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I think my relationship between my family is falling apart.

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Old 01-09-2006, 07:37 PM   #1
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Lazer-LXXVII HB User
I think my relationship between my family is falling apart.

Well i am an only child, im 17 and my parents are both together, still happily married. My parents only had one kid mainly because when i was born in Poland (where my entire family came from), my dad had a job opporitunity here in the states when i was maybe 2 years old. My mom and i lived with her parents while my dad came to the states to make money, hoping to try to create a hope for us since we werent too wealthy. He came back to Poland a few times over a year and a half to spend time with us, but i missed him most of that time. Eventually he came back, we packed our stuff and moved here to America. My mom started out by cleaning houses and my dad delivered pizzas, now 13 years later we have a very nice house, a nice car, i actually have a car of my own (a great one for my age), and so forth.

Well, i love my parents with all of my heart. But like a regular teen, i argue with them, involuntarily of course, i feel bad later for it. I seem to always be on the computer most of the time. I am either at school, at work, or on the computer. If not any of those, then im out somewhere with my friends. My parents dont really do much outside of the house, they work a good amount of the time, and when they arent working they just sit in the house. Whenever we do have family moments, i just fail to appreciate them as much as i should. Now i realized that i mainly talked to my dad before school (he leaves for work at about the same time), then when he comes home he is just worn out and i, of course, sit on the computer or play videogames, if not then i go to work.

I can never really express to them how much they really mean to me. The best moment we have is when we watch a movie together, which my dad took a week off and we hung out a little more than usual.

Another problem is that i feel like i hurt them all the time. Whenever my dad mentions anything about school, my mind just gets instantly mad, i dont know why. But i dont see him as much as id like to, and whenever i do he mentions school, so i guess my mind feels thats all he really cares about (even though in a normal mental state, i know its not the truth). I get moody with my parents alot, and i just cant help it.

I feel like i have wasted so many years of my life acting like this towards my parents. I appreciate them a ton. Now im older, moving out soon, and i feel like im doing it on a negative note. They are amazing parents, and i made a horrible mistake about this time last year which made them question themselves. But it wasnt really their fault.

Please help guys, just any advice.

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Old 01-09-2006, 07:47 PM   #2
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Join Date: Jan 2006
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thqueenbe HB User
Re: I think my relationship between my family is falling apart.

Tell them everything u just told us....everything about how much they mean to you....about how badly you feel when you argue and don't spend time with them. Explain to them that you're sorry you're moody...but I'm sure they understand. The best thing is -here very soon, your mood swings will subside and I'd be willing to bet you guys will have 'normal' time again. Just explain it all...nicely, and FROM THE HEART. They'll appreciate your effort and they'll be reminded of how you REALLY feel!

Old 01-10-2006, 04:29 AM   #3
Join Date: May 2004
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goody2shuz HB Usergoody2shuz HB User
Re: I think my relationship between my family is falling apart.

Lazer ~ I am the mom to two teenage girls one is 14 and the other is 17 like yourself. It was good to read your post because alot of what you describe is somewhat what I see is going on in my daughter's lives during these teenage years. And when I look back on when I was your/their age I was going through very much the same thing. I never appreciated my parents enough but I sure do now that I am the parent of two teenagers.

I just want to tell you that what you are feeling is completely normal. At this point in time you are striving for independence whereas your parents are still somewhat making the adjustment to allowing you to be more independent. When your dad asks you about school he is making sure that you are on a good path to the future. He only wants you to have a better life than himself and with an education and good grades that is the way he sees you getting there. I do the same thing with my girls always asking how school is because right now it is their job and responsibility to do their best and get the grades they need in order to secure a good future for themselves. These days it is imperative that you do well in highschool in order to be able to get into a decent college and get the degree you will need to lead to a successful career. When your dad and I were your age not everybody needed a college degree in order to make ends meet, whereas today it seems to be the only way that you can do so. Almost everyone goes on to college these days which makes it extremely competetive and that is what your father most worries about for you and your future. It's not so easy in today's world to obtain must do well now in order to insure that and your future and that is what us parents worry most about in our young teens.

Since it seems to bother you about how you treat your parents make more of an effort to spend more time with them. Get away from the computer and suggest to your parents that you play a family game instead. My 14 year old and I have started doing things like that together. Also suggest that you and your parents get out to dinner together or plan a family day together once in a while. It is not too late to do these things and I am sure if you bring up with your parents how much that would mean to you they will be happy to be a part of sharing more time together with you.

Recently I came across something that describes teens very well. There was something that said, "Raising teens is like nailing jello to a tree!!!" That is how it feels for me and most parents of daughters and their social lives and all the events in life seem to take over so much of their lives that I ache for time to spend with them and often have to make a date with them. Perhaps it is time you do that with your parents.....I am sure they would be happy to have some time with you. Share with them how you would like this and I am sure as most parents they will be delighted that you care enough to want to spend more quality time with them.

(((HUGS))) ~ Goody

Last edited by goody2shuz; 01-10-2006 at 04:43 AM.

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