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#*# CONFUSED...can any one help me please??#*#

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Old 12-29-2005, 01:24 AM   #1
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Aalyisha HB User
#*# CONFUSED...can any one help me please??#*#

hey guys , just have a problem here and would love to hear what you all think:

i met this guy in the bar last week, he was really nice and good looking,we were both looking over at each other all night untill we finally spoke, then me and my friend sat with him and his friend and had a some drinks.

we really hit it off so after the bar he came back to my house for another drink (my friend was there too of course..can never be too carefull!!!) anyway me and this guy just talked all night, we really got on great and he said to me when he was leaving that he would like to take me out the day after Christmas, i agreed and gave him my number. so when he left i was really happy with myself, he even called me later that night to say good night.

then i didnt hear from him , but i shrugged it off as it was Christmas and everyone is really busy with family on Christmas night i sent him a message, just something like ''hope your having a good Christmas'' and he wrote back straight away saying ''i am, i will call you tomorrow and we will go for that drink ok babe'' so needless to say i was still on cloud nine except he never called the next day........or the day after and maybe i was being silly but i was not about to contact him first again when he said he would call me. so then yesterday i just bite the bullet and sent him a message saying hi how are you? would you still like to go for that drink sometime. But he never replied.....

Now what i am wondering is: what did i do wrong? or did i do nothing wrong and he just decided that he was not really that interested in me? but why did he ask me out and bring it up again etc?

Its not that i am really that bothered with this guy..well yes it would have been nice to get to know him a little better as we got on so well but its just kind of annoying you know?like why did he act like that and then sunndenley change his mind?????

Any insight would be nice..i am just confused by his actions........Thanks guys!

Last edited by Aalyisha; 12-29-2005 at 01:26 AM.

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Old 12-29-2005, 02:37 AM   #2
Join Date: Jul 2002
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Gianna2 HB User
Re: #*# CONFUSED...can any one help me please??#*#

My gut tells me that he either 1) has a wife or SO; or 2) he made those plans with you under the influence; 3) he's just not that in to you; 4) he didn't like you chasing him when you called him; or 5) any combo or all of the above!

I would stop calling him. Look at it this way....there's a red flag waving in front of you. He said he would call you about a drink the day after Christmas and didn't! Actions speak louder than words. This is an indicator of future behavior as well.

Plus, for a man to call you 'babe' after meeting just one night, in my opinion, doesn't have the appropriate respect for you. Yes, it's just a term of endearment, but you don't know each other well enough yet to be referred to as 'babe'! JMO

Last edited by Gianna2; 12-29-2005 at 02:38 AM.

Old 12-29-2005, 03:22 AM   #3
Join Date: Sep 2004
Posts: 396
wildcat66 HB User
Re: #*# CONFUSED...can any one help me please??#*#

First off all this is why many people stay away from meeting people on the bar scene. He was playing a game and theres no question about it. If this guy had any intensions on calling you he would have.Holidays or no holidays if a guy meets a woman he is interested in he will find time to call. Best advise is to forget it. I agree with a previous post ,he probably is married or is in a serious relationship. Your biggest mistake was taking him back to your home with or without a friend this could have been dangerous plus it did not make you look very bright after all you dont know who this person really is after a night of talking over drinks in a bar.

Old 12-29-2005, 03:35 AM   #4
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Nina000 HB User
Re: #*# CONFUSED...can any one help me please??#*#

I agree, drunk men can be the biggest waste of time, and you shouldn't set your expectations really high with this person because he might not even remember how you look/what he said. I am surprised you even remembered his promise to take you out.
If I were you, I would forget this man. You have spent one night together, not even one month.

Old 12-29-2005, 03:35 AM   #5
Join Date: Feb 2004
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Diamond141 HB User
Re: #*# CONFUSED...can any one help me please??#*#

Most likely he's involved with someone else. I wouldn't take it personally, I met someone like that too, called me babe also, good looking guy. But who knows, my guess things arn't going so well, so that's why he was with you that night. My advice: assume he's in a relationship, but things may not work out. So don't call. See what happens. But if he does, play hard to get.

Old 12-29-2005, 04:36 AM   #6
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Aalyisha HB User
Re: #*# CONFUSED...can any one help me please??#*#

hey everyone.firstly thank you all for the replys but i just have to say one thing.(hope i dont sound rude tho!) its not actually ''him'' i am upset about or that i am upset at all as it was only one night and i dont really know him at all.. its just what i was trying to say was this: why do guys in general do this..its so annoying and i just wanted some opinions because its SOOO CONFUSING!

hope i didnt sound ungreatfull for all the replys or anything i just wanted to clear that up! THANKS YOU GUYS!

oh and i WONT be contacting him EVER!!!!

Last edited by Aalyisha; 12-29-2005 at 04:36 AM.

Old 12-29-2005, 04:44 AM   #7
Join Date: May 2005
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Hazel_Eyes HB User
Re: #*# CONFUSED...can any one help me please??#*#

If you are looking for a guy to speng quality time with - IT IS GENERALLY ACCEPTED - that you do not find them in bars. Most guys that you meet there are just there for fun... even if you hit it off GREAT and you guys had an awesome time - its just fun. Its nothing serious...

My dad always told me that women need to understand that if guys dont call them, it usually means they are just not interested. It has nothing to do with whether or not you did something wrong - he is just not interested - FOR MANY REASONS. It could have been a one-night fun - sex or no sex. He is involved with somebody else and he just had fun talking, better yet, FLIRTING with you.

The "babe" comment - is definitely a minus. This guy sounds like a player. If you are really serious with a girl, you do not call them babe. Id say move on and forget about him. Quit waiting for his calls/messages. Just think of it as, you had a great night...PERIOD.

Old 12-29-2005, 05:40 AM   #8
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LittleRose1982 HB User
Re: #*# CONFUSED...can any one help me please??#*#

First of all, you will drive yourself crazy if you keep trying to solve the mystery of mens' odd behavior. There are some things you can figure out and some things you can't. You probably will never know why this guy acted the way he did. And it's good that you're okay with it, and you're not taking it personally. But I can understand your curiosity.
There are so many possibilities. He may have had a girlfriend and they had a fight some time around the night you met him, then got back together shortly thereafter. It also could have been the alcohol, or the thrill of knowing that he "picked up" a girl. That is a sort of victory for a lot of men.
I once did something like this to a guy, and to this day he still has no clue what he did wrong. He actually did nothing wrong. I just met my current boyfriend a couple days after I met him, and we hit it off instantly. From that point on, I just never returned calls or paid him any attention. It's not anything he did- things just changed for me overnight.
The important thing you need to remember is to accept that you probably won't ever know the real reason why. And let it go. Leave it at that and move on. And like the others have said, don't take guys you meet at a bar all too seriously.

Old 12-29-2005, 06:15 AM   #9
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Aalyisha HB User
Re: #*# CONFUSED...can any one help me please??#*#


Oh dont worry i was never 100% expecting this man to be the love of my life or anything!!!!!! its just that i think my dilema was a perfect example of the completley strange way guys act in general and as i said i just wondered what you all thought!

anyway he probably does have a gf or some other commitement so thats just his loss!!!!
my whole confusion stems from the way he (and so many men) make the first move on a girl or act really interetsted and then soon after are just well.....completley NOT interested!! it confuses me mostly because i always try to be very up-front and honest with people and i make it my business not to mess people around in relationships or in life..Aww well anway i guess thats just me!!!!!

and just to let y'all know ''if'' he did contact me now (probably with some feeble excuse!!) i would DEFINATLEY tell him where to go!

Last edited by Aalyisha; 12-29-2005 at 06:18 AM.

Old 12-29-2005, 05:10 PM   #10
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Join Date: Jun 2005
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LostMyHeart HB User
Re: #*# CONFUSED...can any one help me please??#*#

I know exactly what you mean. This happens to me all the time, not that I'm proud to say so.
But I really don't understand it any better than you. People tell me I consistently go for the same "type" of guy, and that type of guy happens to be the type that exhibits this kind of behavior. I don't know though. The last guy I met and tried to give a chance to wasn't within my typical type, and the results were the same.

I definitely don't think it's anything you did, though. That's just the way some people are. My guess is that they couldn't even tell you why they do it.

But I have to say my favorite are the guys that do this, then 3 months later or so out of no where they decide to pick up the phone and call you. And explain themselves by saying "Oh, I was waiting for you to call me." Yeah right.

Old 12-29-2005, 08:55 PM   #11
Join Date: Nov 2004
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stuckmissy HB User
Re: #*# CONFUSED...can any one help me please??#*#

You didn't do anything wrong. He responded to you when you made that first contact.'s something with him and who knows what that is. Although with the holiday season he may still get in touch with you. It is a waiting game. However...why is he calling you babe already. I'd be leery of that. Pet names are great once they are earned or developed over time.

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