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  • I have so many problems with my sister...

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    Old 04-05-2005, 12:06 PM   #1
    Frynd1
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    I have so many problems with my sister...

    This is kind of long...and I have three seperate problems...any advice would be helpful.

    My sister, who is twenty-four, has a problem with stealing. When we were children, it started out as her stealing my clothes and cd's. Then, as she got older, it progressed to her stealing my mother's car when our parents were out of town. Now, for the past three years, she has been stealing money. For a long time she was taking my mother's bank card and pulling money out of my mother's bank account, via a cash machine. She must have stole over $400.00. Then, once my parents found out, they changed the password to their account and left it at that. Just recently though, my mother gave me her credit card to go by books for school. The next day, my father asked me for it and I couldn't find it anywhere. I am 9 months pregnant and stressed myself out, looking everywhere in the house and crying for three hours straight, thinking I lost their credit card. Finally, I told them I was sorry and that it was gone. My mother called the card's company and was told there had been a purchase made on it that same day, for $185.00 at Target. She reported the card as stolen and the company agreed to send her a new one. Two days later, the card I supposedly 'lost' magically appeared back in my mother's purse. I hate to blame this on my sister, except I believe it would be naive of me not to. I asked my mother if she plans on doing anything about this and all she said was, "we'll see who signed the receipt." This makes me furious because I have a feeling that, once again, my parents are going to let this slide. Should I keep my nose out of it? No one has been doing anything about her problem.

    Another issue that I have is that she keeps taking advantage of my family members. She has a five month old daughter and can't seem to take care of her on her own. Every time I am at my house, she calls me up, asking me to run errands for her. I am 9 months pregnant, mind you, and am getting tired of this. Last week, she was sitting at her house and ran out of formula and made our mother run out and buy some and drive it over to her. I'm frustrated by this because my sister gets mad any time someone refuses to help her and we don't know how to tell her no.

    My last problem is that my sister's husband won't let me watch their daughter. He doesn't trust me. I don't do drugs, I'm engaged to a police officer and am an A student in college. He has no reason not to trust me. I'm hurt by this and my mother told me to 'get over it.' How do you get over someone else comming in your family and telling you that you can't watch your own neice? My sister won't even let me hold her when her husband is around. Am I being a baby?

    Last edited by Frynd1; 04-05-2005 at 12:35 PM.

     
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    Old 04-05-2005, 01:02 PM   #2
    goody2shuz
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    Re: I have so many problems with my sister...

    Lynn ~ Wow....what a dilemma. May I ask if you are the younger of the two...is your sister the oldest??? This is so bizarre.....I never heard of such a thing but it is quite obvious that your sister does have a problem. Do you think that any drugs are involved??? That's my first instinct??? Why her husband doesn't trust you....I would take a guess that your sister has probably told him some things about you that he finds reason to distrust you with.

    I really feel for you....but I really think that at this point you should concentrate on having your baby and your family. And until you can figure this sister of yours out...I would keep a very close eye on her....Goody

     
    Old 04-05-2005, 01:05 PM   #3
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    Re: I have so many problems with my sister...

    I would not characterize your position as being a baby.

    You must learn that an ounce of energy or stress expended on wishing to change a thing that you are powerless to change is an ounce of stress wasted. I know you want an answer that will "fix" these things, but this does not exist.

    Your sister is in sole possession of the power to "fix" this. Since you have no such power, you are best spending energy on how you wish to interact with her and her husband as opposed to worrying abut these things you can do nothing about. I do not mean this in a harsh way, it is just a reality that you can internalize and move forward with or a reality that you can refuse to accept and continue to stress and trouble over.

    I could suggest you talk to her or you mother, but they know the score and I imagine you have had these talks before. Focus on what you can do. This is really about your decisions over how you will interact with your sister.

    Last edited by Music4All; 04-05-2005 at 01:17 PM.

     
    Old 04-05-2005, 01:55 PM   #4
    Frynd1
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    Re: I have so many problems with my sister...

    I believe my parents won't do anything about her stealing because one, she is married and out of the house and two, they don't want to press charges on their own child. I completely understand that, however, for whatever reason I can't stand seeing her get away with stealing money and credit cards. I am in school studying law and the father of my unborn son is a police officer. Perhaps it is simply in my nature to want justice, even if it is my own family. Last weekend, I had a baby shower and couldn't stop worrying about my sister comming over and stealing the gifts. She is out of the house, except she comes over daily.

    As far as drugs go, yes there are narcotics involved. Both she and her husband smoke pot and drink on a daily basis. Her husband is thirty years old and an alcoholic. Everyone in my family (except for my sister) has recognized his problem. Perhaps that is where all of their money is going? Either way, why an alcoholic and faithful subscriber to 'High Times' magazine wouldn't let me watch their daughter is beyond me. Maybe there isn't an answer to this, except I love my neice to death and have shed many tears over not being able to see her.

    My parents told me that the only way to get over her using me (as far as me running errands for her) is to quit doing it. Okay, fine...then why is my mother still doing it? She even admits it makes her angry. I suppose there is no way to make my mother stop catering to her.

    As far as the stealing goes, I suppose I'm most angry at the fact I spent all day searching for a credit card (when I am 9 months pregnant) that she had all along. On top of that, I doubt if my parents will do anything. I keep asking my mother about it and she changes the subject. I feel as if I have no control over this since she isn't my daughter. It bothers me that she is stealing from everyone though.

    (Oh, and yes, I am younger then her. She is twenty-four and I am twenty.)

    Last edited by Frynd1; 04-05-2005 at 01:56 PM.

     
    Old 04-05-2005, 02:04 PM   #5
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    Re: I have so many problems with my sister...

    Hmmmm.......Goody had a feeling you were the younger one. I have two teen daughters and it's funny how the younger one often becomes the police officer of the older one And I am glad that Goody's instincts are still intact regarding the suspicion of drugs.

    I would really advise you to encourage all interaction with your sis & neice on neutral grounds such as at your mom's....once you have your son make all visits either out in a public place or at your mom's. This way you won't get into a situation where your sister is taking from you. Eventually your mom will see things as they are....in fact she probably already knows. Mom's have this strong intuition in regard to their kids as you will shortly find out.

    And please....do not leave your son in the care of your sis or her husband ....Goody

    Last edited by goody2shuz; 04-05-2005 at 02:05 PM.

     
    Old 04-05-2005, 02:11 PM   #6
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    Re: I have so many problems with my sister...

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by LynnDewald1
    I feel as if I have no control over this since she isn't my daughter.
    Unfortunately, after all is said and done, and your legitimate frustrations and emotions are all expressed, the above comment is what you are left with. There is power coming to this realization in that it empowers you to choose how you want to deal with her.

    Last edited by Music4All; 04-05-2005 at 02:12 PM.

     
    Old 04-06-2005, 05:02 AM   #7
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    Re: I have so many problems with my sister...

    You've hit the nail on the head Lynn. There is nothing you can do about this situation. It's up to your parents to put their foot down about the stealing and being taken advantage of. I agree though it must be highly frustrating to see your sis get away with all of this. At the end of the day however you are nine months pregnant so all of your attention must be focused on you now. Once your son is born all of this stress about your sis will have to be placed on the back burner. Your parents aren't blind and sooner or later they will stand up to her and put an end to her antics.

    I've seen your posts before concerning your sis so I know how all of this gets to you. You have a good heart and soul. Instead of the concentrating on your sis concentrate on your upcoming big day when you get to meet your son for the first time.

    xx

    P.S. I agree with Goody. NEVER leave your son in the care of your sis or her husband.

     
    Old 04-06-2005, 09:10 PM   #8
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    Re: I have so many problems with my sister...

    Lynn I have seen your posts abotu your sis too, and of course the ones about the pregnancy itself. And this is certaintly the last thing you need to deal with. But unfortunatley, I don't think there is anything you can do. I was however suprised to see you were the youngest, usually it is the baby that gets away with everything! I can't imagine how hard it would be to have such a hard time with my sis, there are times I just go sooo mad at her, sure, but she is a good sis.
    That said, my Dad's brother and yoru sister could be the same person. He is complety useless. he has been into drugs, been to jail, all this crap, my Grandma has to keep giving him money. At first my Dad tried to straighten him out, but then he just resigned himself to the fact that his brother was hopeless and went on with his life. I am sure that it still bothers him, but he knows that as long as my grandma and a cousin of theirs (she gives him money and cars and all kinds of stuff, she is rich) keep enabling him there is nothing he can do.
    I know it would be hard, but I just wouldnt' see her anymore than nessecarry, and if she comes over, lock up everything valuable you have. If she continues neglecting her daughter though, you really should call CPS. Hope all gets better.

     
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