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"Needy" boyfriend???

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Old 01-14-2006, 04:58 PM   #1
Little 1
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Little 1 HB User
Question "Needy" boyfriend???

I have been in a relationship with a guy for just a few months. We do both have very very strong feelings for eachother and get on really well. We spend a LOT of time together...

However he seems very 'needy' and I can't understand why. We have both said we feel strongly about one another and that we feel this has a strong chance of a great future together, even though its only early days.

I tell him that I love him often, at least a few times a day! But he regularly get's "paranoid" that I'm not happy with him. He has said that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me etc. etc. and goes into this big, long, sentimental ramble.

That is romantic and nice, I know ... but he said that he is the kinf of person who NEEDS to hear me say those things back to him ... and I am just not like that. I'm realistic ... I do love him and I do see a future but I don't see the point in huge whimsical lovey rubbish lol. I can understand that it is a nice thing to hear ... but I think that there is a problem when he feels that he NEEDS to be told that, despite me saying I love him regularly.

He has said that he'll often get worried and think that I'm planning on breaking up with him for NO reason ... I don't change my behaviour but he gets paranoid regardless. And it's only a few months ..... he shouldn't need me to constantly tell him I want to spend the rest of my life with him an so on after so little time together... surely?

I just need an outside opinion. I don't understand why he is so emotionally needy already. He likes to spend most of his time with me and honestly misses me incredibly when we're apart for just a day or so.

Should I be more forthcoming with my emotions? Express myself more? Does he have some kind of subconscious 'issue' that he needs to deal with?

I really don't understand it. I'm happy being told I'm loved.

Thanks for reading! x

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Old 01-14-2006, 05:20 PM   #2
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carlyrise HB User
Re: "Needy" boyfriend???

Hey there,

This is strictly my opinion of course but I just think that he is so incredibly insecure because of something deep within him and it is not your is truly his. He needs to go talk to someone other than you about what emotions he has felt in his past. He may think you are too good for him but in reality, even though you may be , it is just too much work for you to have to constantly tell a person you have only been with for this amount of time how you feel about him over and over.

Unless of course you feel that this is what you want in your life for the rest of your life, you need to have him address this NOW or move on with your life. Your feelings for him should be obvious to him, not constantly second guessed and for you to have to reassure and reassure, ugh, that's just not right.

Do you think you may want to marry this person? Can you imagine the rest of your life with him, or even without him? Give it a close look. If you really love him and want to be with him and you feel that you are absolutely best friends and you can see yourself growing old with him, then you may change a few things by writing him some cards and leaving them for him, but this is once again HIS PROBLEM that he must face. I wish you all the luck with it. If you want to talk more, send another post!!!!

Old 01-14-2006, 05:37 PM   #3
Little 1
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Re: "Needy" boyfriend???

Originally Posted by carlyrise
Your feelings for him should be obvious to him, not constantly second guessed and for you to have to reassure and reassure, ugh, that's just not right.
That is what I thought too! Not that I DON'T feel those things for him or see a future ... I just don't want to have to say it constantly. I too think that he has some event in his past that has caused the insecurity.

However I have mentioned this to him when he starts talking like this. I try not to indulge him because I don't think he should 'need' that stuff ... it can't be good for him to get so worried so often. But he says that there is no underlying issue to it... but surely there must be.

I'll ask him to talk it over with another friend of his.

And yes I would like to think that we could spend our lives together ... I know it is very early to think about that properly but it is definately possible. But his 'neediness' is starting to grate on my nerves a little ... his need for constant attention and reassurances can be aggravating and also make me feel like I'm doing something wrong.

Thanks for your advice,

I will talk to him again about it!


Old 01-14-2006, 11:51 PM   #4
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bluegreeneyeguy HB User
Re: "Needy" boyfriend???

He needs to develope his life outside the relationship.

Old 01-23-2006, 04:02 PM   #5
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Mr.G HB User
Re: "Needy" boyfriend???

umm this is scary...I at one point was an emotional guy but I never asked a girl to tell me that she was going to spend the rest of my life with me several times a day. He is ridicolously insecure.

Old 01-23-2006, 04:31 PM   #6
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steakie46 HB User
Re: "Needy" boyfriend???

Ha I have a thread right now asking if i am too needy. For me i think i can become needy if certain things aren't happening (hope that makes sense). But if my BF was telling me several times a day he loved me, spontaneously, then that would be enough for me, as far everyday goes. Once in a while a compliment or a flower, but I would be fine otherwise.

Old 01-23-2006, 07:06 PM   #7
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Aerith_Rose HB User
Re: "Needy" boyfriend???

Hi Little 1,

I was reading your post and I wanted to reply. I agree with carlyrise Quote.

Your feelings for him should be obvious to him. Tell him how you fill. Please, please donít make him guess.


Good luck,


Last edited by Administrator; 01-26-2006 at 04:59 AM. Reason: Don't post other people's writings.

Old 01-24-2006, 12:00 AM   #8
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V6 Jeep 4x4 HB User
Re: "Needy" boyfriend???

Wow, I've never told a girl I loved her after only being with her a few months and he wants to here it several times a day?

I would be really weirded out by this whole situation.

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