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  • Just need to move on...but i love him

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    Old 07-25-2005, 07:02 AM   #1
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    Just need to move on...but i love him

    Hi guys!!!!! Beware: I am very frustrated, therefore this letter is long!

    I think that I am in love with this guy (ive never told him) and he is driving me absolutley crazy. I think I am quite aware of what's going on, but I think I need to hear it from somebody else. Just a little bit of backgroung knowledge:
    I am 19 yo - never had a boyfriend, and dont often fall for anyone.
    him - 24 - hasnt been single for a while

    We met about 9 months ago, and straight away we both knew something was there, but never said anything. He also had a girlfriend at the time which he never told me about, and I never asked. In January (yessssss...very long time ago), we were pretty drunk and he told me that he was so confused but he was falling in love with me. Did I mention we work together sometimes...just to confuse the situation a bit more. So the next time I saw him, we pretended that nothing happened, and although we said little about what was going on, we could both feel that we really liked eachother.

    In about March, we met up one night, because I desperately needed some answers because it was doing my head in. He held my hand and told me that he liked me so much, and he just sat there and looked into my eyes..still had a girlfriend at the time. He said he was going to break up with her and he was just confused and needed some time. We went back to being normal again (I think this is the only way that I can deal with it).

    Next, in May, he and his girlfriend are on a break, another drunken night, we kissed, and we stayed at a friends place. I didn't sleep with him, but we spent the night together. I couldn't sleep (probably the guilt). In the morning he was really cold and distant. He kissed me goodbye on the cheek before he left, and said he just needed to sort some stuff out. I told him, he knew how i felt and it was up to him. it's July, and not a meaningful conversation as yet. I told him we needed to talk, because I can't do this anymore. Every opportunity that arose for us to talk, something came up, and we never did. So I msg him and say, we probably dont need to talk anyway because if you wanted something to happen it would have by now.. i just needed you to tell me that it wasn't gonna happen, so i can move on.

    Then today we work together, I knew straight away when i saw him that something was up. When i went on lunch, I got his reply saying 'we have a lot to talk about', he 'feels a lot for me' and 'i am everything he could possibly want' but he's not ready to commit to anything, and he cant give me what i want right now. He also said that he knows that it was all or nothing with me.. im not sure if this is because i am so crazy about him and things would probably get serious quickly, or that he thinks that im going to lock him up and throw away the key. I also don't think he understands that i am 19 - he is 24, supposedly the mature one, and he isn't ready. I don't want to elope with the boy, I just want to share experiences with him. he also wants to continue being close friends (which we are not anyway, because we can't even bring ourselves to be honest with eachother.)
    Contradicting each word with the next. i told him to come over tonight...he msgd me and said he wanted a quiet one - which is obviously just him not wanting to resolve this. Then he says, what did you think of my msgs.

    So I replied that he can't say things like 'one day'... 'right now' because it is just giving me false hopes that i can't get over because i am so crazy about him. and that i need to get him out of my head because im not taking anybody else seriously, because i know i want him. I said he needs to tell that its not going to happen. i think he subconsciously knows that he's trying to keep me on tab, just in case he is ready for a real relationship.

    He is the first thing i think about when i wake up, and the last at night. Every song reminds me of him. and im just so happy to be spending time with him when we are together that all the bad things seem to slip away.

    this letter has been focused on all his bad points, because i don't think reliving the good stuff is going to help me. Just writing this letter and recapping on previous events has helped me put it all into perspective. I know that i am selfish and nieve, and that he has told me he just wants to be friends, and i should be able to digest this all on my own. But i think that hearing others opinions, will help me move on with my life, and stop everything from gushing back every time i look into his eyes.

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    Old 07-25-2005, 11:16 AM   #2
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    Re: Just need to move on...but i love him

    Well, if he REALLY wanted to have a relationship with you, he would have by now. I think he is just stringing you along, while he is sowing some wild oats and searching for something better.

    I know it's hard when your love is not returned, but unfortunately it's just part of life, and all we can do is grow from the experience.

    I would definitely cut off all contact with him immediately. Don't talk to him, email him, or phone him. And block him from messenging you when you are online. He is playing with your feelings and emotions. It's selfish and it's not right and don't let him do it. Good luck!

    Old 07-25-2005, 03:13 PM   #3
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    Re: Just need to move on...but i love him

    God girl, I'm not even kidding-This exact same situation happened to me about a year ago. My advice: STAY AWAY. If he REALLY wanted you, he would've made a move. Or asked you out. He's obviously not over his ex and he's just stringing you along. It happened to me and unfortunately I fell for the guy. And even though I'm in a great relationship with another guy now, I still think about how ****** the other guy treated me and stringed me along the entire time. And I keep thinking to myself that if only I stayed away and didn't hang on every word of his, I wouldn't have felt the pain that I did when he eventually made up his mind and stayed with his ex.

    Please, I'm begging you. Your going to get hurt. You need to read "I'm just not that interested in you"...It's a great book. It tells you about all the stupid lines that guys give you when they just want to string you along. If I would've read that book, I wouldn't have stuck around and put up with as much as I did.

    Old 07-25-2005, 04:17 PM   #4
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    Re: Just need to move on...but i love him

    Have you tried talking to his girlfriend? It sounds like you're wondering if he's being honest and if there's a serious possibility that he will leave her for you. Nothing is more accurate than the other party speaking to what appears to be a neutral third party.

    I would almost rig something so she thinks you're someone else and get her on the subject of her boyfriend via e-mail or instant message. Yes, this IS shady. I wouldn't do it personally. And yes, I think you should leave him right away and cut off contact. However, if you're stuck, and you can't do it, maybe try this.

    I had a girlfriend in the same situation (long, long, complicated story..she was engaged to him for years then he went to another woman during a short breakup and married her.. then told my friend he still loved her after a year of his marriage.)

    Everything was "confusing" and didn't make sense until she talked to the wife.
    All of a sudden it became clear that the only person who wasn't being honest was the guy. Wife said, :"he told me you were pursuing him, that YOU were the clingy one, bla bla bla"

    Well, needless to say, she's moved on with ease.

    Ok, everyone don't attack me because of my advice. I don't mean to offend..

    Last edited by glogreenfrog; 07-25-2005 at 04:19 PM.

    Old 07-25-2005, 06:48 PM   #5
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    Re: Just need to move on...but i love him

    Hey everbody... Just wanted to clear a few things up. I have never met his ex-girlfriend, and if i had i would have never tried to pursue the situation. He lives on the other side of the city from her, and they had to make a real effort to see eachother, and things didn't seem to be that great with them whilst they were together, so for some reason, I am not worried about him getting back with her at all.
    I also know that he feels something for me (he's told me), because i think we have both felt it since the day we met. Now, he just doesn't want to 'commit'. We have mucked around before saying how we'd get married and have babies... but come on, im 19 and just want to go out and have fun.. i just wanted to share this time in my life with him. i am also really confused about him saying 'its all or nothing with u'. Does he think im going to trap him and try to control his life? I just wanted to spend more time with the guy (believe it or not) that makes me so happy when we're together.

    I can fully see that he is just leading me on until he is bored of hanging out with his mates and probably picking up random chicks... and i really dont want to hang around waiting for the magical day when he changes his mind.
    I think deleting his number is a good idea, but it does make it hard when we have to work together every now and again and im not prepared to give up my great job just to avoid seeing him.

    As i continue to recap on whats happened it is making me fully realise that i need to break out of this spell.

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