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Estranged from parents!!

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Old 08-27-2005, 08:05 PM   #1
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Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: US
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Kiedy HB User
Estranged from parents!!

I've posted about this problem here before and you all have been very helpful, so I'll try this again.

My parents and I have been estranged for last 3yrs. In the last year I got married and had a son. They were not part of it. In the last year we have been exchanging cards for holidays and such, but very formal. Lots of hurt, resentment and pride is seperating us. 2 wks ago I sent them pictures of my new born son, but haven't heard anything back (they sent 2 baby outfits few months back when I first wrote them that I was preggo). Next month I'm going to the town where they live, it would be nice for them to see the baby, their first grandchild.

How should I instigate this first visit, or any other contact. They haven't met my husband yet. My husband is very upset with them b/c he knows how upset and hurt I have been for their lack of involvement. The thought of us actually meeting would be so stressful. I don't know what to do and how. Please help.

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Old 08-27-2005, 10:35 PM   #2
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Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Indiana
Posts: 100
Chellaine HB User
Re: Estranged from parents!!

I might try to feel out the situation first, maybe, with a phone call. That might be a first step in opening the lines of communication. My father and I were estranged for 20 years, both of us bull-headed, finally I swallowed my pride, because I knew he wouldn't, and I called him.
Tell them on the phone that you are coming into town and you would like for them to meet your husband and thier first grandbaby. See what they say. What's the worst that could happen? They say no thank you? I would hope they would not be that rude and self-centered as to say that.
Anyway, just wanted to give my $.02 worth.
Take care,

Old 09-04-2005, 11:37 PM   #3
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Birmingham,Alabama
Posts: 876
Arememom HB User
Re: Estranged from parents!!

I don't know your situation or who's fault this estrangment is. It really doesn't matter. Swallow your pride and call them to make arrangements to see them. Maybe it would be good if you could meet them in a neutral place for lunch/dinner. Take that first step. It sounds like there's still love there on both sides. One of my sons didn't talk to me for 7 years. I tried many times to mend our fences but he wasn't ready. But when he was, it was great. Now we have a great relationship. We still disagree on issues and always will. But now we agree that it's ok to disagree. The one thing we have is unconditional love. We know that no matter what we do or say that I'm his mother and will always love him and vise versa. Maybe those sweet grandchild are the key to rebuilding your relationship with your parents. I hope so because you all are losing out by not having each other in your lives. Hopefully hubby will come around too. Good luck.

Old 09-05-2005, 06:49 AM   #4
Join Date: May 2004
Location: New York
Posts: 5,807
goody2shuz HB Usergoody2shuz HB User
Re: Estranged from parents!!

I took the liberty of rereading your old thread and wonder what ever happened when they invited you & your husband for Christmas??? Did you ever go??? You did mention that they sent you a congratulations letter and gift for the baby.

This information shows me that your parents are open to reconciliation. It seems that what holds you back is their acceptance of your husband. I think over time your parents will by seeing how happy he makes you and your new baby. By all means get together with your parents. And by all means get together as a family bringing your husband along as well. This will allow them the opportunity to get to know your husband AND their first grandchild. In time you will be able to talk about the past but for now put aside your foolish pride and allow your child to have the gift of grandparents in his life. Your husband will be suppportive so long as this makes you and your child happy. Take a risk and see if you can accept the olive branch that has been extended and take it from there. Let your parents know that you wil be in town and wish to see them. Create an atomosphere that you & your husband would feel most comfortable with for your first meeting. I wish you luck ~ Goody

Last edited by goody2shuz; 09-05-2005 at 07:06 AM.

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