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  • Family Cruise With In-laws??!!!

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    Old 07-31-2005, 12:05 PM   #1
    Jasminda
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    Family Cruise With In-laws??!!!

    Hey all,
    It has been some time since I last wrote. This year it will be my future FIL's 60th birthday. Yesterday, my dear fiancee's 2 older sisters and his mother strongly proposed th eidea of takinga family cruise together (3-5 days). I think I have mentioned previously that I do not get along 100% with fiancee's family, although I am truly trying and making more of an effort as of late to make fiancee happy and create more harmony.
    Here's the thing, I don't think that the "family cruise" is a good idea for several reasons.
    One, it is too expensive. Fiancee and I are booking a vaction for this October that is costing us 3.5k already. This cruise would cost us another 2-3k most likely. I would prefer not to spend 6k in vacations in one year! We both work full time and I am trying to save $ for a house too!!!!
    Number two, I truly don't think I have it in me to be able to be on a trip for numerous days with his entire family like this. I would not be happy.
    Fiancee and I fought about the issue last night like cats and dogs. He says he does not have a problem with taking a family vacation, but that he does agree with me about the cost issue. He suggested to his sisters/mother alternative travel options which are less expensive, but they don't seem to be biting. What now? I am going out of my mind. Most likely if this cruise gets set up I won't be going. At least that would be a savings of $1000. I am truly upset. I feel that his sisters are very bullying. They don't seem to care about the cost issue because they don't have any other vacations plans for the year. Please help.

     
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    Old 07-31-2005, 12:45 PM   #2
    KitKat123
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    Re: Family Cruise With In-laws??!!!

    I don't know why you don't get along with his family because i havent read your other posts but i think it is a very bad idea if they do go on the trip and your fiance goes and you don't. That is going to hurt your relationship with your fiance and his family and possibly with his family and him..As much as you cant stand his family and don't want to spend the money it's something you need to do to better your relationship with your fiance and his family or it's going to be a very loooooong or very short marriage if you know what i mean.. In a relationship you need to learn how to compromise. Sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do. Suck it up and go on the cruise. Hope I helped

     
    Old 07-31-2005, 02:38 PM   #3
    Hangin in There
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    Re: Family Cruise With In-laws??!!!

    Aside from having the scheduled dinner together, you don't have to spend every minute with your in-laws. Breakfast and lunch options are flexible and there's many different activities during the day, so you can each do your own thing.

    It shouldn't cost $2-3K for only a 3-5 day cruise. My son and I went on a 7-day cruise and paid less than $2K total.

     
    Old 07-31-2005, 02:47 PM   #4
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    Re: Family Cruise With In-laws??!!!

    Jasminda ~ I agree with the previous posters. Your fiance has a family and because he is part of that family your presence at celebrations is your support of that. It is important that you realize this and positively reinforce his involvement with his family by realizing that his family (flaws & all) is important to him.

    As far as vacations go....a cruise would be perfect because it allows you the opprtunity to do things alone and also as a group. Talk this over with your fiance coming to a compromise of having time to yourselves and limited time with his family. This should make everyone happy. ~ Goody

     
    Old 07-31-2005, 03:59 PM   #5
    Hangin in There
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    Re: Family Cruise With In-laws??!!!

    Just don't go crazy ordering drinks or you'll have a large bill waiting for you at the end of the cruise.

    Cruises are fun!

     
    Old 07-31-2005, 10:07 PM   #6
    Soibhan
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    Re: Family Cruise With In-laws??!!!

    After 29 yrs. of marriage and not getting along with my in-laws very well, I feel I can speak to this issue. If your fiance's family won't compromise by going someplace more affordable, you and your fiance need to be united in your decision to either go or not. If he goes and you don't, it may do more damage than you think. My mother always told me, "you don't just marry a man--you marry a family." VERY wise words. Besides, I'm sure your fiance wants to celebrate his dad's 60th birthday with his family and in his heart he wants you to be there too. Looking back on this 20 yrs. from now, it's a small price to pay, believe me. Good luck to you!

     
    Old 08-01-2005, 03:03 AM   #7
    Snails
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    Re: Family Cruise With In-laws??!!!

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Soibhan
    After 29 yrs. of marriage and not getting along with my in-laws very well, I feel I can speak to this issue. If your fiance's family won't compromise by going someplace more affordable, you and your fiance need to be united in your decision to either go or not. If he goes and you don't, it may do more damage than you think. My mother always told me, "you don't just marry a man--you marry a family." VERY wise words. Besides, I'm sure your fiance wants to celebrate his dad's 60th birthday with his family and in his heart he wants you to be there too. Looking back on this 20 yrs. from now, it's a small price to pay, believe me. Good luck to you!
    This is very wise advice, by far the smartest you've received so far. Your fiance's relatives are being very controlling and manipulative by forcing everyone into taking a vacation just because they want to, without considering the cost or inconvenience for you and your fiance. I disagree with the advice you've received so far other than Soibhan's, but that may be because I'm pretty sensitive to tyrannical in-laws who expect all their relatives to drop and sacrifice everything to fulfill their every whim . My main concern wouldn't be the cruise nearly as much as what your future holds...I actually ended up losing a man I thought was the love of my life because his family insisted on controlling every aspect of his life. I knew I couldn't become part of a family that was so obsessive and dysfunctional, and unfortunately, your fiance's family seems to have a lot in common with my ex's. Are you really sure you want to marry into a family like this, where they act like dictators and you must obey their every demand? That would seriously concern me, unless my fiance was willing to stand united with me and refuse to be pushed around and manipulated anymore...sadly, few men are independent and brave enough to stand up to even the most horrible relatives. It would bother me a lot more that my fiance wasn't seeing my side (much less taking my side) of this issue than this particular cruise would...it sounds like you two need to seriously consider how you are going to deal with his family in the future. It seems like he is used to obeying their every command, but that is no way to live...I'm very sorry you're having to deal with this. I just don't think giving in and pretending to be okay with their manipulations and total lack of consideration would be a smart move, unless you want to spend the rest of your life catering to everything they want.

     
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