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  • Hould I fight or leave her alone?

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    Old 05-26-2005, 04:50 AM   #1
    fromlondon
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    Should I fight or leave her alone?

    Hi all,

    My name is Chris and im from the UK, just outside of London. I really need some advice.

    I have recently split up with my girlfriend of 18 months. Sam was a really really special girl. We had our downs and we had our ups as in any relationship.

    We split up about a week and a half and since then I have learnt that she has found someone new, this has devestated me beyond belief. Im at the point where im suffering panic attacks. I want her back so badly it is physically hurting me.

    What makes it worse is that she is now seeing someone who was a friend of mine.

    Guys I really really dont know how to describe just how im feeling. I dont know weather to leave her alone or to fight for her with everything i've got. I know that 99% of what is written about this situation and what most people would say is that I should leave her alone. But we are all individuales and sometime the rules just don't apply.

    I think if I just leave her alone then she will fall more for this new guy, but if I go in fighting then I risk loosing her alltogether and forever. But she always said to me that I never fought for her.

    My friends have a strong belief that she will come back to me in time but I just cant wait. I want her so much now.

    Ive written her a letter telling her truely how I feel and have written a poem for her. Im 25 and she's 21 and she just cannot see how this hurts me or what she is doing.

    Also, this new guy is someone I know that will mess her around, he will get her right where he want her and thats his ticket to do what he likes behind his back and she will never know. Ive tried telling her this but she just wont listen.

    Can someone please advise me her, do I fight or leave alone???

    Thanks so much



    Chris

    Last edited by chrisfromlondon; 05-26-2005 at 05:14 AM.

     
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    Old 05-26-2005, 05:04 AM   #2
    VanillaTart
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    Re: Hould I fight or leave her alone?

    Hi Chris

    I'm Jo also from the the UK (Kent, I thought i was the only one on here)

    I can see your hurting but i don't think you'll get through to her. She won't listen to your advised about the guy she's seeing. She needs to work it out for herself. Us women are very stuborn and your advise to her will just come across and 'sad jealously'. I'm sorry if that hurts.

    I have been in a similar situation and found that letter writing etc really helps. It helps to explain things in a much better way. When it happened to me i wrote a letter to my ex b/f and it broke his heart. He didn't have a clue about what i was thinking or feeling. we got back together the next day. This doesn't always happen though, everybody is different.

    Keep your chin up, things will get better. Even if it means moving on, you have to do it eventually or else it starts destroying you inside.

    Good luck & lots of love Jo x

     
    Old 05-26-2005, 05:08 AM   #3
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    Re: Hould I fight or leave her alone?

    Hi, Chris Breakups are difficult and painful enough especially when your world seems to be upside down & the other has already moved on to another relationship. I have a feeling that she was the one who broke things off, am I right?? If she did, most likely she had known that things just wouldn't work out with the two of you probably well before she actually broke things off. Some people after a breakup need time to heal while others just seem to go right into another relationship.

    I would not do anything at this point other than focus on yourself in terms of healing and avoiding the anxiety that is leading you to panic attacks. As painful as a breakup can be, it is important that you take care of yourself and realize that in time you will find another girl that is right for you. We all have gone through the pain of a breakup at least once in our lives if not many, and most of us go on to survive and meet someone else. You will too.

    Leave things be and do not hold on to false hope that you and she will get back together. She has moved on and it's time you did the same. Good luck and let us know how you are.......Goody

     
    Old 05-26-2005, 05:11 AM   #4
    fromlondon
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    Re: Hould I fight or leave her alone?

    Hi Jo,

    Thanks for replying so quickly, im sat at home right now being stupid and feeling sorry for myself. Jo im in such a bad way but what you said about when you wrote a letter has made me feel like there is some hope. What really goes on in your heads?? You women can be a nightmare sometimes!!!!

    Tell me, after 18 months together and several holidays, even tho she's with someone else right now do you think she will be still thinking of me??

    Now I dont want to take up much of your time but below ive copied the letter that I have written to Sam, im dying for someone to read it and give me their thoughts and I thought you might be able to do this for me...??

    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dear Sam

    Its never easy truly expressing to someone how you really feel, its even more difficult getting the other person to understand exactly what your trying to say.

    Ive written this letter knowing that I may never give it to you to read. My mind says I should walk away from you and let you decide exactly what you want, my mind says that you should not read anything that im writing here, my mind says that I should just leave you alone to get on with your life. But as much as I try, my mind is not as strong as my heart. I can make my mind think different things, I can make it decide between whats right and whatís wrong, but my mind cant tell me the truth about my feelings for you, only my heart can do that. And no matter how hard I try, I cant change what my heart tells me, I cant stop the hurt its causing me. What my heart says is that Iím in love with a very very special person, and sheís called Sam.

    I know now that everything Iíve done to try and convince you to stay with me have been wrong. Every time ive pushed towards you youíve pulled away. Ive spilled my heart out to my closest friends, I asked them weather I should leave you alone or fight for you. Do I take the risk that if I leave you alone then youíll forget about me and move on with Nick? Do I risk fighting for you and push you away even further? Well I cant decide, which is why im writing you this letter.

    Im an emotional wreck without you, I keep saying over and over to myself Ďif I only did this, if I only did that, if I only put in more effort, if I only showed you sooner how much you mean to meí. But now its too late, ive lost you.

    You and I fell so deeply in love, we had a connection that ive never felt with anyone before in my life. Remember when you told me about people you knew liked you and that it annoyed you I didnít get jealous? Well, I was jealous, I was very very jealous. But nothing on this whole earth can make me fall out of love with you.

    The last few months, ive been so stupid, I should have done so much more to save us, so much more to show you my true feelings but instead I took our relationship for granted and ended up loosing you, and now Iím paying the price. I donít think ive ever in my whole life truly knew the meaning of true love, I learnt to say to myself and to my friends that I was Ďin loveí and could say it with real meaning. I know we had our bad times and that we argued a lot, but that was telling me something, and at the time I couldínt see what that something was, but now I know and now Iím scared its too late.

    Do you remember our first date, you weíre going to help me find a girlfriend, and I found one, it was you. From then on, I knew things could only get better, I knew I was the luckiest guy on this planet to find you. Our trip to the London eye was so special, even though it cost me an extra £50-00 and three shifts to Geoff Bye. That night we spent kissing, was like nothing else mattered, nothing could have taken me away from you that night. After that night I was so exited about us, I wanted every guy I knew to know that I had you, that you were mine. When we got to the Bahamas and walked into our room and saw the view we had, I knew I was in heaven. I was with the girl of my dreams in an incredibly romantic destination, and I had you all to myself. At that point, I truly thought that life couldnít get much better.

    You told me a number of time that I wouldnít realise what we had until it was gone, and you were right, you were so so right. Youíve given me so many chances to change the way I became, and I didnít because I took us for granted. I had a 100% wrong attitude, I thought youíd never let me go so I became comfortable thinking I had security, but I was wrong.

    Sam, I love you with all my heart and soul, you have given me so much and I have given you so little. I made one too many mistakes when we were together and now your gone. Im so sorry I didnít do the things I should have when it would have made a difference, im so sorry if I ever hurt you, and im so sorry I didnít give you the parts of me that you deserved. Everyday your not with me is like a day without sunshine, and you are my sunshine. Not having you with me has left me breathless. If us saying goodbye to our relationship is right then I would rather be wrong. You to me are my world, my sun and my stars. My heart belongs to you, you are my north, my south, my east and my west.

    I wrote the following poem for you while I was at my mum and dads houseÖ

    From now on, my life may change, I may not know what to do
    But I know, in my mind, my only wish will be, to be with you

    No matter where I go, no matter what I do
    I simply cannot stop thinking of you

    The first time we met, the time we had
    Iíve been so stupid, everyone knows Iím mad

    If you only new the changes id make
    Maybe once again we could have that special date

    My love for you I want to share
    Your just so special, nothing can compare

    If you were back in my arms, Id not let you out of my sights
    Since we broke up, Iíve only had long and lonely nights

    As I look at the stars, up there in the night
    I only wish I was holding you tight

    Youíre a girl, and Im a man
    I want everyone to know, that my girlfriend is Sam

    No matter how much I try, your still in my mind
    As I always told everyone, your one of a kind

    There can never be words to express my love for you
    But I fear itís too late, I did not enough to see us thorough

    I want you to know, that my love for you
    From the depth of my heart, will only ever grow

    When I think of you, I shiver and stutter
    Because the love I thought we had, was like no other


    I donít think anyone could ever come close to meaning what you meant to me Sam, I still love you and want you, I want all our good times back and I want to go out with you and have drunken nights and I want to still wake up with.

    I want back the deep love we had for each other. if you can only find it in your heart to forgive me.

    Iím sorry

     
    Old 05-26-2005, 05:13 AM   #5
    fromlondon
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    Re: Hould I fight or leave her alone?

    Hi goody

    Thanks for your kind comments, I may have to go out fighting tho

    Chris xx

     
    Old 05-26-2005, 05:22 AM   #6
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    Re: Hould I fight or leave her alone?

    Bear with me chris - it's a long letter. I reading and working at the sam etime.

    Please read my post and help me with my B/F he's not himslef etc...

     
    Old 05-26-2005, 05:35 AM   #7
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    Re: Hould I fight or leave her alone?

    Hey,

    Well it's a long letter and she might be a little put off by that but i think she should read it. I would suggust writing it by hand - it's more personal.

    You obviously love and care for her very much so i do think you should give her the letter. Even if you don't get a reply all your thougths and feeling will be known and you'll feel better. However you'll probably be waiting beside the phone waiting for a reply but don't, she'll find you and get hold of you if she wants to talk and thank you. Go out and have fun. I know it's hard and the last thing to want to do but it's good to be with mates rather than sat moping at home. I did it for 4 weeks over Xmas and it made me really ill and i felt so sorry for myself and yet it was my fault, i had invites out!

    You poem is amazing, wish i had that sort of talent.

    Now i've tried help you i'd best sort my problem out. Think i started arguing on my thread though :0(

     
    Old 05-26-2005, 05:54 AM   #8
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    Re: Hould I fight or leave her alone?

    Hey, Chris....the letter is wonderful and says alot about the type of person you are very sensitive & caring. However, I still need to know who's idea it was to breakup???

    My feelings in regard to the letter is to hold on to it for a while. Sometimes we go writing things and impulsively send them before we really think about it. I say, hold onto it for a week and if you still feel the strong urge to send it, then do so. But not after reading it over again. The end consequence is that you may succumb to further pain when & if she doesn't respond. Think about that and how you would feel after pouring your heart & soul out so beautifully and her not even acknowledging that. Perhaps that may help you make your final decision.

    I am so sorry that you are hurting. I am curious, though, why did you two break up???? Did she give you any reasons????......Goody

    Last edited by goody2shuz; 05-26-2005 at 05:55 AM.

     
    Old 05-26-2005, 06:11 AM   #9
    fromlondon
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    Re: Hould I fight or leave her alone?

    Hi Goody

    When we broke up it was kind of a mutual decision. She said we should take a break for a few months and I agreed. But within a few days I knew that that was not what I wanted. I then started planning a real romantic night out for us, and it was shortly after that the bombshell hit me, she told me that she had got together with someone else. I am truely truely devestated.

    We did have our bad time but we also had our good times, we went on 8 holidays last year. It was only a few weeks ago on valentines night where she looked at me after I cooked a meal and said 'I love you so much, Chris' and she said it with so much meaning too. Ive had a friend who has been talking to her and passing info on to me, she says she still loves me. This is all so confusing. I strongly believe that if I just leave it then she'll fall more for the new guy who I know is a cheater, and he has admitted it to me in the past.

    Goody, do you think she is still thinking of me, is there any chance this letter may put right what is wrong or is it guaranteed to fail??

     
    Old 05-26-2005, 07:08 AM   #10
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    Re: Hould I fight or leave her alone?

    Hi Chris

    Of course she'd still thinking of you. When you have someone in your life that has been there and made an impression you can't just switch off from them completly.

    She'll be wondering what your up to and how your doing.

    Same as you do her!

     
    Old 05-26-2005, 07:30 AM   #11
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    Re: Hould I fight or leave her alone?

    Thanks vanilla,

    Ive just been round her's and the letter is now been put through her door. I guess only time will tell

    xx

     
    Old 05-26-2005, 09:09 AM   #12
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    Re: Hould I fight or leave her alone?

    I hope it all works out for you either way.

    I'd like to now how you get on.

    Fingers crossed for you. VanillaTart

     
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