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  • Help! In love w/ a married man!

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    Old 03-19-2006, 11:58 PM   #76
    desertdweller
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    Re: Help! In love w/ a married man!

    I think Zara and some others here are missing the point and just venting their anger from their own personal experiences. My understanding is that Nikki started the post asking how to get through the pain of breaking this off, and understand the reasons of why this happened, not to validate her actions. Everyone knows cheating is wrong and hurts all of the parties involved. She wants to end this, and knows she should.
    People are human, and make mistakes. The important thing here is what can be learned from the ordeal. How can she end up happy again, and not make the same mistake?
    Over 12 years ago a counselor gave me some strange advice, but it worked. She told me to write down exactly what I want in a man. She said to do it in as great as detail as I possibly could, right down to the color of his eyes, to the way he talks, even the educational background and type of humor.I would read this long list almost everyday. It gave me very good clairification of what I wanted ( or didn't want).
    Also, throwing yourself into the gardening is great. It has a way of clearing your mind and centering yourself.

     
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    Old 03-20-2006, 06:24 AM   #77
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    Re: Help! In love w/ a married man!

    Maybe one thing that would help her get over her love feelings toward this man is to think of him as the EX that was cheating on her and stop and think that he's just the same as that EX that hurt her so bad. Put his wife in her shoes and remember how horrible it felt to be cheated on.
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    Old 03-20-2006, 06:33 AM   #78
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    Re: Help! In love w/ a married man!

    i dont think there is anything to tell her to help her get over this man...
    certainly wth my ex, i tried everything and heard everything but only time lets you get over someone- nothing else
    its been two months since my breakup and suddenly im starting to feel like i am almost over it...nothing has helped me other than keeping busy, posting here, and being (well trying to be) patient...time will let it heal...its not much comfort but take me as one example at least
    time...keep busy...do new tihngs...make plans...look to future...dont give a **** about what has happened, life goes on and you will find love again, TRUST ME
    x x x

     
    Old 03-20-2006, 09:19 AM   #79
    Nikki1963
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    Re: Help! In love w/ a married man!

    Isadorme,

    I didn't jump on Zara at all, but I don't think I deserve all of her wrath. I'm not going to sit here & say, "Poor me!", but I'm also not going to take it as if I am the one who has done this to her.

    Believe it or not, she has actually helped me more than she (perhaps) wanted to. The anger, the hurt, that happens to the wife is something I never want to be at the other end of.

    I don't hate married guy's wife, and I DO care about how she feels. That's one of the many reasons I'm here. PLEASE trust me on that one.

    The next guy I have in my life will not be worried about who sees him with me

    Last edited by Nikki1963; 03-20-2006 at 10:04 PM.

     
    Old 03-20-2006, 09:54 AM   #80
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    Re: Help! In love w/ a married man!

    I think that was a great line, Nikki--good for you! You're right: you deserve a man who will be proud to be seen with you! After all you've been through and all these years of waiting, don't settle for anything less. If married man ever gets a divorce, then he can come look for you, but right now, he's just not what you deserve. In the meantime, you might meet someone who is perfect for you and not attached; you just never know. Good luck!

     
    Old 03-20-2006, 10:25 AM   #81
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    Re: Help! In love w/ a married man!

    hey nikki. what helped me the most to get over someone is opening my mind to the idea that he is not the only person i will ever connect with. i think what scares people about breaking off any relationship is this fear. but it takes breaking it off to realize that it's not true- the possibility of meeting someone else, someone in a better position to love you, is always there. this will not be the end of a relationship, but the opportunity for a new one to begin.

    keep yourself busy and rely on those friends and loved ones you talked about. it's really the best and only thing you can do. and of course, absolutely no contact. that's the only thing keeping this alive right now.

     
    Old 03-20-2006, 10:46 AM   #82
    Nikki1963
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    Re: Help! In love w/ a married man!

    OPIE:

    That's it!!! I keep feeling as if once this is over, my entire 'lovelife' is over. But, if I can get over my ex-husband, I can get over any man.

    It's that final 'good-bye' that kills me, but I have drifted far enough away that it's not going to be as hard anymore.

    Thank you!

     
    Old 03-20-2006, 09:16 PM   #83
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    Re: Help! In love w/ a married man!

    Thank you all for your help.

    You don't know what this all has meant to me.

     
    Old 03-20-2006, 09:28 PM   #84
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    Re: Help! In love w/ a married man!

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Fabat40
    About my son's father, I was making a comparison and thinking this was the only thing different between you and me!

    And the truth hurts, you're hurting another woman and their kids... that's wrong and put yourself in his wife's shoes. What goes around, comes around and I hope you'll never feel the betrayal of your spouse or another woman.

    And I don't give a rat's A$$ about you ignoring me. You're still wrong.

    This post is 100% correct. "And the truth hurts, you're hurting another woman and their kids"

     
    Old 03-20-2006, 10:13 PM   #85
    Nikki1963
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    Re: Help! In love w/ a married man!

    I have requested to have this thread removed, and have edited nearly all of my posts.

    For every few posts of comfort I have gotten (those of you who were kind enough to read what I would write), I would get one that was a kick in the head.

    I don't know how many times I have to reiterate this:

    I KNOW IT WAS WRONG!!!!! I DON'T WANT TO WRECK A MARRIAGE!!!!!

    I HAVE STOPPED SEEING HIM!!! I DO CARE ABOUT HIS FAMILY!!!!

    For those of you who listened, understood, and cared about what my goal is, and my reason for coming here in the first place: THANK YOU! You haven't a clue how helpful your advice was.

    For the others, "Judge not lest ye be judged". It's very easy to cast stones. What have YOU done that you're ashamed of?

    At least I have admitted it.

     
    Old 03-20-2006, 11:04 PM   #86
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    Re: Help! In love w/ a married man!

    So true! No one needs to brow-beat here. We are all human and I too have been the wife sitting at home while my husband is out with another woman...but the reason I can look past that with Nikki is because she knows it's wrong and she came here to get support on how to stop this relationship. I commend her for that because the woman who destroyed my first marriage had no remorse at all! She even called my house every night to blatantly let me know he was with her! All I can say is learn from this and forgive yourself...then go on! And I do hope that once you find that special man, you are never on the receiving end of cheating because it is very hurtful. We women also need to remember that the "other woman" is only one half the problem! If men weren't such dogs, the other woman would not exist anyway!

     
    Old 03-21-2006, 02:33 PM   #87
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    Re: Help! In love w/ a married man!

    I'm glad you did find support and help Nikki. I think you're a smart, good-hearted person who is human and who really wants to do the right thing. Good luck to you!

     
    Old 03-21-2006, 03:33 PM   #88
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    Re: Help! In love w/ a married man!

    Yeah since you say you really want it to end and you are avoiding him then I do have to give you some credit for that it should of never happened but of course that cant be changed and you are now doing the right thing for yourself and for this guys family of course if this guy wants to cheat he will just find someone else to do it with but im glad you do not want to be that woman.You will find someone else and the real love you deserve

     
    Old 03-21-2006, 04:08 PM   #89
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    Re: Help! In love w/ a married man!

    I know how frustrated you must be, Nikki. Don't take it personally; some people don't bother to read all the posts--they just skim through your initial post and respond based on the partial info there. I think you are a great and strong woman, and I wish you all the best in life, including a wonderful new guy who adores you and is proud to be with you!

     
    Old 04-01-2007, 01:09 AM   #90
    Nikki1963
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    Re: Help! In love w/ a married man!

    Well, it's a year since I last posted.

    My life has changed greatly. I can't believe I even had such an issue to begin with.

    Here's an update:

    I finally decided to end a relationship with someone who wasn't mine to begin with. Mind you... it never went further than a kiss & dinner. HOWEVER, an affair is an affair.

    The day I ended the relationship, I joined a health club, went that night, and met the man who is now my husband.

    We hadn't spent more than a few days apart from the day we met (maybe 10total.) He's 12 years my junior (31!!!), loves me & my son, makes me feel like the most beautiful, perfect woman in the world... even when I have no makeup & zit ointment on my face.

    We got married 2 weeks ago!

    Because I did things the right way in God's eyes, he has blessed me with a wonderful husband, a happy son, a great new job, and a new house that we just bought.

    Nothing good comes from having an affair. But great things do come to those who do it the right way.

    Thank you for 'telling me like it is' way back when. Had I not listened, I wouldn't be where I am.

    Nikki

     
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