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  • Is this guy shy or does he just not like me?

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    Old 11-13-2005, 01:36 PM   #1
    Beka
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    Question Is this guy shy or does he just not like me?

    I'm a little confused about a situation and looking for some advice...

    I'm a graduate student, and there is a guy in my class that I really like. We've talked several times and seem to have some kind of chemistry. At first he initiated all conversations and seemed interested in what I had to say. But for a while now, I've been feeling like he avoids me. He talks to everyone else, including my roommates and other friends, but I can barely even get him to look at me. Now I have to initiate all conversation with him, but I'm starting to think maybe I should leave him alone, just in case he really doesn't like me.

    Do you think he's shy? Or do you think he's lost interest and doesn't want to talk to me? I feel like it shouldn't be like that, but it could be I misread the signals.


     
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    Old 11-13-2005, 03:25 PM   #2
    cookiepls
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    Lightbulb Re: Is this guy shy or does he just not like me?

    Hi Beka,

    I can see where it would be confusing to you. First he initiates conversation then he doesn't, first you feel chemistry, then it seems gone. Now he seems to be avoiding you. Who knows why? There could be a dozen reasons why he stopped initiating conversations. What matters is your intuition is telling you things aren't quite right. You would be wise to do exactly as you said. Sounds like you're in tune with your inner voice. Leave him alone. Not rudely of course. Do acknowledge him if you see him. Say hi but just don't try to initiate conversation. I'd say from what I've read, he's not shy. He's still talking to everyone else, so obviously, it's something else. You don't know what it is so don't take it personally. It might not have anything at all to do with you.

     
    Old 11-13-2005, 03:35 PM   #3
    Hazel_Eyes
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    Re: Is this guy shy or does he just not like me?

    Im not saying he doesnt like you... but if this guy was shy, it would have been hard for him to initiate all those conversations he had with you. Like cookie said, the are a number of possible reasons why this guy is behaving the way he is.

    I would avoid him. If he talks to you fine - if he doesnt fine. Well we both know its not fine.. but dont show him that!

    adriana

     
    Old 11-13-2005, 09:30 PM   #4
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    Re: Is this guy shy or does he just not like me?

    He sounds weird. I'd venture to say, whatever his reasons are... if he's still interested and acting like that, he'd probably be one hell of a frustrating person to date anyway. Huge sign of insecurity.

     
    Old 11-13-2005, 09:33 PM   #5
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    Re: Is this guy shy or does he just not like me?

    It sounds like some sort of passive agressive behavior and THAT is not a good sign no matter what he is up to.

    RED FLAGS

     
    Old 11-14-2005, 02:20 AM   #6
    Beka
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    Re: Is this guy shy or does he just not like me?

    Thanks for everyone's advice. I guess I will leave him alone, although my gut feeling tells me we clicked, but he is insecure. The problem is, I am too. When I start to like a guy, I get paralyzed by the fear of rejection. And ... I finally owned up to the fact that I have a social anxiety disorder. So even though I still try to talk to him sometimes, I lack confidence and I know it shows. Maybe this is why he steers clear of me, if I can say that without sounding paranoid.

    Sigh. It could be a long two years.

     
    Old 11-14-2005, 06:44 AM   #7
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    Re: Is this guy shy or does he just not like me?

    I think you just nailed it Beka. Lack of confidence. People generally are turned off by it. He's obviously a social person since he's able to talk to anyone, but you can learn to be confident in social situations as well. The more people you can practice on the better. When I lacked social confidence, I tended to approach people who looked nervous or shy like me. I would smile, say hi, and try to strike up a conversation. I think approaching people like myself made it a little less intimidating for me. Anyway, after a while, it started to feel natural and I was able to be more outgoing with other people - the ones that used to intimidate me.

    Often times, social anxiety isn't a disorder, it's just a lack of practice. I'm not saying you don't have an actual disorder, but you were able to talk to this guy that you liked despite your fears. I wasn't even that advanced. There's no way I would've talked to a guy that I was attracted to, even when he approached me first. That shows you're capable of learning how to be comfortable in social situations. With practice comes confidence. It doesn't have to be a long two years. It can be the two years you look back on and remember that it was the time you came out of your shell. You can have great memories of this time.

    The confidence will come if you put yourself out there and practice.

     
    Old 11-16-2005, 12:06 AM   #8
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    Re: Is this guy shy or does he just not like me?

    I recently had an experience like this. I really clicked with a guy at work, like UNBELIEVABLY so (other people even noticed us). Then one day, like overnight, he got weird. Acted distant, wouldn't talk to me, wouldn't look at me. I was confused, could he have fallen out of like with me overnight? I didn't know what the deal was, but my natural reaction was to just mirror his behavior. I felt so bad that I couldn't bring myself to look at him or talk to him. And guess what? Within a couple days, he started behaving normally again, practically lighting up when I walked into the room. I really don't know why he got all weird in the first place, but he did (personal issues, work problems...etc). You just never know.

    All I can say is that do what I did...pull away from him too. Don't initiate any conversations or try to talk to him (hey, I refused to even say hi!). If he notices you being distant and he cares enough about you, he'll start to spring back. If he doesn't, then it wasn't meant to be.

    As for what happened with my guy, well, that's a whole other story altogether!

     
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