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    Old 06-14-2005, 02:01 AM   #1
    tiny9
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    I've hurt him so much

    Hi all
    I wondered if u could offer some advice.
    I was with my other half for 3 1/2 years. Over the past year, we've been having problems and I guess I fell out of love.
    I wanted to make things work and stuck at it but in the end, I was hurting us both more. We weren't intimate anymore, it was just like a friendship. I used to moan a lot at him and even tho we never really argued, I know I didn't treat him with the respect he deserved. In the end, last weekend we both had a chat and agreed we weren't happy and it wasn't working. I thought he agreed with me but I think he didn't truly realise that it was 'over'
    anyway to cut a long story short, we split up. I ended up tellin him I just wanted us to be friends. I know I've hurt him badly and I am absolutely gutted that we were not able to make it work, or more like I wasn't able to. He is the most wonderful man and he deserves so much better and I feel I've let him down so much by not giving him what he wants. I just feel so guilty, it's really cutting me up. I want to make it up to him and I've been thinking about getting back together to make things right, I just want to make him happy but I know this is the wrong reason. Can anyone offer any advice? do u think I can do anything to make it up to him?
    Thanks xxx

     
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    Old 06-14-2005, 02:36 AM   #2
    mada_3083
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    Re: I've hurt him so much

    don't get back with him unless you want to, and it will make you BOTH happy... in the end, it'll show if your half hearted, and it'l just take him longer to be able to move onto someone who is willing for a relationship like he is after... not to mention you should find someone you want to spend the rest of your life with

    as for friends outside the relationship, i can't offer much advice there

     
    Old 06-14-2005, 03:17 AM   #3
    greeneyes100
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    Re: I've hurt him so much

    Like I said before in a previous post, when two people split, it's not just the one who was left that suffers. The other partner usually suffers a lot of guilt, such as you are doing now. It just convinces me how compassionate you are. But don't beat yourself up over it. You did the right thing. He deserves someone who can love him completely and so do you. Yes, he will be hurt for awhile, but in the end, he will find someone to love him and so will you!

     
    Old 06-14-2005, 04:40 AM   #4
    tiny9
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    Re: I've hurt him so much

    Thx for yr replies. I just feel so lost at the moment and the guilt is killing me.
    Do u think I can do anything to make it easier? I don't want to pester him so I've left him alone apart from a few texts here and there. But I was wondering if writing him a letter to say how sorry I am would help ?
    It's such a shame as we're perfect for each other in so many ways but something just wasn't right.
    xx

    Last edited by tiny9; 06-14-2005 at 04:41 AM.

     
    Old 06-14-2005, 05:09 AM   #5
    horsybreeze
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    Re: I've hurt him so much

    Hi there,

    I don't normally post, but your problem is EXACTLY what I went through. I was with R for nearly 10 years, I always thought there was something missing but couldn't put my finger on it, and plodded along for years. I always knew I would probably never marry him if it came to the crunch. So in the end, to cut a long story short, I ended the relationship after s******g someone from work. I was unhappy for a long time, and I know I shouldn't have been as he was the most wonderful, kind hearted guy, just wasn't right for me, but I told myself if I kissed someone else then obviously I was with the wrong guy (even tho the one from work def wasn't the right guy!) - I think he was my get out clause. I ended the relationship by telling him I wanted time on my own blah blah, he was sooooo gutted, it cut me up so badly inside to see him hurting, but I knew in the long run it was the right thing to do. I spent a year on my own, had a lot of fun - done all the things I should've done years ago, shared a flat with girly mates, went on girly holidays and that kinda thing.

    Now I've so met someone that I do feel like I wanna spend the rest of my life with, he's also a great guy, but has some issues. And you know what... after a year, the guilt still cuts me up, I don't think that will go any time soon either. I really hope you find a way of dealing with it. But don't text or write him, as it will only get his hopes back up that you wanna try again, but if you know really deep down it's not right, move on. It's so hard, but it's braver to go than stay. Sorry for the long post, but that's the first time I've got all this out my system since I split from R. I hope things work out for you xx

     
    Old 06-14-2005, 05:42 AM   #6
    Kay33
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    Re: I've hurt him so much

    Sounds like your having second thoughts.

    It's normal to miss him and wonder if you made a mistake. If you get back together, you'll eventually be right back here, again.

    Leave him alone, he'll be okay. You'll be okay, too, just don't drag it out by staying in contact. You were together a long time, naturally, it's going to take some adjustment to being single. Give yourself time, don't panic if you feel lonely, it's not a sign that your meant to be with your ex. Breaking up is always emotional, even when we know it's time to move on. Take some time to heal.
    Good luck

     
    Old 06-14-2005, 06:54 AM   #7
    tiny9
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    Re: I've hurt him so much

    Thanks for telling me your story Horsybreeze.
    I know deep down I've done the right thing but it just hurts so much. I feel so lost without him because he was my best friend. I know it will get easier in time, it's just so hard now.

     
    Old 06-14-2005, 08:32 AM   #8
    horsybreeze
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    Re: I've hurt him so much

    It does get easier, but takes a while! To make matters worse I felt so sorry for him, as he doesn't really have a proper family, so I moved back to my parents and let him stay in our flat and I still pay half the mortgage because I earn more than he does. So believe me, I know what guilt feels like. My new boyf sort of understands what I'm doing, and now we can't wait to get a place together and my property would be ideal as we're both with our parents and getting time together is pretty hard! and I'm 31 and still with mummy!

     
    Old 06-14-2005, 08:48 AM   #9
    tiny9
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    Re: I've hurt him so much

    God! That must be so hard for you....I do know what u mean as I feel like that. He doesn't have many friends and I felt responsible for that. I wish you luck with your new partner - u sound really happy!

     
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