HealthBoards

HealthBoards (https://www.healthboards.com/boards/)
-   Relationship Health (https://www.healthboards.com/boards/relationship-health/)
-   -   Does Being Hard to Get Work? (https://www.healthboards.com/boards/relationship-health/292350-does-being-hard-get-work.html)

greeneyes100 06-07-2005 06:34 PM

Does Being Hard to Get Work?
 
We have had several discussions on this topic, including the "rules". So, I thought it would be a good thread to start.

Everyone has a difference of opinion when it comes to "playing games" or should I call it, "mating games"!

Should a woman should hold back in the beginning or she should come right out and admit her interest?

I have learned from experience that most men are more interested in women who are hard to get or "not easily won over". Mostly, what I am referring to is the woman's heart and soul, not just her body.

From experience, I know that it's when I am least interested in the man, that he is the one who likes me the most.

I think this would be a very interesting topic...so let the discussions begin...especially from the men posters!! :D

SophiaM 06-07-2005 06:56 PM

Re: Does Being Hard to Get Work?
 
Good thread, GE! So, I wonder, what about these couples, some of them on this board, who seem to be so "into" each other practically from the start and not hiding it or employing any or most of these "rules"? Does that ever work long-term, I wonder? Clearly, there has been quite a few couples who seem to be equally interested and attracted to each other from the start, and the woman doesn't have to pretend she's so "hard to get."

I know in my sister's case, it was very quick, and they really seemed to like each other very early on and spent a lot of time together. Practically every day. After a month of dating, I remember my sister saying that she thought this guy was "the one." Of course, I completely dismissed it as nonsense. Well, they ended up getting married and are very happy together a year later. So, I think not every relationship has to follow a certain path. I am very curious about what other posters' experiences are, of course.

Hoop 06-07-2005 07:05 PM

Re: Does Being Hard to Get Work?
 
From one guy's point of view. It may have worked when I was younger, but at my age now.. I don't have the time for it. I won't work for me.

I suppose it may still work for others in my age bracket, but I think for the most part, that is something that is categorized with the younger age group.

HOOP! ( easy and sleasy! ) :D

greeneyes100 06-08-2005 07:03 AM

Re: Does Being Hard to Get Work?
 
Probably, when you get older and more eager to settle down, I guess you are more straightforward about what you want.

It's true that nothing is written in stone and what works for some folks doesn't work for others, but I still believe strongly that if a woman leaves some mystery in the beginning of a relationship and is not always available, it does make her more desirable to most men. Older or younger. ;)

Ranger185 06-08-2005 08:37 AM

Re: Does Being Hard to Get Work?
 
This is happening to me as we speak, I am absolutly gaga over a girl here at work and she gives me just enough attention to keep me interested. Sometimes she will answear my emails sometimes she ignores them. She is driving me crazy. Having said this there is a difference between playing hard to get and going overboard. It is important not to lead someone along if there is not intent to ever let him in ?

goody2shuz 06-08-2005 09:12 AM

Re: Does Being Hard to Get Work?
 
How old are you Ranger??? And how old is she??? I think it's great that as a guy you give us a little perspective as to how guys think when girls play by some rules. It sounds as if this keeps up you may lose interest because she makes it so difficult to read how she feels....when there's a good chance that she does have the same feelings towards you but is reluctant to demonstrate them to you. Tell us....if she did email you as readily as you do her would you still be interested in her??? Inquiring minds would like to know :D ....Goody :wave:

opielonghorn 06-08-2005 12:27 PM

Re: Does Being Hard to Get Work?
 
i've thought a lot about this one. i really think that the whole point is not to 'play' hard to get- it's to be legitimately hard to get. that is, have lots of hobbies and interests and passions, so that it's not that you're sitting there letting the phone ring or not answering an e-mail. instead, you're out doing exciting things on your own, which will make you seem hard to get, when in fact you're just living your life.

i also think that i could have 'played' my last boyfriend, and quite possibly have succeeded, but i decided that i didn't want to be with someone who needs excessive game playing to be interested in me. i have enough of a life for someone to want me and if it wasn't enough for him, cest la vie!

greeneyes100 06-08-2005 12:31 PM

Re: Does Being Hard to Get Work?
 
[QUOTE=opielonghorn]i've thought a lot about this one. i really think that the whole point is not to 'play' hard to get- it's to be legitimately hard to get. that is, have lots of hobbies and interests and passions, so that it's not that you're sitting there letting the phone ring or not answering an e-mail. instead, you're out doing exciting things on your own, which will make you seem hard to get, when in fact you're just living your life.

i also think that i could have 'played' my last boyfriend, and quite possibly have succeeded, but i decided that i didn't want to be with someone who needs excessive game playing to be interested in me. i have enough of a life for someone to want me and if it wasn't enough for him, cest la vie![/QUOTE]

FINALLY, someone read my mind!!!

opielonghorn 06-08-2005 12:51 PM

Re: Does Being Hard to Get Work?
 
it's nice to know someone agrees with me, too!! :)

goody2shuz 06-08-2005 01:35 PM

Re: Does Being Hard to Get Work?
 
I totally agree that one should not sit by the phone waiting for the phone to ring and that we should be the person that we truly are in terms of pursuing our interests and passions in life and not allow a man/woman to interfere with that. After all...the end result is that we should be accepted for who we naturally are. Some people like to talk on a daily basis on the phone with somebody who is special to them and others do not. I just feel that when we change the way we would naturally be in order to second guess another, then we are "playing games" and not allowing things to naturally unfold. I like a person to see me for the person that I truly am, flaws and all, and not have to think how to act or speak and accept me as so. And that's the way I would like to see another. That's all I meant to say....anything else I would consider "playing games".

Greeneyes....I think that you & I agree more than you may think but perhaps may have misunderstood one another...and for that I apologize ;) ......Goody

evy38 06-08-2005 03:18 PM

Re: Does Being Hard to Get Work?
 
[QUOTE=opielonghorn]i've thought a lot about this one. i really think that the whole point is not to 'play' hard to get- it's to be legitimately hard to get. that is, have lots of hobbies and interests and passions, so that it's not that you're sitting there letting the phone ring or not answering an e-mail. instead, you're out doing exciting things on your own, which will make you seem hard to get, when in fact you're just living your life.

i also think that i could have 'played' my last boyfriend, and quite possibly have succeeded, but i decided that i didn't want to be with someone who needs excessive game playing to be interested in me. i have enough of a life for someone to want me and if it wasn't enough for him, cest la vie![/QUOTE]
This is EXACTLY what the books teach. Have a life of your own, so that you don't make the man your life. That way you keep perspective.

greeneyes100 06-09-2005 09:44 AM

Re: Does Being Hard to Get Work?
 
When I said it's better for a woman not to be so easily won over and that men like a challenge, I wasn't saying that you shouldn't be yourself. You are still yourself, you are just being extra careful to avoid getting your heart broken.

And Goody, don't worry about hurting my feelings. That's what these boards are for...to express differences of opinion.

I appreciate your opinions and think you give very good advice.

What I've been trying to say all along is what Evy said, really the books are teaching you how to love yourself and respect yourself enough not to center your life around a man. You are completely whole with or without a man in your life. They are meant to be a complement to our lives, not a necessity. It's when we think they are a "necessity" that we become desperate and I think that's when we attract the wrong men or stay in relationships that are not healthy.

I have NEVER changed my personality to keep a man, but I have held back in the beginning a lot of times to keep them wanting more. I just don't see anything wrong with this. It doesn't mean you are being someone different, it just means shows that you are not always available and have a busy life.

What works for one person, however, may not work for someone else. And, also, it is true that not all men are alike and some of them actually do enjoy being pursued, but I still think this is rare in most cases. Again, this is just my opinion!

evy38 06-09-2005 11:07 AM

Re: Does Being Hard to Get Work?
 
All of this being said, emotionally healthy older men think differently then younger men. Older men look for kindness in a woman, not necessarily the same challenge a young man looks for. It would seem that they mature and grow up, just like we do! ;)

Ranger185 06-09-2005 11:54 AM

Re: Does Being Hard to Get Work?
 
[QUOTE=goody2shuz]How old are you Ranger??? And how old is she??? I think it's great that as a guy you give us a little perspective as to how guys think when girls play by some rules. It sounds as if this keeps up you may lose interest because she makes it so difficult to read how she feels....when there's a good chance that she does have the same feelings towards you but is reluctant to demonstrate them to you. Tell us....if she did email you as readily as you do her would you still be interested in her??? Inquiring minds would like to know :D ....Goody :wave:[/QUOTE]

I am mid 40's and she is 18 :bouncing: haha no kidding, she is I think just 30. I will get little stuff and leave it in her drawer when she is at lunch ya know like a small braclett or a cert to get her nails done stuff like that. YEs that is a good chance and she has told me that she has feelings but does not know how to respond. I do not know if I would feel the same, I mean I had a diff situation where a girl was after me and she would get ****** if I did not respond or ans the phone so maybe not. Who knows, this is my favorite part the chase, the seduction, the before after it seems to get all twisted up. :rolleyes:

Rangerrrrrrrrrrr :cool:

evy38 06-09-2005 12:04 PM

Re: Does Being Hard to Get Work?
 
[QUOTE=Ranger185]I am mid 40's and she is 18 :bouncing: haha no kidding, she is I think just 30. I will get little stuff and leave it in her drawer when she is at lunch ya know like a small braclett or a cert to get her nails done stuff like that. YEs that is a good chance and she has told me that she has feelings but does not know how to respond. I do not know if I would feel the same, I mean I had a diff situation where a girl was after me and she would get ****** if I did not respond or ans the phone so maybe not. Who knows, this is my favorite part the chase, the seduction, the before after it seems to get all twisted up. :rolleyes:

Rangerrrrrrrrrrr :cool:[/QUOTE]

Ranger, at 40 you are making the point that women SHOULD play hard to get. You just said that the chase is your favorite part. I think a different question should be asked as well. If a couple sends all this energy on the chase and gives no thought to what comes after, where do they go once he's "Caught" her. Does he slice off her head and mount her on a wall, then off to the chase again for something bigger, better and more of a challenge? This thinking doesn't put the emphasis where it should be, on the quality of the relationship two people are creating. Any thoughs on how to transition?

LittleRose1982 06-09-2005 12:13 PM

Re: Does Being Hard to Get Work?
 
Hey guys! Great discussion!
I've heard all sorts of things from all sorts of articles and books. Some even go as far as to say that the "secret" to making a man fall in love with you is to spend a lot of time with him at first, then disappear for a week or so, then come back. To me, this is all simply an attempt to take something non-concrete and make it concrete so that all you have to do is follow an instruction manual. Love and relationships come with no such instruction manual. With that in mind, I don't believe in games one bit.
I wouldn't want to be with a guy who's going to lose interest in me if I spend too much time with him! I don't want him to want me simply for the "chase"! I want the real thing... a guy who will want to be around me for the rest of our lives! Of course, everyone needs a certain amount of space... but if he seems to value his independence more than me, I'm outta there! That's how my last relationship ended actually.
As most of you know, I am not holding back anything right now with my current guy, and neither is he. I'm not going to purposely make plans to "not see him" in a silly attempt to hold his interest! Like I said, if I have to play games to make a relationship work then it's not the right relationship... and we'd be playing games for the rest of our lives. The right relationship just comes naturally.

Ranger185 06-09-2005 12:14 PM

Re: Does Being Hard to Get Work?
 
Um don't read to much into my comment about this being my favorite part, I just enjoy the hunt. Throw another twist into it, we are both married, :eek: and I guess we just enjoy the flirting. :o It started out just I dunno dumb stuff and it progressed from there. I am not sure it will ever go "beyond" this work thing but it is fun and makes the day go by faster. My favorite is when I email her an ask what color, (panties) my fav response is "none" hahahah Ok I am ducking ahead of time, I can feel the negative posts on their way :nono: hahaha

Rangerrrrrrrrr :cool:

goody2shuz 06-09-2005 12:26 PM

Re: Does Being Hard to Get Work?
 
Ha, ha, ha, ha.....Evy you are sooo funny. If a guy could hunt a girl down like an 8 pointer Buck and go in for the kill, why shouldn't he mount her on a wall :D Afterall...it must take as much strategy and careful planning on his part just like it does to get a deer in the crosshairs!!!!

Anyway...Ranger...my advice is you shouldn't be hunting at all when you're license is invalid (if you get my drift :rolleyes: ) And you're playing games and the type of game you are playing only hurts others. You are right when you say the before & after all gets twisted up....that's what happens when you're married and chase after other women. Not many here will support type of game playing.....Goody

greeneyes100 06-09-2005 12:28 PM

Re: Does Being Hard to Get Work?
 
[QUOTE=evy38]Ranger, at 40 you are making the point that women SHOULD play hard to get. You just said that the chase is your favorite part. I think a different question should be asked as well. If a couple sends all this energy on the chase and gives no thought to what comes after, where do they go once he's "Caught" her. Does he slice off her head and mount her on a wall, then off to the chase again for something bigger, better and more of a challenge? This thinking doesn't put the emphasis where it should be, on the quality of the relationship two people are creating. Any thoughs on how to transition?[/QUOTE]

Even after he has "caught" you so to speak, you can still be somewhat elusive after you have formed an exclusive relationship. Don't have your world evolve around your lover/boyfriend. Keep some part of yourself to yourself. There is no harm done and it makes the relationship more exciting.

Men do not want the responsibility for a girlfriend's happiness, that's why they are attracted to women who are ALREADY happy on their own and actually don't NEED a man to make them happy.

What man, in his right mind, wants the responsibility for someone else's happiness?

evy38 06-09-2005 12:29 PM

Re: Does Being Hard to Get Work?
 
Ok ranger, we need to put you in a whole different category. We are talking about emotionally healthy single men looking for a committed relationship. I think you might fit into the player category. A relatively honest, maybe minor, one, but a player, none the less. It makes perfect sense that players like the chase the best. They don't intend to get to the second phase, either consciously or unconsciously.


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:13 PM.