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problems, things fallin apart, advice!

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Old 09-11-2005, 03:40 PM   #1
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 1
Fuserleer HB User
problems, things fallin apart, advice!

Ok, REALLY needin some advice here on what i want to do about mine and my girls relationship, i'll give the full story so prepare for a read.

About 2 years ago i met a wonderful down to earth, happy girl, we got to know each other used to hang out, but nothin ever happened, i thought she was too young for me (she was 17 and i was 23 at the time).

After a while it got to the point where she was desperatly trying to get things on between us (shes not the kinda girl that would have any problem gettin anyone she wanted btw) but i still thought she was too young, a bit immature and that it wouldnt work. So over time i turned what was hangin out a lot into never hangin out at all.

Anyway, a year ago we happened to bump into each other, had a chat and exchanged numbers and started talkng again as friends...hung out a couple of times, and eventually she asked me out on a date.

She was much more mature, level headed and seeing as she had told me that the past year she had been lookin for someone that made her feel how i did when we used to hang about, i accepted.
She was a much better person, and quite frankly i was shocked that she was still carrying the candle even though we had originally only hung out a couple of weeks.

So we have a few dates and its amazing, like when we used to hang out but better, and eventually started to see each other officially near the end of October last year.

Everything was great, bliss infact, I fell deeply in love with her and her the same with me, I couldnt of been happier. That was until April this year.

I felt like she started to take me for granted, always asking for things, favours and money, and the sex just died overnight (it used to be fantastic)

I had a few work problems which meant we couldnt go out as often as we did and do some of the things we used to, but it wasnt a long term problem and would be sorted out fairly soon. After about 2 weeks or so she sed she wanted to start gettin out a bit with a couple of her mates to the gym and things to pass the boredom while I was sortin out my work issues, i agreed as I thouht it was a good idea.

She gets friendly with this chap and starts to see him a lot, nothing happened between them, but it concerned me enough to tell her not to see him anymore, which she ignored, had a big row about it, i was told that he is better for her...and we split, she immediatley starts to date him and Im a mess.

A week later its all falling apart for her, and I get the "i want you back!" story, so I decide to give it another go, work things are pretty much sorted.

From that point on things have been a nightmare and not got much better, the constant bickering for items, money and favours continued, despite numerous discussions, all physical contact dissapeared apart from the odd kiss and hand holding in public, if i ever asked for anything it was always too much trouble, even a bday present was too much trouble.

Sex was a case of foreplay for her then i would be pushed off 90% of the time, again despite discussions about it it didnt improve, and in the end it all came to a head last week...and yet again we split, this time her choice after a big row over a tiny thing that I lied about that wasnt really important, even though i tried to be honest at first I recieved an ultimatum, so proceeeded and lied, when i could have really done with some support.

Now shes doin the "I want you back thing again!" and i dont want THIS her back, i want the OLD her back..she works in a classy hair salon as a stylist, and Im sure that is part of the problem as her co workers there are of the "selfish, possesionist, bitchy, lazy" variety and I believe its rubbing off on her

If told her its just friends until she has sortedout these issues, but Im not sure if I should hang about and see what develops, Im wondering if theres someway or something I can do to wake her up and get the old her back, because I miss it and I believe that the REAL her is the person I could spend the rest of my life with.

The above was a couple of days ago, heres whats happened since.

I had to leave for Germany on friday night for some business, I let her know in the morning via sms I was goin to be away for a about a week or so, and that we could both think in the time we were apart.

Anyway, friday afternoon i get a reply sms saying could we hang out that evening for a bit if she wasnt goin to see me for a while, I didnt want to agree at first but I thought what the hell, lets leave her with a good night to remember while im gone

I picked her up from work, she was late finishing and I was sat in the carpark for nearly an hour waiting (they sometimes do that to her and make her work over!) I was a bit annoyed about it, but when she got in the car she had a little present for me that she had picked up earlier in the day, only some chocolates, but it was nice

So we head out to a place where we have some mutual friends that hang out on a Friday night, and well, we had a really good night, it reminded me a lot of the old times, we had some messing about, laughs, and even some play fighting in the car lol.
She kept coming for cuddles and hugs, and told me a few times that she really loved me and would miss me while I was away, again, nice

One thing that bugged me was that near the end of the night, she went WELL out of the way to have a talk on the phone to one of her friends, a pal of mine noticed it also, but I put it down to just having a woman talk about things or something like that.

Well end of the night came and I dropped her at home, did the usual things you do when someone is leaving for a while, had a hug, small kiss (nothing pasionate, more like a 'mother kiss'), got an i love you and she went.

Yesterday didnt speak to her at all, she sent me an sms asking how Germany was, i didnt reply, also a call 4 hours later, again i didnt answer or reply.

This morning I load up *** to talk to some colleges and shes online, she starts the conversation asking how I am and shes in a bit of a mess, saying shes fed up with how things are because of work mainly and shes sick of being horrible to people.

About 30 mins later a mutual friend comes online and we get talking, shes was saying to him also on *** that shes sorry for being horrible to him just latley and that shes fed up with things and work.

He asks her what she feels for me, if she loves me and is missing me and things like that, she replies yes to both, he then asks what does she want to happen when i get back, she replies, to be happy with him again like we used to be! (he gave me the rundown of the convo after).

After a while she goes offline, i didnt talk to her that much, dont want to push anything right now, just want her to think.

About 3 hours after I get an sms asking how I was, and that she is out with a guy that she knows (i know him a little) and that they are off the the place that we regularly visit, then saying that she doesnt want to go in work etc.

Now if im reading all this right, shes seriously thinking about the issues at hand that we have, and coming to the conclusion that its not a good place where she is right now...with regard to the guy she is off out with, am i right to assume theres not really anything to worry about there? I at least met him once, they are off to somewhere where people know us both, and hell im 1500 miles away heheh.

Thanks for reading


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Old 09-11-2005, 05:18 PM   #2
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 3,335
Ruth6:11 HB UserRuth6:11 HB User
Re: problems, things fallin apart, advice!

Hi Dan, there is probably a little more drama in your relationship than is good for it.
Healthy successful relationships are heavy on caring/loving/accepting and light on drama such as other guys, breaking up & getting back together numerous times, being asked for money, etc.
Maybe it's time for a second look at what you want out of a relationship and whether you're really getting it with this one...

Old 09-11-2005, 05:59 PM   #3
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: California
Posts: 498
ibeeshell HB User
Re: problems, things fallin apart, advice!

I agree with Ruth, there is too much drama!

This young lady needs to keep her job so she has her own money and not ask you for any. She should not be letting people influence her so much if what you say is true when you say this is where maybe she is getting the selfish, bitchy and lazy attitude. Could it be that she hasn't really grown up at all from the first time you knew her?

I think she walks all over you, because she can. After all she does mean things and you take her back. She withholds sex and doesn't seem to have any respect for you.

Sounds to me as if you will spend your life as this girls doormat instead of her equal should you continue this relationship. That sure won't be much of a life.

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