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Breaking the News Today

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Old 01-02-2006, 07:45 AM   #1
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Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 12
ShellBell78 HB User
Breaking the News Today is the day. I am meeting my husband this afternoon for coffee to tell him that I want to file for divorce. I am really nervous. And...I don't know what to do next. I have been trying to read up on divorce in NJ, but it is confusing. I contacted a mediator and they said it was $250/hour and if all goes well, it should be max 3 hours. Then I have to file for divorce. Do all divorces filed through a lawyer have to be put in front of a judge? We have been married for 15 months. He had an affair, has used cocaine and has gambled all in the 1st year of our marriage. Is he entitled to any of my 401k? Am I going to have to apy him alimony? He is a full-time student who recently ot a part-time job, but with his school schedule, he won't be able to make enough to afford an apartment. We will sell the house and each take about $40k. But I don't think he is entitled to half of the house. He cheated on me. He took cash advances out to use drugs and gamble. He did this to us. I wish some one would just hold my had through this. Any advice?

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Old 01-02-2006, 08:33 AM   #2
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Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: USA
Posts: 1,647
StenoLady1 HB UserStenoLady1 HB User
Re: Breaking the News Today

Different states have different rules. I know here in Florida, only a judge can dissolve a marriage. Mediation helps cut a lot of the costs and usually helps to work out many issues (custody, alimony, assets).

As for your other question, Florida is a "no-fault" state both with regard to employment termination (unless it's a Federal violation) and divorce. What this basically equates to regarding divorce, at least from my reading, is that it doesn't matter whose "fault" the broken marriage is; as long as both parties agree the marriage is irretrievably broken, a judge will dissolve it. Of course, there can be many, many other factors that judges consider, such as education levels of the parties, children, assets and length of the marriage. Other states are different.

I think your best bet would be to contact an attorney. At least here, mediators don't look out for any one side's interests. Their objective is to settle. Usually your lawyer is involved with mediation, as well. I'm not in any way trying to give you legal advice. Rather, I'm encouraging you to seek it from a professional. The laws are so complicated and many are left up to interpretation from a judge. Plus, the laws change so frequently due to reversals at the appellate level, unless you subscribe to certain law books and read them weekly, there's no way the average person could keep up.

Good luck


Old 01-02-2006, 08:57 AM   #3
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,566
Hiya HB User
Re: Breaking the News Today

I agree, you need to protect your rights. Contact several attorneys and get estimates. Most give an initial free consultation, but it can be hard to go thorugh this without sound legal help. good luck to you.

Old 01-02-2006, 09:38 AM   #4
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Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: New Jersey (what accent?!)
Posts: 112
Deena_05 HB User
Re: Breaking the News Today

Well, I live in NJ, and though I'm only 18, my parents divorced a month ago so I was going to court and all of that. You may or not have to pay alimony depending on what the court rules. Since you're in school, have a job and all that, you might not pay or pay very little...but if you tell the court about your husband cheating, and the drugs and gambling, you may not have to pay at all. It really depends on how the court sees it. You need to ask your lawyer about all of that.

AND you've only been married 15 months, so that definitely is a factor that will play into the whole divorce process.

My parents were in an identical situation, but don't worry about it. I have a feeling of all people, you won't be the one getting screwed. TRUST your lawyer.

Old 01-02-2006, 09:53 AM   #5
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 183
neflin HB User
Re: Breaking the News Today

Just stay strong through this. Getting a good lawyer is so important and listening to what they say. The money could be well spent. It will not be easy what you will have to go through but in the end the best thing as you say. Too hard to deal with your own problems in life without having to take on his and his problems. Good luck.

Old 01-02-2006, 10:23 AM   #6
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 112
summertyme HB User
Re: Breaking the News Today

I think pretty much any wealth/goods accumulated during the marriage must be split 50/50. I am also pretty sure that to be divorced you must go before a judge. I would get a good lawyer, even though it is expensive. Also, do you have proof of his affair--pictures, letters, emails, etc? Has he been convicted of drug possession? If you don't have any proof of these things, he's just going to deny it, or say that you had an affair/used with him too, etc. etc.

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