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  • Letting Go ~ Will Time Make It Better??

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    Old 09-26-2005, 12:51 PM   #31
    heartlandguy
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    Re: Letting Go ~ Will Time Make It Better??

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by goody2shuz
    And so....as difficult as it was for me to say "NO"....I did because it was the right thing to do. And you know what.....it WAS, because I don't feel so bad.
    This has been a wonderful experience for your friends here to witness. Both mother and daughter have grown through this process of letting go. Both of you should be so proud of each other.

     
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    Old 09-27-2005, 04:54 AM   #32
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    Re: Letting Go ~ Will Time Make It Better??

    Heartland!!!!! Welcome back, I have missed you SOOO much...how have you been? I hope all is well with everyone here on this thread and on the boards as a whole as well, of course. Goody, you are a wonderful, amazing mom (and cyber mom of course) who reminds me so much of my own mom that it often brings tears to my eyes when I read about your love for your daughters. They and I are both incredibly lucky to have strong, wise, wonderfully loving moms who still treat us with the same care, respect, and concern you showed us while we were riding in your tummies . The world would be a fantastic place if all children were wanted and raised by moms like you and my mom whose first priority is to keep us safe, happy, and with the necessary independence and support to thrive and fulfill all our dreams and goals. That truly is the best kind of love you can possibly show a child, and I can't imagine a kid not thriving under the wing a mom like you...you've even managed to positively impact my life at many different times when I needed guidance, love, and encouragement more than anything. I'm sending all my best wishes and good luck vibes out toward Delaware while K learns to drive her very safe, nice car--lucky girl! I think my mom would have put a tank around me when I first started driving...she quickly replaced the car I had first, her midsize sedan, with an SUV that got only slightly better gas mileage than a tank . K. is incredibly fortunate to be in such good hands and to have a mom like you who will support and encourage her every step of the way. I think it's time to go give my mom a huge hug and an even bigger thank you for all the ways in which she's done exactly the same thing.

    Love, Stacy

     
    Old 09-27-2005, 05:17 AM   #33
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    Re: Letting Go ~ Will Time Make It Better??

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by stacykgb20
    Goody, you are a wonderful, amazing mom (and cyber mom of course) who reminds me so much of my own mom that it often brings tears to my eyes when I read about your love for your daughters. They and I are both incredibly lucky to have strong, wise, wonderfully loving moms who still treat us with the same care, respect, and concern you showed us while we were riding in your tummies .
    Wow, Stacy, thanks for the compliment....it really means alot especially when I am missing quite an important part of my life right now.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by stacykgb20
    I can't imagine a kid not thriving under the wing a mom like you...you've even managed to positively impact my life at many different times when I needed guidance, love, and encouragement more than anything. I'm sending all my best wishes and good luck vibes out toward Delaware while K learns to drive her very safe, nice car--lucky girl!
    I really appreciate those wishes....it really is difficult for this mom knowing that my precious cargo is in an entirely different state as a NEW driver....I was hoping to guide her in that capacity but she does have a wonderful Aunt & Uncle capable of doing the same.

    I am glad that I have also served in that capacity for you and others here. I do not consider myself to be the best mom....but I do try to do my best as a mom!!!

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by stacykgb20
    I think my mom would have put a tank around me when I first started driving...she quickly replaced the car I had first, her midsize sedan, with an SUV that got only slightly better gas mileage than a tank . K. is incredibly fortunate to be in such good hands and to have a mom like you who will support and encourage her every step of the way. I think it's time to go give my mom a huge hug and an even bigger thank you for all the ways in which she's done exactly the same thing.
    Funny you should mention this.....while I was originally thinking of a stylish car with flames on the side....my brother & SIL and I got into an argument. In working things through we all decided that we ALL only wanted K. to be safe. I made mention of an Army tank that would shoot flames and clear the path of any danger that would come her way!!! I guess us moms all seem to think alike. Now go give your mom that BIG hug.... us mom's could never get enough of those!!

    I also explained to K. how I wanted her always protected and to promise me that she would always keep herself safe. She has signed a MADD contract which is on file at my brother's house and I really think that she is ready and responsible enough to take on this new milestone in her life!!

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Heartland
    This has been a wonderful experience for your friends here to witness. Both mother and daughter have grown through this process of letting go. Both of you should be so proud of each other.
    And what better CBF to tell me so Thanks, Heartland, coming from you, well, it's as if it's coming from a thousand other people And I am proud of K. as I know that she is just as proud of me but doesn't quite know it yet. Yes, Goody was a teen once too......Hehehehehehehehehehe

    Thanks for the healthy dose of compliments...I am recharged for a long time to come!!!!

    (((HUGS))) ~ Goody

    Last edited by goody2shuz; 09-27-2005 at 05:45 AM.

     
    Old 10-02-2005, 09:27 AM   #34
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    Re: Letting Go ~ Will Time Make It Better??

    Hi Goody, just checking in to see if you are treading water on the "nest-empty-of-K" experience. I've often wondered if it is like other types of losses - you never get over them but they get easier to bear after time (quite a long time!).
    And, Goody you cannot know how much I appreciated your recent support... Your friendship is invaluable.
    ((((hugs))))
    Ruth

     
    Old 10-02-2005, 04:44 PM   #35
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    Re: Letting Go ~ Will Time Make It Better??

    Hi Ruth and everyone

    Just got back from an Open House weekend at the college K. is hoping to get into. My parents, my MIL and our family attended and stayed in the hotel that as a prospective Hotel/Restaurant Management student, K. would be doing her service training within. We delivered her car which she is thrilled with and had a wonderful weekend together.

    My father, who needed some convincing, was quite impressed with the college and through hearing info from the admissions advisors was convinced that K. had made a great decision to apply from instate. My MIL, who loved the college, made a point of telling us that she did not like K.'s decision to live in DE with my brother and feels that she ought to be home with us. But I did not let that get me down....she is a very self centered woman who cannot understand the sacrifices we have made as a family and the strength that we have in supporting one another. She only knows how to go about getting her needs met at the expense of others and I am refusing to allow her inability to share in our happiness to affect me. (A difficult yet not totally impossible feat of mine )

    Anyway....K. is so happy...her grades in the new high school are yet even better than she had in NY....she is thriving and that is more than a mother could ever ask for. She was asked out by a boy, is going to homecoming and the dance with him in a few weeks....and overall is adjusting quite well to all the changes. She will be flying home in a few weeks and is scheduled to fly home two weekends in November as well. I do miss her and the weekend was so wonderful....she was constantly thanking her dad and I for finding her a car that she loves so much. She really needs it since my brother & SIL have been driving her to & from school each day which is 25 minutes from their home. I do, of course, worry about her driving but she is a careful driver and she promised me to take care of herself by driving safely.

    So....we are adjusting to it all...it's still not easy and each time I leave her I get that tug in my heart but it is getting easier because I see that she is happy. She has grown and one thing I definitely noticed was the strong bond between K. & her younger sister. As we drove back home today, E. (my younger daughter) mentioned how much she misses K. I guess whoever said "absence makes the heart grow fonder" was absolutely right!!!

    Thanks for asking, Ruth....it is good to know that I have your support and extra (((HUGS))) are always welcome

    ~ Goody

    Last edited by goody2shuz; 10-02-2005 at 04:48 PM.

     
    Old 10-19-2005, 04:56 PM   #36
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    Re: Letting Go ~ Will Time Make It Better??

    Hi Goody, hope you don't mind me dragging your thread kicking & screaming all the way to the top of the list again...
    Just wondered how you and Mr. Goody and K. are doing along with your brother & family...
    You had a one weekend since the last post that I recall - did everything go o.k.?
    How are YOU doing???
    Your HB Cybertwin,
    Ruth

     
    Old 10-19-2005, 06:24 PM   #37
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    Re: Letting Go ~ Will Time Make It Better??

    Hehehehehe...oh Ruth, you are like a breathe of fresh air!!! How did you know that I was up to a little T.L.C. (Tea, Love, & Cookies) with my cybertwin

    I have missed you and have sensed the same in you, my friend. Thanks for always knowing when I could use your ((((HUGS)))) and friendship.

    Kaitlin (yes I haved named her here because she is soo real ) is doing unbelievably well. We last saw her the first weekend of October for the Open House at the University that she wants to attend. Ruth...everything is really looking good. As I have shared with others, Kaitlin is thriving!!! Her grades are excelling......her lowest is a 98 and she has a strong academic schedule. She read one of her letters of recommendations from her accounting teacher who graduated from the same University she is applying to and Ruth, it is the most wonderful letter and couldn't portray Kaitlin in any higher regard....I had tears in my eyes. Also she said that she met with her guidance counselor today who called her down to go over her transcript and to specifically to tell her that she sees no reason why Kaitlin shouldn't be accepted. She has everything in order and will be mailing in the application this week for early admission. We will know if she is accepted by December 15th so please keep your fingers & toes crossed.

    Kaitlin comes home in another 10 days for her first weekend home. She is also scheduled to come in for a long weekend around Veterans Day for her sister's Confirmation and for Thanksgiveing & Christmas vacation as well. We talk almost everyday....she has her Homecoming dance this weekend and has a date....I sent her some extra money towards having her hair done..my brother & SIL are treating her to her dress for her birthday gift. She was nominated for Homecoming Queen but declined (she hates being the center of attention ) but we know in our hearts she would have won!!! She also was approached by the Girl's Basketball coach and asked to tryout for the basketball team. So.....she is really happy and adjusting well and because she is we are too. I must admit that I am quite nervous about her applying to the University....if it doesn't work out for Kaitlin I know she will be quite devastated. I have been quite honest with all parties about Kaitlin's decision and her college essay explains her dream of going to the University and the sacrifices and risks she was taking to get there. I am just afraid that the University may see it as a bad thing in the sense of her wanting to save money or manipulating the system which we know is not the case but still there's a chance that they may misinterpret her decision to live with my brother. I did talk to one of the admission counselors who ended up dating a girl from the same high school that Kaitlin left and he understood what she was up against in terms of being looked at from out of state with a high school with such a high percentage of honor students. You know how I believe in signs....I was told by 2 people that this man was somebody that worked closely with the students in previous years at the high school that Kaitlin is attending now but was no longer available because of a promotion , turns out he is the man who answered the phone when I called the admissions office a few weeks ago and I also learned that he is on the admissions council, one of the twleve who approve the applicants that are accepted.

    So...I believe that everything is pointing towards what is meant to be. I have a great feeling about it all.....most of all Tom & I are so proud of Kaitlin and all the growth and maturity that has occurred in the last few months. Not only in Kait but in her mom as well. I am really in a good place and so very blessed in seeing all that I have done as a mom shining back on me 100 fold. And there is no better feeling than that!!!

    Thought you would like to share in the wonderful feeling of it all!!! It still is lonely not having Kaitlin here with me but it is a special thing to feel her with me every single moment because of the power of our love for one another.

    Funny, how my SIL was surprised that I knew a few more things than her lately that Kait only could share with her mom that even I was surprised whe hadn't with my SIL. That reminded me that even though we are apart....I will always be mom.

    ((((HUGS)))) ~ Goody

     
    Old 10-19-2005, 07:23 PM   #38
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    Re: Letting Go ~ Will Time Make It Better??

    You taught her well. Now it"s time to take a step back. It will make you appreciate her more when she comes home.

     
    Old 10-20-2005, 02:01 PM   #39
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    Re: Letting Go ~ Will Time Make It Better??

    I think the measures that your daughter has taken to ensure that she goes to the best school she can will be seen as a PLUS in her initiative, drive & motivation.
    That said, congrats on continuting to tread water in the transition between child and grown adult child.... I'll always be my mom's kid no matter how old I am!
    Mr. Ruth is doing fine, I'm more of a mess than him. I weathered the immediate crisis as always then fall apart as I have time to think about all the "what if's", mighta's & couldabeens...
    Thanks for the cybertwin thoughts:
    Whereever we go
    Whatever we do
    We'll always go through it
    Together!
    Ruth

     
    Old 10-20-2005, 04:26 PM   #40
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    Re: Letting Go ~ Will Time Make It Better??

    Thanks, Realguy....yes the homecomings will definitely be a chance to take it all in and see the fruits of my labor

    Ruth...thanks for the reassurance and comfort. The transition is going pretty well. I spoke to Kait today, she's really sooo nervous now that we're down to the wire....my SIL and brother notice her being very quiet...when she's on the phone with me she is everything but that Only mom's get to see that I guess.....I told her all that I did today to get some of the paperwork faxed to her and she's extremely anxious and I laughed with her about how well I know her even at a distance. She's such a great kid and everyone loves her. I told her so and that she will shine in her application like the star that she is to her dad & I. We always told her that she was our moon & our stars and our piece of gold. And I reminded her of that and I could hear her settle down over the phone just like she did whenever she was feeling sick or down & I comforted her. Amazing how I can still have that effect on her.

    I sensed your concerns about Mr. Ruth....I know that when you were in the midst of the situation you were rather calm because he needed your strength....now that things have settled you are in the aftershock of it all....this is quite normal, my dear friend, so do not worry. Somehow He gives us the strength that we need at the moment and when things settle as in an earthquake there is always an aftershock that we go through as well. You will be okay, Ruth, you're entitled to a little meltdown....you will acquire the strength again. Don't feel guilty, you have been through alot. Is Mr. Ruth toning down his hours at work a little more??? Making some changes in his lifestyle will do his heart good as well as yours.

    Yes...Wherever we go,
    Whatever we do,
    We'll always go through it ~
    Together!!!

    Love & (((HUGS))) ~ Goody

     
    Old 10-20-2005, 04:46 PM   #41
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    Re: Letting Go ~ Will Time Make It Better??

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by goody2shuz
    Amazing how I can still have that effect on her.
    Goody that effect is something that you will probably be experiencing with your daughter when you are in your 70's.
    After all was said and done there were times in the last couple weeks when it was only hearing my mom's voice on the phone that I really felt comforted. In fact, once Mr. Ruth handed to phone to me and TOLD me to call her knowing that it would do me good to hear her voice. And I'm 51!!!

    Goody can you honestly imagine how things might have been if you had not reached deep down for the strength to support your daughter in her dream? I think that having the gift we have - call it instinct or listening for the voice of God - and FOLLOWING it can make an immense difference in how our lives go.
    I will never truly know how hard that was for you - but I thank you for sharing and giving me a window on the joys (and the hard times) of motherhood.
    Ruth

     
    Old 10-22-2005, 06:31 PM   #42
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    Re: Letting Go ~ Will Time Make It Better??

    Thanks, Ruth for sharing in this with me. It is wonderful to hear that you find as much comfort in your mom even now. I do as well and my mom really supports me in this 100%. She cried with me each step of the way and laughs with me now sharing the joy of knowing that I have such a special place in Kait's heart.

    Today Kait prepared for the Homecoming dance. I called her to find out the details of the Homecoming game that she attended last night. Her school celebrated a great victory. She told me her plans for this evening....her BF picked her up at 6pm....they will be at the dance until 11pm and my brother will be picking her up. My SIL sent pix via email and she looked gorgeous as expected. It was the first pic I saw of her BF.....they looked good together. It was nice that my SIL sent the pix....it made me feel as if I was still a part of the festivities but still I was missing being there. Kait IM'd me just before her BF arrived to tell me she loved me and that she loved the way that her aunt did her hair. I told her I loved her & to have agreat time and to be safe.

    She will be home in 6 more days....I will be able to smell her and hug her and have her near once again....I am really looking forward to that.

    Thanks for being there....you make it so much easier.

    (((HUGS))) ~ Goody

     
    Old 10-26-2005, 03:46 PM   #43
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    Re: Letting Go ~ Will Time Make It Better??

    Hi Goody I really had to search for this thread this time... and then found that you had gotten there before me!
    Did you hear how the dance went?
    I have to tell you that I just have to smile about you being able to smell her when she gets home - Even though I'm not a mom I know that I have always loved the "new baby" smell on all of my great-nieces & great-nephews. Anytime I'd pass by one of them I'd have to inhale right there at the top of their heads!
    Ruth

     
    Old 10-26-2005, 05:39 PM   #44
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    Re: Letting Go ~ Will Time Make It Better??

    Hi, Ruth Having a visit from you is like a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day Thanks for bumping me back up!!!

    The dance was great but this mom needs to have a talk about how to date without breaking a boy's heart . Kait's date asked her to the homecoming around 3-4 weeks ago. A week after that they went out bowling and afterwards he asked her out. She said yes. When she told me she didn't sound all too excited. A little history.....she had one BF two summers ago who she met at her job where she worked while we stayed at our summerhome. I discovered him when 16 beautiful red roses arrived at our home on her 16th birthday which she celebrated a month early in order to have a jetski/watersport party!!! They dated throughout the summer and we returned to our primary home which was 30 minutes away. She realized the LDR was cramping her style but she strung him along to collect more nice gifts....the guy treated her like a queen and we adored him. She broke up with him right after he got a beautiful nameplate necklace that he saved up alot of his summer earnings for in time for her actual birthday. Since it couldn't be returned because it was custom made when his birthday came a few weeks later she bought him a pretty expensive skateboard with our encouragement and we drove her out to give it to him & wish him a happy birthday. They still talk and are great friends, in fact she has since shared with me how she regretted losing him. He is away at college after graduating high school a year early and she texts him and IM's him all the time.

    Anyway.....I sensed her lack of excitement regarding her homecoming date asking her out, we'll call him Brandon. She told me that she had to say yes because how could she say no when they were going to the dance, that it wouldn't be right. I gave her my motherly advice how she should and could say no so that she wouldn't hurt him. She said that she did like him and that things would be okay and they continued dating throughout the time. My brother & SIL sensed that she wasn't all into him but that they were both having a good time. My SIL shared with me that she had invited Brandon over for dinner and when they asked him about his plans after high school he said that he wasn't planning on going to college and was going to work in his Uncle's hardware store. My SIL knew right then & there that the relationship was doomed...we all know Kait to be somewhat wordly (as most teens are), as much as we have raised her to work for what things she does have a certain budget that must be met in her mind for her future. My SIL told me that she had to keep herself from laughing at dinner.

    The night of the dance Brandon picks Kait up for the dance and presents her with a dozen roses. When I checked in with her Sunday she said they had a good time...sensing that lack of enthusiasm once again. Monday my SIL informs me that Kait broke up with Brandon. I had a talk with her and told her and she didn't get my sympathies....I told her that her timing stunk and went on to ask how Brandon took the news. (I must admit I was sympathizing with the guy ) Kait went on to say how she already got a lecture by my brother and that it was terrible because things didn't go as expected. She went on to tell me how she had confided in a girlfriend because she was nervous about how to go about doing it and the girlfriend ended up telling Brandon before Kait even had a chance to!!!

    I told Kait that although I felt really bad about the way things happened, that I had to be honest with her as far as what I thought she needed to do. I told her that I felt that before she went off to college that it was so important that she know when she should say "no" especially if she were allowing the feelings of others to sway her from doing so. I questioned her about how now that she looked back on it, which scenario would have been less hurtful to Brandon and been the right thing to do...to say "no" when he first asked her out where he would be hurt intitially and would have accepted it or to say "yes" and string him along for weeks leading him to believe that it was something it really wasn't and then breaking up with him. She admitted to the first scenario. I advised her to do her best to make things right...to own up to her mistake by apologizing to Brandon and telling him exactly what she did wrong and how she should have done things now that she sees how she had hurt him. She compromised and wrote him a letter (I would have preferred she did it face to face ) He met up with her today and told her he understood & would like for them to remain friends. So I guess whatever she wrote in that letter did the trick!!!

    So....aren't you glad you asked about the dance???? What would you have done???

    Anyway...she does come home in only two more days....I just spoke with her on the phone and shared with her how I can't wait to smell her. She laughed and seemed a little bit confused until I told her how a mother does that right from the start when her baby is born. Last time I visited her in DE for her birthday she liked my lotion that I put on. I left it on her pillow with a note saying that anytime she missed me she could put a little on. I reminded her of how the smell of somebody we love is always a big thing and that I couldn't wait to get a good wiff of her!!! She told me that she would make sure that she smelt good just for me.

    Okay....I really could use your support/advise about my younger daughter....my 14 year old. Heartland had so intuitively told me that I needed to prepare myself for my second daughter's challenges in her teenage years......that the rollercoaster ride wouldn't be over. I just didn't expect it to be so soon. I will be posting later on the parenting board on that one. Could really use your input on that one too!!!

    ((((HUGS)))) ~ Goody

    Last edited by goody2shuz; 10-26-2005 at 05:54 PM.

     
    Old 10-26-2005, 07:29 PM   #45
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    Re: Letting Go ~ Will Time Make It Better??

    Hi Goody, Thank you from the bottom of my childless heart!!! I could almost feel like I was standing in the room with you and Kait.
    Truthfully if I was you I would have to fall back on the fact that I had raised someone their entire life. That at age 17 they were going to learn the hard way more often than not about relationships - UNLESS they ask... Then all's fair in love & parenting!!!

    I remember asking my mom a few times for direction in a relationship. But my mom was not my good friend & confidante until I was in my late 20's, early 30's. She was just my mom & what could SHE ever know about relationships!!! More often than not I really did learn the hard way. Dealing with someone's feelings, knowing I hurt someone, surviving my own broken heart.

    And I'll be sure to visit you just as you visited me several weeks back! And if I dare to use the old "every child is different" phrase you are free to clobber me!!!
    Thank you SO MUCH for sharing so much... You are a friend indeed.
    Ruth

     
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