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This is so hard...

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Old 09-16-2005, 04:25 PM   #1
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Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 187
onyR HB User
This is so hard...

Some of you might remember my post about "my wife cheating" last month (click on my username to read the old post).

Well, a month later and she filed for divorce the end of August without ever going to counseling with me to resolve our issues.

I tried to give her space, but I think it turned out she was simply waiting the required 30-days to file in our county.

We have agreed to 50/50 joint physical custody of our two little girls. It works out to 15/15 of each month for each of us. We basically rotate out each week (weekends and a couple of week days). I am buying a house just 1/2 mile from hers (best house I looked out anyway, just happened to be very close). We split up all the big things, furniture, who gets what car, dishes, ect but never got down to the small things... like kid toys/clothes/baby items.

When I brought it up to her, she got mad at me. She thought it was ridiculous that I wanted to get some of the girls things. I have been the PCT for these two little girls since they were born, so just allowing her to keep all the baby items... toys... clothes is not in my cards.

She said I have been 'petty' about this divorce, which again... was just filed two weeks ago. She acts like it should be an overnight thing and I should move on.

After nine years of being married and 11 years together, almost 40% of my life with her, this is really-really hard on me. I feel so lonely, so alone, so lost. She still talks to the guy she had the affair with but tells me they are now just friends. The thought of her being with this man makes me sick to my stomach.

Even though she has left me and saw someone else before I knew she wanted to leave, I miss her. I still deeply care for her and love her but again it seems she is already over me. I just don't get it after all these years.

Like I said a few times, this just flat out sucks. I wish this feeling would go away. I wish I could go back in time or wake up.

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Old 09-16-2005, 04:43 PM   #2
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: California
Posts: 498
ibeeshell HB User
Re: This is so hard...

Broken Arrow the first thing you need to do is realize your marriage is over. No more going back in time. As hard as it sounds, you can only go forward.

What needs to happen is the lawyers need to help you divide up the "small things". You are not being petty as you need part of these things to help raise your girls and give them a happy home too. They will need familiar things in their new home with you to help in the transition.

If your soon to be ex doesn't understand this, then she is NOT a good mother!

Old 09-17-2005, 06:46 AM   #3
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Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 187
onyR HB User
Re: This is so hard...

Falcon, I never said I was a perfect person but I never drank, smoke, did drugs, went out, abused anyone, yelled, ect. Her complaint with me is she didn't feel connected to me anymore. But that she has tried, even though she never did. When she told me she was wanting this marriage to end, it was the first time she brought up her problems w/me... to me. Her family heard all her issues, but she never talked to me about them.

My reasons, on why I think she has done what she has done, is in my first post from last month. She saw I worked at home while she worked at an office, she was working in a 'mans' world and got hit on all the time. She probably was flattered and finally gave in.

Nothing warrants cheating in a marriage.

This is just one sided. She wants this. I don't. That's why it's so hard and why it hurts so damn much.

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