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Old 08-31-2005, 12:54 PM   #1
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damselindistres HB User

Just a few questions: how important do you think that trust is in a relationship? If someone is paranoid that you'll cheat what does this mean about them? Oh and can there be love without trust?

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Old 08-31-2005, 01:10 PM   #2
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Lilly10 HB User
Re: Trust

I think trust is very important in a relationship! Trust is a core part of any relationship. If someone thinks you will cheat on them perhaps they were cheated on in the past or they have cheated on someone them self? As far as love with out trust yes you can love someone and not trust them but I think the relationship is broken a bit. Not to say you can not learn to trust this person again.

Old 08-31-2005, 01:15 PM   #3
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: san jose, ca.
Posts: 82
Re: Trust

Well In My Opinion And Experiance Trust Is What Everything Is Built Upon, If You Are Paranoid Your Other Is Going To Cheat To Me It Means 1) Immaturity 2) You Do Not Trust Them 3) You Already Know Deep Down They Are. You Can Love Without Trust But I Feel You Cannot Be In Love Without It.

Old 08-31-2005, 10:13 PM   #4
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mada_3083 HB User
Re: Trust

stacy... i used to be that guy... i now understand the impact it has... umm look into whether it's a trust issue due to previous experiences (cheated on, bad parents whatever) or a lack of self esteem. then try to work on these... maybe a counciller or something would help.

BUT first ask yourself if maybe it's just not worth fighting for, and finding another person that has their issues in check. 16 months isn't a huge time together... it's up to you how much energy you want this relationship to drain... there is no guarentee he will ever trust you...

Old 09-01-2005, 06:24 AM   #5
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Music4All HB User
Re: Trust

Originally Posted by damselindistres
Oh and can there be love without trust?
According to many that post here, there apparently can be love with abuse, violence, screaming, disrespect, cheating, denegration, and so I suppose without trust as well.

The bigger question is, even if love is possible without trust, is that a love you would want to live with?

Old 09-03-2005, 07:02 AM   #6
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mada_3083 HB User
Re: Trust

be warned stacy, it may take alot out of you, and that may lead to resentment on your part. and it may not work: some of those things were tried on me (half heartedly) but it never sunk in till i lost her. even now i catch myself starting to slip into that. at those times i excuse myself from the company of the girl and have to really work things out in my head...

Old 09-03-2005, 04:57 PM   #7
Join Date: May 2005
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Hazel_Eyes HB User
Re: Trust

Originally Posted by stacy1223
I believe trust is one of the main parts in a relatinship. My boyfriend is constantly accusing me of cheating. We have been together for 16 months, and I have never once cheated. I have never done anything for him not to trust me. Any suggestions?
Hey Stacy,

That is a problem with me and my guy. There is really nothing you can do if he doesnt trust you. You need to make him understand that you are being honest. They key is not to give him a reason to doubt you. One of the problems with me and my guy is that...I tend to be secretive and sneaky at times. This drives him nuts...

For instance, a guy would try and hook up with me. Id tell him about it since its important to be open in a relationship...however i tend to skip a few details. Its not that im being dishonest... but if the guy was really hot and flirting, i dont see the point in saying that to my guy. It will just upset him and I will feel guilty. As a result, I avoid telling him these things. Or when i do, i just make keep it short... It really makes him mad because he will ask so many questions to try and drag it out of me.

One of the things i tell my boyfriend is that... I love him and that there is really nothing I can do if he constantly doubts me. I CANT MAKE him trust me. I mean, I cant get rid of the doubt... he has to do that. Of course, I should be careful myself and avoid putting myself in a bad situation.

Talk to your guy and tell him that your relationship is not going to work if he doesnt trust you. I mean you cant make him trust you - he has to do that. He has to try!!!

Old 09-03-2005, 05:06 PM   #8
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 205
dsleik HB User
Re: Trust

i think trust and fidelity are by far 100% the foundation to any healthy relationship. i dont think you truly love someone you dont trust, but are in lust w that person. i couldnt be w someone that i didint trust, or be w someone who didnt trust me either. some people are just so insecure...those are the ones that need to find out who they really are and grow up. true love should never have any doubts.

Old 09-03-2005, 06:36 PM   #9
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 54
Painyoufeel HB User
Re: Trust

I have tried so hard to earn trust before. I ended up giving up more and more of my freedom until I ended up feeling like I was trapped in a cage and HE STILL DIDNT TRUST ME! I knew that he was just insecure so I kept trying and trying, but at the same time I was completely destroying the person I was. When I got out of it I felt such a weight lifted off my shoulders. He of course, thought I was leaving him because there was someone else. It really is pointless to try to make someone trust you. I know its hard to leave behind an otherwise "good" relationship, but without the foundation of trust, there really isnt much there anyways.

Old 09-04-2005, 03:54 AM   #10
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Posts: 102
knotme HB User
Re: Trust

I've learned - that it takes years to build up trust, and only
suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

It's the basis and foundation of any relationship. Otherwise, you're only fooling yourself.

Old 09-11-2005, 01:17 PM   #11
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Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 31
plumbcrazy HB User
Cool Re: Trust

Geez, for a minute there I thought you were dating my ex....goodness!!! I have went through this for the last year and a half myself. I have learned something through is HIS problem. He has problems from his past or childhood which has not fully dealt with for him to respond in a healthy manner. Deepdown, he has trust issues that may stem from abandoment, etc. He also deepdown may feel he is not loveable, so he lashed out at you in this manner. If you want it to both may consider counseling. It did not work for me and my boyfriend, BUT I was the one going to counseling not him and he had the issue. However, from counseling I am at peace with myself and my decision to move on. It is emotionaly and physically exhausting to constantly defend yourself for somehting you are not doing...Option B: He is screwing around on you and is projecting his dishonesty onto you. REmember --cheaters HATE to be cheated on. Good Luck!!!

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