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  • "me time"

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    Old 04-04-2005, 09:23 AM   #1
    BigDaddy2
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    "me time"

    My girlfriend recently told me she needs "me time". Shes a full time nurse working 6-10 everyday and only gets one day off a week. Shes told me not to ring or text her at all for now. She wants time to herself. We used to talk on the phone everyday, cudnt see each other often due to distance but it never bothered us. We talked day in day out, every single day. We were really in love. After every phone call we'd say "love you" at the end. I recently said it and she said "i cant be doing all that at the moment, i do still but i just.." I said "i understand" but really i dont. I dont know whats happening, it seems that her nurse job is taking over her life. I love her to bits and miss our chats. She says that she just needs time. Shes always going out clubbing and stuff and im scared shes gonna find someone else. She wants to spend her day off going out having fun instead of talking to me. She actually said that over the phone also. I dont know what to do....I miss her, dont know where i stand or if she still actually does love me. We were planning on getting engaged before all this happened, even got her the ring she wanted. But havent gave it her yet, i feel really depressed. Shes everything i live for, my career at university is going down the drain and i gave up most my friends to be with her. She once said she'd never leave me and would always love me, but i feel like she doesnt wanna know me anymore. Its hurting like hell. I asked her if im still her boyfriend and she said "i am but im not", then she said "you are, oh i dunno". Its like she doesnt know herself, im completely baffled. I dont want to lose her, i just want to put things back to how they were. Advice needed please...

     
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    Old 04-04-2005, 10:23 AM   #2
    Random2
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    Re: "me time"

    I know that it must be really tough for you. I can understand a couple of hours of "me time", but an entire day. It just seems odd. The fact that you tell her that you Love Her & that is her response is strange as well. I went through the same thing with the "love her" thing, but she came around after a couple of days. We were also in an arguement. When you see her the next time find out what is going on. I know that it is hard, but tell her that you just want to know the truth as to what is going on. She's not going to find the man of her dreams at the club. You need to know the truth as to what is going on. One day of "me time" with no calls or anything is just strange. It seems that some women really need this "me time" for a few hours. It doesn't make a lot of sense to me, especially in a serious relationship. The bottom line is that you need to know the truth. Her words say that something else is going on. If she just said that she needs "me time" & the rest of your conversation was normal then let her have it. It sounds like there is a lot more to the story that she isn't telling you. Don't obsess about the relationship. It makes her feel like she has the power over it. It should be both ways. Talk to her honestly and find out the truth. Don't let it destroy you.

     
    Old 04-04-2005, 11:03 AM   #3
    BigDaddy2
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    Re: "me time"

    Shes told me to stop asking negative questions. Something personal has happened to her apparently and her and her mother said i cant know about it. But i dont see why she doesnt want to talk to me, she can go out with all her friends and everyone else like normal but it just seems to be me. Shes told me shes not gonna call for a while. I feel if i keep asking her questions and pushing her im going to lose her for good. Thats why im just leaving it now and hoping she phones or texts me back. But im scared that its going to be a "ive met someone else" or "i dont love you anymore" or "i dont have time for you anymore"...and that really would destroy me. Im not good at being strong in a relationship, shes a very attractive girl who could have any guy she wanted, she isnt going to take any hassle from me she'd just say get lost. I used to feel important to her but now i dont. I just feel like im pestering her now and thats what lost me my last girlfriend. Ive given her everything a guy can possibly give to a girl. I gave her loads of pressies for xmas along with a big teddy bear, bought her big pink roses for valentines day, bought her shoes to go out clubbing with and loads of other stuff like jewelry. Ive supported her for 3 years, been there for her when shes down. I do make mistakes sometimes but i always try to put things right. Im not a bad guy, shes just a very important part of me that means the world. I dont know what to do i just feel lost at the moment and really lonely.

     
    Old 04-04-2005, 11:14 AM   #4
    Random2
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    Re: "me time"

    If everyone else can know what is going on, but you are left in the dark, how far is that to you? You are going through emotional he**. She can be the most beautiful girl in the world, but it doesn't give her the right to leave you hangin'. You are going to have to take a risk. You can't let her rule the relationship. As Kravitz says.... Let Love Rule. Tell her that you need to talk to see her.... that it's important. Find out what is going on. At least you will know. If you are her b/f why are you being left in the dark. For your own sanity you need to know.

     
    Old 04-04-2005, 11:30 AM   #5
    susieq0726
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    Re: "me time"

    Something personal has happened to her but her and her mother say she can't tell you? Something's up. I would be very suspicious.

     
    Old 04-04-2005, 11:35 AM   #6
    BigDaddy2
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    Re: "me time"

    Thats the thing i dont know if i am still her boyfriend. Im just giving her the time and space shes asked for. Her friends dont know about whats happened to my knowledge but what im saying is she goes out with them like normal and talks to them, but wants to stay away from me..thats what i dont understand. I feel like im to blame but im trying to think where i went wrong. Maybe i was too paranoid. The day after she goes clubbing she used to phone me and tell me what happened, things like guys touching her bum, getting loads of attention from other guys, calling other guys fit, saying she wouldnt kick certain guys out of bed and it hurts to here it. I do have full trust for her but sometimes i feel really jealous i suppose of these guys around her. Maybe its just me, would you be upset if your girlfriend talked about other guys more than u? Thats just how it felt sometimes. I know i cant keep her all to myself, shes her own self and can go out do whatever she wishes. I dont know part of me feels ive pushed her away by being too paranoid. She just means alot to me and i love her to bits.

     
    Old 04-04-2005, 12:14 PM   #7
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    Re: "me time"

    Have pride in yourself. By her telling you that she wouldn't kick certain guys out of bed & that she had all of this attention. What is she looking for???? It sounds very self-centered & really not fair. You need to talk to her. You don't know where you stand. The question that you have to ask yourself is, "Do you want someone as your girlfriend who can't tell you what is going on, is extremely self-centered & etc"..... Everyone has flaws.... I know that for a fact. Right now you are just sitting in misery waiting for a call. This is no way to live happily. Call her and tell her that you need to see her. Find out the truth. It might be painful, but it's a lot more painful not knowing.

     
    Old 04-04-2005, 12:38 PM   #8
    lisa24
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    Re: "me time"

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by BootyDaddy
    I said "i understand" but really i dont.
    A good place to start out is.. Don't say "I understand" if you dont.
    Tell her that, you don't understand. Ask her to talk, and explain to you.
    And whether or not she's willing to talk, don't tell her understand it when you don't.
    If you do, you're giving her to go ahead to never help you understand.

     
    Old 04-04-2005, 12:50 PM   #9
    BigDaddy2
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    Re: "me time"

    I just dont like to keep questioning her when she says she needs space. I cant keep saying why this, why that, i dont want to push her. Im just not winning with whatever i say to her. But i dont know whats happened for all i know it could be very serious, a womens problem that in respect is confidential. Its just all this waiting around that i cant bare, shes the only good thing in my life thats why shes so important. I feel that if i make another mistake ill lose her for good. Shes specifically asked me not to keep asking negative questions so if i do then its not going to help is it? I dont know at the moment im just relying on time. Weve had rows before and always fixed it but its never gone this far. I cant do anything though but sit and think about her. My moms a childminder, i play with the kids to take my mind off things but it still doesnt work. Nothing i seem to do takes my mind off her. But i think i was getting on her nerves, she just wants to go out with her mates for a drink and to dance. Which i do respect but when you love someone, you make time for them too right? No matter what. She always used to but now i dont know whats happening. I appreciate the help guys.

     
    Old 04-04-2005, 01:12 PM   #10
    Stillhope1
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    Re: "me time"

    Having been in a similar situation, I can tell you this. You better get that explination now because she is letting you down easy. She is on her way out the door and the not knowing will keep you up a lot of nights wondering the eternal question that haunts a lot of us. WHY?

     
    Old 04-04-2005, 01:28 PM   #11
    BigDaddy2
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    Re: "me time"

    Hey you dont know for sure shes on the way out? She said we will get back together its just gonna take time. She wouldnt of said that if she didnt want to right?

     
    Old 04-04-2005, 01:29 PM   #12
    Random2
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    Re: "me time"

    I agree with Stillhope. Now is not the time to give her space. As her B/F you deserve to know what is going on. There shouldn't be any secrets in a relationship. You need to talk to her.

     
    Old 04-04-2005, 01:31 PM   #13
    lisa24
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    Re: "me time"

    Well, stop asking why then.

    I just wanted to point out - don't say you understand if you don't.
    Next time try something like "well, if you need space then take it. I DON'T understand it, but I won't fight you."

     
    Old 04-04-2005, 01:57 PM   #14
    BigDaddy2
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    Re: "me time"

    Thanks for your thoughts, i appreciate it.

     
    Old 04-04-2005, 02:31 PM   #15
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    Re: "me time"

    I hate to say this, but I have done the exact same thing as this girl numerous times when I wanted an easy way out of a relationship. I am almost positive that she does not want to be your girlfriend anymore but is trying to let you down gently...I really wouldn't have your hopes up and keep waiting around because the chances that she's coming back aren't good. Of course, that's just my opinion, and if you really care for her, I hope I'm wrong. I believe that everyone deserves to be with someone who does not need time apart, "space" or even a temporary break-up to decide if they want to be with you for good. I think the right person for each of us would never doubt his/her feelings for the love of their life to such an extent, but I know that some people feel differently. Nevertheless, I would try to get used to the idea of being happy on your own rather than pinning all your hopes on the possibility that she will want to rekindle your relationship...but I am hoping that everything works out. Good luck and take care.

     
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