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Why does love hurt so much?

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Old 09-17-2005, 05:11 PM   #1
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Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 228
cremebrulee HB User
Why does love hurt so much?

It has been over a week and I still cry every day and every night. Why is it so hard? The first time my heart was broken was when my first boyfriend cheated on me with my best friend. I wanted to die. I hated him. I hated myself. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. I lived in my own little miserable world. I got through it with the help of my closest friends. They supported me. That was five years ago. And since that day, I have not cried for another guy…until last Thursday night.

I met Wesley a few months ago. We spent a glorious two weeks together and since then we talk several times a day for hours on end. For the first time in a long time I opened up and trusted him with all my heart. He said that the things I do for him shows him that I trust him and that makes him feel good. He said that I satisfied him physically, emotionally, and sexually. I noticed that a few weeks ago his calls became infrequent. I felt something was wrong but when he would call, everything would be perfect again.

Last Thursday night he called me to tell me that there is someone that may become his girlfriend. He said it was an old friend. I suspect it is his ex. We never talked about our past relationships but the entire time I felt like he was still not over his ex. They went out for four years. Although I respect him for telling me, it still doesn’t make me feel any better. I am crushed. I lay awake at night and think about all the nights he would play his guitar and sing to me…I read my journal entries from the past several months and I cry…I look at his picture…I still have the guitar pick he gave to me the first night we met…I think about the nights when he would instinctively drag me against him and hold me so tightly that I could not breathe…It seems all that I can do is cry.

It is so hard because this te around I live a thousand miles from home…away from my friends and away from him. I talked to one of my best friends from elementary school the other night and she made me feel a little better. All I can do right now is cry. I haven’t cried for a guy since my very first boyfriend. It hurts so much. I am fighting with myself to let him go. Some days I make it through okay and there are nights that seem to go on forever. I am holding onto the hope that he’ll come back to me. They say I will learn to forget but it hasn’t happened yet.

Tonight I am going out with a guy I met a couple weeks ago. I didn’t give him much thought when I met him because I was so into Wesley. He asked me out the day after the devastating conversation with Wesley. Honestly I only agreed to the date because I was so heartbroken. I’m going to try my best and give this guy a fair chance tonight. Hopefully going out with someone else will make it easier to forget Wesley. I just hope I don’t break down and cry.

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Old 09-17-2005, 05:21 PM   #2
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 1,774
greeneyes100 HB User
Re: Why does love hurt so much?

YOu'll survive! Honestly. I know exactly how you feel. When I fell in love for the first time, I thought I would NEVER get over that man. I thought I had to have that man to be happy. But, as time went by, he grew farther and farther from my mind, I began to date other men, and before I knew it, I fell in love again. And so will you.

Next time around, when you date someone new, don't give so much of yourself up until you know for sure if your feelings are reciprocated. Play it cool, act nonchalant, and remember you have a lot to offer another man.

When you go out with this new man, don't expect anything to become of it. Just go out and have fun. It will lift your spirits and your ego to go out with new men who find you attractive and desirable. Good luck and hang in there.

Old 09-17-2005, 07:15 PM   #3
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 102
knotme HB User
Re: Why does love hurt so much?

I'm still crying after breaking up with my ex in july. Like u I hadn't had a relationship in a while after the last one. I thought I'd found my soulmate but it wasn't meant to be. I knew it was over in april but tried to keep it going, hoping and wishing it wasn't so.

Do you ever get the idea things are suppose to be the way they are and somethings are never meant to be? I'm starting to think this way and it has helped, but getting over pain and sorrow is soooo dang hard. Guess we were only suppose to share a path on our journey thru life but lingered on the crossroad a little too long.

Don't know if this will help, but I've been going out a lot more than before, making new friends, no expectations, don't want to get emotionally involved and just have fun. I try to keep my mind occupied with music, work and even went back to church(I think I've worn out my Sarah Maclauchlan cd playing it every sinlge day though). Like they say, time heals all wounds. For some of us it just takes a little longer


Old 09-17-2005, 11:22 PM   #4
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Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 228
cremebrulee HB User
Re: Why does love hurt so much?

I just got back from my date with guy number two. It did me some good to go out with another guy. I know I held a lot back with this guy. Maybe if I wasn't hurting, I would be attracted to him. But right now, all I can do is compare him to Wesley. He probably is a better catch than Wesley but he is not Wesley. This guy has a PhD, great Scandinavian genes, great personality. He is articulate. He is considerate. We stimulating talks about politics and social issues. He knows how to appreciate a good bernaise sauce. But I yearn for Wesley. Wesley is struggling with his career. He has ADHD so a conversation with him can be very frustrating. He doesn't know the difference between a bernaise and a hollandaise and prefers barbecue sauce. Guy number 2 is even taller than Wesley's 6'3". Money, cars, careers...they don't mean much to me. I prefer Wesley's Nissan over a porsche.

I know I have to let go and move on. Do I have to do it right away? Can't I sit here, feel sorry for myself, and pine over Wesley for a while longer? Can't I hold onto the hope that he will change his mind and come back to me?

Why does love have to be so hard? Why does it have to be so complicated? Why does it have to hurt so much?

Old 09-18-2005, 06:04 PM   #5
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: f.t lauderdale florida
Posts: 25
luvabear HB User
Re: Why does love hurt so much?

think of it this way, if everything was easy we would all be millionairs, driving $500.000 cars, and living in $10,000,000 mansions on the beach with wives and husbands that worship the ground we walk on, and they would commit suicide before they cheated on us or lied to us.

sounds good right...........

i'm a guy and a couple of my break ups had me useless for months, so i could only imagin what you feel, but i have a prety good idea, so i can tell you no matter what people tell you it's not going to help that much, i don't know if you loved this guy but you have to look out for you now, no matter how much you cry or how much want him back if he does'nt want it it's not gonna happen. (sorry if i come off cruel, i'm not trying to be)

just take some time for you and go out somewhere you like: beach, for a long walk, a long bike ride, go swimming, have a party and invite people you feel close to, or just take a long drive to nowhere. anything but staying home.
then after that you can re-arange your furniture in a way you like.

just don't do anything stupid, like try to find love in the guy you meet at work tomorrow, just take some time for you.

hope this helps, i have a nack for helping people but i cannot help myself
funny huh.

Old 09-18-2005, 08:50 PM   #6
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 24
MaleVictim HB User
Re: Why does love hurt so much?

I like you already because you're not into material things.

Seriously, though, what now matters to me more than good looks, the ability to cook, run a home, etc., is the character, integrity, and loyalty that a woman has (women should feel the same for their men). I loved a woman for over 20 years and would have died for her if necessary. Unfortunately, she felt that her needs weren't being met and chose to have three affairs. Good thing I decided not to die for her (a little levity there)!

Love is one of the strongest emtions we human beings have. It can be expressed in a very positive, nuturing way, or it can be used destructively. All of us that have posted on this board have experienced some type of destructive love. There are some members who would take their partners back no matter what happened. Not always a wise move as people don't change significantly and history often repeats itself. That is not to say that it's not possible for a relationship to become stronger, but quite frankly, I'm not aware of too many that do. I would never in a millio0n years stoop so low and take my wife back. She's not worth it. I'd rather be with a woman who truly loves me as I will love her.

Although I don't know much about you, you sound like an intelligent, articulate woman with a lot of love to give. I believe you will find a man that will give back positive love the same way that you do. Now that I'm a little older and wiser, I'd rather go through 10 relationships in order to find that one relationship that will last, be satisfying for both of us, and will help me be a better man for having it. Hang in there and good luck!

Old 11-05-2005, 06:10 PM   #7
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 1
unknownperson HB User
Unhappy Re: Why does love hurt so much?

Well i have been dealing with it for more then 5 years. i don't think it will ever end, and I have done just about everything there is to do.

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