Why am I so critical of my boyfriend?

03-23-2005, 09:23 AM

I have a boyfriend who treats me wonderfully..he is loyal, kind, patient, etc. We are planning on getting married eventually. But I am so critical of him and I don't know why. I analyze things he does and make such a big deal as to what others think of him. For example, a friend of mine once said my boyfriend can be arrogant and I was upset for days, because I don't want people to think he is arrogant. Once we were out and I overheard a stranger say that my boyfriend's outfit made him look gay, and that upset me.
It's like I just want everyone to think I have the perfect boyfriend (and eventually husband) but I know no one is perfect. I have never been this way with other boyfriends but this is the first guy I have EVER considered marriage with and have been so serious with. But it just bothers me terribly when people (especially my friends) have negative or somewhat derrogatory things to say about him. HELP!!

03-23-2005, 09:56 AM

Why are you so worried about what other people think.......that is soooo highschoolish

What really matters is what you think and how he treats you and how you are as a couple. Forget about what other people think, because it is you in the end that will marry this guy.....not any of your friends. However, if you are going to allow everybody elses feelings to have an impact on your feelings then that is what you need to make peace with now because in the end you will allow others to direct your life and your choices.

Does he appear to be arrogant to you to the point that it bothers you???? And do you mind the way he dresses, or is his style part of what makes you love him??? These are the questions you should be focusing on...not on what others feel or think!!! What matters is what YOU think and feel...Goody

03-23-2005, 10:53 AM

Although I agree that you shouldn't pay too much attention to what other people say about your BF ... but obviously, there are some things of your BF that other people don't like ...

In most cases, people see negative things of their friends' BFs or GFs ... & they just ignore them ... so your BF's certain qualities must be bad enough to create a huge impact, huge enough for your friends to speak out. How many times has this happened before ... may I ask ???

Strangers would say that your BF looked gay ... is it because your BF is good looking & dresses up nicely ... & strangers are just simply jealous

... I beleive there's a term called metro-sexual ...

03-23-2005, 11:29 AM

I think you need to ask yourself if you can love and live with the man your bf is instead of the man you want him to be. Did you fall for him or the man you thought he could become? Unlike with a house, it hardly ever works when you choose a man who is a "fixer upper". He is who he is. If he's wonderful to you then it might be time to do a little of your own soul searching. He will only stand that constant criticizm so long. It can, in the long run, destroy a relationship.
Evy

03-23-2005, 01:08 PM

Thanks for your replies. Gundam,to answer your question, well...my best friend and my boyfriend (Jim) have conflicting personalities so to speak. There are many things that Jim doesn't like about my friend either but won't actually confront her about..so I guess that could have something to do with it.. She's had other minor problems with him too in the past, as did he, and I am the one who hears about it from both ends. BUt there are also plenty of people that my friend DOES get along with totally and doesn't have any complaints about, and i wish my boyfriend was one of those people! I guess I just hate conflict.
BUt anyway, I also have to realize that I am the one who will be marrying him, not anyone else..in the long run I have to worry about what I think and not what everyone else thinks.

03-23-2005, 01:32 PM

Well if sounds like a big jealously issue to me. People who comment on other in public ar either jealouse or they may remind them of someone they know so they feel the need to make a nasty remark.

As for you girlfriend. She knows you really like this guy and your planning on marriage. Tell her she better get use to him because he's not going anywhere.

And you need to learn to let these things slide by you. Random people you dont know shouldnt bother you. If your friends say something you dont agree with confront them on the stop.

03-23-2005, 10:13 PM

Hey relyt,

You shouldn't worry so much about what people say about your b/f...unless you keep hearing the same thing over and over again from those who truly care about you. Like others have posted, the gay comment was out of jealousy...was the person who said it a guy, if it was, he felt intimidated by him and wanted to say something to make himself look better!

About your friends comment...did you guys all know eachother before you started dating your b/f??? Dating inside of friends can always cause problems, b/c someone might have a feeling towards a person about something that could have happened back in the day. Did you call your friend on what she said??? Ask her why she thought that???

You say you guys are talking about marriage...getting married, is coming together as 1. Which means coming together with the things that bother you about him. If you have problems with him, get them worked out before making the big jump...b/c you dont want to be stuck with something that you may regret! Also, if you dont like people saying anything about him, stick up for him and prove otherwise, b/c comments like that are only putting the one you love down...unless like I said before, its the same constant thing, then you should talk to him about it and take a look at the whole picture.

03-24-2005, 12:23 AM

the weirdiest part about all of this is what u are saying about the other people saying things. it seems that u do think he is perfect for u , and u love that dont ruin that but other concerns . remember it will be u and him at the end

take care

03-25-2005, 10:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by relyt

I have a boyfriend who treats me wonderfully..he is loyal, kind, patient, etc. We are planning on getting married eventually. But I am so critical of him and I don't know why. I analyze things he does and make such a big deal as to what others think of him. For example, a friend of mine once said my boyfriend can be arrogant and I was upset for days, because I don't want people to think he is arrogant.

My husband is very quiet and I am, well...sort of obnoxious at parties. He is also a little "stern" looking. High cheekbones, almond-shaped blue eyes that are always watching. He just doen't like all people. I seem to love everyone. His queit mannar and strong facial make-up and sturdy body and posture, tend to come off as arrogant, or unfreindly. Took me a long time to just let him hang out as he wants and I go and make a fool of myself...which is okay with him!

I was engaged when I met my husband and I left the other guy in a flash. I just knew my hubby was for me. Many of my casual friends gave big thumbs down to this. I left those friends. Many said we'd never make it. Things are really though right now and we've had so much loss, grief and struggle, but man I love him!

I jumped on him for everything and one day he told me how this killed him and made him feel as if I had nothing good to say about him. It made me hurt for him. I made a list of all of the things I thought I could do better on for him and listed a few...A FEW...things I'd like from him. He was so shocked and pleased that I knew it wasn't a good thing for me to pick at him.

Now....I let him make many mistakes...in turn, he lets me make mine.

p.s. his are still bigger and he has way more! Ha, ha!

Once we were out and I overheard a stranger say that my boyfriend's outfit made him look gay, and that upset me.
It's like I just want everyone to think I have the perfect boyfriend (and eventually husband) but I know no one is perfect. I have never been this way with other boyfriends but this is the first guy I have EVER considered marriage with and have been so serious with. But it just bothers me terribly when people (especially my friends) have negative or somewhat derrogatory things to say about him. HELP!!

Why am I so critical of my boyfriend?

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