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    Old 10-06-2005, 04:24 PM   #1
    Diamond141
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    Living with a cheap boyfriend!

    I'm at the end of my rope! I know money isn't everything, but my boyfriend is cheap. He lives with me (we're in our early 40's, both divorced). He just hates to spend any money. He doesn't think he should pay that much to live at my house because it's my house, and i'd be paying the bills anyway. For the past month, he's given me practically nothing (we have a set anount we agreed to when he moved in, but he has to pay all "his" bills and hasn't had enough to give me anything. I buy all the food. And every "house" stuff. I wanted to go on a cruise, but he didn't want to spend the money. He won't even bring his dog to the vet, doesn't want to spend the money. I just had a birthday and he was worried about how much money he was going to have to spend on me. Even going to the movies, or *anything*. It's just making me so unhappy, he's an otherwise handsome, charming and funny, but i've had enough. He'll jump into my car when we go places so he won't spend the money on gas. Has anyone else been in this situation? I'm ready to throw it in, I want someone who wants to live a litte.

     
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    Old 10-06-2005, 04:41 PM   #2
    SophiaM
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    Re: Living with a cheap boyfriend!

    Yes, I've been in this situation, albeit with a man 14 years my senior when I was in my early to mid 20s! I can't believe how stupid I was to put up with it, among other things. Cheap men do NOT change, one thing for sure. My ex ended up marrying another much younger woman and she is pretty much supporting him to this day. So, it's all up to you. He is in his 40s and stingy. that's how he's gonna be until he dies, most probably? The question is, can you live with that? If you can, ok. If you can't, you will need a different man. This man will most likely remain stingy for the rest of his life.

     
    Old 10-06-2005, 04:49 PM   #3
    stay2gether
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    Re: Living with a cheap boyfriend!

    hello,

    i was having similar probems with my boyf. its been more or less me paying for everything and he never takes me out and always complains about being skint etc. id had enough too and eventually i just ended up telling him how upset i was about it, we argued but now he says hes sorry and hes gona start and spend money on me and take me out becoz he knowsa i need that from the relationship to make me feel special. try and talk about it and see wat he has to say and point out theat your not happy and if he doesnt try to change make it known to him that he could loose you.

    plz keep us updates, am interested to know how things go

     
    Old 10-06-2005, 05:10 PM   #4
    Diamond141
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    Re: Living with a cheap boyfriend!

    Hi thanks for your responses! I know, i'm wondering if he'll ever change. I know he doesn't pay his bills (always having things shut off, cell phone etc). I'm just not like that, and I don't want support anyone else, which it looks like i'm pretty much doing, It makes me miserable. I've talked to him about it, but i've put up with it now for a while (going on 2 years, hoping things will change). I feel like nothing will change the way things are going unless I decide to make a change. Just hard for me to do because he's so handsome and charming and other women would grab him up. I just wish the money issues weren't there....

     
    Old 10-06-2005, 05:27 PM   #5
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    Re: Living with a cheap boyfriend!

    Well, YES, there will always be other women willing to put up with his cheapness, no doubt about it. So, you reallly have to thing long and hard whether it's something you can see yourself living with or not. You could find a new guy who is generous and makes you feel happy in that regard, or you might not. Nothing is ever guaranteed. After my cheap fiancee, I dated some guys who were well to do and relatively generous, especially compared to him, but lacked in other aspects, like affection, sensitivity, commitment (oh man, I gues they ALL lacked that! ), intellect, and so on. so you really have to think long and hard if he has enough other qualities that can make up for his lack of generosity.

     
    Old 10-06-2005, 05:50 PM   #6
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    Re: Living with a cheap boyfriend!

    Honey, you've got bigger problems then him being cheap. He's not only cheap, he's a user, and he feels ENTITLED. I had a boyfriend like that living with me for 2+ years, always spent his money on stuff for him......paid me real cheap rent, etc. Turned out he was a narcissist. Only out for himself. He wouldn't do anything unless it benefitted HIM. Your boyfriend is selfish and I think he's just looking for a free ride. You can live without him, but ask yourself (and him) this question......where ELSE can he live like that?
    Let me go out on a limb here......I bet he doesn't even help you clean the house.......kick his freeloading azz to the curb as quick as you can!

     
    Old 10-06-2005, 05:54 PM   #7
    SophiaM
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    Re: Living with a cheap boyfriend!

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by rosequartz
    Honey, you've got bigger problems then him being cheap. He's not only cheap, he's a user, and he feels ENTITLED. I had a boyfriend like that living with me for 2+ years, always spent his money on stuff for him......paid me real cheap rent, etc. Turned out he was a narcissist. Only out for himself. He wouldn't do anything unless it benefitted HIM. Your boyfriend is selfish and I think he's just looking for a free ride. You can live without him, but ask yourself (and him) this question......where ELSE can he live like that?
    Let me go out on a limb here......I bet he doesn't even help you clean the house.......kick his freeloading azz to the curb as quick as you can!
    i agree, cheap most likely means he's selfish too. the two traits seem to go together. My only consolation is that my cheap ex still refuses to have children with his new wife, even though I know she wanted them badly and she's now in her late 30s. They don't really change.

    Last edited by SophiaM; 10-06-2005 at 05:55 PM.

     
    Old 10-06-2005, 06:02 PM   #8
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    Re: Living with a cheap boyfriend!

    I'd probably terminate the living together if I were in your shoes. Most people at least go 50/50 or even a percentage based on their income.
    You don't mention that you want to be married so I'm not going to address the long term - but the here & now says that he will not change.
    What is his incentive to WANT to change?
    I'm not sure that threats are the best way to go, but at the very least you have a freeloader on your hands. He needs to know what he owes you every month or he is welcome to find other accomodations.
    You are not terminating the relationship necessarily, just living apart on your own funds.

     
    Old 10-06-2005, 06:04 PM   #9
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    Re: Living with a cheap boyfriend!

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Ruth6:11
    I'd probably terminate the living together if I were in your shoes. Most people at least go 50/50 or even a percentage based on their income.
    You don't mention that you want to be married so I'm not going to address the long term - but the here & now says that he will not change.
    What is his incentive to WANT to change?
    I'm not sure that threats are the best way to go, but at the very least you have a freeloader on your hands. He needs to know what he owes you every month or he is welcome to find other accomodations.
    You are not terminating the relationship necessarily, just living apart on your own funds.
    Good point! Why don't you tell him to pay most of the rent for the next few months because you're having some financial difficulties? See how severe his reaction will be!

     
    Old 10-07-2005, 04:33 AM   #10
    millpark26
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    Re: Living with a cheap boyfriend!

    Run like the wind!

     
    Old 10-07-2005, 09:16 AM   #11
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    Re: Living with a cheap boyfriend!

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by millpark26
    Run like the wind!
    Yeah! Run Forest Run!!!!

     
    Old 10-07-2005, 11:17 AM   #12
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    Re: Living with a cheap boyfriend!

    Diamond,... thanks for the laugh. I know you didn't mean for your post to be funny, but I find some humor in it and without the help of my medications even!

    Cheap and selfish just about describes this guy pretty much. The only thing missing is whether he is possesive as well. Give him the test. Ask him if he says "goodbye" to his turds before his flushes. That's extreme possesivemess. If his answer is "yes" then you'll know it's time to look elsewhere, no matter how charming this guy is.

    Hoop!

     
    Old 10-07-2005, 04:14 PM   #13
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    Re: Living with a cheap boyfriend!

    He's a freeloading, selfish user...likely to never change. Did you ever wonder what he does with his money if he's not helping out with household bills (food, utilities, rent, etc...) or even paying his own bills (ex: his phone got shut off)? Does he work? Maybe you should ask him where his money is going if it's not going to the bills and he's not spending it on you.

    Wouldn't that really burn you to think that you're spending all of your hard earned money and he gets to save all of his? And you can't get the extras that you'd like bc you're supporting him too...meanwhile he's spoiling himself or even worse he could be snorting all of his money away!!

     
    Old 10-07-2005, 05:51 PM   #14
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    Re: Living with a cheap boyfriend!

    He sounds more "selfish" then cheap. I have a situation similar. My boyfriend doesnt have enough money to buy me jewelry etc even though he makes well over the average income of a couple combined, but has plenty of money to go out with his friends, spend on nights at the bar, and expensive clothing! We dont live together, because I defintely wouldnt tolerate what you are! Your boyfriend is a Freeloader! You can luxuriousize that any way you want... but thats what he is!

     
    Old 10-07-2005, 10:16 PM   #15
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    Re: Living with a cheap boyfriend!

    Kick his cheap a** to the curb!!! But first, ask him Hoops question!!! I choked on my drink when I read that, Hoop!!!LOL

    But seriously Diamond, he's 40 and he isn't going to change! I am curious, though. You said he doesn't even pay his bills, so where is his money going??? Does he have a gambling or drug problem?

     
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