It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board

  • Does Being Hard to Get Work?

  • Post New Thread   Closed Thread
    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Old 06-11-2005, 12:00 PM   #31
    Snails
    Senior Veteran
     
    Join Date: Jul 2004
    Posts: 1,137
    Snails HB UserSnails HB User
    Re: Does Being Hard to Get Work?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by heartlandguy
    I absolutely agree with your quote so youíll probably be surprised when I say that a huge factor in selecting my wife was that she didnít play games. I viewed dating itself as hard work, as many women here have said, too. Since I viewed dating that way and then found a woman that turned every moment with her into uncomplicated joy, I knew I found a valuable treasure.

    So while your quote is absolutely true, there is more than one way to apply it to relationships. In a way, it suggests that we canít appeal to everyone because we arenít all looking for the same thing.
    I think you really nailed it, Heartland. The most appealing, charismatic, and intriguing people are those who try to see the fun and joy in everything they do. Honestly, I just can't understand why anyone sees dating as hard work rather than a wonderful opportunity to be free, in control, and to have a great time being treated like a princess while meeting lots of hand-selected, cool new people. I do think this attitude shines through somehow, as I've had excellent luck with dating since my breakup a few months back. I know that the only guys I've dated and liked were those who seemed to have a lively, mischevious glint in their eyes and seemed to really enjoy being with me. Too many guys were way too serious and nervous, as if dating was some final exam they had to pass, and that was a complete and total turn-off. Everyone wants to find someone who is fun, upbeat, and excited regardless of what's going on, in addition to being very content in their own skin, confident, independent, and just generally happy with their lives and whatever they happen to be doing at the time.

    Lately, I've been wondering a lot why it seems that the people who are most interested in settling down with "the one" have little success with the opposite sex, while people who are just having fun and seeing what happens (even though both people are dating with the same long term goal) seems to attract way too many people to even keep track of. It seems to me that the more you enjoy dating, being single, and living independently, the more attractive you will seem, and the more you hate dating and view it as tedious, difficult work rather than fun, the less likely you are to have success with the opposite sex. It's almost like approaching dating with a serious attitude, like it's an unpleasant but necessary process if you are to find your life partner, makes it much less likely that you will achieve this goal. I don't know, but I have definitely noticed that just when I decide I don't want a relationship and would rather enjoy being single and dating around, I end up in a relationship with a really wonderful man. The harder you try when it comes to dating, the less likely you are to succeed, which is quite understandably not an easy concept to grasp, much less accept, for people who are taught that you can succeed in anything you put your mind to if only you work hard enough at it. It's definitely counter-intuitive, but any goal you can achieve by just sitting back, relaxing, and having a great time is worth attaining in my view!

     
    Sponsors Lightbulb
       
    Old 06-11-2005, 11:05 PM   #32
    SophiaM
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    Join Date: May 2003
    Posts: 5,529
    SophiaM HB User
    Re: Does Being Hard to Get Work?

    I think dating could seem tedious to some people (often including myself), because in some ways it's a lot like going on countless job interviews, and job interviews are generally not considered fun. From my point of view, I like dating, i.e. getting to know someone I like and discovering new things about him, but I don't like going on a lot of first dates with various strangers, some of whom are not so interesting or charming, or even polite. I don't particularly like having to repeat myself for the gazillionth time and sometimes having to endure dates with men I am not really interested in (but can't leave right away cause that would be rude). Not to mention dealing with their bitterness if I don't want to see them again. I'm sure a lot of people, both men and women, would relate to this. That's why I think one can only do internet dating for a limited length of time before burning out. It's a good tool to meet new people, but I think many people who have been doing it for years (a friend of mine comes to mind) and for some reason still haven't found the person they have a mutual desire to get to know on a deeper level, I can completely understand how it could become a rather draining activity for them. Stacy, I think you are incredibly lucky that you always only met guys who treated you like a princess. I know you deserve it and it's great you've only had such good experiences, but I also know that that's not always the case for everyone, and so I understand that all this dating might start feeling a bit frustrating to some.

     
    Old 06-12-2005, 12:18 AM   #33
    Snails
    Senior Veteran
     
    Join Date: Jul 2004
    Posts: 1,137
    Snails HB UserSnails HB User
    Re: Does Being Hard to Get Work?

    That makes a lot of sense, Sophia, and I appreciate you taking the time to explain your perspective. I had been kind of confused about why people viewed dating as a negative experience, but I understand a lot better now where they are coming from. Sometimes it's hard for me to understand other people's perspectives, so I am always grateful when someone wise makes the effort to clue me into where people with different viewpoints are coming from. Thanks Sophia, and I do think you're right...I definitely agree that online dating can definitely get tedious, with all the emails and phone calls to keep up with, having to keep everyone straight, and tell them the same details about you over and over. I'm sorry you haven't been too thrilled with your recent experiences with online dating, and maybe a break is just what you need. I personally find that after some time alone to recharge without having to worry about social obligations, I tend to have a lot more energy and enthusiasm for being around other people, but no matter what you end up doing with online dating, I have no doubt that it won't be long before you meet Mr. SophiaM. How did things go last night with NG? Sorry if you already explained all that on another thread...I've just been thinking of you and wishing you well.

    You're right that I have been fortunate to meet a lot of nice guys online, but there have definitely also been some duds...the main thing I am thankful for is that I seem to have good instincts about which guys are worth getting serious with. No one can avoid the occasional bad date, but if we can manage to avoid unhealthy and painful relationships, that's certainly something to be happy about. If I can't manage to avoid heartbreak and disappointment along my dating path, at least I can be pleased that I've chosen to entrust guys who haven't let me down and learned that being discriminating about who you let close to you does pay off. That's partially why I'm so happy to see posters like Greeneyes realize how great she is and refuse to accept anything less than a guy who completely wows her. We all deserve to find that kind of love and accept nothing less...I think everyone here is really amazing, and I really hope that in time, all the single posters hold out and avoid settling until they find someone who has everything they want, and more, in a partner, then live happily ever after. By the way, congratulations Girl Harley! I hope you have an amazing honeymoon... And Sophia, I hope the rest of this weekend goes well for you and everyone else here. Take care and hang in there, OK? I know it can be really tough and frustrating at times, but as LittleRose said earlier today, you never know when the man who will light up your life is just around the corner, so keep trying and smiling!

     
    Old 06-13-2005, 08:38 AM   #34
    SophiaM
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    Join Date: May 2003
    Posts: 5,529
    SophiaM HB User
    Re: Does Being Hard to Get Work?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Snails
    That's partially why I'm so happy to see posters like Greeneyes realize how great she is and refuse to accept anything less than a guy who completely wows her. We all deserve to find that kind of love and accept nothing less...
    I agree with that to a very large degree. However, while striving to be in the best relationships we can be and accepting "nothing less," we have to also remember that people are not perfect and sometimes we will need to compromise even in the most wonderful relationship. There will be times when someone is tired or cranky, or had a bad day at work, or forgets something important, etc., and that will impact on their "wowing" ability. I think in good relationships, both partners have to be somewhat understanding and realize that nobody will be able or even have the energy to constantly impress them. So, I think, while we should not "settle" for partners who are uncaring, selfish, or not interesting to us, at the same time our expectations should be somewhat realistic because otherwise nobody will be able to live up to them in the real world.

     
    Old 06-13-2005, 09:31 AM   #35
    greeneyes100
    Inactive
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Jan 2005
    Posts: 1,773
    greeneyes100 HB User
    Re: Does Being Hard to Get Work?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by SophiaM
    I agree with that to a very large degree. However, while striving to be in the best relationships we can be and accepting "nothing less," we have to also remember that people are not perfect and sometimes we will need to compromise even in the most wonderful relationship. There will be times when someone is tired or cranky, or had a bad day at work, or forgets something important, etc., and that will impact on their "wowing" ability. I think in good relationships, both partners have to be somewhat understanding and realize that nobody will be able or even have the energy to constantly impress them. So, I think, while we should not "settle" for partners who are uncaring, selfish, or not interesting to us, at the same time our expectations should be somewhat realistic because otherwise nobody will be able to live up to them in the real world.
    I totally agree, Sophia, we have to realize that we live in the real world and that no one is perfect. I think once we learn to accept our own imperfections, then we can accept them more readily in someone else.

    I think Snails is trying to say that the qualities that are the MOST IMPORTANT to you in a partner are the qualities you should never compromise, and to me, one of those is an inherent chemistry, a mental and physical one.

     
    Closed Thread

    Related Topics
    Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
    Botox for anal fissure - does it cause incontinence? Neonsky Incontinence 16 05-11-2010 07:07 PM
    What does a tomogram show? luvtocamp Bone Disorders 371 05-12-2008 03:44 PM
    why does everyone think im not trying!? nance484 Depression 7 04-07-2007 07:15 AM
    MIXED SIGNALS-does he want to be with me or not!? myheartyourhand Relationship Health 7 02-06-2006 06:54 PM
    Does memory loss fit in somewhere? kathryn00 ADD / ADHD 11 04-27-2005 01:43 PM
    Does this sound like Fibro? Phadrae Fibromyalgia 5 08-30-2004 10:14 AM
    Does the 'change' seem sort of like an awakening??? annie7 Menopause 11 06-18-2004 08:46 AM
    How does a person know when it's over and just not bother trying? Bambi27 Relationship Health 54 04-06-2004 09:19 AM




    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Search this Thread:

    Advanced Search

    Posting Rules
    You may not post new threads
    You may not post replies
    You may not post attachments
    You may not edit your posts

    BB code is On
    Smilies are On
    [IMG] code is Off
    HTML code is Off
    Trackbacks are Off
    Pingbacks are Off
    Refbacks are Off




    Sign Up Today!

    Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

    I want my free account

    All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:51 AM.





    © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
    Do not copy or redistribute in any form!