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Can people change?

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Old 08-30-2005, 03:53 PM   #1
Join Date: Jan 2005
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evy38 HB User
Can people change?

The posts lately have me asking the question, "Can a person change?" We all believe that we, ourselves can change. I know I believe I've made big changes thru life. But would we believe our spouses/partners can change? Everything written says change is impossible and not to wait around for someone to change, that love won't change them. Yet, if you were to ask them they would say they CAN change, for love. So is change a myth we shouldn't pin our hopes on or a viable possibility that we should give a chance?

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Old 08-30-2005, 04:11 PM   #2
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 134
netle HB User
Re: Can people change?

Hmm, I definitely believe people can change. However, I believe these changes take time and will not happen overnight. I also believe that once someone loses your trust it is up to them to earn it. Once again, that is something that just takes time.

Personally, if someone cheated on me I would have to remove myself from the relationship. I would need time to myself to heal and move on. That person betrayed my trust and I wouldn't owe them a 2nd chance or the opportunity to redeem themself. I wouldn't owe them a thing.

However, once I had this time to heal and was able to resume a normal life I think I would consider allowing that person to regain my trust again. I can't really imagine my husband cheating on me, but I believe if he did we would have to start all over from scratch. We would have to date like we did when we first met and re-learn to love each other.

People are always changing. Which is probably one of the many reasons divorce is so prevelant right now. People change for the better, they change for the worse. It happens and it all happens with time.

Old 08-30-2005, 04:12 PM   #3
Join Date: May 2004
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goody2shuz HB Usergoody2shuz HB User
Re: Can people change?

Evy ~ it is from my experience that people cannot be changed by another except in reaction to the other making a change within themselves. I have experienced this firsthand in my relationship with my husband. And with an ex fiance who was abusive.

With my ex fiance I tried everything to change him even to the point of totally changing myself to the point of total sacrifice and yet he still abused me. So in this case despite how much I changed I couldn't change his behavior. However, with my husband when we got to a point in our marriage where I needed more romance and intimacy that once was there but all of a sudden seemed lost, I found that by making changes within myself he indirectly made positive changes within himself as well. This all came in response to my making a positive effort to change negative things that occurred within myself in response to not getting my needs met. It was when I made a conscious effort to not complain and to compliment him when he made even the slightest of efforts that I started seeing the changes in him that I most needed.

So can we change a person...NO But can we change ourselves and as a result see some changes in others in response to it....YES!!! That's the difference. But don't expect to see changes in an abusive, or drug/alcohol dependent person.....that's a whole different ballgame. ~ Goody

Old 08-31-2005, 08:25 AM   #4
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: san jose, ca.
Posts: 82
Re: Can people change?

In My Case It Took A My Wifes Affair To Make Me Realize That My Behavior Needed To Change. It Was Me Who Changed It Not Her.i Now Love It And It Is Me. Yes People Can Change

Old 04-27-2010, 01:43 PM   #5
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fifitrixabell HB User
Re: Can people change?


Last edited by fifitrixabell; 04-27-2010 at 01:46 PM.

Old 04-27-2010, 02:20 PM   #6
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digmusic HB Userdigmusic HB Userdigmusic HB Userdigmusic HB User
Re: Can people change?

I think people can change, but not "for love". I think they have to change, as cliche as this sounds, "for themselves." Then love can find them easier and they can love more easily. I've said this in several posts, but I used to be a chronic cheater, and I completely changed from that. It wasn't for any particular person, it was just some psychological changes within myself and I wanted to be a better person.

Old 04-27-2010, 02:22 PM   #7
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digmusic HB Userdigmusic HB Userdigmusic HB Userdigmusic HB User
Re: Can people change?

Whoa... why are all these posts popping up from the 1920's?

Old 04-27-2010, 08:25 PM   #8
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Posts: 2,093
Redneon82 HB User
Re: Can people change?'s the darn "similar threads" feature. I complain about it but I'm not in charge! People see the "similar threads" and respond to them thinking they're current. They seem to be here to stay so this will continue to happen.
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't." - Erica Jong

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