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  • Wrong type of girls.

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    Old 03-25-2005, 01:29 AM   #1
    M1K3L
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    Wrong type of girls.

    So Yes, I've been dating a lot latly.

    Elizabeth was a ok girl, first girl I ever kissed, First girl I ever really dated. However, I didn't find her attractive. It didn't bother me kissing me though, but looking at her, I didn't find her attractive. What made me leave her in the long run is her personallity. We both were looking for diferent things in life, We both lived totally different lifestyles. I'm somewhat ready to settle down... She doesn't want to settle down for at least 4 years.

    Last night, a girl messeged me from website. I checked out her profile.. WOW, we are alike. We start talking and I am even more amazed at how much we are alike. We both get along really great and everything. She's a bit shy, but seems like a nice girl. However, One thing bothers me once again... I don't find her physically attractive. She sent me 2 pictures. One she is really beautful... perfect!! However, the other picture really turns me off.

    I'm also talking to ANOTHER Girl (makes 3) and me and her have a date planned. We both get along great and don't have any problems, but she isn't ready for a deep relationship. She just wants a guy to pretty much hang out with.. like casual dating.. She doesn't want to get tied down in a relationship. However, She said eventually she will.. she just has to get used to dating again she said. She seems okay, but I don't know if she's my type yet.

    On top of all this mess that's going on.. A guy at work is trying to set me up with another girl... That makes FOUR Girls I'm working between! Insane and I'm starting to loose track between them all...

    I feel like latly, I've been getting the wrong type of girls. I guess it's just a matter of finding the right one now.

    I try not to judge by looks.. I really try not to. I'm not the best looking guy in the world.. I'm short, a little overweight, but overall, I'm just a really small person. I know I'm not perfect. I don't ever expect to be.

    It's just, I cannot find certian girls (mainly overweight) attractive.. I know it's not their fault, and I don't judge them because of it. I cannot lie that it does bother me.. but like, with Elizabeth.. Once I got ot know her better, Looks seem to be less of an issue.

    I don't know what to do... I can't seem to get some of the better looking girls. I've tried but failed.

    I just don't know what to do. Keep going out with these girls, or just drop things...

    I'm worried that I might be too shallow if I turn down these girls.. Because I know i'm not the best looking person in the world.. and i don't expect to get a super model, but i would like someone attractive to me.

    This is where I think The media has a bad affect on people :-\

    Last edited by Guardian; 03-25-2005 at 07:25 PM.

     
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    Old 03-25-2005, 05:43 AM   #2
    marcen
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    Re: Wrong type of girls.

    I think the expression "love happens when you least expect it" is very true. People often find that when they stop looking for it, love finds them. It seems like you are not exactly sure what you want yet, so my advice to you would be to go about your life and focus on other things for awhile. Let love find you...also, everyone has a "type" so don't worry if you don't find a particular girl attractive. When you really fall in love with someone, you will look past the looks, and she will become more beautiful in your eyes overtime. It is also hard to go by pictures; I have lots of bad pictures of my ex, but in real life, he is gorgeous (at least to me).
    GL!

     
    Old 03-25-2005, 09:01 AM   #3
    Tygrysek
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    Re: Wrong type of girls.

    let me tell you my story. about 2 years ago i was introduced to this guy by a friend of mine. i was not attracted to him AT ALL and i was NOT looking for a b/f. after he got my # from one of my friends (which i was very ****** off about) he called and we started talking. we hung out and i thought we would just end up being friends cuz he was not my "type", not a guy that i thought i would ever be interested in and i was not attracted to him whatsoever. nevertheless, he was persistant. he even asked me out once and i turned him down! over time however, i realized how sweet and beautiful his personality is. THATS what i fell in love with. we are now together for 2 and a half years and planning to get married! I love him more than anything and TO ME, he is the most gorgeous, sexiest, hottest guy alive.

    So, just as the previous poster said, love happens when you least expect it. I was not looking for a b/f, yet it somehow just happened. Also, at the beginning you have to push yourself to try and look beyond attractiveness. With time, if the person has a great personality and you get along very well, then TO YOU, she will appear like the most attractive girl in the word.

     
    Old 03-25-2005, 10:30 AM   #4
    jedimindtricks
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    Re: Wrong type of girls.

    Its really true that once you know someone, looks aren't as much of an issue, so i think its important to give people you consider "unattractive" a chance if your personalities mesh well, thats what really matters. I remember the first time I met my x boyfriend, I specifically thought to myself, eww hes kinda ugly, that sounds mean but i am being totally honest- and we all think stuff like that to ourselves every once in a while, i have never been picky in the looks department anyway, but once i got to know him i completely fell inlove with him, even the stuff i thought was "ugly" about him when we met, it grew on me and i guess found it cute. well he ended up breaking my heart. but the point is its important not to stress too much about someones looks, because they won't matter in the long run, looks change, people age, after a woman has children her looks often "change" and if men are really disgusted with stretch marks or weight gain etc. would they leave the mother of their child? I hope you find someone who loves you for who you are as a whole person and vice versa. I know it might be hard to not be preoccupied about the small things, but maybe your soulmate doesn't look exactly like you thought, you don't wanna miss out on that! take care

     
    Old 03-25-2005, 10:44 AM   #5
    jedimindtricks
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    Re: Wrong type of girls.

    P.S. I wanted to state you are so right about the media and society...and being a woman, the standards I think I gotta live up to, man it's hard. I try to really stay away from magazines and things where all the girls are perfect, they all just make me depressed. Even shows, like that one where they give women makeovers and plastic surgery and all, its horrible to me. There was an episode of "without a trace" i think that a girl was on a show like that, well at the end she ended getting more plastic surgery to look like she used to. I sure don't want my duaghter to ever think she needs plastic surgery-- sheesh I am way against it and I have had myself thinking a couple times I should "fix" things. I am thin but I have no boobs, and it bothers me, but No one is perfect, but seems like we are expected to be...I am sorry I guess this rant is a little off topic....but yeah media has a bad effect in that way.....

     
    Old 03-25-2005, 11:26 AM   #6
    Ninispjc
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    Re: Wrong type of girls.

    Perhaps you're not ready to really find that one love of a lifetime yet? I think perhaps you just need to take it easy and not put so much pressure on all of these potential new relationships. It seems you have an attitude of "oh no, she seemed nice, but her picture, ugh!! I guess she can't be the one?!" It's possible none of these girls will be "the one," or maybe one of them will, who knows? I think you might just want to relax and get to know them. Let them all know up front you're dating around, nothing serious, just getting to know different people. I think most women are cool with that at the beginning.

    You say you're a little overweight. Perhaps starting a work out program would boost your energy level and your confidence? Plus, it never hurts to put our absolute best foot forward when looking for love. If you're looking for a hottie, then why not be as hot as you possibly can be yourself? And just enjoy the journey. Enjoy the process of getting to know these ladies, and above all, BE HONEST with them. Good luck to you!

     
    Old 03-25-2005, 04:09 PM   #7
    redsoxgirl2418
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    Re: Wrong type of girls.

    in your specific situation, Mike, you might need to step back and think about why you don't find girls that you can realistically date attractive. Or, think about, can you even describe a woman who would be attractive to you (we're not talking supermodel here). Because with things that you have mentioned about your past and some confusion about sexuality, it could be that your subconscious tells you these girls are unattractive, not because they aren't good looking, but because they're girls...and you're not attracted to women like you want to be.

    I've said this before, but I truly believe that you need to take some time for yourself and figure out what you want. It may seem lonely, but I think it might be what's best for you and those entering a potential relationship with you.

     
    Old 03-25-2005, 06:09 PM   #8
    M1K3L
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    Re: Wrong type of girls.

    I'm really not picky about looks.. I just want a girl to be about my height, and about avarage or a little overweight. That's all I really care about.. Just about my height, and simular body build as me, or maybe a little larger.

    I am 5 feet, 4 inchs, I'm around 180 Lbs. I wear 36 size pants mens.

    I just want a avarage looking girl, No supermodel, but I also don't want someone who is 2x my size.

    That's my "dream" just to have a girl around my size or a little larger with a good personallity.

    EVERY GIRL I've ever came close to dating have all been overweight. I don't mind full figured girls.. but when they are to the point where they are so overweight that's it's unhealthy.. It bothers me a lot.

    But, I've noticed for some reason, I feel I can grow closer to the girls I don't find very attractive.

    I'm going to give each and every one of these girls a chance.. I'm not going to walk away just because of their looks.. That's shallow. I WILL give them a chance at least.

    Lots of guys my age are shallow.. I don't want to be shallow like that. I want to accept a person for who they are inside, not what I can see from the outside.

    It does bother me.. a lot, I won't lie, but like others said, I've noticed looks seems to be less of an issue as you start dating more. I recently dated a girl I totally found unattracted. Next thing I know, we are french kissing and sitting on a beach.

    On the topic of media.. I think media has had a bad effect on socity. All the new rap music videos, the new TV shows.. They are really shallow again overweight and unattractive people. I think it's caused a lot guys (and girls) to focus more on looks instead of personallity.

    A good girl friend at work only focus's on a guys look... She talks about how cute a guy is, but then a week later she comes back almost in tears saying how badly she's treated.

    I dated one girl I found attractive a long time, and it came back and bit me in the butt. I found out she was cheating on another guy with me...

     
    Old 03-26-2005, 02:13 AM   #9
    Snails
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    Re: Wrong type of girls.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by M1K3L
    I'm really not picky about looks.. I just want a girl to be about my height, and about avarage or a little overweight. That's all I really care about.. Just about my height, and simular body build as me, or maybe a little larger.

    I am 5 feet, 4 inchs, I'm around 180 Lbs. I wear 36 size pants mens.

    I just want a avarage looking girl, No supermodel, but I also don't want someone who is 2x my size.

    That's my "dream" just to have a girl around my size or a little larger with a good personallity.

    EVERY GIRL I've ever came close to dating have all been overweight. I don't mind full figured girls.. but when they are to the point where they are so overweight that's it's unhealthy.. It bothers me a lot.

    But, I've noticed for some reason, I feel I can grow closer to the girls I don't find very attractive.

    I'm going to give each and every one of these girls a chance.. I'm not going to walk away just because of their looks.. That's shallow. I WILL give them a chance at least.

    Lots of guys my age are shallow.. I don't want to be shallow like that. I want to accept a person for who they are inside, not what I can see from the outside.

    It does bother me.. a lot, I won't lie, but like others said, I've noticed looks seems to be less of an issue as you start dating more. I recently dated a girl I totally found unattracted. Next thing I know, we are french kissing and sitting on a beach.

    On the topic of media.. I think media has had a bad effect on socity. All the new rap music videos, the new TV shows.. They are really shallow again overweight and unattractive people. I think it's caused a lot guys (and girls) to focus more on looks instead of personallity.

    A good girl friend at work only focus's on a guys look... She talks about how cute a guy is, but then a week later she comes back almost in tears saying how badly she's treated.

    I dated one girl I found attractive a long time, and it came back and bit me in the butt. I found out she was cheating on another guy with me...
    I don't mean to be blunt here, but I think you first need to be realistic and realize that almost everyone ends up with someone who is close to the same level of attractiveness as they are. And with couples where one partner is significantly less attractive, there is usually an imbalance of power (money, fame, power, etc.) behind the mismatch. I am your height, and if I weighed 180 pounds and didn't find overweight men attractive, I might try to work to improve my health and fitness, and make some moderate effort to make the most of my looks. Guys that I've known have always considered me very attractive, and because of this, I have been fortunate enough to be pretty selective among many interested men. My friends are the same way, and it always amazes us when we're out (and especially now that I'm dating online) that some men doggedly persist in believing that they should be with a woman who is much younger or more attractive or richer than he is. Unfortunately, you have found out the hard way that dating someone considerably more attractive than yourself rarely works out well. I do agree with you completely that the emphasis our society places on physical beauty is absurd and damaging, but sadly that is the way the world is and always will be. I think it's admirable that you are willing to look past physical attraction and give girls a chance--that will serve you well in life, so please don't get frustrated and down on yourself because you haven't met "the one" yet. I know you aren't happy about this, but it is true what the posters here have been trying to tell you: while it would be really great if you could find love and settle down with someone just because you want to and feel ready, that just hardly ever happens. Almost everyone has at least a few failed relationships before they find the right person with whom to spend their life. While painful, these failed relationships provide valuable wisdom and insight into how to nourish and sustain a romantic partnership. So please, don't despair and try to be more patient with yourself...you are doing the best you can to find someone to love, but that will only happen when it happens. Trying to will it into happening is probably actually working against you--people have a very finely tuned radar that steers them away from anyone desperate to find love. Desperation, neediness, and dissatisfaction with life on your own are some of the most unappealing qualities out there, and a big part of the reason most people really do find love when they're not actively seeking it.

    I don't think that you should be dating girls to whom you feel NO attraction whatsoever. As other posters have noted, yes, it's true that you can grow more attracted to someone as you get to know them/over time and that pictures can be misleading. However, it is also misleading and hurtful to date girls (and get their hopes up that you might be interested in a relationship with them) when you know that you're not nearly into them to the extent necessary to sustain a relationship. Especially for girls who are not all that attractive and probably not pursued by too many guys, that could be really painful (even if they never discover that your lack of attraction was the reason you and them didn't work out as a couple). Anyway, I don't mean to be too harsh here, but I think that you would benefit from gaining more life experience and maturity before you are in such a rush to settle down. It is important to be content and at peace with yourself before you commit to spending your life with another person--love is not always enough to sustain a relationship; timing, maturity, independence, self-esteem and wisdom, among other qualities, are also necessary. I wish you the best of luck, and I'm sure that it won't be long before a great girl comes along who you find attractive inside and out .
    PS--Great post, Stormgirl! As always, I admire and respect your advice, and hope Mike takes advantage of your insights.

     
    Old 03-26-2005, 02:42 AM   #10
    M1K3L
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    Re: Wrong type of girls.

    Thank You :-)

    Lots of stuff adds up when I think about my history of dating. I tried years ago to find someone to date.. and most girls found me unattractive.

    Maybe I'm not as attractive as I think I am... I'm not sure. I've seen some pictures of me that... Honestly, I look really really bad in, but other pictures, I look okay in. When I compare myself to other guys my age.. I feel "different".. Most guys are taller, slimmer, and better built than I am.

    Maybe I've been too shallow all this time. I remember in high school there was a few girls that were overweight that wanted to date me, but I wasn't into the whole dating scene back then and just blew things off.

    I've had plenty of chances to date girls, but most of the time, I walked away.

    I think maybe I've been "too picky" when dating girls. A coworker at work even told me that I've been picky.

    Okay, Honestly, Here's something that really bothers me... I worry a lot about what people think of me, or someone I'm with. When I'm dating a girl, I worry about what they think of her, or me. I guess it's because of past experence... I have a cousin who is my age and dated a overweight girl, and my family talked badly behind his and her back. I guess that just stuck to me over the years... I always worry about what people think of me.

    Dating a overweight girl doesn't bother me... What DOES bother me is what people think of us. I feel like I'm in a mismatched couple.

    I never had any "good" looking girls hit on me.. I've had a lot of overweight girls hit on me, 1 or 2 of them were pretty decent looking to me.

    I'm not going to judge this girls photo. I will meet the girls in person so I can better know them. #1 is always personallity...

    I've got to be more open minded and stop being so shallow.

    I do, however, feel this girl being desprite just by how she talks. I do feel sorry for her because I know what it's like to be alone and not feel wanted. I'll give her a chance at least, Her personallity seems okay, just a bit shy, but nothing wrong with that :-)

     
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