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HELP! Pregnant & want to break up

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Old 12-23-2005, 09:35 AM   #1
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 52
mizvespa HB User
Arrow HELP! Pregnant & want to break up

Post removed...

Thanks everybody for your advice!

Last edited by mizvespa; 12-27-2005 at 07:33 AM.

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Old 12-23-2005, 10:53 AM   #2
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 485
opielonghorn HB User
Re: HELP! Pregnant & want to break up

wow. what a tough situation. sorry to hear you're going through this right now.

maybe the best way to approach this is to take the pregnancy element out of it, for one moment. clearly, you no longer want to be with this guy, pregnant or not. you said yourself that you were thinking about it previous to finding out you were pregnant. and since it was originally your apartment and you are paying the bulk of the bills, he needs to find somewhere else to live. it is probably best to do this as soon as possible, because as time goes on you will only resent him more. and if you decide to keep the baby, those resentments are really going to affect your ability to raise the child as a unit, albeit a separated one.

please try to talk to anyone you know about this before making any rash decisions. good luck and please come here for support when you need it.

Old 12-23-2005, 11:12 AM   #3
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,566
Hiya HB User
Re: HELP! Pregnant & want to break up

Yes, this is a very tough one, but I agree with Opie. You can break up with this guy whether you keep the baby or not. Separate the two. Getting rid of the baby won't necessarily make getting rid of him any easier. It would be best to separate the two.

Old 12-23-2005, 12:21 PM   #4
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: USA
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GypsyArcher HB User
Re: HELP! Pregnant & want to break up

Wow, that is rough. This guy is still a child himself. Of COURSE he wants to marry you - you are totally supporting him! You've stepped in and taken over for his mommy. This guy is never going to be your partner or equal, and all he will do is continue to pull you down and add stress. He's more like your kid than anything else...can't you see that? Also, the way that a man treats his parents is VERY indicative of how he will treat you. As you are already finding out...

I feel for you, because when I was 20 I got pregnant, and realized a tad bit too late that my boyfriend was a total loser too and not someone I wanted to be tied to for the rest of my life. He kept pushing us to get married and keep it. We got engaged and everything but I finally realized that I couldn't do it, so I got an abortion. The funny part was that after pushing so long for marriage and keeping the baby, my boyfriend finally broke down at the end and supported my decision, admitting to himself that there was no way he could go through with having a kid. Duh. I am glad to have him out of my life, but it was unfortunate what made me finally realize he wasn't it for me.

I know you are mad at this guy, but hon you knew all along what he was like! He is totally leeching off of you and living like a frat boy. At 25 I know you must be WAY smarter than this. Get rid of him immediately. Move on. If ever you want to date again, find a guy who is already supporting himself and wants to be somebody's partner rather than someone who doesn't want to grow up and just wants a substitute mom.

Be strong...

Old 12-23-2005, 07:26 PM   #5
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Posts: 108
BabyLuv HB User
Re: HELP! Pregnant & want to break up

I feel for you, because I have a couple of friends who have gone through the same things you're going through. Honestly, the toughest times you'll have to face is being a first time single mother with a new born. I would reconsider breaking up and at least staying for the first year of the baby's life. As far as lack of expierience, all of us as new parents have little knowledge at one point but we eventually learn through practice. If all else fails go home to your parents! Good luck, do what will make you happy in the long run.

Old 12-24-2005, 03:03 PM   #6
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BabyLuv HB User
Re: HELP! Pregnant & want to break up

Originally Posted by stacykgb20
For what it's worth, I do not agree with this at all but I think Gypsy Archer gave you wonderful advice. To me, this sounds like a situation in which you'd be best served by trusting your instincts that are telling you that you don't want to have a kid right now nor stay with your current boyfriend. Lots of very brave people have fought for you to have that option so you would not end up stuck with an irresponsible, inconsiderate man you don't want to be with just because he got you pregnant. Actually, regardless of what you decide about the pregnancy, I think you would be a lot more content and better off without your BF living with you or complicating your life. There is nothing wrong with being a single mother nor is there any reason why you have to become a mother at this point in your life. As far as moving back home, which I doubt you want to do even if your parents want you to come back and help you raise a kid, it would definitely be a better option than your current living situation if you don't want to be on your own. One way or another, I think you'd be much happier in ANY other situation than you would staying with a boyfriend who is mooching off you, disrespecting you, and being inconsiderate of you in your own apartment (which you alone pay for!).

One thing I don't think you should worry about, especially considering all the other decisions and concerns you are currently dealing with, is what your boyfriend wants to do about your pregnancy. It's your body, your life, and your future, not to mention you who will end up with sole responsibility for the child if you carry the fetus to term; therefore this decision should be yorus and yours alone. Since your boyfriend can't even support himself at this point (especially since he can't even afford rent, bills, and food), he is clearly incapable of taking any responsibility for the child if you go through with the pregnancy. I know a lot of people don't agree that the guy shouldn't get a vote when it comes to deciding whether or not to terminate a pregnancy, but while I think the man's opinion should count in some cases, when he is unable to contribute financially or in any other way to the child's welfare, the decision should be made by the woman alone. I don't know a very tactful way to say this, but I am not sure your boyfriend is a good potential father--even if he doesn't pass on the chemical imbalance which seems to be very prevalent in his family, it doesn't sound like he would make a responsible, patient, considerate, unselfish father, as he seems to lack those and just about every other trait that makes someone a good parent.

No matter what happens in the future and what you ultimately decide to do about each aspect of this situation, I think you deserve a partner who you can respect as your equal and a relationship with a grown, mature man who can care for himself, support himself, pull his own weight, be considerate and respectful of your needs, and understand that he needs to clean up after himself if you are kind enough to share your space with him. Your current boyfriend sounds like he is still a child who belongs at home, learning how to make it in the real world without mooching off responsible, hard-working, independent and mature adults like you. Anyway, my heart really goes out to you, as I know this must be an incredibly stressful and difficult time in your life, and I hope you have a solid, caring support system, even if you'd rather not reveal everything that is going on to everyone you lean on. It sounds like you have pretty much decided what the right choices for you (which only you can decide) are, and if you feel comfortable with those decisions, then you should be confident that you are making the best possible choices for you at this time in your life. If you are still unsure about how to proceed, hopefully you have a friend, relative, therapist, or someone else who you trust to help you talk through your options and decide upon the course of action with which you feel most comfortable. And please always remember that you can count on your friends here at healthboards for support, encouragement, diverse opinions and advice, or just a place to vent and get some of your worries down on paper and hopefully at least partially out of your head . I think you are a very admirable, wise, strong, and courageous woman with great instincts, and I have no doubt that you will make whatever choices are right for you...I really wish you the best of luck and hope that things get easier and less stressful for you very soon. Take care and good luck!
I am sorry you feel that way about my post, however just like you I am entitled to my opinion, and I stand firm with that. If we all had the same opinion it would be a dull world.

Old 12-26-2005, 02:07 PM   #7
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 52
mizvespa HB User
Re: HELP! Pregnant & want to break up

Well, it appears that the posts by stacykgb20 have been removed, but thanks anyway for your kind words & advice!

Last edited by mizvespa; 12-27-2005 at 07:34 AM.

Old 12-26-2005, 02:52 PM   #8
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Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 246
Njoylife HB User
Re: HELP! Pregnant & want to break up

Well, I must say all these 'opinons' are very interesting. Here's mine...first of all ladies please stop calling the baby an 'it' It's a baby, not an it. I'm shocked at the statement, just get rid of it. IT IS A LIFE. Can you really just suck 'it' down a sink without any thought? And, yes, I believe the boy has a say. It's also his child. I hope you consider having the baby and giving it up for adoption to a two parent loving home. You and the boy made choices to have sex. This baby has no say to live? Please don't kill it!

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