It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board

  • OHMYGOSH! MARRiED MAN @ WORK PART 2

  • Post New Thread   Closed Thread
    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Old 11-04-2005, 09:15 PM   #1
    kissezxohugs
    Junior Member
    (female)
     
    kissezxohugs's Avatar
     
    Join Date: May 2005
    Posts: 21
    kissezxohugs HB User
    OHMYGOSH! MARRiED MAN @ WORK PART 2

    Okayyyyy wow wow wow wow wow. Did I say wow? I really don't feel like repeating the story again but for those of who know what I am talking about please read on.

    Okay, so today at work I past by him and we were chatting and flirting as we usually do etc. etc.
    Anyway he said "Are you working Sunday?" I said yeah. Him and I always seem to be working the same days and hours. So anyway, he said do you want to have lunch after work? I almost fainted. I said "Won't your wife get jealous?" Haha. He said "She is nice but things arn't really going that well between us" .Of course I was overjoyed to hear that because I REALLY LIKE HIM! But none the less I have always respected that fact he was married. Like the other day I told him things would work out, I knew they would. I always like to cheer him up. He is my friend, that's what friends do? So of course I said I would go for lunch after work. He started telling me how he has feelings for me and the moment he saw me he felt somthing. I was in shock hearing all of this. Inside I was just bursting ready to jump with excitment. But at the same time kind of in awe. I told him I feel the same way and he said really? I think he was a bit surprised that an 18 year old would like someone as old as 40. I told him yes though. I have never been in a Relationship before but it's coming so naturally for me. I feel comfortable and I feel like I can share anything with this man. There is a huge age gap though. 22 years! I am 18 and he is 40. Haha I know it's crazy. Honestly though, age doesn't mean a thing to me. If you care for someone, that is all that matters in the end. My parents are kind of taken back that I said yes to him. They like him but they keep telling me he is still married and yada yada yada. I know all of this, but he said to me today things arn't working out. What do I do? I love this guy. Really. He is everything I've been looking for and more. I know he is much older, old enough to be my father, but I DON'T CARE! I feel something real. I hate "Boys" my age. There useless. Their so pathetic and annoying. At least with older men your getting the real deal. Older men are so much more attentive, caring, mature! Their done with the adolescent stages.
    Just a little update.
    I'm sure I will get some harsh repsonses back but I just needed to vent.

     
    Sponsors Lightbulb
       
    Old 11-04-2005, 09:49 PM   #2
    evy38
    Inactive
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Jan 2005
    Posts: 621
    evy38 HB User
    Re: OHMYGOSH! MARRiED MAN @ WORK PART 2

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by kissezxohugs
    But none the less I have always respected that fact he was married.
    No, actually, you've never respected the fact that he's married. You see it as a stumbling block to what you want, him. You are getting ready to have an affair with a married man.

     
    Old 11-04-2005, 09:56 PM   #3
    JennaLynnK
    Senior Member
    (female)
     
    JennaLynnK's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Mar 2005
    Location: Indiana
    Posts: 214
    JennaLynnK HB User
    Re: OHMYGOSH! MARRiED MAN @ WORK PART 2

    I wouldn't do anything with this guy, until those divorce papers are signed, filed, and he has moved out. Your just asking for trouble here. You know how many man say that they aren't happy in their marriage, and end up seducing younger girls? You know how many of them girls end up married to them or how many of them men actually get a divorce? Hes 40, my guess is, hes going through a midlife crisis or things really aren't good at home, but in order for you to make sure you don't get hurt, don't mess around with him until he gets a divorce.

    Think about his wife at home, you don't know anything about her. She probably has no clue this is going on, and it would probably destroy her whole world. Would you want to be that girl someday? If you don't like it done to you, then why would you want to do that to someone else. Why would you want to put yourself through that stress.

    In my opinion, his actions are a huge signal that hes not the greatest dude in the world. I don't care how unhappy he is at home, he is still married! That means something, and obvisiously not a whole lot to him, so exactly what do you think you'll mean to him when someone else comes along that sparks his fancy. You don't even have a wedding band.

    I know this guy might be your dream come true, but there is nothing but heart ache in it for you right now. You really need to think about this situation. If I was you I would stay far far away from him until he takes off that ring and the papers are signed. Then if you still think hes a good guy after what hes doing now then test the waters, but I think you might find that you are going to have a hard time trusting him, and you might possibly find yourself in the same position as his poor wife.

     
    Old 11-04-2005, 10:04 PM   #4
    Kentucky_Miss
    Senior Member
    (female)
     
    Kentucky_Miss's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Oct 2005
    Posts: 128
    Kentucky_Miss HB User
    Re: OHMYGOSH! MARRiED MAN @ WORK PART 2

    Hon,

    Wow, what are you doing to yourself? Please, take my advice, and don't let your hormones lead you astray. They are going to tell you thier wife treats them like garbage, when in fact, its the other way around. These married men put up a front, they seem like they are charming, loving, and generous in all ways, but they aren't. They will do anything to feel your love, if you know what I mean.

    An office affair lead to the demise of my 7 yr marriage to my first love. I walked in on them in a not so desirable pose, in his office. Guess, I wasn't good enough, lol. No matter how much I cried and put a guilt trip on him, he still chose to do what he did. He left me and his beautiful twins behind for some high strung blonde the next month.

    The sick thing is he had no remorse what so ever. He was willing to leave me and the kids behind without looking back, just because he was tired of waking up every morning next to the same person in bed. He enjoyed variety alright, it just didn't include me. He felt the need to relive his younger years without a single thought of me. Well, I am back at square one, and I know in my mind I am better off without him, but my heart says something different. Hope it shuts up soon.

    So, just be very caeful dear, and don't believe everything he says. Remeber, he is putting up a front, until he gets his goal. Then he will be off and running to his next treat and you are still young enough to catch the eye of someone who isn't forbidden fruit.

     
    Old 11-04-2005, 10:12 PM   #5
    SophiaM
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    SophiaM's Avatar
     
    Join Date: May 2003
    Posts: 5,529
    SophiaM HB User
    Re: OHMYGOSH! MARRiED MAN @ WORK PART 2

    You're an 18-year-old girl who has never been in a relationship. He is a 40-year old married men with children. Now, when I was your age, I thought exactly the same things about guys my age, and I was also in love with a man much older than me, but come on. This will never work. Even if it did, by the time you're 30, you would want to be with a guy closer to your age. I now like guys my age or only a little bit older. Trust me, married men that age who go after innocent teenage girls are up to no good. They have issues too. THey want to feel complete and total admiration, and they cannot pull it off with women their own age, so they have to seek someone who has not had much life experience yet and is easily impressed by them. I don't think you will understand what I'm saying, though. I was in love with my high school teacher all through high school. He was married. He told me he had feelings for me and was in love with me. I wanted to be with him so much but a part of me just knew that something was wrong with that picture, so I didn't do anything. I still think of him fondly sometimes, but I think this is only possible because I didn't pursue anything with him. He is STILL with his wife with whom "things weren't going well" and who wasn't his
    "intellectual equal," btw. It's funny, though, because now I would never be attracted to him in a million years. I can see the intellectual appeal, but that's about it. YOu will grow so much over the next ten years. You might not believe me, but it's true. He is not worth it to be your 'first' in my opinion. Wait for someone who can be your real boyfriend, closer to your age, and who can be on the same page with you.

     
    Old 11-04-2005, 11:03 PM   #6
    glamourgal
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Feb 2005
    Posts: 504
    glamourgal HB User
    Re: OHMYGOSH! MARRiED MAN @ WORK PART 2

    Sweetie, please really think things through about this. I know that you have feelings for this man, and you can't think very clearly past that, but please remember that he IS married--even if things aren't going very well for him at home. If he REALLY cares about you, he will not put you in this position. He would care about you enough to wait to ask you on a lunch date, and to wait to tell you about his feelings for you, UNTIL he was totally free and clear from his WIFE----ie: divorced. Just really think things through, ok? I can't tell you what decision to make, but please know that you really do deserve someone who is able to give you their whole heart (and they will if they TRULY care about you). This guy is married, therefore he has already given his heart to someone else. I know that you would hate to be married one day, and have your husband whom you loved, flirting, and going on lunch dates, and telling some other girl that he has feelings for them--it would be heartbreaking. You don't seem like the type of person that would be willing to be "that girl". Take care and come here to talk if you need to .

     
    Old 11-05-2005, 12:07 AM   #7
    Hazel_Eyes
    Veteran
    (female)
     
    Hazel_Eyes's Avatar
     
    Join Date: May 2005
    Location: Australia
    Posts: 347
    Hazel_Eyes HB User
    Re: OHMYGOSH! MARRiED MAN @ WORK PART 2

    Yes you are going to get harsh responses - you cant really blame people from giving you harsh responses because a) you are headed for disaster and b) what you are doing is wrong.

    I guess you havent 'done' anything yet but you are well on your way. Im not really sure what you want the rest of us to say (?) You know what you are doing is wrong and messing with this guy is wrong - but it doesnt seem to stop you from avoiding him.

    Before I go any further, I'm not here to judge you and I wont. I know you are having a tough time - and I'll do my best to help

    For starters, you haven't actually done anything wrong... not yet. This guy is obviously interested in you. He will try to be more than friends - look, the man just admitted that he has feelings for you and he is asking you to spend time with him after lunch. You really shouldnt accept his invitation - avoid the trouble! Why are you going there in the first place? You guys will just spend more time together and you will just realize that you like him some more! THIS WILL ESCALATE! - I KNOW it will. You know so too... I know you have feelings for him, but what about his wife? Dont you care about what she feels? Or do you view this as if-she-doesnt-know-it-wont-hurt-her situations?

    You said
    Quote:
    But none the less I have always respected that fact he was married.
    If you respected the fact that he was married, you wouldnt hang out with him. Dont fool yourself by saying "we are just having lunch" BOTH OF YOU LIKE EACH OTHER. BOTH OF YOU HAVE FEELINGS and by doing this, it will just escalate! If you respected the fact that he was married you would not have lunch with him in consideration for his wife.

    You asked him if his wife wont get jealous - cmon, dont kid yourself. You really dont think she wont get jealous? You think she enjoys doing HER part and having her husband flirt around and tell an 18 year old that he likes her while she stays at home being a housewife taking care of the kids/ working her butt off for her family? (maybe even both!!) Or did you think she would be totally ok knowing that her husband told an 18 year old (whom he JUST SO happens to be attracted to) how his marriage is not going so well. And instead of fixing it, he spends time with you.

    Im just saying, there is nothing wrong with you falling in love with this guy. You cant choose who you fall in love with - you cant! All Im saying is, this is not just about you - think about his wife... his kids (if he has any) I believe you should stay away only because he is married. If he wasnt, Id tell you to forget age and go for it!

    Look, Im not saying you will make out with and have sex. But by going out with him and spending more time with him - it will keep on escalating. You will like him more. You're feelings for him will get stronger. He will want to spend more time with you. It will be a lot harder to say no... So why are you doing this? Do you want something to happen between you and this man?

    If you are dead serious - and you are NOT lying to yourself that you JUST WANT TO BE FRIENDS - tell this guy straight up that you know he is married and that you just want to be friends. Tell him you do like him but you respect his WIFE. He doesnt seem to care about her feelings!! IF HE CARED, he would quit flirting with you, he wouldnt be saying those things to you and he wouldnt make things worse by tryin to take you out for lunch. If he respected her feelings, he would not do things to hurt her - and if she knew all this.. it would hurt.

    If you were in HER place - it would hurt. This is not just about you - there are other people involved, you need to step back and consider them too.

    If you are still going with this guy - just be smart and dont do anything. Even if he gets all close and you have butterflies in your stomach and you just WANT TO KISS HIM- for god sakes!!! if you kiss this man... I cant even begin to emphasize how wrong this whole thing is and how much I feel sorry for his wife.

    ONe more thing, is this how you are supposed to fix things in a marriage? Things are not going well with you wife so you tell an 18 year old about how sad you are- yes yes I know WE ARE FRIENDS - YOU ALSO HAPPEN to like each other! You admitted it yourself - you are happy with the fact that things are not going so well! You tell me, is that how it works? He is going to drown his sorrows by taking you out to lunch and spending more time with you? The only reason Im so sarcastic about this whole thing is because YOU GUYS LIKE EACH OTHER. This guy wants you and you do too. You are "falling for him" as you so describe it. This is just bad bad news...

    just promise me one thing.. actually promise yourself one thing - dont do anything inappropriate with this guy.

    Someone once said this...
    REAL INTEGRITY is doing the right thing, knowing that nobody's going to know whether you did it or not.

    Last edited by Administrator; 11-09-2005 at 07:38 PM. Reason: cussing removed

     
    Old 11-05-2005, 01:09 AM   #8
    realguy
    Senior Veteran
    (male)
     
    Join Date: Apr 2004
    Posts: 1,039
    realguy HB User
    Re: OHMYGOSH! MARRiED MAN @ WORK PART 2

    Ther"s no sense in telling you to not see him anymore (you will always have a reason). So let"s look at the situation. If you want to pursue further than just having sex. Ask yourself and him the following: Look at the age gap? Do you think his kids will take a liken to you? Is he willing to actually part ways with his wife? Ask him about visitation (takes time away from social life)? Will you be bringing him along when you and your friends go out and about? ect........
    Just a few of the many questions you will need to have answers for.
    A REAL RELATIONSHIP IS MORE THAN JUST FLIRTING. YOU WILL HAVE TO ACCEPT HIS PAST AND IT WILL TAKE ALOT OF HIS SOCIAL TIME AND OR MONEY AWAY FROM HIM AND YOU. Good Luck.
    By the way, I am a guy in his age range who has a child and did the single life for a few years.

    Last edited by realguy; 11-05-2005 at 01:12 AM.

     
    Old 11-05-2005, 02:55 AM   #9
    alsaser
    Senior Member
    (female)
     
    alsaser's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jul 2005
    Posts: 253
    alsaser HB User
    Re: OHMYGOSH! MARRiED MAN @ WORK PART 2

    If you like older men, find one not married. he's not gonna leave his wife...he's just playing you. Come on..I've been around the block a few times. He'll probably try to sleep with you, (and if you do, God forbid )he'll tell you later that he wants to work things out with his wife. I've seen this a million times!!! Girl, listen to us...love makes you blind (most women). Save yourself serious heartache...I can guarentee that will happen. He just wants some nookie. DON'T DO It! He is disrespecting his wife and YOU! He's treating you like your a dumb naive kid, he just wants to get some on the side. I have seen this soooooo many times. Please, think with you head, not your heart. He is married. If he cant stay devoted to her...no way would he be to you. This is a bad path your going down...turn before its too late!

     
    Old 11-05-2005, 03:48 AM   #10
    scubadiver
    Junior Member
     
    scubadiver's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Oct 2005
    Posts: 15
    scubadiver HB User
    Re: OHMYGOSH! MARRiED MAN @ WORK PART 2

    If you are put off by blokes your age (which I am not surprised about, some of them don't seem to grow up even by their mid-twenties), is the reason why you are looking for attention from an older man? If his marriage is going too great, he is probably going through some kind of mid-life crisis. I think you are fooling yourself into a "live-happy-ever-after" scenario.

     
    Old 11-05-2005, 05:04 AM   #11
    Hazel_Eyes
    Veteran
    (female)
     
    Hazel_Eyes's Avatar
     
    Join Date: May 2005
    Location: Australia
    Posts: 347
    Hazel_Eyes HB User
    Re: OHMYGOSH! MARRiED MAN @ WORK PART 2

    I want to know...

    What do you want exactly? What are you trying to achieve? What do you want from this guy?

     
    Old 11-05-2005, 05:06 AM   #12
    Hangin in There
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    Hangin in There's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Dec 2004
    Posts: 1,069
    Hangin in There HB User
    Re: OHMYGOSH! MARRiED MAN @ WORK PART 2

    You're going to wish you listened to the advice here when you end up heartbroken by this man. He sure doesn't sound wonderful and mature to me. He's trying to boost his own ego by having a young girl attracted to him. You're falling right into his trap. He's playing you like a fiddle.

    If he'll cheat with you, he'll cheat on you!

     
    Old 11-05-2005, 07:04 AM   #13
    Ruth6:11
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    Ruth6:11's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Dec 2003
    Posts: 3,339
    Ruth6:11 HB UserRuth6:11 HB User
    Re: OHMYGOSH! MARRiED MAN @ WORK PART 2

    I won't repeat what the others have said here - it is my belief all along that you already know that what you are dong is wrong.

    I DO just want to say that we'll be here WITHOUT all of the "I told you so's" (hear me everyone?) when this all blows up either at work, with his wife, or with you personally. The mess that cheating (physically OR emotionally) creates is huge.
    There are people here that can help you after, if you choose not to listen to them before.

     
    Old 11-05-2005, 08:31 AM   #14
    realguy
    Senior Veteran
    (male)
     
    Join Date: Apr 2004
    Posts: 1,039
    realguy HB User
    Re: OHMYGOSH! MARRiED MAN @ WORK PART 2

    Well said Ruth. I even tried to not be so blunt in my answer.

     
    Old 11-05-2005, 08:36 AM   #15
    kissezxohugs
    Junior Member
    (female)
     
    kissezxohugs's Avatar
     
    Join Date: May 2005
    Posts: 21
    kissezxohugs HB User
    Re: OHMYGOSH! MARRiED MAN @ WORK PART 2

    He doesn't have any children. That's one problem taking care of.

    Last edited by kissezxohugs; 11-05-2005 at 08:44 AM.

     
    Closed Thread

    Related Topics
    Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
    PHEWEEE! What is up with N-Acetyl Cysteine!??? agitate Vitamins & Supplements 3 11-07-2006 02:27 PM
    ARIMIDEX SweetClarity Cancer: Breast 8 09-24-2005 11:52 AM
    IBS Embarrassing Moments jadontusmommy Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) 7 06-06-2005 11:06 PM




    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Search this Thread:

    Advanced Search

    Posting Rules
    You may not post new threads
    You may not post replies
    You may not post attachments
    You may not edit your posts

    BB code is On
    Smilies are On
    [IMG] code is Off
    HTML code is Off
    Trackbacks are Off
    Pingbacks are Off
    Refbacks are Off




    Sign Up Today!

    Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

    I want my free account

    All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:44 AM.





    © 2022 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
    Do not copy or redistribute in any form!