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  • Update--Ex wants him back

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    Old 07-13-2005, 08:28 AM   #31
    goody2shuz
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    Re: Update--Ex wants him back

    Okay Aries girl, here goes....



    ARIES (March 21 - April 19)

    Dreams and fantasies will take up your mental and emotional attention, and you won't be upset by that. You may, however, be amazed that the person you're attracted to is equally willing to dream right along with you.


    Hmmmm......don't know what to make of that because I think your horoscope is just as you posted. You can't go forward in a relationship that is non exclusive and you won't with NG because he still has emotional baggage to contend with. You've been there & done that why put yourself through it once again. Heartland is right (and by the way he can remove that patch from the eye he thinks I was poking at. He is, of course, is the exception to the rule but the way I see it engineers are black & white and scientific and the emotional stuff is often too much for them to analyze. Stacy shows us this in some of her frustrations with Justin. But....with the right woman an engineer and any guy can emerge from all this and not be poked at by somebody like me ) I certainly hope I redeemed myself in my CBF's eyes (Both of them )

    Anyway.....I was happy to see your post, Sophia, and more happy to see the dynamics of the other posters here in guiding you through this. That's the beauty of being here.....to see how there are so many to carry you through and give you the eyes to see that are clouded by all the pain & emotion. (Even poked at eyes ) I'm glad that you can see what you always were capable of but what was a little to painful to until you realized that you are not alone. (((HUGS))) ~ Goody

    Last edited by goody2shuz; 07-13-2005 at 08:33 AM.

     
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    Old 07-13-2005, 10:27 AM   #32
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    Re: Update--Ex wants him back

    I agree with Heartland guy...even if he comes back and says It's You...he is still a guy with baggage. Best not to view this as an exclusive relationship between the two of you~~at this point. It doesn't mean you have to stop seeing him, just that you have to look at him in a different way if you want to continue doing so and avoid getting hurt. Unfortunetly, it seems like you are already hurt. Your gut instinct on your last post when he did not mention getting together during the weekend, turned out to be right. Things should not be feeling wrong and upsetting you this early in a relationship if they are meant to be.

     
    Old 07-13-2005, 08:41 PM   #33
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    Re: Update--Ex wants him back

    Well, I pretty much gave NG the infamous "pink slip." I decided that as impatient as I am, it would be pretty much torture for me to sit there and wait for his return to make up his mind. I sent him an email and said that I was having a wonderful time with him and started to feel closer to him, but the situation with the ex is not something I have ever had to deal with, and having to "compete" with a man's ex is not a position that's at all appealing to me. I also said that his confusion and unavailability in the recent weeks show me that he's clearly not over her, and that I don't think it would be a good idea for me to get involved in this confusing situation.

    I feel kind of bad that I expressed all that in an email rather than calling him and speaking on the phone, but I really don't think I would be able to get out anything other than some inarticulate mumbling mess right now. I can convey my thoughts so much better in writing. I don't think he's opened the email yet. I'm not happy with how things turned out, but it's really too insulting for me to accept being "second best" and being put on hold, so I had to end this rather than face a possible humiliation of NG deciding to get back with the ex after he returns from his trip. I would feel incredibly stupid then.

     
    Old 07-13-2005, 09:00 PM   #34
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    Re: Update--Ex wants him back

    If I could have dumped that ex of mine before he dumped me for his ex - I would have.
    I didn't feel stupid when it happened, but I did take a big hit on the old self-esteem and was overwhelmed by the "not good enough" feelings.

    You do what you have to do.
    Then come back here and keep right on helping people with all these crappy experiences we've had, ok???
    Ruth

     
    Old 07-13-2005, 09:06 PM   #35
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    Re: Update--Ex wants him back

    Thank you, Ruth in reassuring me I did the right thing. Yes, hopefully at least my self-esteem will be better for it. Though I'm now back to square one, AGAIN...

     
    Old 07-13-2005, 09:15 PM   #36
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    Re: Update--Ex wants him back

    Good for you, Sophia! The written word is best for conveying a precise statement and a pink slip doesn't require a two-way conversation. He certainly has no need to ask why. Most importantly, the person who was wronged was saved a lot of anguish this way.

     
    Old 07-13-2005, 09:46 PM   #37
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    Re: Update--Ex wants him back

    Sophia ~ You were heavy on my mind today and I am proud of you for taking the high road in the situation. His loss, and somebody elses gain. I know that you don't wish to start the entire process again...but I must say, although it may be entirely selfish on my part, that I can't wait to hear about the next guy And believe me...there will be one it's just a matter of time.

    Lots & lots of cyber hugs and kisses too ~ Goody

     
    Old 07-14-2005, 02:50 AM   #38
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    Re: Update--Ex wants him back

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by SophiaM
    Thank you, Ruth in reassuring me I did the right thing. Yes, hopefully at least my self-esteem will be better for it. Though I'm now back to square one, AGAIN...
    Sophia, I'm glad you were able to reach a decision and tell NG. I know you must feel very much relieved now, and indeed, you have probably saved yourself a lot of unnecessary humiliation.

    Don't worry about finding someone else. There are so many available young men who would bend over backward to have something with an intelligent, attractive woman like you. Just go out and enjoy the moment, without thinking about "is he the one" and "could something happen here". That's the attitude I take, and it seems to be working very well.

    As I said in my other post, I'm really excited about meeting an airline pilot tomorrow night. I have to cancel with Walter, but I don't really think Walter is my type, so I don't want to string him along anymore.

    Also, I know a lot of people won't approve of this, but I'm having a fling with a young hispanic man (it's a friendly, but physical relationship). We both know that, so no one will end up being hurt, and we are both getting what we need at the present time. Of course, I am taking precautions, and have entered into this liason with my eyes wide open.

    So, hang in there Sophia. I really like you and wish the best for you.

    Just remember, everytime a door is closed, another one opens.

     
    Old 07-14-2005, 07:37 AM   #39
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    Re: Update--Ex wants him back

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by greeneyes100
    Just remember, everytime a door is closed, another one opens.
    Thanks auntie Greeneyes, Goody, Hartland, Stacy, and everyone else who was so kind to help me through this I hope the above statement is true and some amazing door will soon open for me.

    Yes, I do feel some sense of relief that at least I took some control of the situation instead of just hanging in there and passively waiting for NG's decision. But I know I will miss him too. I was so happy that I finally met someone who seemed like a great guy who was intelligent, well-mannered, affectionate, attractive, and has a good heart. This combination is not easy to find. I am somewhat mad that the ex who screwed things up with him once, is gettting another chance. Probably only to screw it up again, if my experience in life counts for anything. It painfully reminds me of one situation from my childhood. My stepfather callously left my mom when my sister was just a baby and got back with his ex-wife because she wanted him back. Needless to say, it caused a tremendous amount of anguish and heartache for the whole family, and my mother was absolutely devastated. Of course, two months after he left, he came crawling back asking for my mother's forgiveness. But the damage he caused was so great that she didn't want to take him back after what he was capable of doing.
    My mother was treating this guy like gold, while the ex-wife had cheated on him, and yet he had to go back to her. WHY could people be so stupid is beyond the scope of my understanding.

    Anyway, I am thinking, IF ONLY I hadn't gone to the beach with him that day, everything would be fine. She wouldn't have contacted him and we would have had a chance to develop a relationship, so even if she did end up contacting him, say, a year later, he might have been in love with me by then. It was a last minute decision, too. Originally we thought he would come to the city but then I felt like I wanted to get away from the city and so we decided to go to the beach instead. I guess it wasn't meant to be

     
    Old 07-14-2005, 07:42 AM   #40
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    Re: Update--Ex wants him back

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by SophiaM
    My stepfather callously left my mom when my sister was just a baby and got back with his ex-wife because she wanted him back. Needless to say, it caused a tremendous amount of anguish and heartache for the whole family, and my mother was absolutely devastated. Of course, two months after he left, he came crawling back asking for my mother's forgiveness. But the damage he caused was so great that she didn't want to take him back after what he was capable of doing.
    Seems like your not the only one with the brains in the family, Sophia Your mother set a perfect example for you of how you have to take the high orad even if it IS the lonlier one.

    The relief you feel is the validation you need to know that you have done the right thing. Enjoy it!!!!

    ((HUGS)) ~ Goody

     
    Old 07-14-2005, 07:47 AM   #41
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    Re: Update--Ex wants him back

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by goody2shuz
    Seems like your not the only one with the brains in the family, Sophia Your mother set a perfect example for you of how you have to take the high orad even if it IS the lonlier one.

    The relief you feel is the validation you need to know that you have done the right thing. Enjoy it!!!!

    ((HUGS)) ~ Goody
    Yes Goody, but my mother was never in any way "rewarded" for it and no new doors had opened for her since then. She wasn't even 30 years old when all this happened and she's been single ever since. She had a pretty hard life and now she's in her 50s and she just let herself go completely. She used to be a beautiful woman who turned men's heads when she walked on the street, and yet, nothing good happened to her in life. This shows me that sometimes we don't get rewarded for taking the high road. I hope I will be, though and that I won't have to repeat my mother's life (my greatest fear EVER).

     
    Old 07-14-2005, 07:48 AM   #42
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    Re: Update--Ex wants him back

    Sophia, don't torture yourself with the "what-ifs". Sure, "what if" she contacted him a year from now....but by then you were TOTALLY in love with him and he slept with her...think how much WORSE it would have been on you THEN. We can't control other people. He is making a dumb decision. You are making a good one.

     
    Old 07-14-2005, 07:56 AM   #43
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    Re: Update--Ex wants him back

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by vintagegirl
    Sophia, don't torture yourself with the "what-ifs". Sure, "what if" she contacted him a year from now....but by then you were TOTALLY in love with him and he slept with her...think how much WORSE it would have been on you THEN. We can't control other people. He is making a dumb decision. You are making a good one.
    That's true, Vintagegirl. You are making a very good point. I just have to let it go and realize that whatever happened or happens is not really in my control. He hasn't replied to that email btw, so I am not sure he saw it yet or not. Maybe he won't reply at all.

     
    Old 07-14-2005, 09:15 AM   #44
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    Re: Update--Ex wants him back

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by SophiaM
    Yes Goody, but my mother was never in any way "rewarded" for it and no new doors had opened for her since then. She wasn't even 30 years old when all this happened and she's been single ever since. She had a pretty hard life and now she's in her 50s and she just let herself go completely. She used to be a beautiful woman who turned men's heads when she walked on the street, and yet, nothing good happened to her in life. This shows me that sometimes we don't get rewarded for taking the high road. I hope I will be, though and that I won't have to repeat my mother's life (my greatest fear EVER).
    There's a saying....we learn from our mistakes & those of others. You don't have to end up like your mom, Sophia.

    (((HUGS))) ~ Goody

     
    Old 07-14-2005, 11:21 AM   #45
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    Re: Update--Ex wants him back

    Hey sophia,

    I think you did the right thing.. and if he really does want to be with you, he will find a way regardless of the email you sent him... so dont think of the what if's. He as a whole did not make any sense with the whole calling you but not wanting to see you??? I have not heard of that one before at all. So maybe you saved yourself a lot of future heartache.

     
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