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    Old 04-11-2005, 05:56 PM   #61
    marcen
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    Re: PLEASE HELP! Is it over or is there a hope?

    Hi Lovingyou...sounds like backing off is a good plan...he seems to be afraid to lose you completely, which is what you want. He has to know that you won't be waiting there for him or he won't have a chance to miss you or think about what he is losing (he knows he can just come back whenever he feels like it). I am the worst person to give you this advice because I am struggling with the same things, but I know everyone who has told me this is right. My ex also says "who knows what will happen, but don't wait for me"...I don't know if they mean it or not...they obviously don't want to be with us right now. My ex also slept with me right up until he split and said "we don't have that kind of a relationship right now" when I went to hug him...I am not feeling good about talking to him, it hurts too much. I worry about ending our conversations in case I lose him completely too, but ending up talking about the relationship or getting upset just pushes them farther away...I am moving across the country in 3 weeks and worry about never seeing him again, so cutting off the phone link I have to him is going to be difficult, but I know in my heart that nothing I can do or say will change his mind. I don't want him to come back to me because I am sad, I want him to come back to me because he loves me and wants to make it work. That probably will never happen, so I guess I have to move on. I do believe that he knows I am worth coming back to, but I know he isn't even thinking about that right now...he just wants his freedom. Your ex seems to be in the same mindset right now. He knows you love him, as does mine. Leave it up to him now.
    GL and hugs ... I know how much this hurts. It is horrible.

     
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    Old 04-11-2005, 05:58 PM   #62
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    Re: PLEASE HELP! Is it over or is there a hope?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by lovingyou
    I forgot to add that he sent me an email this afternoon:

    Yesterday I told him that I need time to move on and he sent me an email today:

    I'm sorry about last time, i didnt mean to hurt u! of course i still like u and
    i miss u! but as i already said, i want to experience other things and i cant
    look backwards all the time, that's why it's good for both of us to move on. But
    that doesnt mean that i want to completely forget u! not at all! and i d be
    happy to see u again , that's for sure! but i dont know if it 's a good idea so
    soon, if we want to forget a bit our relation... what do u think? and after this email we had the phone conversation and then the final chat online..

    it's so hard to let go!!
    I know it's hard to let go, it can be really hard. But it's much harder in the long run to live your life hoping for something that will never happen.When you are strong enough to just be friends without any hope of being in a romantic relationship with him, then it will be fine to contact him again, but for now, you need to get over him and move on. And you won't as long as you keep talking to him, hoping to read in his words that he wants you back.

     
    Old 04-12-2005, 04:35 PM   #63
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    Re: PLEASE HELP! Is it over or is there a hope?

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    Thanks everyone for your support and encouragement! It's so so so SO HARD though for me now to imagine that I will actually not hear from him again! I miss him terribly already and it's been only a day! I am so scared I made a mistake! I am scared thinking that now there is no way for us to go back to each other because I decided to cut contact with him! To be completely honest with you, I thought he might send me an email or something but he hasn't! I am so scared that he will move on and forget about me completely and we will never ever speak again! We will never ever meet again! and this is a person I loved and I still love with all my heart! It's really hard! I am scared now to think that it's completely over because I have decided to cut all contact! He was sure he wanted me to move on but he was still there for me! now he will not be anymore!!! He will not forgive me that I have done this! I lost him completely!! I am seriously doubting if my decision was right! I don't feel it was!! I am checking my emails and phone for any messages! but nothing!! I am not entirely happy with my decision to be honest!! I am asking myself if my decision was a way to see whether he would react to it? but he hasn't!! because he thinks now that he has to respect my decision! I hate the fact that I hurt him yesterday!! I am actually hurting now!! What do you suggest? I am so down actually! I feel that now I have lost all my chances of him to re-consider his decision about the break up! Now he will move on and will forget about me! I am so scared! What have I done??!!

     
    Old 04-13-2005, 07:47 AM   #64
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    Re: PLEASE HELP! Is it over or is there a hope?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by lovingyou
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    Thanks everyone for your support and encouragement! It's so so so SO HARD though for me now to imagine that I will actually not hear from him again! I miss him terribly already and it's been only a day! I am so scared I made a mistake! I am scared thinking that now there is no way for us to go back to each other because I decided to cut contact with him! To be completely honest with you, I thought he might send me an email or something but he hasn't! I am so scared that he will move on and forget about me completely and we will never ever speak again! We will never ever meet again! and this is a person I loved and I still love with all my heart! It's really hard! I am scared now to think that it's completely over because I have decided to cut all contact! He was sure he wanted me to move on but he was still there for me! now he will not be anymore!!! He will not forgive me that I have done this! I lost him completely!! I am seriously doubting if my decision was right! I don't feel it was!! I am checking my emails and phone for any messages! but nothing!! I am not entirely happy with my decision to be honest!! I am asking myself if my decision was a way to see whether he would react to it? but he hasn't!! because he thinks now that he has to respect my decision! I hate the fact that I hurt him yesterday!! I am actually hurting now!! What do you suggest? I am so down actually! I feel that now I have lost all my chances of him to re-consider his decision about the break up! Now he will move on and will forget about me! I am so scared! What have I done??!!
    LY, what you have done is taken the first step in doing exactly what he has wanted you to do, move past this relationship. Of course he's not going to forget all about you! How could he? He won't forget that he knew you and once had a relationship with you. If he ever cared about you at all, he knows you're not forgettable. It was his choice to end the relationship. He has no right to dictate how you deal with getting over him. If you can't continue a friendly relationship with him without hoping he'll change his mind, then it's not healthy to keep contact with him. IF it hurts him, that's a shame, but that's the risk you take when you end a relationship. But you know his information and he knows all yours, so you can contact each other again anytime you wish. If he ever has a change of heart, he can let you know. But right now, your main concern is taking care of you. You need to heal. And again, do whatever you have to do to stop thinking about him! Remember, you didn't lose him, he lost you.

     
    Old 04-13-2005, 01:03 PM   #65
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    Re: PLEASE HELP! Is it over or is there a hope?

    I agree, regardless of how he does or doesn't feel about you right now, the chances that he will 'just forget all about you' are slim to none.

     
    Old 04-14-2005, 11:39 PM   #66
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    Re: PLEASE HELP! Is it over or is there a hope?

    It's been only a few days and I MISS HIM terribly! I actually feel sad and I think I am hurting even thought I try not to think about it all the time! but I think I was hoping that my decision will move him a little that he may send me a message but he hasn't! He has not said a single word since our last conversation! I know that realistically I should not expect anything from him because it was my decision to cut the contact completely but I cannot actually accept and imagine that we would not hear from each other! I am seriously doubting my decision!!! I lost someone who I love so much because I decided something that was against my will! It's crazy!! Do you think it would be a mistake to send me him a message? I am scared that if I don't and I will try to contact him later like in a month or so he will not respond to me anymore! It's so hard!! I feel that it was a mistake to close the door completely!! I still love him so much and I still miss him terribly! I miss his messages and his emails! They used to make me happy and now I decided not to be open to him anymore! I took away my happiness by my decision! I think it was wrong??!!! I am sad! I can't deal with the fact that he would not be longer a part of my life! He has been so so important for me and now I rejected him so much! I was stupid!!

     
    Old 04-15-2005, 03:34 AM   #67
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    Re: PLEASE HELP! Is it over or is there a hope?

    He rejected you, Lovingyou, not the other way around. If he wants you back at any point or decides he has made a mistake, he knows how much you love him and he knows that (at this point at least) you would be happy to work things out. If he does want that then he will contact you. I think now that you have cut contact you better stick with it for awhile at least, enough time for him to know you are serious. In a month from now or so you can always message him and just say "I was thinking of you, and just wanted to say hello, hope you are well" or something like that. I think you are like me, you don't want to lose him completely but you know you can't be his friend, not at this point anyway. I really do think this is the best way to go...read some of my threads because the messages from some of the posters would help you too. Especially my "angry stage" one...good luck. hope you feel beter.

     
    Old 04-15-2005, 12:30 PM   #68
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    Re: PLEASE HELP! Is it over or is there a hope?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by lovingyou
    It's been only a few days and I MISS HIM terribly! I actually feel sad and I think I am hurting even thought I try not to think about it all the time! but I think I was hoping that my decision will move him a little that he may send me a message but he hasn't! He has not said a single word since our last conversation! I know that realistically I should not expect anything from him because it was my decision to cut the contact completely but I cannot actually accept and imagine that we would not hear from each other! I am seriously doubting my decision!!! I lost someone who I love so much because I decided something that was against my will! It's crazy!! Do you think it would be a mistake to send me him a message? I am scared that if I don't and I will try to contact him later like in a month or so he will not respond to me anymore! It's so hard!! I feel that it was a mistake to close the door completely!! I still love him so much and I still miss him terribly! I miss his messages and his emails! They used to make me happy and now I decided not to be open to him anymore! I took away my happiness by my decision! I think it was wrong??!!! I am sad! I can't deal with the fact that he would not be longer a part of my life! He has been so so important for me and now I rejected him so much! I was stupid!!
    Hi Lovingyou, Julia gave you some excellent advice and I hope you are able to accept what she said. I could be wrong, but it seems to me that most of your posts suggest that you're avoiding seeing this situation as it really is. Unfortunately, it wasn't your choice to end this relationship or for your ex to move on; it was his decision, and there's nothing you can do to change someone's mind once they decide that they no longer want to be with you. I think you still need to move past the first stage of mourning this loss, denial--it sounds like you haven't really let yourself absorb the reality that he no longer wants to be involved in a relationship with you. I've been going through the same sort of thing lately and believe me, I know how hard it is to admit to yourself once and for all that it's over when you still love someone and want to be with them more than anything. But you can't force him to feel the same way, and refusing to accept this fact and believing that what happens with your ex is within your control is denial, a stage that will keep you from proceeding through the grieving process until you if you allow it to linger. Not to mention that the longer you hold out hope that he'll change his mind and come back, the longer denial will keep you stuck in a miserable sort of uncertainty and limbo. I was devestated when my ex left as well, but fortunately for me, the denial phase didn't last long because I forced myself to accept that the relationship was over as soon as that fact became clear. I really think not holding out false hopes of reconciliation after my ex voiced his feelings made my healing process shorter and easier overall. Denial, in my opinion, is the hardest stage of grief to move past, because it involves accepting a painful truth that you really, really don't want to acknowledge. But while it might seem easier and less painful to keep your hope alive that he'll come back, in reality it will just make your healing process more difficult and prolonged. It wasn't your choice to "close the door" on your relationship; therefore, it's not within your control to keep your relationship alive by staying in touch with him. You can talk to him, but that won't being you two back together, and generally I think it's a very bad idea to be friendly with someone who has left you until you are completely and truly over the breakup.

    Men who aren't sure if they want to end a relationship don't break up with you--sad as that may be, it's really just that simple. If he was going to change his mind anytime soon, he wouldn't have ended things with you. He's made his choice; the next step for you is to accept his decision and get used to the idea that the relationship is over. Only then will you be able to move on with your life...and trust me, no matter how impossible it seems that you will get over this hurt and feel happy again, it will happen, but not until you move past denial and begin to mourn the loss of your relationship. I'm about a month past that stage and within the past week, I've noticed that I'm starting to be generally happy, confident, and optimistic again, rather than mostly sad, abandoned, and grief-stricken. You too will turn that corner and move forward with your life, but first you need to make a conscious effort to accept that the relationship is over and begin to heal. If you continue to hold out hope of reconciling and refuse to believe that it's really over, your chances of moving on, feeling better, and finding love and happiness again are much lower (and will take much longer). Please learn from the mistakes others here have made following breakups and don't allow yourself to get stuck and never get over this loss. You have your whole life ahead of you, and if this guy isn't smart enough to see what a great woman he had, he isn't the right guy for you. But somewhere there is a guy who will love you permanently and completely, and I know we'd all hate to see you too hungup on your ex to move on and meet the guy who's right for you in the long run. In my view, you should definitely not contact your ex--realize that while you may have decided to cut off communication, he's the one who ultimately made that decision by choosing not to be with you anymore. Please don't beat yourself up and feel stupid for anything you've done...you didn't have a choice about ending the relationship, and the sooner you admit to yourself that he rejected you rather than vice versa, the sooner you can begin to move on with your life and find a guy who really wants to be with you.

    PS--Is there any particular reason you use exclamation points at the end of every sentence rather than periods? I've been curious about that for a while if you don't mind explaining...

    Last edited by Snails; 04-15-2005 at 12:36 PM.

     
    Old 04-15-2005, 03:12 PM   #69
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    Re: PLEASE HELP! Is it over or is there a hope?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by lovingyou
    I lost someone who I love so much because I decided something that was against my will! It's crazy!! Do you think it would be a mistake to send me him a message? I am scared that if I don't and I will try to contact him later like in a month or so he will not respond to me anymore!
    Whoa, wait a minute, what do you mean you decided something that was against your will?? Do you mean the break up, or deciding to end contact? If it was your decision, it wasn't exactly against your will, but I can see why you might think you felt pressured by people here to break contact. I know you're hurting so badly, LY, I feel bad for you. I'm sorry it hurts so much, it hurts like no other kind of hurt in the world. But I think your thinking might be clouded just a little as well. You seem to think that if you stay under his nose and keep in contact with him under his terms, he'll come back to you someday. But LY, I hope you can see what a slim, fragile hope that is. He's told you he doesnt' want to be with you. He told you he wants to be free and no longer wants a relationship with you, and he's told you he doesn't want you to wait for him. Where in all this do you hear "just hold on my love, I swear we'll be together again someday if you just stand by."

    I know the emotions you are feeling can be very strong. They seem to be so strong they're totally sweeping you away. I'm not going to recommend contacting him again, but I think by the same token, there are some things we just have to find out for ourselves. I don't want you to hurt. Perhaps you will feel less stressed and less confused if you just follow your heart and let the chips fall where they may. I'm not going to tell you I think it's ok to contact him, because I don't, but I don't want you feeling you were talked out of a chance to get back together with him. Perhaps you need to find out for yourself what his intentions really are. But just make sure, no matter what you do, use your instincts, not your emotions. Listen to your gut and your head as well as your heart, and act in your own best interests. God bless.

     
    Old 04-15-2005, 03:22 PM   #70
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    Re: PLEASE HELP! Is it over or is there a hope?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by lovingyou
    It's been only a few days and I MISS HIM terribly! I actually feel sad and I think I am hurting even thought I try not to think about it all the time! but I think I was hoping that my decision will move him a little that he may send me a message but he hasn't! He has not said a single word since our last conversation! I know that realistically I should not expect anything from him because it was my decision to cut the contact completely but I cannot actually accept and imagine that we would not hear from each other! I am seriously doubting my decision!!! I lost someone who I love so much because I decided something that was against my will! It's crazy!! Do you think it would be a mistake to send me him a message? I am scared that if I don't and I will try to contact him later like in a month or so he will not respond to me anymore! It's so hard!! I feel that it was a mistake to close the door completely!! I still love him so much and I still miss him terribly! I miss his messages and his emails! They used to make me happy and now I decided not to be open to him anymore! I took away my happiness by my decision! I think it was wrong??!!! I am sad! I can't deal with the fact that he would not be longer a part of my life! He has been so so important for me and now I rejected him so much! I was stupid!!
    Lovingyou, I honestly don't think you should send him a message.
    I'm a bit confused as to why you are taking ALL the responsibilty for this. He wanted to end the relationship, He made these choices.
    Believe me, he is not ignoring you simply because you said you wanted to cut contact. Unless he's completey and totally dense (which I doubt) he knows that you are unable to remain friends because you have feelings, not because you don't care about him.
    I haven't seen anywhere in your story where you rejected him - this was HIS choice.
    Give yourself time, this guy has not just forgotten you. Believe me, I know it's hard, I haven't been with my ex in over a year, and I miss him everyday, and still think of calling him. But I don't do it (luckily I don't know the #), and I'm quite certain somewhere inside of himself he knows exactly how much I do care.

    I'm sorry you're hurting so much right now, but you are doing the right thing. Just hang on, let some time pass. I don't know how much better it will get, but it does get easier, at least a little!

    Last edited by lisa24; 04-15-2005 at 03:23 PM.

     
    Old 04-15-2005, 06:37 PM   #71
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    Re: PLEASE HELP! Is it over or is there a hope?

    I sent him an email this morning! I felt like I had to do it to get peace in mind! Here is what I wrote:

    I would like to say to you that the reason why I decided to cut contact for now with each other is because I know that I need to respect your decision. I know that if I stay in contact with you I would not be able to respect it fully and I would be still asking you questions about us and I know that right now it's not something you need and want from me. When you said to me that I should move on and forget about us, I knew that the only way I can do it is not to stay in contact with you for some time. I honestly didn't mean that it's for good. I want you to know that it's extremely hard for me to do that because I miss you and you are still very special and important for me but I had to follow my mind this time and not my heart! It may have sounded to you on msn that it wasn't important to me but the truth is that it is very extremely important for me! I had to decide something that I am not exactly happy with but I knew I had to!

    My aim is not to forget you or loose contact with you for good! It's not at all!! It's to become stronger about the situation because I still have strong feelings for you. I will not change my email address and I would like to see you again! I just need time to get over the hurt from the break up and to feel stronger on my own without you! You asked me to promise to you that we will meet again! I would like to say that I promise to you that we will because I would like to see you again but because you were the one who decided to stop I knew that at the end of the day it depends on you if you want to see me again that's why I said to you that I hope that we will! But if you want me to promise to you that we will and if it must depend on me then I promise we will and I promise that I will not cut the contact for good! I am sorry if I made you feel bad on msn but that was not my intention and also I don't think badly about you! I am just trying really hard to understand you and to follow your decision!! I am trying to respect your decision by respecting my decision. Could you also promise me that you will meet me again and talk to me after some time? Please forgive me for my decision!

    Take care!

    This is what he wrote back:

    I do understand completely what and why u are doing this! That's why i'm not
    going to insist to make u change your mind. I respect u a lot and i like u a
    lot too. That's why i want to respect that. It's very hard to know i will not
    hear from u and not see u for a while, specially when i dont know how long this
    cut will last but i will do it. I feel very strange to know i wont see u for a
    while and i feel sad. Because just before your decision even if we were not
    together any more, i knew we would stay in touch and in a way i felt u were
    still next to me and it was reassuring for me because i had the feeling i could
    rely on u and come back if i wanted. I know it was a selfish feeling but don't
    reproach me it because i did that because of my feelings for u. Now when i feel
    u keeping your distant, i feel bad and realise i will not be able to rely on u
    and i will definitely loose u. But everything is because of me , it is my
    decision and i should be accountable for it. I had to consider your position
    and not only put myself in a confortable situation. So yes i accept your
    decision and i will respect it because i know u're taking the right decision no
    matter how hard it is for me.
    I just want u to know u were my best and u will stay in my mind and heart for a
    while!
    Finally i want to say that of course i want to see u again. I promise it and
    i'm the most sincere ! i 'm not going to let u get rid of me so easily . I
    already miss u so much...
    But i just want u to know that whenever u need or want, i will be still here
    for u and i don't want u to hesitate to contact me because i will be so happy
    to hear from u and help u! My best wish is to see u again and to know u happy!
    so u can always rely on me.
    When u feel stronger, i want u to contact me! until then i will disappear and
    be waiting for ur email or ur call. I will also strive to find my way in this
    strange jungle that is life...
    i like u so much!
    millions of kisses! Take care!

    It's so sad!!! I feel so sad but I know in my heart that we both care so much and it's so hard to let go for both of us!! I feel that I have made the right decision now! But I still feel like I wish I could hope that maybe in the future we could find the way to each other! I love him! He was being really honest with me in his email! I really appreciate it! I was scared that he would blame me but he hasn't! He has been really good about it! I miss him! Oh my God I miss him so much!! It's so hard to move on! But now at least I can do it peacefully with no guilt feelings or feeling bad about my decision! Do you think it could happen in the future for us?

    I REALLY APPRECIATE the support you all have given me since I came on this message board! It's been really empowering and it gave me so much strength! THANK YOU so much!!! Without you I am sure I would still be making mistakes! I guess I find it hard to interpret my own situation and to know how to deal with it! Thank you all!! I need your help to be able to move on!! You can't imagine how much it means to me your support! It's so hard for me because now I am slowly realising that it's over but you are right I have a hard time to accept it! It feels strange! It feels like it can't be over completely!

    LY

     
    Old 04-16-2005, 03:03 AM   #72
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    Re: PLEASE HELP! Is it over or is there a hope?

    Hi lovingyou,

    I think you are doing the right thing. No contact is best until you can try and heal from all the hurt and the feelings you have for him. But it will make it hard because you will always carry that hope, seeing that you know you will be seeing him again.

    I am glad to see that he finally admitted that he was keeping in contact because it made things easier for him. I had been thinking that all along. It makes the break up much less painful and guilt free for him, knowing that you are still right there for him. And well, it just hurts and confuses you. It's quite selfish. I feel that he is keeping you on that hook just in case the "grass isn't greener", and then he can haul you back in until the next time his attention wanders. Don't give him that satisfaction and don't let him use you. If he wants to go and find something else, set him free completely. You don't need to be settled for. You are better than that. Find someone that wants to be with you, not just keep you for a reserve, or to make things easier for him.

    Honestly, I think you give this guy way too much credit. Behind all the niceness, lies quite a deceptive plot (that he even admitted to!!!). When he gets over the break up, do you think he will still want to see you and contact you... I doubt it. So do your best to move on now and find your own happiness without him. Let him suffer the consequences of his own decision without hurting you to make it easier for him to get through.

    Good luck to you!!! Be strong.
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    Last edited by StormGirl; 04-16-2005 at 03:04 AM.

     
    Old 04-16-2005, 04:22 PM   #73
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    Re: PLEASE HELP! Is it over or is there a hope? A call at 4 am!!!

    You wouldn't believe what happened last night!! After sending the emails to each other I thought he would not contact me again! I decided to go out yesterday night with a friend of mine! It was quite a good night but I realised that I am not intersted in anyone else and I still miss him so so much! I didn't go to bed until about 2.30 am.. At 4 am THE PHONE RINGS!! When I answered it was HIM!! He started to tell me that he went out with his friends and that he misses me a lot! and that he has been thinking about me a lot these days especially after I made the decision to cut contact! He started to say that I conquered his heart and I am under his skin and that he misses me so much! He said that he is lost and that he just cannot understand himself because he actually said to me that he was happy with me and that I am pretty and a really nice girl so he can't understand himself why can't he just be happy with what he has! He said that he would like to hug me and kiss me and cuddle me.. he then asked me if I went out so I said I did go out and he started to say that he is fearing that I will meet someone else! he says that he is fearing that he will call me one day and I won't pick up the phone because I'll be with somebody else! I said to him that I am not looking for a relationship and for anyone else! He said that not now but later you will! I said to him but what about you? You might meet someone else as well and then you will drop me because she won't be happy that you still contact me.. he said that he won't accept that! he then said he doesn't know what to do that he is lost.. he started to say that he is sorry he called that he should not have done that because he is not respecting my decision! I said to him to stop saying that! That I am happy he called! He asked if I was sure? I said yes! Anyway, after that he asked me if we meet again.. I said yes we can in the future and he said are you sure? I said yes.. he said that he misses me! I said that I miss him too! He asked him if he is happy with his decision and he said that when he doesn't think about us he is but when he starts to think about me he isn't! But he keeps saying that he needs to respect it! I just cannot understand it why does he have to make it so hard on himself! He said he doesn't know either. But he then said that he can't go back because the problems would be still there. He said that the fact that it's a distance relationship it's hard for him! He then said I know that you are stronger than me! I said it's not truth! It's just that I appear stronger but it's hard for me too! I don't want him to think that I don't care and I want to move on because I am not intersted in him any longer! It's not truth! Anyway, I didn't beg and I didn't try to convince him. I just said ok and then we said good bye to each other! He sent me an email this morning which actually made me cry! It made me cry mainly because I feel that we are ending our relationship but we both still feel so strongly about each other and the fact that we don't live in the same country is not helping! Here is what he wrote:

    I am sorry for last night, i woke you up and didnt respect your decision. It's
    just that i really wanted to hear u because i missed u a lot. I didnt mean to
    confuse u about my feelings but yes i still do like u a lot and i can't help!
    But i promise i will respect now your decision, it's just that i was drunk and
    it was quite soon after u explained me that u want to cut contact, so i got
    emotional. I promise i won't do that again and the next time it will be you who will contact me and not me anymore for the reasons i said yesterday in my email. Forget about what i said on the phone, my emotions were stronger than my rationale but it's ok now. Of course i want to meet u in may but we
    shouldnt because i didnt change my mind about us and so u need to respect your decision too.

    Sorry if i dont call u but its easier for me by email than on the phone.

    Actually I feel so sad because even though I made a decision to cut contact with him it's not what I really want in my heart! Of course I want to hear from him! I want him to contact me but he is thinking that he has to respect it and now he has even promised me he won't contact me again! It's killing me! What should I reply? I want him to know that the truth! I still love him and I want him back! I know it! When he called last night I was so happy to hear from him! Please help me what should I tell him! I am not sure I am really happy with my decision with cutting all the contact with him! It was so hard today but I haven't called yet! I am trying to be strong but I don't want to ignore his email either! I want him to know that he is in my heart! I care for him so much! I don't want him to misunderstand me that I want to move on becasue I no longer love him and I no longer hope!!

    LY

     
    Old 04-16-2005, 04:41 PM   #74
    Snails
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    Re: PLEASE HELP! Is it over or is there a hope?

    Please read Stormgirl's last post again...she's exactly right. This guy has now come right out and admitted that although he is not willing to be in a committed relationship with you, he wants to keep you hanging around with your hopes up in case he ever changes his mind or wants a woman to fall back on when he gets lonely or horny. That's exactly what people here were trying to warn you about (letting him keep you on the back burner and toy with your emotions just so he feels like he has you there waiting if he ever wants anything from you), and now he has come right out and admitted that he is using you for his own selfish urge not to feel completely single and alone, without a woman waiting in the wings in case he wants anything from her. Please don't let him convince you that his behavior is somehow acceptable...he's manipulating your emotions to keep you hooked on him and unable to move on with your life, yet he consistently refuses to commit to you in any way. That's cruel, disrespectful, and shamefully selfish to do to anyone, but even worse when you're causing such pain to someone you claim to care for and love. I wish there was someway to make that clearer and to help you see that none of this was your decision, he's just twisting it all around to make you think that so you don't see how he's the one in control and manipulating this entire situation...while he doesn't want to be with you, he's still able to ensure that you won't want to be with anyone else in case he wants to get laid again or flatter his ego by talking to you. Calling you in the middle of the night when he's probably drunk to feel good about himself and mess with your emotions is not an encouraging sign...I don't know how we can be more clear about the fact that your "decision," your feelings, and what you want aren't the issue here. He's the one who's manipulating this entire situation to keep you in a miserable sort of purgatory--he's treating you terribly and that you deserve so much better than he's willing to give you. I really hope you can see that you should never settle for someone who acts so selfishly, with so little regard for your feelings, because otherwise, I can see your sadness, confusion, and slight hope persisting (and keeping you stuck in a painful limbo) for much too long. Please remember that everyone is just trying to help you see this situation objectively--we're only saying what we're saying to prevent you from learning this lesson the hard way and going through more pain than necessary. Good luck and please be sure to look out for your own best interests throughout all this...

     
    Old 04-17-2005, 02:10 AM   #75
    lovingyou
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    Re: PLEASE HELP! Is it over or is there a hope?

    I should add that we are not native English speakers! We both communicate in English together but English is not our mother tongue so I think it's hard for us sometimes to really express what we feel and what we want to say! That's why I am not really sure that we would be able to be so manipulative as an English speaker?!!

     
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