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Need Advice, PLEASE!!!!

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Old 12-27-2005, 12:18 PM   #1
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 2
CapricornLady05 HB User
Unhappy Need Advice, PLEASE!!!!

Ok...My story may be a little long, so I'm apologizing in advance. Sorry

I had always been the type of girl who was always sigle by choice. I was never interested in relationships, but also didn't go around from guy to guy. So, about a year ago, I met someone I really liked and I gave it a chance and we started "the relationship from hell".... We were together for a year and a half...In that year, I was mistreated (never physically), and just went through hell... We had decided to move in together at one point, and that lasted only about a month because he would go out at nights and not call or return until the next morning. So I would have no idea where he would be at and would have to stay at my mothers cause I was nervous staying at the new apartment on my own. I kicked him out after the 3rd time of him doing that and eventually moved back to my mothers house... So...I come to find out (surprise, surprise) those days that he had never come home, he had been with other girls. He promised that he never did anything and he knew that he completely broke my heart in doing that, but me, being stupid, took him back... After, he decides that he wants to take a break, and i learn that he was still talking to the other girls and thats why he needed a break, to see what he wanted... I took him back after that (again). So now we come to these past two weeks. After we got back together that last time, I would always questions myself as to wether I really wanted to be with him. I knew that he cared about me, but that he wasn't ready for a relationship. I would always pay for EVERYTHING on our dates...I'd cook for him, clean...And I never received ANYTHING in return...But it's my fault too for always taking him back. He figured he could do anything to me cause I'd always forgive him...

So now, I broke up with HIM about a week ago.. I just couldn't take it anymore..He was very upset, even started crying, but I have to get out. Now, the thing is, there was this guy friend I had.. I hadn't spoken to him in a while, and he happened to call me the day after I broke up with my boyfriend. We got to talking a lot..and went out on a date on Friday.. I had such a great time.. He 's the perfect guy..We went out again on Sunday, and again, had a great time. The thing is I just got off the phone with him and told him that I don't know if I could continue seeing him.. The reason being, that right now, I'm so confused. I hadn't even been broken up for a week and here I was going on dates with someone else. That's very unlike me. I told him that I didn't want to be with him right now, based on the emotions I'm feeling at the moment. I don't know if right now, I'm feeling this way because what I'm looking for is the comfort my ex never gave me. In the long run, I don't want to hurt the new guy if, suddenly, my feelings change. I told him I needed some "me" time and he completely understood. Now, am I completely making a huge mistake in letting him go? Or am I right in doing so for now? i have a part of me saying to spend some time to myself to see what it is that I want, and another part telling me to go and pursue something with him...Please help...Thanks for listening!

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Old 12-27-2005, 01:46 PM   #2
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Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: California, CA, USA
Posts: 1,115
Destea HB User
Re: Need Advice, PLEASE!!!!

I think you're definitely being smart to give yourself some time. Rebound is a scary, easy thing to do and if you're confused at all just keep it super casual or stay away from the dating scene until you feel confident that any man you meet that you're interested in is because you're interested in him - rather than just getting the comfort of a relationship to replace what you (very wisely!!) have decided to leave.

Hang in there, I think you're being very truthful and smart with your choice to take some time.

Old 12-27-2005, 02:11 PM   #3
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 2
CapricornLady05 HB User
Re: Need Advice, PLEASE!!!!

THANKS sooooo much for your reply!!!!! I feel like I'm doing the right thing, but I just need the input of others to make sure I'm not missing out on a good thing.. I'm definitely going to stay single for a while and get myself together...THANKS AGAIN!

Old 12-27-2005, 05:33 PM   #4
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Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: USA
Posts: 632
LostMyHeart HB User
Re: Need Advice, PLEASE!!!!

Well, I think there is absolutely nothing wrong with some "ME" time. We all need it sometimes for whatever reason.
I'm much the same, I couldn't imagine hopping into another relationship after just ending one. Well, I've only had 2 what I would consider to be long term relationships, but after both of them, all I wanted was ME time.
At the same time, I also see nothing wrong with "just getting to know this guy". Going out, having a good time, and enjoying yourself with him doesn't automatically mean it has to turn into a relationship. You could talk to him about just getting to know each other, taking it real slow. I think so long as you are honest and straightforward with him as to where you are at, you have nothing to feel bad about if it wouldn't work out.

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