to each other if we are not on the same level.. I am trying hard to be on the same level but I am finding it still hard! I was still crying this morning missing him even though I haven't spoken to him for 2 weeks!

    You all are telling me to move on and not to contact him! I think it's the best for me but I still don't understand why is my friend telling me who also knows him very well that I could send him an email that maybe he is waiting for that??

    No, you are not on the same level. But it is NOT your job to "lower your love" so you can be on the same level. That's NOT how love works!!! It's ok that you love him. You shouldn't have to hide it or cover it up or apologize for the fact that you love him. He just doesn't love you back. And there's nothing you can do about that. I'm sorry, I know it hurts like no other hurt, believe me, I've been there. But he's made his choice. I think your friend probably does NOT understand the situation very well. I think it would be a very bad idea for you to send him an email and to keep contact with him. As long as you continue to try to keep this relationship going, you're going to be miserable. I really hope someday soon you'll be able to see that. You won't stop crying and hurting and being sad until you let go of him and this relationship, accept the fact that he just wasn't the one for you, and move on with your life without him. (((HUGS))) Hang in there.

     
    Old 05-22-2005, 03:57 AM   #156
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    Re: PLEASE HELP! Is it over or is there a hope?

    Here I am again...

    I have been trying to move on...i have been going out a lot with my friends...but I found myself missing him yesterday a lot!! The thing is he has not been on chat messenger for the past 4 days, which is very unusual for him so either he has blocked me too or he has met someone else and is busy with his new girl? He has not tried to contact me at all!

     
    Old 05-22-2005, 08:39 AM   #157
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    Re: PLEASE HELP! Is it over or is there a hope?

    You wouldn't believe what happened today

    i'ts strange because just before I said that it was strange he hasn't been on *** for a while... anyway, just after I suddenly received an invitation to join chat but the email address was under my friend's name. this friend of mine is a guy with whom I have been hanging out a lot but it's clear that there would be nothing between us happening. anyway, I accepted his invitation and he started to chat to me..he asked me about my work and my weekend and I asked about his.. I said that I went out with my friends last night and it was fun. then I asked him how is his revision for exams going and suddenly he said that he should reveal something. he said I am not xxx, I am xxx! I felt heat coming to my face and my heart beating so fast! It was HIM, my ex-boyfriend!

    He started to be quite nasty to me telling me "so you blocked me on ***, I am VERY disappointed with you." I said I did it because last time we talked he said he didn't feel very comfortable and he said to me to shut up! I was so shocked... anyway, he then said that he can't believe I blocked him and he said "so my trick worked... you would rather talk to xxx you fool" and then he said "so you are having fun". I said to him that he sounds angry and he replied "I have ****ing reasons to be upset. You want to stay in contact with me and then you block me!!" I said to him "I am disappointed because you chose not to come to see me at the end when you spent the weekend in London" and he said "don't talk to me! how do you know I was in London in the end" and I said to him because I could see he was offline! I said to him "you were the one who broke up and chose this so I blocked you because I wanted to protect myself and also I knew if I was on ***.. I would always want to talk to you" and he said to me "don't worry you don't have to protect yourself again because I will block you too like you did it to me!"

    he also said to me to **** off.. I was getting really upset with this.. anyway, he then said "you block me on *** so you can then spy on me!" I said that I am not spying on him but I had to it as I said because last time he told me he didn't feel comfortable" and then he said "so you have to block me" (sarcastically). He said "I don't want to be using this false address so bye". I felt so guilty that I unblocked him and I asked him why has he done this and he said "oh you are back.. amazing! he said I haven't talked to you for so long! how are you?" I thought he was genuinly asking me how I was.. I said that I have been working a lot and he said "bad luck" He said that his work is ok! He then said "I should have played my game longer and I shouldn't have revealed so soon that it wasn't me! maybe I could have found out more about what have you been up to" I said to him that there is not a lot to find out and he said "iam sure there is..." Then he said "I am so offended you did this to me" he said "i want to forget you and I want to block you too" and I said ok and then I couldn't stand this anymore and said to him "if you want to block me ok do it because i don't care anymore! you are not understanding of my feelings at all and you only care about yourself! you are a nasty piece of work! i don't deserve to be treated like this! I don't want to have anything to do with you!! bye".

    I felt so upset and so angry this time. I feel bad about what I have said to him because he emailed me immediately afterwards and said to me

    did u really mean all u said at the end on ***?? that u dont care anymore at
    all about me and i am a nasty piece of work and so on???
    i would like u to answer to be completly clear with each other.

    I haven't replied because I have too many things to say to him that I am upset about and I feel extremely betrayed by what he had done.. he signed on with a false address and blamed me the whole time.. I feel so upset but I don't think I want to reply to him!

    What does he want??? We are broken up since March and we haven't talked for 3 weeks and I thought he had forgotten about me and now I feel like he is still not letting it go, like he is jelous and upset that I don't talk to him.. what do you think? Have I done the right thing? Maybe I shouldn't have said to him that he is a nasty piece of work! maybe that was too much but he has offended me so much today! It's so sad!

     
    Old 05-22-2005, 09:03 AM   #158
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    Re: PLEASE HELP! Is it over or is there a hope?

    You really need to cut this one loose, stop believing ANY of this is your fault and move on. One thing is your fault though, first you let him treat you like a doormat, now a whipping post. Good thing is that you don't need to let him treat you either way. Just do NO CONTACT, all the time.

     
    Old 05-22-2005, 12:16 PM   #159
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    Re: PLEASE HELP! Is it over or is there a hope?

    Maybe it hurt him though otherwise why would he write the email back to me? I haven't responded though..he has not attempted to call me or email again.. it's strange!

     
    Old 05-22-2005, 02:28 PM   #160
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    Re: PLEASE HELP! Is it over or is there a hope?

    Why are you worrying about whether or not he's hurt? Who cares if he's hurt? He is a grown up and has created all this pain for himself. HE HAS HURT, MANUPLIATED and USED you! When are you going to put yourself first in this relationship? Anytime a woman puts herself last, a man will USE her and throw her away when he's finished. If you EVER want to have a good, loving relationship with a man who respects you, you must love yourself first and expect to be treated well.
    If he wants you back, (and why you would still want this romantic loser back is beyond me) he should have to work really hard, take blame for his own behavior, learn respect and I mean REALLY FAST, and make it very clear that he wants only you. Personally I don't think I'd want him back if I were you. We always talk about not "settling" for less then true love. Anytime a woman goes back to a man who has dumped her, she is settling for less then she deserves.

    Last edited by evy38; 05-22-2005 at 02:29 PM.

     
    Old 05-22-2005, 03:26 PM   #161
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    Re: PLEASE HELP! Is it over or is there a hope?

    He has been trying to call me just now three times.. I didn't answer because I am scared what he wants and I am sure if I did answer he would be nasty to me! He sent a text message to me saying this:

    You don't answer the phone? I guess you decided it's the real end now then? Call me back now if you want still to talk to me or I take it as you want to forget me forever.

    What??? I don't understand this at all now!! What does he mean? He has not ended it then or what? I don't know what to say.

     
    Old 05-22-2005, 05:07 PM   #162
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    Re: PLEASE HELP! Is it over or is there a hope?

    It's 1 am here in Europe and I have to get up in 5 and a half hours.. initially I planned to go to bed early today but still now he is trying to call me. it's the 10th or 12th time he is trying to call... i can't get it.. and then he sents a message:

    Ok i understand the message. I won't bother you anymore. shame we can't at least talk about it after everything. shame i lost you completely. i didn't want to make you suffer sorry! i know i am a bad person so i'll disappear from your life. hope you'll forgive me. please give me the chance to talk to you for the last time x.

    and then he continues calling again

    I am so scared and nervous.. he is not talking to me for 3 weeks and then this.... ??

     
    Old 05-23-2005, 06:55 AM   #163
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    Re: PLEASE HELP! Is it over or is there a hope?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by lovingyou
    It's 1 am here in Europe and I have to get up in 5 and a half hours.. initially I planned to go to bed early today but still now he is trying to call me. it's the 10th or 12th time he is trying to call... i can't get it.. and then he sents a message:

    Ok i understand the message. I won't bother you anymore. shame we can't at least talk about it after everything. shame i lost you completely. i didn't want to make you suffer sorry! i know i am a bad person so i'll disappear from your life. hope you'll forgive me. please give me the chance to talk to you for the last time x.

    and then he continues calling again

    I am so scared and nervous.. he is not talking to me for 3 weeks and then this.... ??
    Lovingyou, I hope youc an see now how emotionally unstable this guy is. At best, he has no idea what he wants or how to treat other people. He speaks to you in such a horribly nasty way, a way no one should ever tolerate being spoken to, then he pulled the hurt bunny act "gosh, I guess you hate me now, I'm sorry you feel that way, I guess you don't want me in your life anymore wha wha wha." This guy brought this all on himself by the way he treated you.

    This is so obviously someone who doesn't care about you at all. He's having fun manipulating you. Do you know what I mean when I say "manipulate?" I know the language barrior might cause some communication problems, but I want you to understand me on this. He's playing head games with you. He attacks you, then acts like he's the wounded one, just to see how much he can mess with you. This guy is one sick person. You MUST cut all ties and leave him be!!!

     
    Old 05-23-2005, 08:22 AM   #164
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    Re: PLEASE HELP! Is it over or is there a hope?

    Lovingyou,
    This man does not love you and from his actions, he does not even respect you. He has deep emotional problems and will continue to string you along and play with your mind for years if you let him. YOU MUST CUT OFF ALL CONTACT WITH HIM FOREVER. You will never be able to move on with your life and heal if you continue any contact with him. He is TOTALLY manipulating you and personally I think he is a creep.DO NOT BELIEVE ANYTHING HE SAYS- HE CAN NOT BE TRUSTED. He is playing with your emotions like a yo-yo. He likes the control he has over you. He is NO GOOD!!
    If you want to have a happy life and meet someone that will really love you and treat you right, FORGET ABOUT THIS LOSER!!!!!!

    Last edited by BLUE EYED LADY; 05-23-2005 at 08:25 AM.

     
    Old 05-23-2005, 10:11 AM   #165
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    Re: PLEASE HELP! Is it over or is there a hope?

    I don't know what to do.. I am trying to be strong but he has been calling me today all day long.. while I was at work he tried like 10 times and now again. he emailed me as well asking why am I not answering the phone and that he promises that he will leave me alone but just before if I could answer him. He is apologising for yesterday telling me that he is sorry he had trapped me but he really wanted to talk to me on *** messenger and he couldn't see me online for weeks so he wanted to check if I had blocked him. he admitted that he knows that it was not a good thing to do. he said that when he realised that I blocked him, it made him feel bad and he got worried that I dont want to talk to him again and he felt he lost me so that's why he wasn't nice with me at all.

    he says he doesn't want to loose me as he has too much feelings for me. he then said that he knows I hate him now but he wants to at least save our friendship?!

    He then says "we can't just leave each other like that because you are angry with me. It would be the biggest shame!!

    Do u really not care anymore about me to do that to me now?? I apologize for
    what i've done but what else can i do now? tell me what else should i do for u to accept to talk to me again? I dont want to think that u could after only few weeks forget me and avoid me as u do now. I know u still have feelings for me, so dont let that kill each other. We just need to talk to sort that out!

    u know i really want to talk to u. I m sure now all your friends are
    telling u not to listen to me but please trust me. Am i so bad??

    I dont know what i should do, if u dont reply to me, i guess i should just give
    up? would be such a shame!

    I want to see u again! I don't want to loose you!

    He then added in his next email " I know u dont care anymore but u're torturing me now!!!!!!!!! i guess i deserve it"

    I feel so confused!! Iam not sure what to do? I know I shouldn't give in! It's so hard though!

     
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