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Should I ask this girl out?

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Old 06-18-2005, 04:15 PM   #1
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 80
Mattm4000 HB User
Should I ask this girl out?

Hi everyone. I have a bit of a problem with this girl I know and I would like some feedback from anyone on what exactly I should do. Heres the situation..

I am a 26 year old single guy. I just haven't had any luck in meeting the right girl but lately I have really been making it a priority because I am tired of being single. Anyway, there is this girl I know,shes 22 shes very attractive she has the whole blonde hair and blue eyes thing that I love . She is practically my neighbor,she lives in the same block like maybe 5 houses away. Ironically she also works on the same block that I do so between living so close and working so close we see each other several times a week. Needless to say I have a major crush on her. Even though we know one another and we do talk and make it a point to say hello when we see each other I don't really want to say that we are friends. Its not that anything bad ever took place between us or anything like that its just that we don't exactly ever hang out or spend any kind of time together or anything like that. We have known each other I would say about roughly 10 years or so and we live in a small town and it was just that when we were teenagers and we were growing up we just had a different group of friends that we hung out with. I think in the 10 years that I know her we might have hung out maybe twice and even both of those times were many years ago at this point. She actually used to be very good friends with a girl that I used to be in a relationship with but one day their friendship ended and they had this huge fight that even at one point turned physical but again even that fight was around 7 years ago and she doesn't seem to have any negative feelings towards me even though my ex-girlfriend is one of her biggest enemies.

I know that she was dating this same guy for many years but I also knew that they broke up and then after him she was just like dating different people and I wasn't really sure if she was with anyone or what was really going on. A few weeks ago I was online and I was searching through one of those online personal ad sites. Unfortunately since I haven't been having any luck meeting anyone I joined one of those sites. So I was doing a local search and I found her on the site and she had an ad posted with her photo and everything saying that she was looking to meet someone. I have to admit that I was pretty surprised to see her on there. Shes so attractive and just doesn't strike me as the type of girl that would have a problem meeting anyone but there she was and then when I saw her personal ad I was like ok,well now I am past the usual stage of seeing a pretty girl and wondering whether or not she has a boyfriend. Now I see her here and I know that shes single and looking so maybe I should consider talking to her.

My whole problem is that I do have a large amount of uncertainty about my prospects of a relationship with her and thats the real reason for this post.

In my opinion me and her have always been very different people. I consider myself to be a good hearted person and I truly believe that she is the same way. The most major difference between the two of us is definately our lifestyle. Let me explain. When I was younger,and even now for that matter, I am a quiet,calm person. By that I mean I was never into any trouble or anything like that. I am not the bar/club type of person. I hardly even drink. I am more of the stay at home type. When I am in a relationship with somebody I just like to do the simple things like go out to dinner and out to movies and spend time together and things like that. I have always been this way and as a matter of fact I find that as I am getting older I am becoming even more like that. Her,on the other hand was always quite different. She was more like shall we say the Paris Hilton party There were times in the past that I would be out of the house on my way to work on a Saturday morning and I would run into her,I would stop and say hello and she would just be coming in from a night out at the local bar with her friends and this was at like 7:30 in the morning. She was always the going out,party, irresponsible,dont worry or have a single care in the world, wild type of girl. So thats the main reason why I never approached her for a date because I was just always like well me and this girl live in two different worlds and it would probably never work out so whats the point. I guess alot of it had to do with the fact that she was always very popular and I probably wasnt as popular as she was. So I just let it be and never bothered.

I was recently talking to a friend of mine about her and my friend says that the only reason why shes probably ever been like the way she was is because she never had the right type of influence in her life and my friend is encouraging me to go for it because she seems to think that if she had a guy like me in her life that it could potentially "ground" her sorta speak and that she might become more responsible and desirable. I definately believe that that possiblilty exists but it also has alot to do with whether or not this girl wants to change her ways or not. Noone can be forced to change.

I also have absoultely no idea how she feels about me. I couldn't even venture a guess because I just don't know. So I am not even saying that all I need to do is ask her and its a done deal. But I am just trying to be a bit proactive and am trying to figure out if a calm,quiet guy like me has a chance with a party girl like her.

So my main question here is Should I ask her? Might I have a chance? Or should I just write it off as a lost cause because we might just be too different? Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

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Old 06-18-2005, 08:15 PM   #2
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Winnipeg, Canada
Posts: 943
kitkat77 HB User
Re: Should I ask this girl out?

Why don't you contact her anonymously through her ad, to see if she'd be interested in your type? Or contact her as yourself and begin a friendship?

Old 06-19-2005, 12:12 AM   #3
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 1,137
Snails HB UserSnails HB User
Re: Should I ask this girl out?

Trust me, there are plenty of girls that post ads online that have absolutely no trouble meeting guys, but few of them would want to date a guy who assumes otherwise just because she posts a personal ad. I know many women here who disprove that and personally, though I've always had boyfriends and tons of guys approach me, I recently joined a dating site because I wanted to be able to custom select the guys who fit my criteria from all the ones who contacted me. Also, it's a bit patronizing and judgmental to assume she's irresponsible just because she likes to party and has a fun social life...I'm the same way, and I can tell you I wouldn't have the slightest interest in any guys who think that being boring and staying home is some sort of positive influence I need in my life. I do tend to go for guys who don't party or go out as much as I do, but I am careful to pick ones who admire my independence and spontaneity rather than viewing my lifestyle as something deficient that I need him to help me change. Generally people who are highly in demand by the opposite sex avoid choosing dates who think they need to be fixed or improved, rather than admiring and liking them for who they are. Also, if I were you, I'd stop listening so much to my friends and trust my own instincts, not their input, when it comes to dating. I don't mean to sound defensive or overly negative here, but I think you need to change your attitude and lose your faulty assumptions about her if you are going to have any chance with her. Women with tons of guys pursuing them would be extremely unlikely to waste time on a guy who judges them based on their lifestyle and social choices or thinks he's more mature and responsible than her because he doesn't go out and have fun, wild nights with her friends and dates. She and I seem to have a lot in common, and I can tell you right now that I wouldn't be interested if I was in her shoes. I also wouldn't want to date a neighbor who can keep tabs on everything I might be worth a shot asking her out, but make sure not to come across as at all judgmental when you're around her. My guess is that she would have made more of an effort to hang around you if she wanted to date you, but you never know--why sit around wondering when you could find out pretty easily if she'd like to go out with you? Regardless of what she decides, I wish you luck with online's actually a really good way to meet people with compatible interests and personalities.

Last edited by Snails; 06-19-2005 at 12:16 AM.

Old 06-19-2005, 09:23 AM   #4
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Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 31
plumbcrazy HB User
Re: Should I ask this girl out?

You definitely should just go for it. Life is to short to sit around and wonder. You are not going to know if your compatiable or not or if she will go out with you until you try. Good Luck!!!

Old 06-19-2005, 10:37 AM   #5
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Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: USA
Posts: 632
LostMyHeart HB User
Re: Should I ask this girl out?

I think you should go for it. As of now, you aren't dating, and are barely friends, so what are you losing if you give it a shot - Nothing!
However, if you don't go for it, you will be losing out on at least one thing - an opportunity.

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