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Boyfriend never wants to see me

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Old 11-03-2005, 06:40 PM   #1
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Boyfriend never wants to see me

I'm having a hard time figuring out who's wrong in this situation. I guess because i'm not very experienced with relationships.

My boyfriend never wants to see me except for weekends. He works long hours and I understand he's probobly tired, but he still finds time to go out alone. When I found out he was going out, i simply asked him if he liked hanging out with me and why he never calls me and he went crazy. He asked how i had the nerve to question his feelings. He's leaving town tommorow morning for 2 weeks and didnt' even call me like he said he would. I know for a fact he's not cheating on me. Am I wrong for wanting to at least talk to him on the phone if we're not going to go out on the weekdays? Am i being too needy? He even accused me of using him for sex and called me an unemotional, cold person. I just dont see where i went wrong. I see friends more often than i see him.

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Old 11-03-2005, 08:03 PM   #2
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Re: Boyfriend never wants to see me

That's what started to happen with my most recent ex bf. He works overnight hours and does a lot of overtime during the day. I understand that work is very important to him and takes up a lot of his time. But towards the end of our relationship, I called him one night and said that I feel like we're growing apart and that he had no time for me. Well, he didn't like that and blew up at me saying that I didn't understand any of it (I wasn't trying to be a b**ch about it but he has a very strong temper sometimes). He lives in my building and when we first got together, he would make time all the time for me and always want to do things with me. Then at the end, he would make time for anyone else but me. It made no sense since it wasn't like we had very far to go to see each other haha.

Anyway, I don't think you're being unreasonable at all for wanting to at least speak to him during the week if all you get to see him is on the weekends. I'm one of those people that firmly believes if a person truly wants to see you, they will make time for you. I certainly don't make time for people that I want nothing to do with. I'm not saying that the same may go for him, but wouldn't it be nicer to be with someone who does truly want to spend more time with you? Good luck.

Old 11-03-2005, 08:07 PM   #3
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Re: Boyfriend never wants to see me

Why do so many women/girls take on all the blame for messed up relationships? You may not be able to see it, because as you said, you're not very experienced with relationships. But here's what lots of experience over the years has taught me. If a guy spends more time with friends than he does you, or doesn't include you with his friends, he's not just not all that "in" to the relationship. You asked him a simple question and he responded defensively and in such a way as to to cause you to question yourself. Asking yourself, Am I wrong for wanting to talk to him on the phone? Am I being too needy? I find it funny that he accused you of using him for sex. Hmm. Also, calling you unemotional and cold?

While he's gone for the next two weeks, it might be a good time to do a serious examination of this relationship. Ask yourself some questions and be honest with your answers. What do you want in a relationship and is he giving that to you? What are your needs emotionally? Are the two of you on the same page in that area? Do you want a guy who likes to be with you and treats you like you're number one? If so, does he? Is he spending enough time with you? Does he keep his promises? I'm sure you could think of more questions to ask yourself. The point is, if he doesn't have these qualities now, he won't next month, next year, or ever. And don't make the mistake of thinking you can change things in this relationship. You can't change another person. You can only change yourself. Just remember, if you change yourself to conform to him, then you lose yourself and learn to hate yourself, and no one else will respect you either.

Decide what YOU want and go get it.

Old 11-04-2005, 02:41 AM   #4
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greeneyes100 HB User
Re: Boyfriend never wants to see me

I agree with the other posters. You are not being unreasonable in the least. And, yes, we women always tend to blame ourselves when a relationship doesn't work. If I were you, I would just give him the space he seems to want right now. Go out with some other men to take your mind off of him and next time he calls, say you are busy. I think if a man is afraid of losing a woman, he stops taking her for granted. Good luck!

Old 11-04-2005, 06:13 AM   #5
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Re: Boyfriend never wants to see me

If anyone reacts defensively it's usually because some truth has been hit upon. He doesn't sound like he's into the relationship anymore. You're not asking for too much at all. Don't let him make you feel guilty.

Old 11-04-2005, 06:27 AM   #6
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LittleRose1982 HB User
Re: Boyfriend never wants to see me

If he's not making you a priority the way you are making him one, then perhaps you two are just looking for different things right now. He may not be interested in a serious relationship, but still likes you a lot and likes hanging out with you on the weekends. If this is the case, you shouldn't change what YOU want to accomodate him. If you want something a bit more serious, then you have every right to pursue that. And you will find it!
In the mean time, don't settle for being in his life only at his convenience.

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