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ending a relationship

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Old 08-31-2005, 07:03 AM   #1
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 1
firefox2 HB User
Unhappy ending a relationship

Hi all,
I'm looking for a bit of advice and support -I've been living with my OH for 10 years, 7 yrs ago he called off our engagement and said he didn't love me anymore. I was devastated but as he was suffering from depression at the time I held on believing that he would eventually get himself sorted out and we would have a chance to be happy again.

I thought that was happening 5 years ago when he said he'd really like a baby (having always said he'd never want one) and I believed that this was his first step on the road to commitment (he had started saying he loved me ages ago but wouldn't get married).

So we had a beautiful baby and still he didn't want to get married. Then, 2 yrs ago he asked me to marry him on new years eve and the next day said he 'couldn't do it'. that was the last straw for me. I promised myself I wouldn't get my hopes up again just for him to hurt me and began to build a wall against him, I realised then how little we had been truly happy together and how long I had been waiting for it to be good.

Now I don't love him anymore. I had a fling with a really great guy when I was way for a week and it made me realise how far away from our relationship I had gone emotionally. Me and the guy are still in email contact and are just friends but I would like it to be more - but he lives 200 miles away, though theres a very slight possibility he may be moving closer at some point.
Now my OH is saying he'd marry me in a shot and I could have anything I wanted but I just don't feel anything anymore.
I'm pretty terrified of ending it - losing my home and having to stand on my own two feet - finding a new home for me and the kids and living alone. The thought of never finding someone new.
If anyone has any advice I'd be really grateful as I'm so incredibly worried about the practicalities and finances (I don't have a job yet) of being alone, as well as the emotional side.
Also I wonder sometimes, as me and my OH get on very amicably, whether it is possible to get the spark back, for me to love him again rather than throw it away. I don't want to stay and always wonder if I could have had a better relationship with someone else.
Argghh. So confused!

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Old 08-31-2005, 07:41 AM   #2
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 148
Lilly10 HB User
Re: ending a relationship

Hi Firefox 2,

I just want you to know I am going through a very similar situation except I do not have kids. About 2 weeks ago my Fiance (ex) told me that he does not want our relationship anymore and needs his space. Mind you we own a home together and we live in a state where I dont know anyone but him and coworkers. I am just now trying to sort through the financial part of the situation. We have been together for 6 years. If you dont love him anymore then you need to move on as my ex tells me he loves me but is not in love and you know I am glad we did not get married as I would not want to be with someone who does not love me. I to am so confused with what to do and where to go next with my lifes path. I know it is difficult as you have children but somehow you will need to figure this out. Your OH sounds like he feels panicked that you are preparing to move on that is why he has agreed to marry you now perhaps but that is just not good enough and he put you through a lot over the years. Not to mention he could of married you years ago! If you still have some "in love" left for him then I say try to work it out but you know if that is something you can do or not. Based on my own situation and that we have financial interests together I know how hard it is and I think it can get bitter unless you respect eachother and just keep talking through it as hard as that is. Come here whenever you need some advise or want to vent as the people are great for support.

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