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Time is running out and I don't know what to do

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Old 01-17-2006, 03:10 AM   #1
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Brooke85 HB User
Time is running out and I don't know what to do

I'll try to make my story as short as possible with the most info. Here goes... I am currently 36 weeks pregnant with my boyfriend of 1 1/2 years. Throughout most of my pregnancy he has been pretty rude to me saying that I cheat on him and lie to him about other things (which he did before I was pregnant, and I know I'm stupid not to have left then). Other times, however we get along good and everytime I think everything will be okay he gets mad about something or accuses me of something else based on his assumptions and not valid facts or any evidence. He just thinks something about me and that's enough for him.
I can't even tell you how sick and tired I am of him acting this way to me because I want more than anything to know he respects me (and even though he tells me he loves me I don't feel like it or he wouldn't act this way) and I don't feel like he respects me. He tries to make me out to be some kind of bad girl that I'm totally not at all and I don't want to be with a man that thinks this way of me. Then at other times he treats me normal...I don't understand him at all. I really do love him and want to start our family happily since the baby is coming soon which I'm very excited about, but it makes me scared to know I'm having a baby with a man I'm unsure about. (This baby is both our first, I am 20 he is 26).
Today is what did it I think because the whole pregnancy he has been asking me if the baby is really his and he says he wasn't around much at the time I got pregnant so he thinks I was cheating. I've never once even THOUGHT about cheating let alone did it since we were together. I'm not like that and he doesn't see that I guess. And if it's not bad enough he's been asking me all the time my whole pregnancy so far if I'm seeing or talking to any other guys or if I bring them in the house when he's at work (Yeah right, like any other guy even wants me right now with my huge belly and swollen ankles, lol). Anyway, I cried until my eyes were swollen because he said he wants to take a paternity test and he didn't understand why I was crying. He just thought I was crying because I was worried what the results were going to be. My pregnancy emotions are getting the best of me and that made me cry even more because it's so not true! but he never listens when I try to tell him that.
I'm sorry for writing a diary, lol, but I really need some advice. Should I stay or go? Of course I want to stay for the baby's sake because she deserves to grow up with a mother and a father under the same roof, but I don't feel like things will get better just because of a baby. He'll treat the baby good but I think he'll continue being rude to me, and then nice when he wants to be. I guess it's one of those "miserable with him, miserable without him" situations. Any help would greatly be appreciated! Thanks a ton

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Old 01-17-2006, 04:21 AM   #2
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Ruth6:11 HB UserRuth6:11 HB User
Re: Time is running out and I don't know what to do

On the practical side of things I would think it would be to YOUR advantage to have the paternity test done. He'll have his answer, and you'll have legal proof that he is the father and owes child support.

Whenever possible I think its wonderful to have a baby within a marriage to a loving couple. I do NOT think that choosing to marry a man who is acting like your boyfriend is necessarily a good thing just because he fathered the baby.
His treatment of you will only get worse over the years if he feels "trapped", or maybe it will just gradually get worse on its own like alot of abusive paranoid guys get.
What your child WOULD see is this man's treatment of you.
And even think that it's the way a man should treat a woman.

A man that will be rude to a pregnant woman? That's a red flag in ANYbody's book...

Last edited by Ruth6:11; 01-17-2006 at 04:22 AM.

Old 01-17-2006, 06:43 AM   #3
Join Date: May 2004
Location: New York
Posts: 5,807
goody2shuz HB Usergoody2shuz HB User
Re: Time is running out and I don't know what to do

Amen to Ruth!!!

Get the paternity the very least he will be humbled and you will be exhalted!!!

And, I agree, your child deserves to see love and respect in his/her life. That begins with his/her parents. I have a feeling that you are not going to find it with this man......and, usually when somebody has the guilt of doing something wrong....they sometimes turn it around accusing the other person of the same. Could it be possible that he is the cheater???

Just something I think you ought to think about.

(((HUGS))) and congratulations to you, may you always experience the love & joy that the gift of motherhood brings ~ Goody

Last edited by goody2shuz; 01-17-2006 at 06:44 AM.

Old 01-17-2006, 06:59 AM   #4
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Posts: 900
Music4All HB User
Re: Time is running out and I don't know what to do

I am as big an advocate of marriage and staying together for the kids to the greatest degree possible. However, your life, and your childs life, will most likely suffer far more as an "intact" family than it would if you did not marry the father. These complulsive insecurities have only one direction to go, and that is worse. Men that are this insecure often end up resorting to physical abuse because nothing you can ever say or no proof you can ever show will satisfy the irrational fears they have.

I hope you do not move to quickly into marriage even though you know he is the father and he is willing to marry you. Please look at his behaviors and not his words as a predictor of future behaviors. Believe what you see and experience not what you want to talk yourself into thinking it could be.

This is a sad situation. I hope you have family support to help you through.

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