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  • Husband is a bully

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    Old 07-27-2005, 06:49 AM   #1
    SophiaB
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    Husband is a bully

    I desparately need help. My husband is a bully, not physically, but with the way he argues with me. He tries to intimidate me whenever I say anything that affronts him. He acts as though my stating a complaint about anything (spanking the dog too hard, for example) is a terrible, horible, hateful thing to do. I feel like I get punished if something I say is perceived by him as a criticism. I don't feel like I can express my opinions or feelings without being coldly dismissed or without him turning the situatin back on me. He never deals with the content of what I'm saying.

    The bad news is that i just found out I am pregnant. I want to leave him, but for some reason that option makes me really depressed. I guess I'm just still hopeful that he will change. I've tried everything I can think of. We have gone to two marriage counselors. I have cried and cried and cried. I have told him over and over and over how much he hurts my feelings and how I feel dismissed by his attitude and actions. I've even told him that I want to leave before (but that was a while ago). I don't love him anymore and I wish I had never married him. He makes me miserable.

    Has anyone ever dealt with this before? Is there any hope that things can change? Any recommendations?
    Thanks so much.

     
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    Old 07-27-2005, 07:01 AM   #2
    greeneyes100
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    Re: Husband is a bully

    If you have already been to two marriage counsellors, I doubt he is going to change. We can't change other people, we can only change ourselves.

    If you are miserable, I would suggest getting your own place as soon as possible and filing divorce papers. Of course, he will be required to pay support for his child and the amount will be according to his income. He will also be required to pay your attorney's fees, in most cases. Do you have some means of support for yourself and your baby? If not, I would suggest getting a job as soon as possible, so that you will not have to depend on your husband for financial reasons.

    Good luck!

     
    Old 07-27-2005, 07:35 AM   #3
    TomsWife
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    Re: Husband is a bully

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by greeneyes100
    If you have already been to two marriage counsellors, I doubt he is going to change. We can't change other people, we can only change ourselves.

    If you are miserable, I would suggest getting your own place as soon as possible and filing divorce papers. Of course, he will be required to pay support for his child and the amount will be according to his income. He will also be required to pay your attorney's fees, in most cases. Do you have some means of support for yourself and your baby? If not, I would suggest getting a job as soon as possible, so that you will not have to depend on your husband for financial reasons.

    Good luck!
    The amount of child support is determined by BOTH incomes (if applicable) not just the mans income. Also, he man NOT be required to pay your attorney's fees. I dont know where your getting this information but its not true.

    Marilyn
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    Old 07-27-2005, 07:53 AM   #4
    greeneyes100
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    Re: Husband is a bully

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by TomsWife
    The amount of child support is determined by BOTH incomes (if applicable) not just the mans income. Also, he man NOT be required to pay your attorney's fees. I dont know where your getting this information but its not true.

    Marilyn
    I'm a legal assistant and have worked on many divorce cases. I was told that the amount of child support is based on the husband's income, but perhaps it is based on both incomes. You may be correct on that point. I have also worked on cases where the husband was ordered to pay attorney's fees, but not in all cases. I am not giving any legal advice, only offering some information I have learned from working on divorce cases.

     
    Old 07-27-2005, 08:29 AM   #5
    goody2shuz
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    Re: Husband is a bully

    Sophia ~ It is important that you look at your overall happiness and that of your baby's. If you are miserable and are constantly being put in a situation where your self worth is diminished this will definitely have a negative effect on your child as well. Your unborn child deserves to have a mother who is happy and feels good about herself. I don't see this happening in the marriage you are in. You deserve love & respect and the ability to express your feelings and so does your child. Do whatever you must to make sure that you and your child have what you truly deserve. This may very well mean walking away from your marriage. Get professional advice on how to go about doing so and getting what you are entitled to legally in terms of financial support. Good luck ~ Goody

    Last edited by goody2shuz; 07-27-2005 at 08:30 AM.

     
    Old 07-27-2005, 11:33 AM   #6
    baskineer
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    Re: Husband is a bully

    Sophia-

    You post makes me upset. I've had contact with someone with a similar experience and I know it's not fun, nor is it acceptable. You have a right to live in peace w\out chronic criticism and intimidation. You also have a right to have your opinions taken seriously. Hitting your dog too hard is not acceptable or a family thing, because YOU don't like it. Your opinion about your own life and what you experience is first priority, NO EXCEPTIONS.

    Anyone, including your husband, arguing otherwise with consistent negligence of your feelings must be removed from your life.

    It's not an easy decision, and I won't say so. But hearing this is painful to me.

    I hope you find a way to solve your dilemma, and you have my support.

    Last edited by glogreenfrog; 07-27-2005 at 11:33 AM.

     
    Old 07-27-2005, 03:24 PM   #7
    dewdrop333
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    Re: Husband is a bully

    Just a quick note .. my ex had to pay my lawyers fees given the great gap in the diffrence between our incomes.

    Yes Child Support is based on both parents incomes.
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    Old 07-27-2005, 03:48 PM   #8
    Hangin in There
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    Re: Husband is a bully

    I'm sorry to hear this. I know how you feel because my husband was mean, nasty and intimidating. He wasn't physically abusive at first, but several years later he was. However, the mental/emotional abuse was the worst part of it. Your husband will probably never change, especially if he has already seen counselors and it hasn't helped. We separated for a few years when our son was four. After promises that he would change, I let him move back in. It was only good for a year and then got worse than ever. We separated again and finally got divorced when our son was 11. His income was a lot higher than mine and the child support was deducted from his check every week. My son and I were at peace once he was out of the home once and for all.

    Good luck.

    Last edited by Hangin in There; 07-27-2005 at 04:46 PM.

     
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