HealthBoards (
-   Relationship Health (
-   -   My first relationship (kind of long) (

Ken-Y 12-14-2005 11:14 AM

My first relationship (kind of long)
Well after 20 lonely years and struggle with getting girls I finally have my first girlfriend (about time). Im obviously new to the way long term relationships work out and I have actually been stressing alot over it but I would just like some advice since almost all of you are in some type of relationship and im not sure what really to expect at first. Everything seems to be ok but maybe I hyped it up more than it actually is because I still feel like "is this it?".

We have only been going out for around 2 weeks or so now but I have known her for 2 years. Maybe its early and becuase I never had a relationship before I am reading to much into it. We talk everyday and text alot. She will tell me she misses me sometimes and asks me if i miss her and all this. It seems to be alright but we never spend alot of time together. I have been working alot lately and try and find time to see her but its hard sometimes. Only thing that has me concerned and htis is where I need help is that I always see couples all happy together and ALWAYS going out and doing stuff together but we really dont. I probably see her 2 times a week maybe. The other day her friend called from orlando which is 45 min away from me and asked her to go over there for the night so they could go out. She texted me and asked if she could go or if I wanted to see her so she would stay. I said I would have liked to see her but told her it was ok if she wanted to. So she really didnt make much of an argument which kind of suprised me because I would have thought that she would have wanted to be with me. So she left and spent the night there. She called me the next day and I talked to her about hanging out or something when she got back on sunday but she told me that she didnt feel like driving back so far and it was raining or whatever so she was just going to stay another night.Just last night also I asked what she was doing hopefully I could see her after work and she said she was going to her friend amandas.She asked why and I said I thought we could hang out after I got out of work but its cool just go. She then asked if I was mad and not to say its cool if thats not how I really feel. I told her I wasnt mad but In reality was kind of upset, though I didnt tell her. I didnt want to tell her no I want to see you and make her feel bad like she has to see me now and ditch her friends. I feel if I tell her that I wanted to spend more time with her and shes always with her friends that she will go out only because she feels bad and not because she wants to.

Maybe its just me feeling like we should always be together is my problem because I am new to relationships and we have only been dating for 2 weeks or so. I just felt like she just really didnt care to see me even though she would text me throughout the night that she missed me and called me a few times. I guess for the most part since we just started going out that everything is good but I figured that when people first get together that they want to spend alot of time together and everything and we dont see each other alot. I would appreciate it from those in long term relationships to give me some advice even though it might be hard to explain as to what kind of goes on during relationships and how much time should we spend together because I dont want to ALWAYS be together but I think I would like to see her a bit more. Any relationship advice would be appreciated. I would just really like this to work out and Im afraid I might mess something up becuase it is hard for me to find girls. Please help

StenoLady1 12-14-2005 11:46 AM

Re: My first relationship (kind of long)
Hi, Ken (Fellow Floridian) :wave:

I hope you get some other responses, but if you miss her, she tells/texts you that she misses you, why not just let her know you'd like to see her a little more often? Back when I was dating my hubby (15 years ago), we scheduled dates. Is this not done anymore? When your date is over, say, on a Saturday night, maybe just say, "Hey, whatcha doing on Tuesday night? Let's catch a movie or grab a bite to eat at the new eatery." Firm it up a little, you know? If you haven't seen her in a couple days, give her a buzz and say, "Let's do dinner day after tomorrow," or something like this depending on both of your schedules.

Maybe things are falling through because you both are kind of waiting until the last minute to see if the other is available (in some cases). I mean, I do understand plans change at the last minute and work schedules can be hectic, but I just remember when my hubby and I were dating, that when a date was over, we'd pretty much firmed up plans for the next one. Times may have changed, tho :rolleyes:

Best Wishes :)


LostMyHeart 12-14-2005 10:58 PM

Re: My first relationship (kind of long)
I guess the only thing I can really offer is: Do not, do not, do not compare your relationship to others' relationships.

There are no rules or standards for this type of thing. You do what works for the two of you, only.
This is just me personally, but two times a week within the first month would be plenty for me. But that's just me. I like to take things slow and I would be more than content with that. If it was too much more that early on, I think it would actually do more to scare me away.
But that's because one of my first relationships was rushed, where we saw each other constantly and threw our personalities at each other all at once, rather than taking time to just get to know each other one step at a time. It was a MESS, to say the least. Didn't last very long at all.
I decided to never do that again! And in my experience, the more I took my time, the better the relationship went, or the happier it made me.

It's great that you have lives outside of each other. The more you keep the rest of your time filled, it's just all the more you'll have to talk about and share with each other during the time you do spend together.
Just relax and enjoy what you do have.

After all that, if you are truely not content only seeing her two times a week, you must communicate this to her. Let her know you want to spend time together. Like Steno said, call her a set a date for a specific time. It works best if you set a certain day in advance, rather than a last minute "let's hang out tonight".
Don't tell her you don't care that she doesn't see you if you do. Communicate your opinions to her. Maybe next time try "I would have liked to see you today, but I understand you already made plans, can we get together tomorrow?" (You get the picture right?)

Whatever you decide will make you happy, good luck to ya!

Musical_Muse 12-14-2005 11:26 PM

Re: My first relationship (kind of long)
I agree with the other posters. Communicate with your girlfriend--let her know that you want to see her more often. Is it that you [I]want[/I] to see her more often or do you feel like you [I]should[/I] see her more often (based on what you see everyone around you doing)?

My boyfriend and I are always talking on the phone, in person, whatever, though we do have our own lives. For me, I have found that I really like it when he tells me that he wants to see me--it makes me feel good inside and wanted. Maybe your girlfriend is hoping that you'll tell her that you want to see her...and it sounds like you might. So tell her this, and see what happens :) .

All the Best :wave: :)


Ken-Y 12-15-2005 10:11 AM

Re: My first relationship (kind of long)
Thanks for the advice guys I appreciate it. Im just new to all this so I guess its good then that I should communicate with her more about wanting to see her and stuff. I just didnt want her to hang out with me just because she felt bad about not seeing me and going with her friends. Ill just let her know how I feel then and prob see if we can hang out another day if she is busy one day. Thanks guys

blueeyes05 12-15-2005 10:58 AM

Re: My first relationship (kind of long)
The beginning of relationships are hard! Well the whole thing is hard! Maybe suggest to her that you would like to spend more time with her and maybe go along with her and her friends a few times. Then ask to spend some more alone time with her! I dont think that she will think you are trying to keep her for yourself and she should understand! Just dont read into things so much i know its hard!!! Just take it easy things will work out!

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:50 PM.