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  • Letting Go ~ Will Time Make It Better??

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    Old 09-10-2005, 07:35 AM   #16
    Ruth6:11
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    Re: Letting Go ~ Will Time Make It Better??

    I am so glad to hear you are going out for her birthday!! She will be tickled pink and as my dad always said, you can "pin her on a rose" to show her how special she is. I loved your idea for a gift. My next oldest sister is creative like that. Every card she has gotten for me has "really looked for" all over it.

    I also love the book of Ruth...
    A funny story I've never told here before - my screen name actually refers to 3:11.

    And now, my daughter, do not fear, I will do for you all that you ask, for all my fellow townsmen know that you are a woman of worth.

    Somehow in a major menopausal moment I put 6:11 in instead! Ruth is also my Grandmother's name - and she is also my guardian I wanted all those here to know that no matter how someone is treating them, no matter how alone they may feel, no matter how much abuse they have undergone - they have WORTH. My name reminds me of that purpose everytime I sign on.

    And Goody everytime you share your feelings about your daughter you bring me into a circle of women that I am usually on the outside of. Your feelings have Worth....
    Sharing is kind of like a big Hug!

    Last edited by Ruth6:11; 09-10-2005 at 07:37 AM.

     
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    Old 09-10-2005, 07:51 AM   #17
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    Re: Letting Go ~ Will Time Make It Better??

    Thanks for sharing, Ruth. And the hugs ARE extra special and much appreciated. Funny how way back when, when I was looking way up at you here on the boards I actually whipped out the Good book and looked 6:11 up thinking that there was some SPECIAL meaning behind your name here!! And I actually was right and appreciate your sharing with me your newest revelation

    For now I truly see that we are joined in our mission to make sure that others never forget their WORTH having discovered that for ourselves. I, as I'm sure you do, consider my past experiences with abuse a blessing, for without having experienced it myself it makes it so much more difficult to help others. And so it was a burden worth carrying as you know only too well, my dear friend. See...without my even knowing it, my name has special meaning....for I couldn't be Goody without walking in my own 2 shoes!!!

    Hehehehehehehe......thanks for sharing in my excitement of celebrating K.'s birthday....like your sister, I can spend hours in a Hallmark store!!!

    (((HUGS))) and plenty to spare ~ Goody

    Last edited by goody2shuz; 09-10-2005 at 07:52 AM.

     
    Old 09-10-2005, 08:13 AM   #18
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    Re: Letting Go ~ Will Time Make It Better??

    edited because I was rambling somewhere that was so off-topic I should be ashamed of myself!

    Last edited by Ruth6:11; 09-15-2005 at 05:12 AM.

     
    Old 09-15-2005, 05:17 AM   #19
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    Re: Letting Go ~ Will Time Make It Better??

    Hi Goody
    How are things going??? I forgot to ask whether it was last weekend or this coming weekend that you were flying out for your daughter's birthday. And it's a surprise, right?
    What has she had to say about her new school, living somwhere that's not home, etc?

    One of my friends sent "our" daughter (I adopt them where I can) off to college and is really having a hard time with the empty nest thing...
    It is friends like the two of you that give me a window on the feelings of being a mom that I can't know otherwise...

     
    Old 09-15-2005, 07:06 AM   #20
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    Exclamation Re: Letting Go ~ Will Time Make It Better??

    Ruth....you always know just when to swoop in. Must be the cybertwin ability of feeling Goody's need to vent.

    I flew out Monday, the day before K.'s birthday. She was completely surprised!!! And the smile on her face was "priceless". I have been spending the days in what I would like to categorize as an "unnatural" state. And I am having some difficulty making adjustments to that. I will explain that in a little while as I progressively update you.

    I have been spending the time driving K. to & from her new school.....I use my SIL's car on the day she works from home and on the days she goes to work she drives. The school is a 25 minute drive and on my first day here K. shared with us how a boy walked her from lunch to Bio and gave her a hug!!! Another boy she met, she eats lunch with and is in at least 2 of her classes. She is making lots of boy "friends" and is happy with that. K. really needs a car....the drive to school is definitely a hardship that I would like to take off of my brother & his family. She now has a full license and K. was quite disappointed on her birthday NOT HAVING FOUND A CAR. She had seen a cougar and was disappointed when my brother & his wife would not entertain placing her on their insurance because of the liability & cost...K. will pay the insurance but would need a separate policy which would place major stress on her having to come up with $350/mo. to drive that car. M brother wishes to put K. on his insurance but feels too uncomfortable with her having a sports car on it and I fully agree. We spoke with K. about this on her birthday eve and she cried sharing that having a car was a big part of turning 17 and that she had saved for one and had the money for the car and first years insurance. We explained to her that it would be the future insurance & gas that would place major stress on her and that she had enough of that on her plate. And that there was a compromise....she saw a Cavalier....much less expensive but not "plush" enough for her. We explained that while only seeing two there would be one that would be in the middle, a compromise, that would not place stress on her.

    K.'s birthday came and it was sooo apparent how not having a car to drive on her 17th birthday was a big disappointment but she did well. I greeted her when she got home with a fluffernutter sandwich, her favorite snack, singing Happy Birthday. When everybody got home I saw the chaos that exists with my brother's family....my brother is on his 3rd marriage of less than a year and is remarkably wonderful when it comes to parenting. He has never missed a visit, event, or milestone in any of his kid's lives. One daughter lives in NY very close to me....she flies out 2 weekends a month and various 10 day vacations throughout the school year. My intentions are to fly K. home to me when he goes to get his daughter at the airport at least once a month. His second family resides about an hour from him in DE. He gets them one weekday and every weekend. And attends all their extracurricular events at school if need be. And then his new wife has 2 which are with them fulltime...a 9 year old and 1 year old. Okay.....do you get the picture??? It's a virtual circus of juggling everything under the sun under one roof!!! I am truly amazed having just spent a few days here at what goes on!

    So....K. is in the midst of this and adjusting well for the most part...she is the oldest in terms of the kids and helps out quite a bit,, my brother has some health issues and part of my sacrifice of allowing K. to live with him comes from that. It is what I refer to as a "symbiotic" relationship where it is helping K. and at the same time helping my brother.

    However...I am going through some emotions as a mom where I feel you and others may help me out with. K. seems to open up so much more with my brother & sister in law. She shares her day & events so much more readily...she smiles and is a daughter I haven't seen. She seems happy...but when it gets to the end of the day the frustration is projected on me. The disappointment of not having a car is shown to me in terms of "I need a car and what has been promised to me didn't happen." I explain that things changed in her life and if she were at home her dad & I would have had alot more time to focus on that need but that in my brother's life it is much more difficult and while I can understand the disappointment, that it will happen, only at a different time....a little delayed. I explained what a hardship it must be for my brother & SIL to drive her back & forth and that it was on their list of priorities to see her get her a car too....The smiles and openness are saved for others while mom gets the frustration & pain!!! And while on my brother's turf I almost feel like an outsider looking in.....they don't intentionally make me feel that way but I can't help but feel that way. I need K. home on my own turf and it is a priority of mine to get her home as often as possible without causing her added stress.

    In addition to all of this I see that K. doesn't eat right....she doesn't eat breakfast and I don't know about lunch & only picks at dinner. Her sleeping quarters are out in the open lacking privacy....my brother lives in a beach bungalow....very tight quarters and all. She is situated in a sunroom which has a queen bed in a corner with a dresser and serves also as a family room. There is one shower for all!! Dinner sometimes is at 8-9pm. K. goes to sleep with a TV (something I have not allowed in our household) and a can of coke at her bedside...no milk in her diet here!! I went over this with K. and compromised to the TV timer being set at 30 minutes rather than 2 hours and how important good sleep is to her success in school. And how even grabbing a power bar in the morning is a must in starting her day with some type of nutrition no matter how busy. I also discussed these concerns with my brother & SIL both of which share the concern regarding K's eating habits. (The TV is no issue for them since everyone has a TV in their room)

    My greatest concern came yesterday when I was informed by my SIL that K. will have to take all the state tests here to qualify for graduation. This was not part of our knowledge in weighing K's decision to come here or to K's knowledge. In speaking with the high school principal and guidance counselor about her transfer NO ONE informed us of this. Now....K. took all the NY State Regents exams AND state tests which are from what I understand the highest standard of testing in the nation....and they will not transfer that here and exempt her from DE state tests. I am very concerned about K's ability to take that on in addition to all the other changes/stresses in her life. She is in a new state, new school, with all new people, and has minimal ability for a social life outside of my brother's family. A car she sees as her only means of that which she has yet to get. Her high school schedule is soheavily weighed in terms of academics as it is and I am soooo afraid that the state tests will be the straw that breaks the camels back!!!!! K. avoids answering my questions regarding the tests...she has a college essay & application due by Nov. 1st and all these exams must be taken in October in order to apply to the college of her dreams!!! Okay.....I must admit that I am probably more stressed than K. but in the past few nights the stress is coming out of her...."this room is sooo hot and I can't get to sleep...there's a football game this weekend that Will wants me to go to but I can't beause I have no car"....I soothe her as much as I can. I told her I would ask my brother if she can use his car here & there until she finds one. She is somewhat relieved.

    My biggest thing is that I wonder if this is still okay & in K.'s best interest. And I can't help but feel like the outsider looking in while she is here because now it involves 4 adults while she resides at my brother's home and I cannot fully act as a parent in the capacity without weighing the impact on my brother & his family, after all it is his home she is living in so my hands somewhat are tied. And I couldn't help but feel a little twinge of pain when K. said to me last night..."We're thinking about buying the lot across the street & building a bigger house." She was seeing herself as part of a new family and while I should be happy that she sees herself as so, it still hurt.

    So....Ruth, my cybertwin, that's the pain of it all in a nutshell....I am here but dealing with something new as a mom....not quite sure of how to deal with the emotions that comes with sacrifice...but trying to let my daughter know that I am still here. I seem to get the pain & frustrations not the fun....but then again, we are able to share those feelings best with those we hold dearest....right??

    Thanks for allowing me to vent. After I schedule a few home visits I think I will feel better. I will allow K. to pick those visits out with me.

    Today I announced to my brother & SIL some much needed one on one time...I asked to borrow a car so that I can pick K. up after school and just go out the two of us. I am leaving tomorrow and need this very much as I am sure K. does. Sharing her is difficult...this mom needs her all to herself!!!

    Ruth...I would be honored to share K. with you and have you adopt her as your cyberdaughter/cyberniece. I really look forward to your wisdom and comfort as a "mom" at heart....something we are both capable of. Thanks for wanting to play that role in my life and my daughters...it is truly an honor to know that you care enough to want to.

    Big (((HUGS))) ~ Goody

    Last edited by goody2shuz; 09-15-2005 at 07:12 AM.

     
    Old 09-15-2005, 10:36 AM   #21
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    Re: Letting Go ~ Will Time Make It Better??

    Oh, Goody... where do I begin?
    First by listening - and then by telling you that I'm betting I would have been VERY much like you if I could have been a mom - no matter whether we are cybertwins or not.

    Since I've never been one tho, I'm probably looking at things from a more cerebral angle than most women who have given birth and raised a helpless infant for 17 yrs. And honest, you don't need to share K. with me! Just sharing your thoughts and feelings about being a mom to K. are enough - a real window onto a part of life I did not have.

    OK - first off, feel flattered (in a strange way) that she is venting to you. Of course she's not going to really let go on someone other than you!
    It's that Unconditional Love you have for her - and that she is well aware of on many levels - that allows her to gripe like she does to you and not to your brother & SIL.
    Reminiscent of the teenager who declares that they hate you. (It hurts even though you know they really don't meant it, and they say it knowing that you will continue loving them).
    You get the griping because you're Mom. You're safer to express the honest feelings with. To this day I gripe more openly to my mother than to my husband.
    Go figure, huh?

    I'm not the best one to discuss teens & cars with. I'd rather see a kid working to earn some gas money to pay the family driving her than have someone "buy her a car" or "help with $350 a month" or get a car that costs more mostly for the looks - just because its what they want. One lesson I'd like to see more kids learn early is that you should buy what you need & can afford and not what you want. Otherwise you end up coveting all the high tech "toys" like Mr. Ruth!!

    You are facing separation issues a year or two before most people usually do.
    And on top of it you have a daughter who obviously bright, motivated, intellectual & flexible enough to adapt to a different family's style.
    So on the one hand you have to be prouder than spit -
    On the other the lack of her can be compared to tossing one of your arms about 4 hours away.

    Did you ever watch Saturday Night Live? There was a character on there who used a word that is perfect for occasions like this:

    Verklempt

    You are, understandably verklempt.

    Not having kids I honestly don't know what to say about the DE testing. Part of me wants to have a quasi-humorous jab at the United State for choosing a national & state system of govenment. Until now it never quite seemed to be such a problem. You would think the tests would be standard nationwide but Noooooo - each state gets to do their own thing.

    I do understand your first instinct to bail her out of there and scoop her back home. Just wondering what she would think about that - and how she feels about having to take that test in the midst of everything else. You said she doesn't really answer you when you ask her.
    Do you think she may be concerned that if she expresses any doubts at all you might swoop in to "rescue" her when all she wants is to do it and succeed and carry on with her original plan?

    You have to have done MANY things right since she was little to have a young woman of 17 doing what she's doing.
    It's that Can Do attitude I recognize I think.

    Remember this song? My Dad used to sing it to us when I was little. Not only a can do attitude, but really stubborn is NOT such a bad thing!!

    Just what makes that little old ant
    Think he'll move that rubber tree plant
    Anyone knows an ant, can't
    Move a rubber tree plant

    But he's got high hopes, he's got high hopes
    He's got high apple pie, in the sky hopes

    So any time your gettin' low
    'stead of lettin' go
    Just remember that ant
    Oops there goes another rubber tree plant

    Now that the decision is made to do this for this year I'm thinking that unless you start seeing some EXTREME problems (major drop in grades, signs of depression) you're probably doing pretty good so far! Stepping in too soon would send signals that could be more detrimental than her having some additional stress.

    And to put that another way, when I was only 2 years older than K. I left home. There was no transition, just safe harbor at home one week and a job & an apt. 30 miles from home the next.
    I don't know how my mom handled it, but maybe she had someplace to vent to also like HB. I never sensed anything but quiet acceptance that I was independent although I am sure she worried every day & evening how I was. They didn't make decisions for me, and if I asked for advice I usually got some further questions that helped me clarify my own situation and make my own decision.

    What makes it difficult is that she's not 18, and how could you have been prepared (no matter how long the move was discussed) to have her living away from home?
    Someone can know that a child will leave home, or a parent will pass away -
    Doesn't make it any less painful when it happens, you know?

    So - put on a pot of coffee, or some sun tea, or some pop. It's time for a virtual get together.

    Wherever we go
    Whatever we do
    We're gonna get thru it
    Together.

    (((((CyberHugExtraordinaire)))))
    Ruth

    Last edited by Ruth6:11; 09-15-2005 at 10:39 AM.

     
    Old 09-16-2005, 07:17 PM   #22
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    Re: Letting Go ~ Will Time Make It Better??

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Ruth6:11

    So - put on a pot of coffee, or some sun tea, or some pop. It's time for a virtual get together.

    Wherever we go
    Whatever we do
    We're gonna get thru it
    Together.

    (((((CyberHugExtraordinaire)))))
    Ruth

    Ruth ~ You are sooo wonderful and I am in awe of just how your post comforted me at just the right moment and just the right way. I just returned from my visit and have lots to catch up on....unfortunately our virtual tea party will have to wait. But I intend to come back....just wanted to tell you that you are an angel who came my way just when I needed. I do have lots of good news....but lack the time to post it. I promise to post and update as soon as I have time to do so.

    Thanks for your wonderful words that only you could deliver. I cannot even begin to tell you how blessed I feel to have you here to help me through a difficult time. (((HUGS))) & gratitude ~ Goody

     
    Old 09-18-2005, 07:31 AM   #23
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    Re: Letting Go ~ Will Time Make It Better??

    Good morning, Ruth I hope that this is a good time for a virtual get together!!! We will call it Sunday with Ruthie I have the morning & will be back this evening but thought we could start out a little bit now.

    I am sooo honored to have had you comfort me the other day...my heart was so heavy that day and I considered it my first miracle among many that day to have received such a wonderful, loving response that almost instantly took away the pain that I was feeling. And at the exact moment your post came in I got an email from my best friend.....He was definitely sending in the angels to carry me through.

    And every time I seem to have doubts as to whether this is the right move for K. He always seems to give me a clear sign that it is!!

    For instance....when I first learned about the state testing I protectively as a mom became concerned about K.s ability to withstand such massive amounts of stress in her life. I of course hid my fears & concerns and told her that she was bright & would excel in the exams as she always did. But at night when I was alone with my thoughts I asked for His intervention in helping K. through all of what was ahead. When I went to pick K. up at school for our afternoon together I placed a phone call to the religious ed director in NY to ascertain info regarding my younger daughter's Confirmation. She was a friend as well and K.'s Youth Group leader who K. wanted a letter of recommendation from to go along with her early admission application in Nov. to Univ of DE. I killed 2 birds with one stone and got the info & then relayed to her K.'s decision and changes she had made in her life. She marveled at our family's sacrifice & love for one another and told me to tell K. how very proud she was of her and her maturity and determination to go after her dreams with such sacrifice. And that she would start her letter as soon as she hung up the phone. I asked her to pray for K. because she would be taking all the state tests for DE and as I said thi K. (who was driving) stated, "Oh mom, I forgot to tell you...the director of guidance called me down to his office today and informed me that I would be exempt from taking the exams after all!!!" Ruth....can a mother's prayers have been answered any more clearly???

    K. & I went on to celebrate with a DQ blizzard which I proceeded to make a mess of myself with and we laughed!! K. decided to take me to look at that Cavalier and after we looked at it together she decided that it would be good enough to serve it's purpose. Now Ruth I must say that I am with you in terms of your thinking in terms of a car & teens. All around us in NY teen girls had these high falutent sweet 16 parties which cost thousands of dollars and as much as a wedding. With two girls Tom & I spoke about the waste of money that went into such events and how when their time came that they might choose a more practical option....such as a downpayment towards their first car or bringing along their best friend on a special family vacation that would be memorable and showing that they could march to the beat of their own drum. K. chose the downpayment for a car...we depositied a check in an account that was half the amount that parents were paying for a sweet 16 party and we smiled And our younger daughter of course looks forward to a family vacation to Cancun in another year & a half bringing along her best friend she has known since preschool!!!

    So like you, I have always wanted to teach my daughters that it is more important to work for things and be able to be proud of the fact that they got them on their own with hard work & sacrifice. K. needs a car because the high school she is attending is a 25 minute drive from my brother's in which my brother & sister in law are doing on a daily basis (there is no busing service available for K.) This is a major hardship on my brother & his family and we all discussed how it would be necessary for K. to get a car when she had first made the decision to move in with my brother. We were hoping to find something by K.'s birthday but hadn't come across anything.

    Anyway....when K. decided on the Cavalier it was another big sacrifice from what she wanted to what she needed. And so since Tom & I hadn't gotten her a "REAL" birthday gift I suggested that we go out to Walmart & see what we could find to spoof the car up a little. She decided that she would like a different stereo with CD player. We picked out somet hings and got all excited knowing that she would have a car the next day....the day I would be leaving. I had also asked Him to help me find the right vehicle with K. while I was there and once again I marvelled in the way things were falling into place. I shared my recent prayers with K. and how they all seemed to be being answered. Our next stop was to a car stereo place that we were directed to by the Walmart representative to price the installation of the stereo system we had just found. After pricing things there the man helping us asked about the car K. was purchasing. When we described it as a 1997 Cavalier with 100k miles he looked at me and told me that he had a second job as a mechanic and also raced cars at Dover Raceway. He went on to tell us that it would be a huge mistake to buy that car which would only bring headaches our way. He strongly advised us to look into a Honda Civic that even with high miles would be dependable & safe.

    We left the store and K. once again vented on what a "waste the day was" and how "the prayers that I said were NOT being answered". I then pointed out that it all depended on how we looked at things and how I still saw my prayers being answered just in the mere fact that we had run into that man who saved us from making a HUGE mistake....that we would have taken alot of money and put it towards a car that would have only cause her problems. And how I still saw that as a prayer being answered. It took a while but K. finally agreed.

    My final miracle came when I called Univ of DE (upon the suggestion of the guidance counselor at the HS). For sometime I have been told that the admissions advisor that use to assist the students at the HS was named Sam Eli (fake name) I placed a call to sign K. up for an open house weekend and to address my concerns regarding the DE testing. After getting nowhere with a lady I was all of a sudden speaking to Sam Eli who wished to help me!!! I told him that he was just the man I had wanted to speak to but whom I was told due to a promotion no longer was available to speak with and what a godsend it was to be on the phone with him. I explained K.'s situation and he immediately chastised me for allowing K. to move to DE with such a risk and that it may have been a mistake. I went on to tell him how everything transpired, that my daughter had a dream and how when she first shared it with us, as her parents we were in shock & awe. And that when we came down to see why she wanted to make such sacrifices and seeing the spring in her step...the same spring I had in my step when I found the college that I wanted to go to....there was no question in our minds as her parents that we would do whatever we could do to stand behind her to see that her dreams came true even at the extent of sacrificing her a year earlier than we were prepared to. I then explained that her Uncle/Godfather was also willing to stand behind her as a family and not everyone had that opportunity in life.
    Sam softened and eventually disclosed that he dated a girl from the same town as I grew up in and attended the same High School that K. & I attended in NY. (This was disclosed without me giving him any information) I then told him that he must know of the High School in NY and how 50% honor students in K.'s class would make it nearly impossible for her to attain her dream when 80% of applicants come from instate and that of the other 20% from other states....even from NY with so many students in honors K. would be lost and have such a low chance of being considered even with the great grades she had. And I went on to tell him that our family was blessed with an opportunity to increase her chances and if our daughter was willing to make a sacrifice so should we!!

    Sam asked when we would be attending the open house. I told him the date and he expressed a genuine interest in meeting with us and K. face to face....that he wanted to see us at that open house & would be only available in the morning!! I took this as another great sign when I was concerned about all that we were doing and wondering if it would all be for naught.

    So.....Ruth, as you can see so much has transpired since your post....I am truly surprised at how far I have come with all the miracles coming my way, first starting with your post and the song that I always sing when things just seem impossible.....yes, that ant can do anything if he just puts his mind to it. And I sang it to K. the last night we layed down to sleep in her not so private room that allowed us to vent & share everything knowing that we are forever joined in heart.

    Thanks Ruth for holding my hand, for allowing me to vent and for reminding me that you are forever near. ~ Goody

    Last edited by goody2shuz; 09-18-2005 at 07:53 AM.

     
    Old 09-19-2005, 09:04 PM   #24
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    Re: Letting Go ~ Will Time Make It Better??

    Goody
    A too long 3 day weekend away - and I ran short of time Friday to tell you that I hadn't disappeared off the face of the earth!
    I find it interesting that you also call things miracles that others would think of as a coincidence. You've remained Open to them you know... Which is a very rare thing in Empty Nest Moms in my experience!
    How are you doing this week my friend? And what do you think Mom's like you do when their kids are grown and you've done a good job of raising them to be independent???
    Yes! You continue on contributing one's life experience at HealthBoards!
    Mostly, you can consider me the ying to your maternal yang - and start a new thread for tips from real moms!!

     
    Old 09-20-2005, 08:15 AM   #25
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    Re: Letting Go ~ Will Time Make It Better??

    What a great suggestion, my friend You ARE so wise

    The week is soooo busy. And the signs keep on coming. I managed to find a car that would be K.'s dream...as I left DE I promised to pound the pavements and find one for her. Since she was a teen she asked her dad's friend who painted some of Tom's trucks at work if he would paint flames on her first car. As soon as I got home I found a Honda with flames on it....it was the first car I viewed online and immediately saw it as my answered prayer.

    I had some problems convincing my brother & SIL of the same and we had a power struggle with it all over the weekend. The car is a 4 cyl, safe and looks a little sporty. K. worked hard to save for this adding to a money gift we gave her on her 16th birthday rather than a big NY sweet 16 party that all her friends had. The car is in her price range and leaves plenty left over for future insurance payements. (She will be paying for her own gas & insurance). I told my brother & SIL that my #1 concern was safety as is theirs, then cost, then efficiency. My brother thinks the flames on the car will encourage speeding and will attract cops....this may be true but K. has proven to me to be a safe driver and the car is only a 4 cyl with a sporty look. I want her first car to be special. Well we had words and decided a car is not worth a rift between family and didn't mention the car to K.

    Well imagine the clear sign last night when K. & I were on the phone for over 2 hours searching the sites together and when she directed me to one she liked she all of a sudden couldn't find it. (We were on a completely different site than the one I had found the car with flames on) And all of a sudden she shouted in excitement that she found the perfect car!! She directed me to it over the phone and imagine how amazed I was to scroll down on my computer to see the same exact car that I had first seen for her on a completely different site. I told K. to show it to her Uncle and that his input would be important. and so we await my next miracle in my brother seeing how this car was meant to be K.'s!!

    So, I will keep you posted but it is amazing how everything does seem to fall into place Thanks for asking ~ Goody

     
    Old 09-20-2005, 08:21 AM   #26
    Ruth6:11
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    Re: Letting Go ~ Will Time Make It Better??

    Sometimes the blessings just drift down like manna from above!
    (Of course one has to look UP....!!!)

     
    Old 09-20-2005, 10:32 AM   #27
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    Re: Letting Go ~ Will Time Make It Better??

    Hehehehehehehe....thanks for understanding, Ruth

    Seems that my brother DID call but voiced his feeling that this is just one of those times we have to agree to disagree.....why did he have to go and poop on my parade????

    I like clear signs and don't handle guilt very well....of course my brother has yet to raise a teen (K. is the closest thing to it right now) since his kids are all under 12. I just know that when his first child gets a car that he will do the same thing as me....that is, find a used, safe, reliable and cool one that'll bring a smile to his teen's face. I wish he could be on the same page with me....we are still looking at other options but so far this car just seems to be the one that was specifically picked for K. And I truly believe that if it weren't then when we go to look at it either it will not be available or there will be a clear sign that it is not meant to be.

    I wish that my brother could be a a little more supportive....and not so poopy...oh well, we will see what happens. ~ Goody

     
    Old 09-20-2005, 12:46 PM   #28
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    Re: Letting Go ~ Will Time Make It Better??

    Hi Goody,

    You are a remarkable example of what a mother should be, I think it is so awesome that you and your daughter are that close. She is one lucky girl to have a mother like you and I bet she knows it. Yes, it sure is hard letting go.

    The kids go from that first step, to their first love, go on to build their own lives but sooner or later we know they will always come back and we can then smile through the tears and the pain knowing we did our best to be there for them in their times of joy and hold them in the times of their sorrows.

    You have nutured, taught, and defined who she is today, thats a beautiful thing when you think about how she went from a little girl to that beautiful young woman that will always be a part of you and thats something you should never let go of.

     
    Old 09-25-2005, 11:41 AM   #29
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    Re: Letting Go ~ Will Time Make It Better??

    Wow, Daphne, it was wonderful to come back here and receive such a wonderful compliment form you. I didn't expect it which makes it even better!!! Thanks for the support & kind words.

    Well...to update everyone, after long distance conferencing and many hours of looking at classified ads, online sites, and just about every resource avaliable, we found K. a car!!! Amazingly it is not what any of us expected...we went to flames to one with front & side airbags!!! A VW Passat that everybody is happy with. As a mom who cushioned K. for 9 months inutero I still see it as my job to keep her safe....so when I came upon something that could act in the same capacity that she liked as well we knew it was right. And once again the signs were there.....the owner of te vehicle ended up graduating in the same class with me at the same High School K. would have but decided to forfeit doing in order to follow her dreams. And so.....it all make sense.

    Another big thing that happened is that I have been able to finally do what I must do in terms of the guilt that always seemed to weigh me down. Moments ago my MIL called to finalize arrangements to go to the Open House weekend this weeekend at the Univ of DE. She will be flying in to see us and travel with us and return for a week stay to help my niece who is the same age as my daughter to find a college. My MIL wanted to bring my niece along and asked me if she could. I said "NO"....that this was K.'s moment to shine and I wanted to keep it that way....that since my niece had no interest in the college that it wasn't necessary, that already there were more people attending as it was, and that I wanted K. to have her grandparents & family all to herself to share in this special moment. In the past I would have allowed my niece to come because my MIL compensates for her because her father , my BIL, is not involved in her life. But it always seemed to come at the expense of my girls and her other grandchildren. And so....as difficult as it was for me to say "NO"....I did because it was the right thing to do. And you know what.....it WAS, because I don't feel so bad. I followed my heart and it only shows how far I have come in being able to do so. I know that many here who know me will know what a mile stone this is in my life and I owe alot of how I was able to do this to the support I have received here.

    And so...I thought I would share a few more miracles that have occurred in my life....who would have thought that a car of flames would turn into a car full of airbags??? Such is life and the wonders it brings.....and where has my cybertwin been???

    ~ Goody

     
    Old 09-25-2005, 03:46 PM   #30
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    Re: Letting Go ~ Will Time Make It Better??

    deleted - kind of on the off-topic edge!

    Last edited by Ruth6:11; 11-09-2005 at 05:36 PM.

     
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