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  • Help! In love w/ a married man!

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    Old 03-18-2006, 03:35 PM   #31
    Nikki1963
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    Re: Help! In love w/ a married man!

    EVE40: THANK YOU!!!

    I have noticed your posts, and appreciate every one of them.

    Hate to say it, but we were supposed to get together tonight. He just called to tell me that his son's sleepover fell through, so we won't be able to get together.

    My first instinct was to get a glass of wine, or cry. I've chosen instead to get my seeds organized for spring... then exercise to get my body prepared for all the labor that goes along w/ gardening. My true joy (beside my son).

    One of the things that attracts men to me is that I don't budge an inch when it comes to what I want to do, or what my interests are, or how I choose to spend my time.

    That's what I don't understand about this relationship. I have been bending at his every whim, and making myself available when he is. Until recently... that is.

    I'm absorbing all of the words you all have to say. I can tell you how much I appreciate this, or how thankful I am that I found this site.

    Thank you again.

     
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    Old 03-18-2006, 06:49 PM   #32
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    Re: Help! In love w/ a married man!

    Okay, this is scary! I'm 41, you're 42. Someone recently thought I was their age, they're 29! I was married and had a son, except my ex is still alive... HHhmmm...... just kidding! LOL

    Hi Nikki,

    LEAVE HIM. Your lack of self-esteem and neediness is getting you into this mess. He may be lacking something from his marriage and that's why people cheat, but nevertheless, it's still wrong. Don't hurt another woman... I was in the receiving end of being cheated on and believe me, it was painful that another woman would do this to me. However, I never had a relationship with a married man other than my ex-slob of a husband.

    Think about this... what would your son think of you. Remember he's watching your every move.

    Sounds like your choice in men are not good either... don't allow any man to do that to you again. Counseling is the best prescription right now for you. Leave the man, don't ever call him again... think about his wife and their children, if any. If he calls you, imagine YOU being the wife and he's cheating on you... talk about being in pain.

    Keep us posted on your progress... and don't take another woman's man from now on.


    Last edited by Fabat40; 03-18-2006 at 06:52 PM.

     
    Old 03-18-2006, 06:57 PM   #33
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    Re: Help! In love w/ a married man!

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by eve40
    Oh, even Brad Pitt is a DOG for cheating on his wife. With a female version of a dog, with a history of breaking up marriages. Stardom sdoesn't save them from Dogdom. I don't care how blonde their hair is, how blue their eyes are or how good they look as a greek warrior!

    THANK YOU!!!

    I lost all respect and good thoughts about Brad ever since he'd done that to Jennifer... however, Jennifer should have seen all the red flags when Brad did the same thing to Gwenyth to be with her.

    If it looks like a dog, smells like a dog, WOOF!WOOF!

     
    Old 03-18-2006, 08:13 PM   #34
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    Re: Help! In love w/ a married man!

    basically there isn't really a way to get over someone that always works. staying busy helped me though. just not sitting around the house. i worked out more, which was good for me cause i lost weight, i read books, hung out with friends, reorganized parts of my house that were cluttered. stuff like that.

     
    Old 03-18-2006, 08:49 PM   #35
    Nikki1963
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    Re: Help! In love w/ a married man!

    "... except my ex is still alive... HHhmmm...... just kidding! LOL ...

    Glad you got a laugh @ that Fab. I fail to see the humor in it. He was only 34, and my son doesn't have his father. LOL!

    Last edited by Nikki1963; 03-18-2006 at 08:54 PM.

     
    Old 03-18-2006, 09:56 PM   #36
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    Re: Help! In love w/ a married man!

    I didn't realize that you hadn't had sex with him, but yeah for you! Get out before it comes to that and you have to live with the knowledge that you did that to his wife. Someday you will be that wife to someone. I'm sure you don't want karma breathing down your neck!

     
    Old 03-19-2006, 05:36 AM   #37
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    Re: Help! In love w/ a married man!

    Well i'm in a very similar situation to you. Although the man i am seeing is not married, he does have a girlfriend and it seems very serious. I no i should just walk away but i can't because i love him. Like yourself, i apreciate how hard it is to just walk away. You know it is the right thing to do as we deserve better and deserve someone to want the world to know they are with us, rather than us just being kind of a bit on the side and always second best. We know all that, yet we just can't. I suppose there;s always the hope that they will leave their girlfriends for us. I miss him so much when i'm not with him, and when i look at it from an outsiders point of view, i no i am accepting second best and should have higher standards. And that i shouldn't let him be with me unless he is with me solely. BUt surely anything is bettter than nothing? I'm going through hell i must admit, i eat, sleep and breath him, and after spending the night with him the other day after he's broken up with his girlfriend (although i did not have sex with him as then he could just use me for sex), when i text him the next day to see how he was, he said he'd had a lovely evening yet thought he owed it to his girlfriend to give it another go!! Now that hurt. Why do i let him treat me this way. I want to walk away, but i just have the thought in my head that maybe if i keep seeing him , he will fall in love with me and want to be with me properly. Love sucks! He's still not back with his girlfriend but hasn't contacted me in 3 days so i guess that should tell me something. That he wants her back. So why can't i just walk away! Like you i suppose, that four letter word.

     
    Old 03-19-2006, 06:05 AM   #38
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    Re: Help! In love w/ a married man!

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Fabat40
    Okay, this is scary! I'm 41, you're 42. Someone recently thought I was their age, they're 29! I was married and had a son, except my ex is still alive... HHhmmm...... just kidding! LOL

    Hi Nikki,

    LEAVE HIM. Your lack of self-esteem and neediness is getting you into this mess. He may be lacking something from his marriage and that's why people cheat, but nevertheless, it's still wrong. Don't hurt another woman... I was in the receiving end of being cheated on and believe me, it was painful that another woman would do this to me. However, I never had a relationship with a married man other than my ex-slob of a husband.

    Think about this... what would your son think of you. Remember he's watching your every move.


    I dont think she has low self esteem at all. She is a woman that made a poor decision and now her heart is hurting. Mistakes? We have all made them. I disagree with your comment about why people cheat. Its not about whats lacking in a marriage but more about whats lacking with the person that cheats. IMHO anyway...
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    Old 03-19-2006, 06:12 AM   #39
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    Re: Help! In love w/ a married man!

    You are 42 years old and should know that you dont get involved with someone that is married. If for not yourself show some respect for his wife and family because he sure as hell doesnt have any for them.

     
    Old 03-19-2006, 06:20 AM   #40
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    Re: Help! In love w/ a married man!

    OK so you are still planning to see this married man...this is the warning I can give you and this is from experience as to what happened with me and my BF(I was married when I met my BF):

    If you continue to fall in love with this man and you do get your wish and he leaves his wife for you, this is what most probably will happen: ~Everyone will hate you for tearing up his family, his kids will hate you, his friends will hate you, his family will hate you...of course the Ex will hate you but that's not going to matter. This all happened to my sweet precious BF with my family and friends...they all think he's this horrible monster for breaking up my marriage. My family says they never ever want to meet him so as a result of this, I don't hardly ever speak to them because if they are doing this to my BF, they can just KMA!!!!!!! Please don't do this to yourself, the pain is almost unbearable for me as the pain will be for this man when he leaves his wife to be with you!

     
    Old 03-19-2006, 07:58 AM   #41
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    Re: Help! In love w/ a married man!

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by TomsWife
    dont think she has low self esteem at all. She is a woman that made a poor decision and now her heart is hurting. Mistakes? We have all made them. I disagree with your comment about why people cheat. Its not about whats lacking in a marriage but more about whats lacking with the person that cheats. IMHO anyway...

    You're right, you have your opinion, and I have mine.

    If a person has half of a self-esteem, they wouldn't put themselves in a situation that's wrong. Being with a married person when you know they're married is plainly, simply wrong.

    DOING THE RIGHT THING IS NEVER,NEVER EASY. The right thing for her to do is to have walked away from the start... hence, the self-esteem. Why be with only "half" of a person because the married person has to be with his own family which is the other half..... she deserves the whole person. A person with some self-worth would think this way IMO... would you buy half of a car? how about half of a house? how about half of a pants, shirt, jacket? No, nobody would... because we all know we deserve a complete car, a complete house, a complete pair of pants, shirt, jacket... why wouldn't that apply in a relationship? Unless she's married to him and they're in this situation, then that's a whole different subject... that's a married couple's subject. But this is a woman in love with a married man. It's plain wrong... I believe that women shouldn't hurt other women - she's hurting another woman whether this man's wife knows it or not.... what's worst is there's kids involved in this whole scenario.

    This was an avoidable mistake. She's doing the right thing by walking away.

     
    Old 03-19-2006, 09:00 AM   #42
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    Re: Help! In love w/ a married man!

    I'll be honest... FABAT40 - The comment you made about "but my ex is still alive... JUST KIDDING! lol" - - -

    With you saying something so INSENSITIVE - I don't give a flying **** about any advice you have to give. That was the tackiest thing I've ever heard.

    I DON'T KNOW YOU. My family and friends would NEVER say anything as hurtful to me. You think that was funny? My son's father is dead!

    Because of that comment, WHETHER YOU'RE A 'VETERAN' or not... I will ignore any 'advice' you have to give.

     
    Old 03-19-2006, 09:18 AM   #43
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    Re: Help! In love w/ a married man!

    I'm a bit taken aback by the people that are saying such harsh comments about someone being so horrible if they have an affair...if I have learned one thing in my life it's to never say never. I was one of those that said I'd never ever in a million years have an affair...well, guess what...I did! You never know how you'd feel until you walk in someone elses shoes and to be so judgemental is just plain old WRONG!
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    Last edited by keepsgoin; 03-19-2006 at 09:21 AM.

     
    Old 03-19-2006, 09:19 AM   #44
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    Re: Help! In love w/ a married man!

    I don't think that someone falling for a married person has low self-esteem, neccessarily. You can't help who you fall in love with. Sometimes, it is just good, old love which gets people into these situations. Before you respond, remember that you could very well become head over heels for a married woman/man one day - karma is a well, you know... I personally have had a crush on a married man. It was returned, but neither of us acted on it. If circumstances had been a little different, I'm not sure if we would've gone for it or not. I don't believe for one minute that a person can say today what they'd do in a situation like Nikki's or mine.

    Also, I think most people have low self-esteem at one point in their lives - it is better to have low self-esteem than be overconfident and cocky (how many men come across as, which just makes them look stupid, IMO).

     
    Old 03-19-2006, 10:22 AM   #45
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    Re: Help! In love w/ a married man!

    Thank you Keeps & Lee.

    I was one of those who also thought badly of women / men who had affairs. I thought they were self-centered, selfish, and arrogant.

    If you all knew me, you'd know those are not my qualities. I never have time for myself, because I'm always doing for, or helping others... whether it's cleaning for someone, taking care of them, or taking care of their children.

    When married men stare me down, I usually give them 'looks that kill'. I think it's just plain trashy when they do it.

    However, most 'happily' married people do not seek something else. Granted, if they aren't, they should either get counseling, or end it.

    I went into this as a friendship, and ended up falling for him.

    I've gone YEARS without being in a relationship, and did so with pleasure. My belief is that you don't need a man in your life to 'complete' yourself. Total BS.

    The entire reason I'm here is that I'm in a situation that I'm not happy about. It has been KILLING MY SELF-ESTEEM. In no way boosting my ego.

     
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