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Need some advice on this one!

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Old 12-20-2005, 02:38 PM   #1
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 80
Mattm4000 HB User
Need some advice on this one!

Hi everyone,

I need some advice and I will apologize in advance if this post runs a little long but anyone who could offer some insight would be greatly appreciated.

I posted on here about two months ago. My situation in short is this....I am a 27 year old single guy and there is a girl I know who lives on my block. I have known her about half my life. We had never dated and we really arent even friends. We are definately friendly with each other and in my opinion we get along together very well but its not like we hang out or do things together. Shes just someone I know that lives in the area basically.

Last month a good friend of mine was getting married and since I am single I needed a date for the wedding. I decided to ask this girl. I was a little hesitant since we had never done anything like this before together but the truth is that I do like her and I figured that by taking her to the wedding with me it would be a good opportunity to spend some time together and maybe it might lead to other things in the future. So I asked her and right away she said yes and didn't seem to hesitate at all and really seemed as if she was excited about going.

I asked her about a month before the wedding so she had plenty of time to get what she was going to wear and stuff so I seen her about a week before the wedding and reminded her about it and she still seemed just as excited about it as when I had originally asked her. So I took down her cellphone number and I said that I would call her that day of the wedding, a few hours before it started, just to touch base with her on what time I was going to pick her up and stuff. So she said ok. So the night of the wedding comes and I go to pick her up and she was ready right on time, she looked really nice, she had bought a new dress and had her hair and nails done and all that.

So we get to the wedding, it was a night wedding starting at 8pm, so the one thing I was a bit concerned about was that she might feel uncomfortable there because she didn't really know anyone. Most of the people that were there were my friends and co-workers and I thought she might feel a little out of place. But when we got there one of my male co-workers who also came to the wedding brought a date with him and it turned out this his date and my date knew each other from high school. So it worked out pretty well that it turned out that there was someone else there she knew besides just me.

So at the wedding things went very well. She stayed with me the whole time. She only left me when she went outside to smoke(I dont smoke) and we danced together and talked and just basically had a very good time together that night but then at the end things got a little weird. The wedding ended late about 1:15am. Now me and her came together in my car alone, we live on the same block just a few houses away. So when the wedding ended the girl who was also there that she was friends with decided that she wasn't ready to go home yet and that she wanted to go out to a bar after the wedding. So she asked my date if she wanted to come with her so she said yes. So my date turns around to me after the wedding and shes like oh, I'm not going to be coming home with you because I am going to go out to the bar instead. Now honestly, this girl is somewhat of a party girl, plus shes only 22 and I knew all this about her long before this night. So was I surprised that she wanted to go out to a bar instead of going home? No,not at all. So the bar they were going to was within walking distance from where the wedding was so they walked there and she said she would call a cab when she was ready to go home. I am not a bar person. I barely drink, plus I had to be into work early the next morning so I was happy with just going home and getting some sleep after the wedding. So I really didn't consider going.

Now here is my dilemma...I kinda like this girl, I'm not exactly in love but I would like to try to start something with her. The whole point of taking her as my date to this wedding was an attempt to try to get the ball rolling with her. I don't really feel so much like she abandoned me that night because I look at it like this...I asked her to be my date for the wedding and my date is what she was. She stayed with me from start to finish and we had a good time and what she decided to do afterwards was entirely her business. I do admit that I felt a little irresponsible leaving her at 1:30am, I would have prefered to make sure that she got in her house safe that night considering that she had been drinking but I didn't exactly have that option. I also didn't expect anything to happen between me and her that night because a wedding isn't exactly a good first date but I was just looking for an excuse to hang out with her and I figured that if things went well that night we could always go out again at some pont in the future maybe to someplace more fitting like a movie or a restaurant.

So my question really is..How significant is it that she didnt come home with me from the wedding that night? Does it mean that she doesnt like me? or does it mean that she just enjoys partying and drinking so much that she had an opportunity to keep the night going so she said yes and went for it. I have seen her several times since the wedding and things actually seem better between me and her then before that night. She talks to me more and it seems like it made us a bit closer. I really want to try to hang out with her again but most of my friends think I should just forget about her because they are all like, well if she chose a bar over you then that should be an indication of her that true? Could she still like me even though she didn't come home with me that night?

I'm kinda confused. Thank you all in advance.

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Old 12-20-2005, 02:56 PM   #2
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 190
Daphnee HB User
Re: Need some advice on this one!

I tend to agree with your friends, she is not as intersted in you as you are into her. I am guessing she went with you on this date as a favor to you, just to be nice. I don't think she is in to you or else she has a weird way of showing it. Most of the time when a girl cares for a guy, hence chemistry, she will stick around YOU long after the party is over. In this case, I am afraid things don't look very promising on your end. I wouldn't ask her on another date, but thats just my opinion.

Old 12-20-2005, 03:13 PM   #3
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Canada
Posts: 73
luvgirl HB User
Re: Need some advice on this one!

It appears she went to the wedding for the fun of it not for you. Honestly all girls try to find an excuse to get all dressed up and look pretty. If she was interested in you then she would have went home with you or invited you to go with her. Either way things don't look so good with her. You have to ask yourself this too, you don't like partying the way she does. Will you be able to tolerate a gf that likes partying. Like you mentioned you don't even like drinking (which I think is great ) then there might be a problem in the long run with her anyway. Also ask yourself this, what is it that you truly like about her?? is it the whole girl next door idea as that isn't a good way to base it on how much you like her. I hope this helps and sorry if I sound a bit too harsh here. I'm just offering my opinion here.

Old 12-20-2005, 03:22 PM   #4
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 80
Mattm4000 HB User
Re: Need some advice on this one!

Thanks Daphnee and Luvgirl, I know you guys are right, I was just hoping I was wrong! lol. I need to find someone more like myself.

Old 12-21-2005, 07:41 AM   #5
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 1,774
greeneyes100 HB User
Re: Need some advice on this one!

I don't necessarily agree that just because she went with her girlfriend to the bar after the wedding date indicates her disinterest in you.

Have you called her since that wedding date? Have you tried to ask her out again?

Maybe she thinks you are not interested in her.

Old 12-21-2005, 08:41 AM   #6
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: USA
Posts: 632
LostMyHeart HB User
Re: Need some advice on this one!

Originally Posted by greeneyes100
I don't necessarily agree that just because she went with her girlfriend to the bar after the wedding date indicates her disinterest in you.

Have you called her since that wedding date? Have you tried to ask her out again?

Maybe she thinks you are not interested in her.
I share the same opinion.
Because it looks to me as if you told her you invited her to wedding "because you needed a date". Is that how you explained it, OR did you actually say you want HER to be your date, not just anyone.
It seems to me as if you invited her to go and then think everything should just keeping rolling all on it's own from there. While I think some situations can happen that way, and isn't it nice when they do, everything doesn't work so easily.
So have you straightforwardly let her know you are actually interested and asked her out again?

Old 12-21-2005, 12:16 PM   #7
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Philadelphia, PA USA
Posts: 54
airey HB User
Re: Need some advice on this one!

Originally Posted by LostMyHeart
So have you straightforwardly let her know you are actually interested and asked her out again?
I agree that she might not know you are interested in her. Since you've known her a long time, she might just think you needed a date. In this case I think you have to be more direct because she might not get it on her own.

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