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  • What's "asking for space" REALLY mean?

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    Old 07-28-2005, 07:23 PM   #1
    HarajukuGurl2005
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    What's "asking for space" REALLY mean?

    im done here

    Last edited by HarajukuGurl2005; 12-29-2005 at 08:14 PM.

     
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    Old 07-28-2005, 07:27 PM   #2
    RockMyBoat
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    Re: What's "asking for space" REALLY mean?

    Why don't you write a letter telling him if it's just a matter of courage or a difficulty expressing yourself? It will be hard to write, but the you can just hand it to him and be done with it.

     
    Old 07-28-2005, 07:46 PM   #3
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    Re: What's "asking for space" REALLY mean?

    http://////////

    Last edited by HarajukuGurl2005; 10-10-2005 at 07:09 PM.

     
    Old 07-28-2005, 07:47 PM   #4
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    Re: What's "asking for space" REALLY mean?

    In most peoples minds "needing some space" means that you want to date other people. That you don't want to be exclusive anymore.
    Most people take this as rejection - and on some level I suppose it it.
    But I'd rather be with someone who WANTS to be with me rather than have them stay with me because they've taken pity on me and just can't break up with me...
    Tough call when you care about someone.

     
    Old 07-28-2005, 07:57 PM   #5
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    Re: What's "asking for space" REALLY mean?

    http.......................

    Last edited by HarajukuGurl2005; 10-10-2005 at 06:41 PM.

     
    Old 07-28-2005, 08:57 PM   #6
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    Re: What's "asking for space" REALLY mean?

    YOu are in the stage of "uncertainty". You don't know for sure if your boyfried is your life partner. This is normal. And you need to listen to your inner voice. It speaks volumes. Just take it slowly...no need to give yourself completely until you are ready...until YOU KNOW he is the one for you!

     
    Old 07-28-2005, 09:04 PM   #7
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    Re: What's "asking for space" REALLY mean?

    Then use your own words. It isn't rocket science.

     
    Old 07-28-2005, 09:23 PM   #8
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    Re: What's "asking for space" REALLY mean?

    never said i was good at this sort of thing

     
    Old 07-28-2005, 10:51 PM   #9
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    Re: What's "asking for space" REALLY mean?

    I know I use to LOVE the no strings attached feeling. I loved being single and that is why I denied dating my boyfriend for over a year! I knew It would have been hard for me to be faithful and I didnt want to give up the going out and having fun thing without feeling like I would hurt someones feelings.

    I still wish I could have that "life" back once more before we get married in a year.

    "taking a break" is taken differently by everyone. Some think it means you dont want to be them anymore. Others think it means you just wanna go out and hook up with others and explore your options. I view it as wanting to not be "attached" or be worried about doing something that would hurt your boyfriend/girlfriend. Personally I would never go to my guy and say "i need space" It would break his heart and make him think i wanted a life w/out him.

    If you mean "space" like I dont want to spend every day of the week with you, i'd like to spend some days with friends without you from time to time then he should understand. I go out without my guy time to time as does he! And we are fine. A little space like that is good for you! Gives you a "break". goodluck

     
    Old 07-29-2005, 07:56 AM   #10
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    Re: What's "asking for space" REALLY mean?

    To me, asking someone for "space" is a nice way of saying "I want to break up". Or like Ruth said - I want to date other people.
    If I were you I would be honest with him. Tell him what's going on in your head - If you like and respect him, he deserves to know what you're thinking. Tell him your concerns about losing him, but you are not sure about things.
    I think you will feel much better if you tell him the truth.

     
    Old 07-29-2005, 08:00 AM   #11
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    Re: What's "asking for space" REALLY mean?

    Just be honest, as everyone says. Have you ever stopped to consider maybe he is having the same inner conflict and wants to say the same things to you?

    A good talk could set you both free and keep a good friendship.

     
    Old 07-29-2005, 08:09 AM   #12
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    Re: What's "asking for space" REALLY mean?

    "i need space" means i still want you around, but if something better comes along, i'm free to explore. and the phrase, "it's not you, it's me", translation is.........i'm not that interested in you.

     
    Old 07-29-2005, 08:56 AM   #13
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    Re: What's "asking for space" REALLY mean?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by JustErin
    "i need space" means i still want you around, but if something better comes along, i'm free to explore. and the phrase, "it's not you, it's me", translation is.........i'm not that interested in you.
    I agree. That is exactly what it means, Erin. Anybody who says other wise is lying to themselves and the ones who love them. Even if a person never meets someone better, it was still freedom and detachment they want. Then, when someone new comes along, they tell themselves, "It's okay, I'm free to pursue this new person". We don't detach from the people we truly love, doing so would be like tearing part of ourselves off.

     
    Old 07-29-2005, 12:04 PM   #14
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    Re: What's "asking for space" REALLY mean?

    You sound SO MUCH LIKE ME at your age!!! If you read my post under your other topic, you'll see where I came from......2 years with the same guy, loved him a ton, was great friends with him, didn't want to hurt him, didn't want to admit we weren't right for each other, etc. etc.

    You can deny your gut feelings all you want, but they are telling you to move on. You are having very healthy, natural responses to a relationship that you no longer truly want to be in. That doesn't mean you're in love with someone else or want to play the field, but it DOES mean that internally you are realizing that this person is not right for you.

    I ended being so frustrated in my relationship that I broke things off out of the clear blue one day. I couldn't believe it when I said it, but then I realized that I had become so frustrated without even noticing that my system took over for me and ended things. As soon as the words came out of my mouth, I felt a ZILLION times better.

    This is a decision we obviously can't make for you, but can you really see yourself going on like this forever? And ever? And ever? Why stay with this guy any longer if you aren't going to marry him down the road? And can you really see yourself marrying someone that you are already feeling frustrated about being with? Not because he's a bad guy, mind you, but because he's not right for YOU. These feelings are here for a reason and it seems to me that they are trying to tell you to move on before things get any more complicated then they already have.

    It's difficult losing a long-term relationship...it takes mourning, like a real death. It's also hard to lose a friendship, which may happen after you break up. Still, staying with him romantically to keep his friendship isn't healthy, either. If he's a great guy like you say, he'll still be there for you in the way that you actually want. And, suddenly you will feel the freedom and happiness that you have been craving all this time.

    Best wishes in going through this process, and keep us posted on how we can help!

     
    Old 07-29-2005, 01:57 PM   #15
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    Re: What's "asking for space" REALLY mean?

    When you say "I need space", you can make it whatever you want it to mean.

    It can mean you just want to time apart from him. Not necessarily a break up, but just that, in plain english, you need space away from him. Your still together, but you need to be alone. You tell him that this isn't a breakup, and your not taking this space to meet other people. You just want to be alone.

    But it could also mean a break. As in, a temporary break-up. To explore other options like someone else said previously, or to not too. But you can't get mad if he starts dating other people either. That would be hypocritical.

    You just need to tell him what you want.

    I think each couple in a relationship puts different limitations on it when they ask for space. Just yesterday, my friend kinda-sorta broke up with her boyfriend saying she needed space and that they were broken up, but told him explicitly that he was not to date other people. I don't think that'll hold up, but whatever. lol.

    Just tell him what you need.

     
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