It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board

  • Torn between two girls...

  • Post New Thread   Closed Thread
    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Old 04-18-2005, 11:42 PM   #1
    M1K3L
    Senior Member
    (male)
     
    M1K3L's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Nov 2004
    Location: Pensacola, FL, USA
    Posts: 247
    M1K3L HB User
    Torn between two girls...

    Right now I'm torn between two girls.. I have to makeup my mind soon... Was talking to Teresa, then donna calls while me and her were talking. That got interesting!

    First girl, Donna. I've known her for 6 months. She's been a very good friend. We talk about a lot of things and we are both always there for each other. She called me at work one time when she was really upset.. I love her to death and think she's a great person. She's also attractive.. She's very skinny and tall.. which I like. :-) She's ready to settle down, goes to church every sunday. Doesn't like to party, doesn't drink.. She's a great girl inside and out. We've both had strong feelings for each other, and we both agree we are perfect for each other.. we both want the same things in life. I love her to death.

    Now, The problem with donna is... she's my step brothers exgirlfriend. That's been the biggest roadblock keeping us from dating... but they recently broke up for good and well, me and her have a date planned thursday. Another problem with her is.. I HEAR.. she lies about things sometimes. I'm also pretty sure she is a.. Anawrait or whatever.. She eats very little and sometimes pukes it up. She's also a lot younger than me... 3 years younger. I'm 20.

    Okay, The 2nd girl. Her name is teresa. Me and her are both looking for the same things in life. We meet online.. We've known each other for a month or so. Our personallites are perfect... We are a lot alike. However, She has A LOT of issues in her life right now... Also, she is unattractive to me physically. I am sometimes embarressed to be around her and I've already heard people talking behind my back about her. I've also been told that "you can do better than that!!!" So I'm torn right now.

    I'd really like to go out with donna, but I am also attached to teresa. I'm just so torn right now...

    Teresa knows about donna.. and she knows that we are wanting to go out.. Teresa keeps telling me to go out with her because she wants to make sure that she is what I really want, and she doesn't want the guilt of keeping me from her if she is the right one. Teresa keeps telling me I will not loose her and if things don't work out that me and her will keep going out.. So I'm so torn right now..

    What should I do? I'm having to date donna behind my familys back for right now. My step brother knows me and her has wanted to go out before.. so the topic has been brought up before.

    I'm so confused.

     
    Sponsors Lightbulb
       
    Old 04-19-2005, 04:02 AM   #2
    lola11
    Senior Member
    (female)
     
    lola11's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Feb 2005
    Posts: 107
    lola11 HB User
    Re: Torn between two girls...

    First off, I think the fact that you have said that you are embarrassed to be seen with teresa gives you you're answer - I'm sorry if that may sound a bit harsh but if my boyfriend or someone i cared about alot considered me embarrasing or physically unattractive id rather not be in their company - at all!! You say that your personalites are compatible and they are perfect so would it make your decision any easier if she were pretty??? and secondly, if you love donna to death what does it matter that she might be suffer from an illness that affects thousands of people, both men and women?? this is not her fault, it is how she is! with regards to her being your step bro's ex, well for a start you are listening to hearsay as to her lies, perhaps your step bro' is just bitter but if you 'love her tpo death' you would give her the benefit of the doubt. Also i would speak to your family as you nver know, she might just be the one and are you seriously goin to let them stand in your way?

    Anyway, you seem to focus on the fact that both these girls have 'issues' but maybe its you who has the issues, i mean noboday's perfect and we all have stuff we have to deal with and being supportive is what being in a relationship is all about! If you cant get past these issues then maybe neither of these girls are right for you.

     
    Old 04-19-2005, 05:23 AM   #3
    Ruth6:11
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    Ruth6:11's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Dec 2003
    Posts: 3,339
    Ruth6:11 HB UserRuth6:11 HB User
    Re: Torn between two girls...

    I would imagine that there is a THIRD girl somewhere down the road - months or years from now - and that NEITHER of these girls are the right one for you.

    Dating is dating - it's not a case of "having" to pick one. If it's right, you'll know. Date eihter one of these or both. I'm betting neither one will work out for the long run.


     
    Old 04-19-2005, 05:29 AM   #4
    susieq0726
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    susieq0726's Avatar
     
    Join Date: May 2004
    Location: Oregon
    Posts: 2,441
    susieq0726 HB Usersusieq0726 HB Usersusieq0726 HB Usersusieq0726 HB Usersusieq0726 HB Usersusieq0726 HB Usersusieq0726 HB User
    Re: Torn between two girls...

    I have read many of your threads and you appear to jump from girl to girl, thinking and or hoping the next girl in line is THE ONE.
    You are only 20 - enjoy your life and just date. It doesn't mean you have to fall in love with every girl you meet.
    It's like Ruth said, girls are not to be "picked" (like a nose )
    Just go out and have a good time - Don't be so desperate to fine the one. It will happen when it's supposed to.

     
    Old 04-20-2005, 01:19 AM   #5
    Snails
    Senior Veteran
     
    Snails's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jul 2004
    Posts: 1,137
    Snails HB UserSnails HB User
    Re: Torn between two girls...

    I agree with Susie--Mike, I really think you could avoid a lot of stress and worrying if you stopped thinking of each girl that came along as potentially "the one." I know you're eager to settle down with someone and no longer have to navigate the dating scene, but wanting to find the one will not make it happen any faster, unfortunately. I don't think you can really know for sure whether you're ultimately compatible with someone until you have a long time, at least several months, to get to know them intimately. I think by immediately getting way ahead of yourself and imagining a future with each girl you meet, you're getting your hopes way up, then becoming frustrated and depressed when reality doesn't meet your expectations, over and over again. I really feel that you would benefit immensely from slowing down--when you meet someone, why not let your relationship develop naturally over time and wait to draw any firm conclusions until you truly get to know the girl? It just seems like your urgent desire to settle down is causing you to get way ahead of yourself and then end up disappointed when a girl you meet that you thought was amazing, maybe even the one for you, ends up not interested or not as great as you initially thought. If you take the time to really get to know a woman before you start planning your future with her, I think you'll not only end up with much more realistic assessments of the girls you date, but also save yourself a lot of unnecessary stress and dismay when things don't turn out as you had hoped. Also, please don't worry about what other people think, especially guys your age, who tend to be very immature and superficial. While you should definitely make sure that you personally feel attracted to the girls you date, other people's opinions really shouldn't come into play. Actually, and please don't take this wrong, but I think that you'd be better off dating for several more years and gaining more life experience and maturity before you jump into a serious commitment like marriage or even living with a girlfriend. You still seem pretty confused about what you want and what a long-term, mature relationship entails...please remember that you are still young, still have a lot left to learn and experience, and that not every girl you date will be a good fit for you.

    Instead of putting so much pressure and stress on yourself to locate and decide on the "right" girl for you to settle down with, why not try to relax and just enjoy dating rather than thinking so far into the future that you get pessimistic and start thinking things like you never want to date again? You're still so young, and that's the time in your life when you're allowed not to have a long-term plan, where you can just enjoy yourself in the moment without worrying too much about the future. This is your chance to meet lots of different women and through dating, begin to get a better, more specific idea of what qualities you are looking for in your future wife. The more experience and insight you can attain now, the better equipped you will be to find and settle down with that special someone when the time is right. I wish you all the best (though I do agree that neither girl seems right for you) and please hang in there. You have your whole life ahead of you to find the girl of your dreams, so please take some of the pressure off yourself and not get so discouraged when something doesn't work out quite like you'd hoped. I also think you might want to stop dating girls you don't find attractive--not only does that seem like a waste of time for you, but it's quite unfair to get a girl's hopes up that you might like her (particularly if she's overweight and unattractive, in which case her hopes probably don't go up very often) if you find her unattractive and therefore have no real chance of building a relationship with her. I know that you're frustrated that the girls you find most attractive tend to go for really attractive guys, but I still don't think it's right to date women (who naturally assume that you must be interested and attracted to them if you're dating them) if you feel no physical attraction to them. You deserve a woman you find beautiful inside and out, just as those women deserve a man who sees them the same way...biding your time with women you don't really like isn't beneficial for either of you. I am sure that it won't be long before you stumble across a wonderful girl who you adore in every way...but it definitely wouldn't hurt you to be more patient and let each relationship develop in accordance with its natural course.

     
    Old 04-21-2005, 09:37 AM   #6
    M1K3L
    Senior Member
    (male)
     
    M1K3L's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Nov 2004
    Location: Pensacola, FL, USA
    Posts: 247
    M1K3L HB User
    Re: Torn between two girls...

    Thanks for the advice and your time :-)

    Me and teresa are calling things off for right now. We're going to remain friends, but that's it. I'm just not attracted to her at all. I made the mistake going past the first date with her, but it's all a part of learning and growing as a person. We really went a bit too fast, and we both got hurt. I just can't picture myself dating her... I just, no matter how hard I try, find her unattractive to me.

    I've got a date with donna tonight. I've known her since about September, and we've been really good friends since. There's been many nights where she's called me on the phone in tears because of her relationship problems. I've always been there for her and I care a lot about her. She's also been there for me too. We've both been really supportive to each other.

    We've got a lot in common.. and there's tons of things I really admire about her. I know she has a few faults, but no one is perfect and her faults don't bother me, I know I'm not perfect either. We've been wanting to go out for several months now, but she kept going back to her ex.. which is what I'm worried about right now.. but they both said things are over for sure this time.. and it does look like it is. We both have a lot of feelings for each other.. so I'm really hoping this will work out.

    I'm just going to go out with a clear mind tonight and whatever happens.. happens.

     
    Old 04-21-2005, 09:56 AM   #7
    M1K3L
    Senior Member
    (male)
     
    M1K3L's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Nov 2004
    Location: Pensacola, FL, USA
    Posts: 247
    M1K3L HB User
    Re: Torn between two girls...

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by bujang
    These are PEOPLE not pocessions. Your playing with peoples feelings. That's wrong! Stop it!
    I have, That's why I've stopped dating the girls I'm not attracted to.

     
    Old 04-21-2005, 11:45 AM   #8
    write
    Senior Member
    (male)
     
    write's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Feb 2005
    Posts: 266
    write HB User
    Re: Torn between two girls...

    I have you really made sure things are cool with your stepbrother about you dating his ex? I personally always considered girls my family dated off limits even when they came on to me

     
    Old 04-21-2005, 12:56 PM   #9
    GirlHarley
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    GirlHarley's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Feb 2004
    Posts: 1,580
    GirlHarley HB User
    Re: Torn between two girls...

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by write
    I have you really made sure things are cool with your stepbrother about you dating his ex? I personally always considered girls my family dated off limits even when they came on to me
    I agree and was thinking the same thing. Dating family members ex's should be off limit for a period of time - LIKE 10 YEARS
    You have gotten to know Donna...Because of Your step-brother, I'm sure their is a big attraction for both of you - but it's a territory that should not have gone past a friendship. If your feelings are that strong after a few years, then you should have respect for your step-brother and approach him about your intentions or speak with your mom about the going on in your life and how you feel towards Donna and seek her or his opinion, seeking around will only add drama and someone will get hurt in the end.

     
    Old 04-21-2005, 01:43 PM   #10
    Blue102
    Registered User
     
    Join Date: Oct 2004
    Posts: 641
    Blue102 HB User
    Re: Torn between two girls...

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by M1K3L
    I'm also pretty sure she is a.. Anawrait or whatever.. She eats very little and sometimes pukes it up
    So what happens when Donna gets healthy and stops being anawrait and gets fat? Are you going to dump her then?

     
    Old 04-21-2005, 02:06 PM   #11
    tenagain
    Senior Member
     
    tenagain's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Sep 2004
    Posts: 187
    tenagain HB User
    Re: Torn between two girls...

    why do you have to choose between them right now?

    You haven't known either one for very long. It doesn't sound to me like either relationship is ideal right now. My advice would be to be totally honest with each girl and let them each know about the other one. Continue to see both (be SAFE though!) and give it more time. Eventually you may decide that neither one is the one for you...or your choice will be more clear as time goes on.

    I see two big red flags though...a 17 year old with an eating disorder and a girl who you feel is unattractive....my gut would be to say good bye to both and look for someone you are attracted to and who doesn't send up the red flags!

     
    Closed Thread

    Related Topics
    Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
    Torn Meniscus Anyone? littlehorse Knee & Hip Problems 10 01-11-2011 08:12 PM
    Torn Meniscus? sadknee Knee & Hip Problems 1 10-08-2010 10:47 AM
    Torn rotator cuff zoranm Shoulder / Rotator Cuff Problems 4 05-01-2010 09:46 AM
    PCL torn completly, ACL torn partially, meniscal tear misscantbewrong Knee & Hip Problems 2 10-04-2006 10:11 AM
    torn, torn, and in process... and THANKS to ALL! cjFTWORTH Lyme Disease 13 08-20-2005 05:32 AM




    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Search this Thread:

    Advanced Search

    Posting Rules
    You may not post new threads
    You may not post replies
    You may not post attachments
    You may not edit your posts

    BB code is On
    Smilies are On
    [IMG] code is Off
    HTML code is Off
    Trackbacks are Off
    Pingbacks are Off
    Refbacks are Off




    Sign Up Today!

    Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

    I want my free account

    All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:34 AM.





    © 2022 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
    Do not copy or redistribute in any form!