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  • He said he wants time ... "off"

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    Old 11-01-2005, 03:02 PM   #1
    Alexandra789456
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    He said he wants time ... "off"

    What does that really mean?
    I asked him if he wanted to see other people, he said "probably not"
    He said he wanted to see if he missed me or if he was just with me for sex.

    It's been 5 years, and this only came up after I suggested us getting engaged. He said he doesn't have strong enough feelings for that.. and that he does want to get engaged so he's tired of wasting his time.

    Why do men do this? Do you think he's trying to forget me.. or do you think he's going to call me back? He said he wanted 2 months with no talking, nothing. I gave him his space.. but am wondering what to expect??

     
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    Old 11-01-2005, 03:31 PM   #2
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    Re: He said he wants time ... "off"

    Oh Alexandra .. I hate to say it but I would have a bad feeling about this .. after 5 years he isnt sure if he wants to mary you or not .. now he wants 2 months to decide if he wants you or not ..

    All I can say is that I wouldnt expect him to call .. but I am kind of a pesimest .. I think he wanted to break up .. but not break up compleatly to keep you around incase he changes his mind.

    All I can say is ... I wish you well ...I fear the road ahead will be a hard one.
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    Old 11-01-2005, 03:31 PM   #3
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    Re: He said he wants time ... "off"

    After 5 years, one usually knows if it's a marriage worthy relationship. Sounds to me as if he is letting you down easy....and leaving his options open.

    I am sorry.....but if after 5 years he isn't ready to commit and when you suggest engagement, he suggests time "off".....that's a clear sign that he is not serious about the relationship.

    I know that this is painful but you deserve to have somebody who is equally committed to you.

    I think that he took the cowardly way out and shouldn't leave you hanging. If you need closure I think that you should call him after a week or if he calls before and tell him you're off to greener pastures.

    ~ Goody

    Last edited by goody2shuz; 11-01-2005 at 03:32 PM.

     
    Old 11-01-2005, 03:42 PM   #4
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    Re: He said he wants time ... "off"

    This is what you do, take the two months break, and see what happens after you reunite (if that happens). Maybe he is dating others, so go ahead and do that or just enjoy being single. In my opinion two months is too long, and I would fall out of love with the person, if I already wasn't deeply attached. But, whatever you do avoid any and all contact, that will show him just how strong you are!

     
    Old 11-01-2005, 04:14 PM   #5
    Alexandra789456
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    Re: He said he wants time ... "off"

    Well he "promised" me he wouldn't see anyone else. Actually, this has been a long distance relationship from day one. And, I'm finally finished school and we are talking about me moving there.

    In the beginning, he was so sweet. Then, I guess I was a little mean to him. And, he fell out of love. We broke up (and saw other people) 2 years ago. After a month or so he begged for me back. But, now, we're not seeing other people.

    He said that he's been mean to me (and I agree). He is always distant, and mean on the phone. And he said this may be what we need, for him to miss me and pursue me again and for him to want me back. He said we need time for things to cool down and for him to break his bad habits of always starting arguments.

    It's day 2. I almost called him but I just want to see if he calls first. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt, and hope he's not doing anything. I waited over 4 years for him.. what in the world is another 2 months. Although, we usually talk on the phone every other day (except for the first time he broke up with me).

    He said he still has feelings for me but it's not what he wants. He want to be completely in love with someone. Do you think time apart helps a man realize what he lost? Or, will he just forget me?

    Also, we see each other every 3 months or so. And, I last saw him in September. I asked him if we were going to get a ticket for December and he got frusturated and didnt' want to talk about it. He said he wants to make the decisions and he wants to be the one to decide if we see each other again. He said he doesn't want to be pressured into anything whatsoever. But, he said seeing each other before December is 100% out of the question. If I even came to visit him, he said it would be a horrible horrible idea and that things would end for sure, if he even agreed to see me.

    Last edited by Alexandra789456; 11-01-2005 at 04:17 PM.

     
    Old 11-01-2005, 04:17 PM   #6
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    Re: He said he wants time ... "off"

    I dont know if time apart will make him want to mary you .. I also dont think that he is going to forget you .. however he may be looking to move on from you.

    I wish I had some words of insight .. something to comfort you .. but I don't. I would be very weary ..
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    Old 11-01-2005, 04:27 PM   #7
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    Re: He said he wants time ... "off"

    Alexandra ~ First, I wouldn't make any permanent move under the circumstances. He seems extremely unsure of things and for you to make such a sacrifice would be a BIG mistake. Second....it sounds as if your BF wants control of everything.....is he usually this way?? When he has been "mean" to you what is it usuallly over..like what does he say to you???

    Do not call him.....let him call you. And don't wait for his calls or return them right away as if you are waiting around for him. He wanted this break so treat it as so.

    I must be honest...usually distance makes the heart grow fonder....sounds like if he can be so mean and unsure and not make you feel like he really loves you....why waste time even another 2 months. How are you going to feel in two months if suddenly he does want to see you again??? What is he going to know in two months that he doesn't know after 5 years???

    ~ Goody

    Last edited by goody2shuz; 11-01-2005 at 04:30 PM.

     
    Old 11-01-2005, 04:28 PM   #8
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    Re: He said he wants time ... "off"

    This really sucks. I guess I'll have to distract myself for the next 2 months or so. If he can go 2 months.. then he really doesn't love me.

    It doesn't take 2 months to know if you love someone or not.
    I think maybe 1 month. I will call him in a month I guess?

     
    Old 11-01-2005, 04:30 PM   #9
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    Re: He said he wants time ... "off"

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by goody2shuz
    Alexandra ~ First, I wouldn't make any permanent move under the circumstances. He sems extremely unsure of things and for to make such a sacrifice would be a BIG mistake. Second....it sounds as if your BF wants control of everything.....is he usually this way?? When he has been "mean" to you what is it usuallly over..like what does he say to you???

    Do not call him.....let him call you. And don't wait for his calls or return them right away as if you are waiting around for him. He wanted this break so treat it as so.

    I must be honest...usually distance makes the heart grow fondeer....sounds like if he can be so mean and unsure and not make you feel like he really loves you....why waste time even another 2 months. How are you going to feel in two months if suddenly he does want to see you again??? What is he going to know in two months that he doesn't know after 5 years???

    ~ Goody
    Not only what is he going to know, in 2 months, but what is he going to do for 2 months.

    Last edited by evy38; 11-01-2005 at 04:31 PM.

     
    Old 11-01-2005, 04:34 PM   #10
    Alexandra789456
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    Re: He said he wants time ... "off"

    How is he mean? He is never "happy" to talk to me on the phone. He never asks me about my day EVER. He never sends me flowers UNLESS I ask for them. He doesn't like long phone conversations. He gets mad all the time.. like if I complain that I don't like a movie he says "why are you acting like a spoiled princess.. it's just a movie". He is currently a horrible boyfriend. PERIOD. He never just cares it seems.

    Why stay with him? Because he used to be nice. He used to write me poems, he paid for allt he plane tickets. He took me to nice places and we actually did things together and had fun. He was also very gentle and sweet and caring in the beginning.. and has been loyal 100% for the past 5 years (ok except for one kiss in a bar when we got into a fight).

    I wonder if he'll kiss another girl. I HAVE a plane ticket for in 2 weeks. It's in my name and since things are going bad .. he told me to cancel it.

    I said I should still go.. but he said it's a bad idea. I suggested to change it for December. He suggested.. February (my spring break) and that if we see each other in December, he will take care of it.

    Anyway, it's only 2 months. I doubt he'll be married by then. These have been the LONGEST 2 days of my life. I'm supposed to be studying but instead all I can do is re-read his old e-mails over and over trying to decipher how exactly he feels. I stare at his pics crying. I cannot budge from the computer unless it's to watch TV. Then, I look at the girls on TV and wonder if he would date them and why they're better than I am.

    It's a viscous cycle of TORTURE. This guy is such a jerk for putting me through this.

    But, he said the 2 months were for me too. He said they were for him to break his bad habits of always getting mad at me and not being able to just be nice to me like in the beginning...

     
    Old 11-01-2005, 04:36 PM   #11
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    Re: He said he wants time ... "off"

    Do you think I should visit him in 2 weeks unexpectedly and NOT cancel this ticket?

    Or, would that be making things worse..

    I'm close to doing it..

     
    Old 11-01-2005, 04:38 PM   #12
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    Re: He said he wants time ... "off"

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Alexandra789456
    This really sucks. I guess I'll have to distract myself for the next 2 months or so. If he can go 2 months.. then he really doesn't love me.

    It doesn't take 2 months to know if you love someone or not.
    I think maybe 1 month. I will call him in a month I guess?
    I find it very telling that he wants this split, after you brought up the idea of marriage. I wish I had something comforting to say, but I think that bodes ill for your future with him.
    I would treat this as a breakup, take the necessary steps to move on and not call him. Then if he decides he wants to contact you, you will have the upper hand when deciding what YOU want. Just remember if you do all fighting to get him back and he finally agrees, he will be in the power position of this relationship and will never marry you. You will get no better then you already had and possibily less then you had.
    On a personal note, if a man told me he wanted a break, I'd help him pack. I want no man who isn't sure he wants me.

     
    Old 11-01-2005, 04:42 PM   #13
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    Re: He said he wants time ... "off"

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Alexandra789456
    Do you think I should visit him in 2 weeks unexpectedly and NOT cancel this ticket?

    Or, would that be making things worse..

    I'm close to doing it..
    NO!!!!! Absolutely not!!!

    The thing is you deserve somebody who is 100% sure he loves you....why take 50% when you can have 100%???

    Evy is right....this situation is not good and you deserve somebody who wants you and doesn't even need an hour to know so!!!

    ~ Goody

     
    Old 11-01-2005, 04:53 PM   #14
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    Re: He said he wants time ... "off"

    You said that this was a long distance relationships since day one. I know that I am not the only person who believes that these types of relationships don't exist in reality. They are for commitment-phobics to buy themselves time, look around, and still get some booty in a pinch. You sound very trusting (not a bad thing) and this may sound blunt----but he said he wanted someone that he was totally in love with and that it wasn't you. He was very honest in saying that he wanted to find out if he would really miss you OR if this was just a sex arrangement. You brought up marriage. He brought up his concern that he was just using you. There's no point in re-reading and analyzing his emails for something to grab onto....he meant what he said. Don't prolong your pain, take him seriously, stop waiting, start dating, and get on with your life. Don't give him 2 more months...don't give him another day. People KNOW when they really love someone...they don't need more time to "think" about it.

     
    Old 11-01-2005, 04:59 PM   #15
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    Re: He said he wants time ... "off"

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Alexandra789456
    Why stay with him? Because he used to be nice. He used to write me poems, he paid for allt he plane tickets. He took me to nice places and we actually did things together and had fun. He was also very gentle and sweet and caring in the beginning.. and has been loyal 100% for the past 5 years (ok except for one kiss in a bar when we got into a fight).
    Used to be isn't now. This isn't the beginning. It sounds like the end. He's behaving like it's the end. He's taking you for granted because he knows he can. I know you still love him, but I strongly urge you to back off completely. Let him miss you, if he doesn't he's not yours anymore. If he does, he might start to remember why he loves you.

     
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